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thegypsybean
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie425 points426 points427 points 3 years ago* (26 children) | Copy Link
"You're literally everything I want in a wife but I'm still recovering from my middle school ex gf telling me I was overreacting when my goldfish's hamster's cousin died even though it's been 15 years and it's left me traumatised. We can still bang tho."
Edit- Wow my first gold!! Thank you so much to the cutie patootie who gave it to me x
[–]DunRutherFDS Disciple149 points150 points151 points 3 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
Omg, twice I’ve heard the excuse “you’re literally everything I want in a wife, but you’re not what I’m looking for in a girlfriend so we’re done”. I have yet to figure out wtf that means—isn’t the end goal to have a wife? So wouldn’t you want a girlfriend who would make a good wife? One guy who said that actually told me that he had another woman already and that he’s “probably making the wrong decision, she does drugs and is bad with money and my mom doesn’t like her and she probably won’t be a good wife. But yeah she and I have tHe SpArK so buh-bye.” Last I heard (around Christmas 2018) she was still a forever girlfriend to him, (they started dating in early 2013)
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie91 points92 points93 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I get the impression they want you (not you personally, just in general) as a fallback so they can present themselves as picture perfect with a nice wife whilst they've slept around. During my pickme phase I had guys say I'm the type of girl they know their mums would love but they don't want me enough to take me seriously. Like really hun?
Ooof nearly 6 years and no ring? I'm pretty sure if I'd been with someone that long and they broke up with me I'd sue them for wasting my time lol.
[–][deleted] 67 points68 points69 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I live in this phenomenona and it's honestly caused a lot of insecurity for me. I hate this feeling that I'm not good enough to date or have as a long term partner. I will go on a great date or two, and then the guy will hit me with the "You're so funny/rare/down to earth, you're really the kind of girl I could see myself with BUT..."
And that's only if I'm lucky. Usually they just ghost to self sabotage. As a black WOC, it's also common that black men will see you as "wife material" and someone to fall back to when they're ready to "settle down"...but in the fucking phase of their life, they prefer to sleep with white and Latina women. (I've had this said to my face.)
Why do they do this shit? Im sick of being told how great I am just to get burned. If I'm "wife material" treat me like it and commit...like Damn.
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Preach girl honestly. I'm half Brazilian and it's got to the point I just stop mentioning it because so many men automatically assume I'm easy and I'm fine with being groped but Brazilians love that stuff apparently.
It sucks but if it's any help you're not alone and pretty much every woman can relate to you. I'm not sure how old you are but I've had comments like that thrown at me and I'm only 22. Keep doing you, focus on levelling up and being your awesome self :) You are good enough.
[–]jenlikesramen1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Brazilian women don’t typically like it but Brazilian men think it’s perfectly ok so maybe that where it stems from? Source: I work with a ton of Brazilians at a churrascaria.
[–]Sea_SoilFDS Apprentice22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
There was another post on here with a pornsick LVM who had a white girlfriend but only watched porn of what he deemed "exotic" latina women. As I remember correctly, he also said "I don't see them as wife material only want to have sex with them" where as his white girlfriend was wife material. I don't think it mentioned his race, but if he sees darker skinned women as exotic I'm going to assume he is white.
So. What is it with men only seeing women of their own race as "wife material"?? Can anyone provide insight on this?? all I can think of is that perhaps they see women of another race as more of a conquest or an ego boost?
As a black woc myself, who also happens to be mixed, I'm not often seen as wife material by ANY guys. They all just see me as an exotic fantasy apparently 🤷🏽♀️
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, I saw that thread. I guess women of their own race may be more likely to take their bs? Especially black women, because it's hard enough to find a black man who actually likes black women nowadays and doesn't expect you treat him like the prize because he's bare minimum "successful" and the bar is insanely low (if you've seen that instagram thread with Mr. I'm-the-prize-Lawyer you know what I mean). Also on that note, the idea of struggle love for BW, being "strong" and pushing through anything equates to them as: she'll suffer through me cheating, "babysitting" our kids, lying, lazing, and being a trash partner because she's adapted to struggle. I can only speak to what I know on that one though.
Women of other races are maybe more just like you said: sexual conquests, fantasies or fetishes. But they could never actually be with them because they're not outwardly desirable/acceptable on a larger scale, like maybe to family and friends? Only for their dicks.
[–]bqluoeoednFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve had the same happen with brown men fetishizing me as a white woman. I can’t be with you because.... Sucks when you actually fall for someone.
[–]ashwheeeFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Can I ask... what color is your hair???
I know it sounds random of a question.
[–]DunRutherFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Blonde, why?
[–]ashwheeeFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Because I’ve been told this so much, and even recently I’ve had guys tell someone that my personality and other attributes are there but that they don’t see blondes as wives. Edit forgot to add I’m blonde and very much so, platinum!
Ever since I was 18 I was told something like this every so often. Ironically, nearly every ex has married or got into long term relationships with a brunette after me also, only furthering my anecdotal theory.
I’m very interested in why this seems to be an idea for a lot of men. A while back I got into a full discussion about it with a group of guys at work, they all said, literally, that they would never marry a blonde because of the stigma behind them, even if they were otherwise a perfect woman.
I really try not to make it a self fulfilling prophecy but even just a couple weekends ago I was told the same again.
[–]yeetyopyeetFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think that also comes from the saying “blondes are more fun”. Not saying this is the reason but they might think blondes are more fun to sleep around with but not to settle down with. Obviously not factual but imo it could be an subconscious thing.
[–]SaltwichPickmeisha™️21 points22 points23 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My great grand mother used to say: “Gentlemen prefer blondes, but marry brunettes, and the red head is the other woman.” I guess things never change smdh 🙄
[–]chinchaslythFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wtf? What does hair color have to do with it?
People will use any excuse or any stupid ideology that “society” has to ruin something that would be perfect for them. I can’t.
[–]badnewsbroad76FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can confirm. Am blonde and have men say really negative things about my hair color before, it's usually something along the lines of, "I usually am not into blondes..I prefer exotic women" and I can tell you those types of guys were always major sexist assholes! If a man ever makes assumptions about you or other women based off of them having a blonde hair color, run like the wind!
[–]BabaAuRhumOhlalaFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“The spark” - lots of fights and an unstable relationship with a girl that needs a therapist and not a bf who uses her downfalls as a way to make himself feel alive in his boring, empty life.
[–]WildTendernessFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am deceased 💀
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh yes. They say shit like this.
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's funny because I doubt many men would put up with an explanation like that but women are supposed to be fine with it.
[–]TheSatanicVeganFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
my goldfish's hamster's cousin
I fcking CANNOT 😂😂
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fanks I'm here all week! ;)
[–]tasdronFDS Newbie104 points105 points106 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This dude once asked me to marry him, then asked me to move in with him, then broke up with me because things were moving too fast.
[–]anonymous385726495FDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Been there, he even asked me to get to know his kids. I’m only thankful I didn’t meet them and bond with them before he blew it.
[–]EmergencyShitFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lmao he was Benjamin Buttoning your ass
[–]sunstar176FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like BPD behavior.
[–]sunny990802FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What's BPD?
[–]ManchurianCantaloupeRuthless Strategist8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Borderline Personality Disorder
[–]thegypsybeanFDS Newbie[S] 76 points77 points78 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was trapped in this for a month (thank god), because it turned out he just wanted to get laid, but had to emotionally manipulate me into thinking he also wanted a relationship so he could get me in bed. Then claimed things were "going too fast" for him, and that I was pressuring him.
Bro...when is one date (scheduled BY HIM) every week pressure? XD
[–][deleted] 57 points58 points59 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's a very elaborate way of saying "It's me baby, not you."
[–]SaltwichPickmeisha™️147 points148 points149 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Him: "I just want someone I can take care of, someone I can provide for, who'll just love me and hang out with me and won't play games or act crazy."
Me: *Does literally all those things.*
Him: *Slowly treats me shittier and shittier until I'm crying myself to sleep half the time and walking on eggshells to keep him happy. Dumps me for some girl he met at a bar who takes his money and then ghosts him like two months later.*
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is why when men say "Women don't know what they want!" it is a mega projection of themselves. Like bruh seriously, women aren't that difficult, you just think with your dick too damn much.
[–]king12807FDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
UGH This literally just happened to me a few months ago (before I found this amazing, empowering sub).
He lead me on for months and when I finally slept with him he disappeared THE NEXT DAY. Felt like shit for a hot minute before finding this sub and realizing he's a trash human and I deserve better and it's not my fault nor does it mean that I'm trash.
[–]NihilistElfPrincessAt-Risk Pick Me Youth30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“It makes me uncomfortable to know that I have feelings. well wishes” ☠️☠️
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]diva4lisiaFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it sucks and hurts so bad. Probably more lonely than usual so hits harder when your partner stops showing up. Maybe stop reaching out to him and see if he reaches out to you. If you can, block him so he gets no response. He has appeared on your doorstep in the past. If he does again because he couldn't reach you, it's up to you if you decide to hear him out. If he is willing to let you go, he doesn't deserve an ounce of your affection.
[–]dahmerloveszombiesFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
help, I keep getting trapped in this
[–]deepdarkoceanFDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dont wait for red flags, take the accumulation of yellow ones as enough to bounce
Be less merciful to men - this is something im learning
[–]junjunjennFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think that being more discerning and keep from getting emotionally attached helps a lot. Dating multiple people helps to not get too attached for me.
[–]jmaydizzleFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The key is definitely dating multiple men
[–]dahmerloveszombiesFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think y’all are right
[–]diva4lisiaFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
The other side of the coin is the LVM who feels he's ready for a wife. This male masquerades as a HVM, which is to say he will appease you, compliment you, and claim eternal love for you. He will jump at the opportunity to marry you. But he is not self-sufficient and he will gaslight you when you least expect it. The warning signs are always there and if not for FDS we would ignore them. Beware men who are eager to settle down too.
[–]junjunjennFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh that is so true just learned that lesson about the ones too eager to settle down. Thought I found a gem but it was just slag.
[–]EmergencyShitFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Keep up appearances until you’re married and pregnant and then they stop putting effort forth
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Beware men who are eager to settle down too.
Know someone like this personally. He is a lecturer, eager to settle down and chose a modest, down-to-earth senior who is kind, beautiful with a modest style & doesn't wear makeup. The type of woman most men will say they want to wife.
Proceed to call my very pretty female friend (he taught us during our final year of degree at tried asking her out during that time, she wasn't interested) when he was at an oversea conference, asking her out WHEN HIS WIFE WAS (AT THE TIME) PREGNANT WITH THEIR FIRST BABY!
My friend asked him "Do you love your wife?" - he said "I don't know". Of course my friend still have 0 interest in him, she coolly rejected him and spilled me on the tea after, but boy do I feel like tearing him to shreds.
Don't settle down of your dick is too itchy to settle down asshole.
[–]BabaAuRhumOhlalaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My friend is in that situation. 😞 She moved in with him after like 2 months of dating and he’s already looking for an engagement ring. He was alone for a long time and since he’s in his mid 30s, he’s looking to settle down and my friend is pressured by her mother not to end up alone. My friend is apparently super happy with him, but even she said things seems to be moving too fast.
[–]diva4lisiaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It can take a couple years before a man like that begins gaslighting, emotionally distancing, refusing household work, etc. As soon as they feel secure, they settle into their true form.
[–]chinchaslythFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup
He initiates moving it too fast and then tells you to slow down and blames you. Ugh.
[–]PoeticINFPFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m also emotionally unavailable but I don’t pretend and try to move fast and act all intimate when I know I’m not ready. That’s just weird. I take things slow af. That’s manipulative behaviour imo
[–]deepdarkoceanFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Holy shiiit Literally just went thru this Men are pussies
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is men’s version of showing emotions
🤡
[–]anonymous385726495FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I never comment on this sub but I had to because this is exactly it. My god.
[–]tseokii0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've never seen anything so accurate in my life
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[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie425 points426 points427 points (26 children) | Copy Link
[–]DunRutherFDS Disciple149 points150 points151 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie91 points92 points93 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 67 points68 points69 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]jenlikesramen1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sea_SoilFDS Apprentice22 points23 points24 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]bqluoeoednFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ashwheeeFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]DunRutherFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]ashwheeeFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]yeetyopyeetFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaltwichPickmeisha™️21 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chinchaslythFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]badnewsbroad76FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BabaAuRhumOhlalaFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WildTendernessFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheSatanicVeganFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tasdronFDS Newbie104 points105 points106 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]anonymous385726495FDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EmergencyShitFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sunstar176FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]sunny990802FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ManchurianCantaloupeRuthless Strategist8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thegypsybeanFDS Newbie[S] 76 points77 points78 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 57 points58 points59 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaltwichPickmeisha™️147 points148 points149 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]king12807FDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]NihilistElfPrincessAt-Risk Pick Me Youth30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]diva4lisiaFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dahmerloveszombiesFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]deepdarkoceanFDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]junjunjennFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jmaydizzleFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dahmerloveszombiesFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]diva4lisiaFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]junjunjennFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EmergencyShitFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BabaAuRhumOhlalaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]diva4lisiaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chinchaslythFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bqluoeoednFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]PoeticINFPFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]deepdarkoceanFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]anonymous385726495FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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