Eternally Irritating: Condescending "Help" At the Hardware Store

DallasOMalley · 2021-02-26T15:23:37+00:00

I feel this so much. I work in a male-dominated field, so encounter this crap at my job every dang week.

What helped me was visualizing and practicing how I'd ideally respond in these situations. I'd practice saying my assertive response, and even practiced the accompanying facial expression.

I realize that sounds weird, but it really helped me. Enough practice and the behaviors become automatic. Also, I now feel more confident and comfortable navigating situations like these.

MufflerFromDownUnder · 2021-02-26T15:33:29+00:00

Ugh. My friend told me about an experience recently she had at a home improvement store. She went to buy items for her home and a guy employee asked her what she was looking for. My friend replied that she didn’t need help and was only there for xyz, but the guy wouldn’t take no for an answer.

The guy grabbed my friend’s cart and proceeded to get the things for her and even waited for her to pay to take them to her car. After loading the things into her car, the guy reaches over and hugs my friend and tells her what his work schedule is and that he will be there if she needs anything.

This is the reason why my friend never goes to the same store often or on any kind of schedule. Eff this dude. If he really wanted to help, he should have respected her request to leave her alone.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-02-26T15:58:23+00:00

I'm just rude to those people (if it happens to be a woman I might ask her advice). I barely make eye contact, I'm brusque and I brush them away. It gets the point across. It's also extremely little effort or emotional labor.

I use videos to decide what I want to buy and then I make my list go in and get out as quick as possible. You can also buy stuff on Amazon where you can look at your leisure and read all the reviews.

If I do need help I do ask for it and some of the people are fine.

miasmicivyphsyc · 2021-02-26T16:05:04+00:00

Men exploit every opportunity at hand To suddenly put women in their place. That is why they man Splaine everything to women and look down on them in a professional environment. That is why whatever women bring a women’s rights they bring up their right to beat women because they want women to be afraid of their physical strength.

vowelsareimportant · 2021-02-26T17:22:35+00:00

I love going to hardware stores except for the men. I had to go buy a saw last night and was looking at different options when a man got way too close to me, gave me a dirty look, and was like, "excuse me". He had plenty of room to get around me in the aisle. He just wanted to make me feel unwelcome.

Spittens · 2021-02-26T16:59:16+00:00

SHOP ONLINE. I know you can't do this for everything, but you can avoid a lot of this by shopping online and doing pickup or delivery. Also, google sketchup is free (download the 2017 version before they made it cloud based and annoying) which can help you build and visualize your project, then you can print out cut lists and make a better materials list. My dream house is currently built in sketchup and I love being able to futz around with it.

I get this too. I've worked in construction my entire life (my dad is a contractor and he raised me knowing how to do stuff) and I still get it. I HOLD LICENSES. I'm usually even dressed in my work clothes which is a logo polo, cargo khakis or 'work' slacks, and my nicest steel toed work boots which say CATERPILLAR on them. So it's not like I look lost and helpless ...

I will decide to do a project on a whim friday while I'm at work, stop by on my way home, and because I haven't made a list I'll stand in the aisle running through my plan in my head. I ALWAYS get some 50 year old scrote looking to flirt or some DIY guy thinking I'm stuck and need help. And they're always so miffed when I say no thanks I know more about this than you. The worst aisle is the tool aisle. It never fails. Some old scrote will come up to me and say 'you should ask your boyfriend to help you' (obvious fishing line finding out if I'm single) to which I reply 'the men in my life ask to borrow my tools' and walk away. It's absolutely true, and hilarious to watch them realize their carefully crafted plan has been foiled.

The local Home Depot & Lowe's employees know me quite well and know that I only need help with special order stuff and loading, so I never have to deal with it from them unless it's a new employee.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-02-26T15:59:05+00:00

I hate the treatment that I get at hardware places as well. I'll usually go to a female employee if I need help if they have any staffed. My grandfather taught me everything I know about mechanics and home improvement. I don't need a condescending old guy in an orange apron talking to me like I'm a child.

Have you heard of the YouTube channel "Dad how do I"? He has tutorials about almost everything from home improvement and mechanics to baking and gift wrapping. He made this channel during the pandemic and became a worldwide success. He does these videos in a non condescending way, and they're straight and to the point. If you have a project he doesn't yet have, leave a comment, and he'll make a video.

EmpoweredGoat · 2021-02-26T17:45:55+00:00

Relate so hard! I’ve worked out at the gym for years, but last year mine closed due to COVID so I went to the store to get some basic equipment. This man in his 60’s (fellow customer) comes up and tells me ALL the unsolicited advice.

I would NEVER do that to another person, I can’t imagine why men think it’s appropriate

Stressiana · 2021-02-26T19:38:04+00:00

I once had a guy come up to me as I was washing my car in a wand-wash place. He scared the shit out of me because i didn't hear him coming up behind me. He started telling me how to wash it and that I should be able to wash it in 3 minutes or less. It took every ounce of strength in my body to not just turn the hose on him. Instead, I said "so I shouldn't be wasting my time talking to you then right?" He stared awkwardly then walked away. WTF is it with men assuming we don't know how to do basic shit? Wipe your asses before you talk to me.

ArtisticBrilliant491 · 2021-02-26T18:13:59+00:00

I hate this crap too. If I wanted your attention or help, I would ask for it. I'm an adult woman who knows how to use her words. Since I live in a "retirement village" full of retired boomer men, I get this "help" more than I've had in the past. I just tell them in a mostly neutral tone of voice, "thanks, but I know what I want/how to do X,Y,Z. I'm polite, but firm with just a touch of "fuck off" in my tone in case they want to push it. If that doesn't work, I become more assertive with my tone and get nasty (if I feel safe doing so). I'm not cute or attractive enough for them to put up with my bitchiness, so that usually runs them off. I feel for younger and attractive women who have to practically swing a ball bat at some of these jerks to get them to buzz off.

I watched my 6-yr old daughter get "boy-splained" to for the first time while participating in an online Pokemon club. She was the only girl and one of the youngest, so we all know what happened next, don't we? The facilitator, a male, was very good about giving her opportunities to share and telling the other kids to respect everyone's voice, but these two obnoxious boys just kept one-upping her until she was on the verge of tears. She told me that she felt like her special things weren't as special. Broke my heart watching her try to figure out why/what was happening. I encouraged her to share during the zoom and we had the talk about how to deal with people like this. I didn't want to get gendered about it, so I didn't tell her that she just got "boy-splained" to and would likely completely understand this term in a few short years, if not sooner. It's like a rite of passage...getting shit on by males for no other reason than their insecurities.

Montie_Wobbly · 2021-02-26T17:16:34+00:00

I went to buy a new camera years ago before they had decent ones on phones. I was browsing the section when the male sales person appeared. He asked if everything was ok and did I need any help. I said I was checking out the cameras, he said oh yeah we’ve got some nice colours!! Like I was going to base my choice on the cameras colour! I just turned round and left the shop without a word.

numbers213 · 2021-02-26T17:48:02+00:00

I can relate to that so much. I do my own car work and going into an car part store makes me want to bang my head against the wall. If I go with my brother then we're left alone but if it's just me I have a 10 min explanation on whatever I'm working on. My personal favorite is when a boy tells me I can't work on cars because I'm small.

cannabis_ferox · 2021-02-26T19:51:22+00:00

I was in a hardware store the other day to get a few things I needed to repair my sink. I could tell a guy a little further down the aisle was lurking but made the stupid mistake of assuming that if I didn’t look in his direction or make eye contact, he would stay put. WRONG. He harassed me to the point of me calling my best friend, then started asking me - while I was on the call - if I was talking to my boyfriend.

It was so uncomfortable that had to leave the store without the things I needed. While I was waiting at the stop sign to pull right out of the shopping center, who pulls up beside me and stops in his truck beside my car?! The same asshole that wouldn’t let me alone in the store. Looking down into my vehicle and leering at me, starting to roll his window down and putting his hand up to his ear as if it were a phone.

I cried on my drive home, it was so overwhelming.

BabyBlankieieieieie · 2021-02-26T18:47:59+00:00

Love it when men are standing in an aisle, gazing at the products open-mouthed, and I know what I need. So I say, “excuse me, sir,” dart in front of him, grab what I need, and go to checkout. I always do my research before I go in (not at all indicating that you don’t, OP — the mansplainers will get us anywhere, anytime; no matter what) and it’s satisfying to breeze past them.

ETA: I will say one buffer that may help with this is if you ask a hardware store employee about the products. A woman, if you can find one! Then at least you’re getting info from someone who knows, and you’re engaged in a convo with someone; any strange man who drops in on that has some serious social boundary issues. Hope this helps.

queen_beastmode · 2021-02-26T18:00:45+00:00

Yea don't take any advice from anyone who works at home depot, they don't know what they're taking about.

pathalienation · 2021-02-27T14:58:38+00:00

WEAR EARBUDS.

Title	Eternally Irritating: Condescending "Help" At the Hardware Store
Author	wrice05
Upvotes	190
Comments	26
Date	February 26, 2021 2:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lszcn6/eternally_irritating_condescending_help_at_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/eternally-irritating-condescending-help-at-the.747719 https://theredarchive.com/post/747719

Comments