She now admits that we shouldn't have gotten married - originally her idea - but she says she only figured it out a week before our wedding and couldn't stand the humiliation of cancelling.

I feel a helluvalot better after finally speaking the truth (I may have done so once before a long while ago, but have kept my mouth shut for the vast majority of our 10+ years together because I know what a difficult time she has with the whole thing). However, it may not have been worth it-- all she seems to have taken away from it is hurt feelings and an increasing perception that I'm a major asshole.

I love her as a person. If human sexuality didn't exist as we know it, our marriage would be in fairly good shape. I can no longer pretend this is the case, though, and I can no longer outwardly support the facade that our problems are all my fault. I have no interest in fat-shaming or blaming, I just want her to recognize that this is the most serious, primary reason for my lack of attraction and that maybe my issues aren't the main factor.

To be sure, we're both pretty screwed up people. She had a crappy childhood (very poor relationship with her dad) and carries a lot of bitterness & pessimism about humanity in general. I have a lot of faults I've only been so-so at working on, and plenty of attraction killing guilt & low self esteem to go with them. I was so sickeningly beta for so long that a lot of those traits will probably never go away. I also drink too much, although I continue to believe that much of this is because I feel strongly deep down that I got dealt a shitty hand in life and have been trapped by it for way too long.

I'm about to not be trapped any longer. One of the cooler things she's done is go along (at first with resistance, but gradually less so) with the idea of me quitting my job after saving up a few thousand bucks to start my own business. A risky move, but one that is waaay overdue for me. If she had resisted it too hard, I would have left and I think she knows it. Still, I give her credit for supporting me in this.

Anyway, in this case, I may have done more harm than good. I'm doubting whether she is able at this stage of life (mid-40s, still believes a lot of the feminist crap about attractiveness being a cultural construct) to absorb the real message I was trying to send. Maybe it will end up working for me as dread game, but she's pretty fiercely independent and her hamster is strong. She actually seems to believe - maybe bluffing, but I don't know - that she could still go out and fairly easily land a quality man. This is probably because she had way more partners than I did in the past-- presumably since she used to be pretty hot... which is, of course, a big part of my frustration.

My many mistakes here are glaringly obvious, but let this be yet another reminder that a woman with a higher partner count is going to be much more difficult to deal with in the long run. Don't get into an LTR with these girls unless you're absolutely sure that the potential reward is worth the potential risk and both of you understand & accept red pill principles.

So looking back, I wonder if speaking my true mind was actually more of a weak/selfish thing to do, I don't know. We've both been working out more, it's possible the issue would've taken care of itself if I hadn't said anything (although 10 years with very little visible improvement is a long time). Regardless, I can't take it back now, and I'm not sure what happens next. When the red pill kicks in for an older guy who ended up in a sexually flatlined marriage for many years but still sees value in his partner, how does he address the real underlying issues without hurting her feelings so much that she can't deal with them?