I am so angry

understatedalways · 2019-12-29T11:24:42+00:00

It took me a long time to come to terms with everything you just wrote. I have a daughter and will be teaching her these things early. Luckily, she doesn’t like Disney princess movies, so I won’t have that to combat. If I had known the nature of men when I was growing up, it would have saved me so much heartache and pain along the way getting to this point in my life.

hilariouslystated · 2019-12-29T11:38:23+00:00

I felt just like this. I went through a phase that was about 1 year long where I just hated men. I hated all of them. I considered even becoming a lesbian because the idea of spending life with a man made me so angry. Haha. But now I've just settled into acceptance mode. I have accepted that men are different from us. They put aside emotions so they can manipulate women for what they want so I have no problem using them either and cutting them off when they no longer benefit me. I encourage every woman to do the same.

When it comes to relationships, telling women that men and women are exactly the same when dating is not just misleading but also damaging.

level_up_always · 2019-12-29T11:01:19+00:00

You're so not alone! I made a similar post earlier today. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think it's important to feel our feelings fully in order to process them and also make sure we don't make the same mistakes.

Queencake504 · 2019-12-29T11:30:03+00:00

Im with you and no youre not delusional.We are fed up.Its truly painful when the reality of it all hits you.Like you said everything we thought we knew about love was a lie .To me, Its one big fairytale that i just dont believe in anymore.All i wanted was to find that hvm who loves and values me and have a family.But thats something im setting aside for my sanity's sake.Im trying my hardest not to beat myself up about it all.

curlygirl507 · 2019-12-29T15:32:40+00:00

Hey, I understand. I felt the same way when I first started figuring out what's behind abusive male behaviors.

They don’t know even KNOW what love is.

The scary part is that I think they do know what love is, but they prefer to keep amassing power over women. Being controlling is more appealing than being loving. Being loving would require harnessing their egos and being emotionally vulnerable, which most of them aren't willing to do. That's the tragedy of all of this. And I know there is supposed to be no excessive male sympathizing on this sub, but it's tragic for them too because they're missing out on a fundamental human experience that makes us all grow as people. Their choice to be cowards, of course.

all I ever wanted was to find one guy and just settle down with him and love him and give him all the love in the world

It's not wrong to want this. There are a few men who want this too, I think. The problem with this desire is that it relies on another person. It's all dependent on you meeting the right person at the right time. You have a limited amount of control over that. That's why it's better to pretend there's no such thing a dating, do all the things you want to do yourself, and then if a great relationship happens, it happens.

To use myself as an example, I've been mostly single for three years. During those three years, I have learned some Japanese, traveled to nine countries by myself, learned the basics of computer programming (which I'm still working on), built up my 401k a lot, and learned how to cook really good Chinese food. I've also made some fantastic new friends that I love to cook with and play board games with. And I'm going to continue, and that pattern just may continue until I die, with me enjoying life as a single person. I know that I'm a lot happier than a lot of people in relationships, and I'm certainly happier than a lot of women who are obsessed with men. (Don't get me wrong - I have those moments too, but I try to limit them.) I highly recommend this to all women as a lifestyle choice.

FluffandRainclouds · 2019-12-29T15:27:12+00:00

Jedi hugs if you want them. Pre-FDS, part of me believed all men were like that and I had to just work to settle and be happy with crumbs. You're describing LVM, who are everywhere. You're not alone. Hold out for someone who values what you value and cheers when you are thriving <3

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-29T15:17:49+00:00

I'm angry sometimes too. I'm 39 and have never dated an emotionally intelligent man or one that truly loved me for me and did thoughtful things for me without being nagged. Even if I did have one with "potential", he was too mentally disordered to stay with. I've had several batshit crazy ones.

And I'm raising a son. And I'm watching him be as selfish and uncaring of other's feelings as grown up men seem to be. At first I thought all children are selfish and he would grow out of it with me helping him, but it is honestly a battle. He's so lazy and self centered even though he clearly has tons of empathy. He's still young and is just starting to get self awareness and be someone I can hold conversations with, so I'm praying my influence will do him some good. I constantly call him out on shit. I have him reflect on the kind of dad he has and the kind of mom he has. And y'all, little boys really do love their mothers. He tells me literally all day and verbalizes how he wished I had more than 50% custody, but he's so so selfish. Hopefully this sub is still killing it in a few years and I can say what a well adjusted high value man I am raising. I'm trying haha.

raindampened · 2019-12-29T16:40:36+00:00

this is why I love Sex and the City (even though there are annoying things about the show). to quote my ultimate favourite lines from the whole show:

"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with." - (S04E01)

honestly I wanted to make a very similar post like this. it's heartbreaking to accept the fact that there's a really valid chance that I won't find a HVM for life. maybe he will be HVM for years and then slack off and I need to dump him. which is still better but a hard thing to do. maybe I will never find a HVM bc most of them are probably in a relationship that will last them their whole life and I'm only almost26 years old now but yeah many couples I know, even if a few guys are LVM, are about to get married. so if LVM can get married then you can expect the same thing for HVM.

all I can give you is that quote. take it to heart. if you can travel and experience the world as much as you can. find soulmates in your girl friends. create memories and you won't feel empty when you are an old lady. you will think back to your life and see how much fun you had even if that was without a man.

bc those who settle....? they look back on their lives and see all the emotional labor, all the physical labor in maintaining a home, all the sex without orgasms, all the tears, all the anger and all of these bc of a fucking couch potato.

it's hard to accept but I would rather live alone then settle for a bad relationship. I will experience loneliness sometimes but I would rather learn to handle that then, again, settle for a horrible relationship.

optimismimperative · 2019-12-29T18:37:17+00:00

We were all raised on lies.

Disney, Hollywood, romance novels, religion, and even Instagram. All of these places are full of artificial love and artificial partnerships, and depict men who don't exist. It warps our views as children, falsely believing we will be treated well by a man someday, that love and respect from men is possible without lying to oneself, and that society is fair.

Men want objects. Men lie to get anything they want. Very few men see us as human beings. We've been deceived by our own families into believing that the men we know are good people. They aren't. They are the reason why women's most likely cause of death is not illness but murder -- and that is the case the world over regardless of first world or third world rich or poor.

Imho men should be exterminated off the face of the earth and used only for reproductive purposes.

First_ofhername · 2019-12-29T13:40:10+00:00

https://reddit.app.link/iwV40cZzO2

I'm in the same boat :/

11ben478xyz22hrtx12- · 2019-12-29T12:19:50+00:00

I was upset at first too. Takes a while to come to terms with it

notaflan · 2019-12-29T23:52:36+00:00

don't beat yourself up too much, it's very difficult to NOT believe those things because of societal pressure. I only ever discovered most of the things we discuss in this sub because I've been political and a feminist since I was about 10 years old, it's nearly impossible not to absorb those messages. Which is why this sub is a Godsend

Muffcakelord · 2019-12-29T12:18:27+00:00

I think it's not as black and white fortunately, but men are very egoistic. However, they can feel love the same way as we do. There are men who fall in love, and the strategies you get from this site will help you to get them interested in a way where deep emotion can grow. I know that my partner thinks of me similarly to how i think of them because they miss me at the same times and often think in similar patterns (just to name a few).

When you start off thinking the worst about men, yet knowing that the right method might bring out the best of them, you'll get to experience the good of men given enough time. Humans generally act in surprisingly bad or kind ways depending on how you manipulate them so it only makes sense. It's just sad just how many men act and think like complete ruthless babies.

It gets better from here so long as you can make sure judt a little part of you stays hopeful and romantic! But like, a small part. Like 5%-10% of you

2019-12-29T11:06:51+00:00

It's alright, you need a little time to process. It's a good thing to see things more clearly. Take your time, be angry and sad and then let go, and get to work to make what you want happen.

jetpatch · 2019-12-29T16:01:40+00:00

I wonder if this is the reason men keep trying to get Fairytale of New York banned, it shows what most fairytale romances turn into.

ritablueboys1 · 2019-12-29T16:04:55+00:00

I tell guys all of the time that you decide how we're gonna act and you get what you give...

cassabell1894 · 2019-12-29T22:15:20+00:00

Harsh horrible realisations do this to us, but I have this belief that when something is realised and you become enlightened to the truth, this is when you can transform yourself. I have been feeling the same as you, and it has made me so angry I can hardly cope with it. But I also remember, everytime I have felt this type of anger, after wading through it, my life has improved. See it this way, no more will you accept men that neg you, play games with you and treat you like you are not human. This is a bonus for you! Because it either makes way for one of those rare HVM, or being single but free of all of the hell and bullshit from the majority of men. It's a win for you, me and all the other wonderful women on here. Terrible realisations improve life in the long run 😊

Title	I am so angry
Author	Noteatingforoneweek
Upvotes	101
Comments	28
Date	December 29, 2019 10:36 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eh4l18/i_am_so_angry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-am-so-angry.694798 https://theredarchive.com/post/694798

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