Were you ever "The Cool Girl"?

xandrenia · 2020-06-14T22:03:41+00:00

100% tried to be the cool girl all throughout high school and college. I normally don't mind hanging out with a group of guys and feeling like "one of them", but what was exhausting was acting like I had no needs or boundaries, or any problem with my boyfriends doing whatever they wanted.

"Oh, we're just hooking up ... I don't care if he sleeps with someone else"

"He says he's not looking for anything serious right now, and well, neither am I!"

"I don't mind if he's super close with a bunch of girls"

"I don't mind if his friends disrespect me right in front of him and he does nothing about it"

I spent a lot of my time convincing myself that being "easy going" would lead guys to like me, because they would see me as low maintenance and that I was "not like other girls". I did back flips convincing myself that I also wanted "casual things" and that the "hook up life" was for me. But all it led to was years of letting guys walk all over me and treat me terribly, never expressing my own wants and needs, and constantly trying to be something I'm not.

The first time I read "the cool girl" monologue I was floored. I couldn't believe it was so spot on to how I was acting, and how I saw so many other girls my age acting. It was an embarrassing time, and I look back on it and cringe, but I'm glad I changed and I'm glad I found this community.

withwhimsyandgrace · 2020-06-15T00:44:45+00:00

I also tried to live up to this ideal in high school. Girls who displayed any ounce of femininity were ridiculed mercilessly by the other girls and would frequently call them snotty or stuck up. I’m SO glad I outgrew that phase and now embrace being feminine :)

morganKxoxo · 2020-06-15T01:43:36+00:00

I was like this is my early teens. It was the early 2000’s and I was the classic ‘punk’ girl who hated the ‘preps’ I only hung out with guys and ridiculed all things ‘girly’. Yet sure enough, when I started just being true to myself and realizing it was okay to like horror movies AND makeup and dresses, I started having a lot more success with men AND women friendships. Embracing my femininity alongside more masculine interests has been far more beneficial not only romantically but relationally as well as I’m being true to myself instead of trying to live up to some fake fantasy ideal.

Pola_Lita · 2020-06-14T23:18:50+00:00

I've known women (and girls) of the type you've described. I won't use the label because it's negative. I think what matters more than anything else here is whether the behavior is mainly an attempt to affect someone else (impress, annoy, etc) or it's truly comfortable for the woman or girl who behaves that way. Feeling more comfortable around one sex than the other doesn't have to mean something more negative than positive or vice versa.

SevereIsland1 · 2020-06-14T23:40:15+00:00

I have never been, but whilst I was at university I knew a girl who I was in a sports club with who was the image of “cool girl”. Except that was just her personality - she was that girl that was guzzling down pints and pints of beer, burping, lifting very heavy weight and extremely muscly, lad type humour, cursing etc etc. Well she’s been dating this guy For 4 years who is 6 foot 1, handsome by societies standards and he is a doctor too (what I’m trying to say is he is HVM on paper and having met him a couple of times he’s also a nice person). They’re in a serious committed relationship. So I guess he wasn’t really put off by her very masculine presence, maybe it’s because that’s just her personality and she’s not putting on an act, I’m not sure, but I guess different strokes for different folks

evelynbigbootybitch · 2020-06-14T23:21:58+00:00

Yes and it was not worthwhile whatsoever.

Mewster1818 · 2020-06-15T04:54:42+00:00

I mean I guess so, I've always had more male friends than female. I'm not good at dealing with catty, dramatic behavior, and I just don't have a lot of feminine hobbies or interests.(I do not think all women are catty and dramatic, but it was common in middle and high school so I struggled to get to know other girls and was regularly back-stabbed or emotionally hurt by girls when I did try to make friends). I'm also into activities like video games, paintball, and guns so I just interact with guys more often.

That said I don't act any differently around them than I would normally act, and probably don't fit the exact stereotype you're thinking of. We're all comfortable enough to talk about things that probably don't get discussed with the opposite gender much, but it's always been in a pretty normal tone. I'm certain that they do have conversation topics that are not spoken around me though, which is fine with me since it's not because they don't think of me as a friend(and also their friend's wife).

And while I only have 2 female friends currently, and they're very near and dear to me.

kneesofthetrees · 2020-06-15T05:54:39+00:00

Yes I have, but the beautiful thing is that you can change, find better friends, and attract high quality men into your life.

To anyone who is ashamed of their “cool girl” past: look at what you’re doing now. See how far you’ve come. Hold yourself accountable when you ought to but don’t beat yourself up over the mistakes you made as a teen/young adult.

MjauLady · 2020-06-14T23:13:29+00:00

I did watch the YouTube video OP provided. And I've come to conclusion, that I'm the cool girl. Have always been, unbeknownst to myself. But for me it's not a game, character or whatever - it's just who I am. I don't get tired or drained by it.

I believe it was Cara Delevingne who in the video said:"I don't believe men and women should be equal, because they're not. Women are better." Some may get offended by that, but to me it's so true!

Yes, I've had trouble in past establishing serious relationships. However, I believe it takes an exceptional man to handle a long term relationship with the "cool girl" and once you have one, everything falls into place! ;)

oooKenshiooo · 2020-06-15T07:33:06+00:00

The issue is less with being a cool girl, but rather with trying to be smth you are not / which does not resonate on a deep emotional level.

I have dated girls from all over the spectrum, from the petitest, girliest violinist to a hard working carpenter girl who built her own furniture and owned guns. The issues where never about "cool" vs feminine, but about deep seated emotional troubles they were unable to overcome.

DependentLaw · 2020-06-15T15:01:03+00:00

Oh yeah this was me, my mother hated all other women, I adopted this trait of hers and I hated being a woman myself, I hated everything that had to do with being a woman, I can see why people get dysphoric from their gender because I hated the fact I was a woman.

I joined a male dominated career, I cussed every second word, I'd join in a fist fight and it use to make me mad when my (male) friend would bluntly say (after I tried to fist fight with him) "you know butch women aren't attractive right?" Or "you know it looks bad on a woman when she's eager to be violent"

All my friends were boys, I falsely thought I was as strong as they were, I smartened up eventually and started acting sweet and feminine, every once and awhile I do drop back into that mode of thinking though and I've got to reset myself. I think part of it comes from the media's depiction that in order to be successful a woman has to act like a man, feminity is bad in the eyes of feminism, to be successful you have to "grow a pair" I think that's deeply toxic and makes young girls hate themselves for being who they naturally are.

I think we've also drawn boxes and gendered things that really don't need to be gendered and girls who like those things then feel like they aren't a real woman so they then deny womanhood entirely. Like growing up I liked guns, my mother use to say that firing guns isn't ladylike so I then rejected being ladylike, I also use to like science, but science isn't ladylike, I use to like Bob Dylan and Gordon Lightfoot but "that's a man's playlist' use to be my mother's words, it's statements like that that make girls think they can't be both, your either all ladylike or not a lady at all.

melitele3 · 2020-06-16T07:14:16+00:00

I am somewhat weirdly in the middle.

Definite majority of my friends are men. In fact I only have one girl friend. It has always been this way in my case. I grew up with boys and I had much more fun with them. Making friends with guys feels natural and instant. Conversations flow smoothly and often times drag for hours - which isn’t the case when it comes to women. HOVEWER I am in no way a tomb boy. I do not swear, drink or smoke and I usually politely expect men not to do that excessively in my presence. I do not act like a “buddy” and I am never - nor I want to - be called a “dude” or a “homie”. I wear heals and dress even if I go to pub to drink bear and watch football. I do not reject my femininity when it comes to dressing up, makeup, manners and tone of voice.
I do have mostly “masculine” hobbies. I love video games, extreme sports, movies with war/knight/fighter themes, science fiction, technology or history. HOWEVER I do have some “feminine” hobbies as well such as cooking/baking, makeup, fashion, art and psychology.

So technically yes, I fit partly to that stereotype with the exception that men don’t treat me like another guy and behave well/gentlemanly around me but still consider me their close friend.

I also have my own boundaries, standards and by no means am I low maintenance but that doesn’t seem to influence my friendships in any negative way - in fact it helps me find guys who are really genuine and awesome peers.

babyeshona · 2020-06-15T08:35:36+00:00

No I was never cool and never had male friends, I always knew it's a not a good thing and even tried to preach my ideology to my friends when I was a teen 😂

SpookyQueenofCats · 2020-06-15T10:12:15+00:00

I feel like I always walked a fine line growing up and even now I do too, but more towards a the feminine side.

I did have mostly guy friends, though my closest friends growing up were girls. During university I did a degree that was very male oriented, so most of my friends from then are guys who I still talk to often.

I've never been promiscuous or a heavy drinker, never really joined in on the drinking competitions and such. But I have always and still enjoy more male centered hobbies, however I have my lady hobbies too. Im into wrestling, UFC, lifting weights, playing video games (though I prefer quirky and cute games to first person shooter games). But I also enjoy, journalling, makeup, interior decorating, cleaning, cooking and reading romance manga.

I do have a potty mouth which I work on, and is better than its ever been in the reduction of swearing.

When it comes to interests I do find that I have mostly guy friends still. Granted I never felt like they treated me all that different than the other guys, but I've only ever hung out with pretty smart and respectful guys. I don't get offended easily, so their spicy jokes don't bother me. But I find they still open doors for me and are considerate of the fact I'm a woman.

I don't think it has to be black and white. You don't always end up a girl-bro that is treated like a frat-brother. You can be a girl-bro that is still a lady.

MoonagePretender · 2020-06-15T11:24:03+00:00

I kind of am, though I wouldn't call myself "cool" as much as "nerdy" as I have mostly guy friends and I do more stereotypically male things. I had I suppose tgr opposite experience from you in that I tried to be really feminine and pretend to be interested in very feminine things, and there's nothing wrong with being interested in that, but it's really not who I am. Once I found my mates and the things I like now I'm much happier doing whatever makes me feel comfortable and having a laugh with my best friends who just happen to be male.

To add to this before I'm misunderstood, I don't try to live up to something I'm not and my friends don't make derogatory comments, often we insult each other jokingly and that's all. I'm also not rude/assertive. I'm just happy doing more masculine things and have learnt that that's alright.

foreignkleo · 2020-06-15T13:32:20+00:00

Not trying to be cool and miss having girl friends so bad. No girls seem to be interested in me despite me trying. It’s not a choice! I actually don’t think I can have a satisfyingly close friendship with a guy, but what’s a girl to do? When I meet a woman for the first time and I start talking about whatever they seem to lose interest in less than 30 seconds. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I’m done trying to impress girls so they would give me some breadcrumbs and be my friends. Truth is just most of the women I come across are just so fucking difficult. I used to go out of my way to try to make some female friends, until now it hasn’t worked out. So yeah, when I hang around males, it’s not because I’m trying to be cool in their eyes, it’s because they accept me and otherwise I have no other friends whatsoever. I really wish it was different because it fucking hurts to be rejected by your own gender.

DunboyCastleInTheSky · 2020-06-15T14:21:55+00:00

This was definitely me in high school. I also had plenty of female friends but I was notorious for hanging out with 3 of my male best friends.

Once I got to college, I hung out with girls mostly. My limited dating experience lead to me (correctly) avoiding most guys as friends out of mistrust. I honestly still do this. I find it hard to tell if guys are being flirtatious because all men are nice to me, so I just gravitate towards female friends so there’s no confusion.

AvatarFangirl95 · 2020-06-15T15:21:56+00:00

Nope, not even close. I was the geeky girl.

2020-06-16T03:55:21+00:00

I was the cool girl in high school as well and thought I could just be friends with guys, later found that not to be real so I didn’t have many friends for a while. Although, I am more feminine but also somewhat masculine in someways even around my females friends. I’ve had female friends that were also more masculine than I am and they still hang with girls and guys, its just who they were, their personality.

I don’t try to be one of the guys but this doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a little bit of a male dominated hobby because I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t. For example picked up a fishing hobby a while back and my dad got me into it. I used to hate it now I really like how relaxing it can be. I also played a lot of video games in high school, this is what a lot of my friend I mentioned above had in common. Tbh I do see a lot of girls fake it though, even I somewhat did especially if I was into a guy when I was younger, but I grew out of that. I do appreciate the women that are really into a male dominated hobbies and pursue it none the less even by themselves and I appreciate that as long as they do it for themselves.

I see guys being somewhat feminine as well. I know a lot of guys that are also masculine but have a few more female traits and hobbies and I’m personally not bothered by it, I appreciate it. They are not trying to pass themselves off as one of the girls completely, they are just being themselves and thats okay.

cornycatlady · 2020-06-15T04:25:57+00:00

Idk I’m just a loner and get along with guys better. Nothing over the top LOL

But after watching the YouTube video... I think I checked the boxes. Guys tend to fall for me pretty hard because of my unintentional“cool girl” ways

Title	Were you ever "The Cool Girl"?
Author	LanaTownsend
Upvotes	68
Comments	30
Date	June 14, 2020 9:18 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/h91z2o/were_you_ever_the_cool_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/were-you-ever-the-cool-girl.697562 https://theredarchive.com/post/697562

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