I(26F) married a LVM (37M) and now I feel like my only way out is suicide

Lykah · 2021-06-12T03:11:20+00:00

You need to talk to your family and ask for help. What would happen if you managed to return to your home country?

engineergorl · 2021-06-12T03:22:32+00:00

You need to consult an immigration lawyer (email one with a short summary of your situation) and focus on getting a green card (or whatever immigration status you're entitled to being married to a US citizen). I'm not sure why your husband's debt and IRS issues would affect YOUR immigration status/application, and you need to talk to an immigration lawyer to see if this is true or your husband is just lying to you to keep you in this shitty situation. As for your husband's debt, if it was incurred BEFORE the marriage, you shouldn't be liable for it. If you live in a community-property state, then you may be liable for some of his debts incurred DURING the marriage. Please google community-property vs common law states to see what money from your husband you're entitled to after divorce and what debts of your husband you may be liable for.

eveloe · 2021-06-12T06:05:23+00:00

Not all is lost.

There are a few things in your favour:

He didn’t disclose a debt to you until after your marriage (annulment based on deception could be a route here)
COVID travel restrictions from the U.S./ home country may have made you overstay your visa
You are resourceful enough to have found the subreddit after the Spotify episode
You have access to the internet
Your husband is useless

These are invaluable. Please make no indication to your husband that you are planning to leave until you’re ready to leave/ have a safe space to go. He’s been getting used to having a young maid who had sex with him when he wants despite his horrific hygiene.

He won’t give it up lightly.

There is a post here about getting a bookkeeping certificate in order to get a job that can allow you to charge $200 a day.

You can set up an e-bank account through your phone (I will update this post with links) so that he isn’t aware of your finances. When you’re set up, hide the bank app from your phone Home Screen, so that you don’t subconsciously become more guarded about your phone.

If your husband asks about your new study, tell him that you’re learning bookkeeping so you can get a better grasp of the family finances and make a plan to get out of debt.

Tell him you’re in this together and that your need access to the accounts (logins, cards, etc) so that you can manage a household allowance.

Get fitted for an IUD if you can slowly put away some funds.

dance-in-the-ashes · 2021-06-12T03:30:34+00:00

It would be good to talk to a lawyer and a domestic violence advocate who is knowledgeable about immigration and domestic violence (they may have legal aid available). He literally trapped you into this marriage under false pretenses, and what he's doing to you is economic coercion and financial abuse, among other things. Please seek help.

MACMUA · 2021-06-12T06:08:13+00:00

Mija, I’m in US. Pls message me I want to help you

pyonpyon24 · 2021-06-12T07:00:47+00:00

First things first. GET ON BIRTH CONTROL.

heavysigh95 · 2021-06-12T03:24:20+00:00

Do you have the option to live elsewhere if you can? I'm in Canada and I've learned from a couple of my friends that it's easier to migrate here than to the US...

One friend was Fillipino the other from UK both live here now and started on working Visas.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Reading this made my heart hurt. Suicide is 100% not the road you should take. You are clearly a smart, capable, hard working woman who deserves love and compassion.

DM me if you want to chat and I would love to help you figure something out. Having a support group or person can make all the difference.

Edit: also what about moving home? Do you have family to go home to? Whatever the case if I can help please let me know. You deserve better.

queen_azulaa · 2021-06-12T08:06:25+00:00

Sis idk if youre immersing your self in the FDS handbook but protect your womb!! This is priority #1! Dont be bound by blood to this pendejo. Theres online services like nurx that sell birth control for 15$ or if you can find a way to go to a Planned Parenthood and get it there it should be free. Perhaps find a way to get legal status? Getting student visa and go to school? Im just shooting out ideas too but please dont hurt yourself. Theres a way out if this! You'll only come out stronger after! We are all rooting for you.

Impossible_Mud_7599 · 2021-06-12T04:18:45+00:00

Hi sis. We are glad you are here, and we don’t want you to hurt yourself. Things WILL get better. We are here to help.

Lots of great advice about talking to lawyers. I would start there.

Vmwvi · 2021-06-12T10:57:12+00:00

This man is treating you like a slave. This is literally how pimps traffick their victims; leaving them VISA-less and illegal. Honestly you have a better shot in a literal jail than with this man; at least in a jail you're away from him. You can most definitely apply for a VISA; with all the COVID problems getting tourists home many people are stuck in foreign countries. You can even get an annulment after your VISA has expired in some countries, though I recommend getting one ASAP. You should try to get an annulment and definitely use birth control of some kind, any kind. Keep abortion money, you don't want to be tied down to this man ever.

Strict_Leopard1707 · 2021-06-12T03:42:37+00:00

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I think the best thing you can do now is speak with an immigration attorney. There are organizations that provide free assistance and it would be good to get some ideas on how to tackle this. There may be options other than marriage-based green card that you aren't aware of.

PumpkinTalkari · 2021-06-12T09:26:15+00:00

Girl, I am in a similar situation and headspace… foreign country, lvm spouse, feeling very bad mentally. We can get through this. Sending you ❤️.

LadyGrimes · 2021-06-12T05:09:34+00:00

Are there any women's shelters in your area? Also since you are feeling suicidal I would recommend going to the nearest hospital and telling them you think you are a danger to yourself. Doing this will guarantee you get the help and resources you need. You will get professional help which is best.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-06-12T09:05:35+00:00

Talk to other immigrant women from your country. You need a sense of community, you'll think more clearly and they may have great suggestions. Also please keep us updated. I know it's overwhelming, but you need to focus on the next step, one each time. So the first step would be talking to a lawyer, then you can move to the next step (which will be whatever they advice you to do).

machiavella_89 · 2021-06-12T09:53:38+00:00

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. A lot of ladies are suggesting that you seek legal help and that should definitely be your first step in my opinion. This is a complex situation, but an immigration attorney would be able to talk to you about your options and potentially connect you to other resources. A lot of them work with people in your situation who are cut off from their resources/support structure, so don't let potential costs deter you. Also most attorneys worth their salt will offer a brief free consult so you can see if they can actually help you before you worry about the cost.

Above all, please take care of yourself, and if you feel you might be in danger of self-harm, please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800-273-8255). They are available 24/7 and may also be able to put you in touch with community resources.

Please hold on. I understand the intense desire to escape, but there's a difference between wanting to die and simply wanting your life back. Many, many women have been in your situation and come out on the other side with new lives that they would never give up. There is always hope.

Champagne_bitch · 2021-06-12T03:16:12+00:00

I'm sorry that happen to you. But, looking at the circumstances. Is there any foreign goods items store around there? Like, a store that sells stuffs from your home country. What about trying to find one and maybe you will meet someone with same nationality that can help you? I am sorry if this is not a very good suggestion. But, I think at time like this we can't act too rash I afraid your husband will do something bad to you 😞

huevos_and_whiskey · 2021-06-12T14:17:26+00:00

Ok, first: breathe. This all seems overwhelming, but it’s do-able. Take the time for yourself, maybe just 5-10 minutes a day, and do some mindfulness. It’s imperative that you get control of the overwhelming feelings so you can tackle everything else one step at a time.

Do you have the option of seeing a doctor for birth control or a therapist for su*cidal ideation? It would be best if you can, but ok if you can’t due to your situation. You can still get through this. Breathe. You’re going to be ok.

If there’s somewhere safe you can make a list (where he won’t find it) write down your next steps. There are some great suggestions here in the comments. Figure out which you can do first, and start formulating a plan to create a life that won’t make you miserable.

I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through this! Please know that there are many women here rooting for you, and we care. Also please update to let us know you’re still here.

Far_from_deceived · 2021-06-12T15:53:30+00:00

I am really sorry about what happened to you

From what I read, you are not particularly interest in the immigration status, you just wanna get rid of him right? I think you should go back to your family. Living abroad with a scrote is so painful that you realized that yourself, hence the suicidal thoughts. Just leave, go to your family, reestablish your mental health. You don’t have a life where you are now. Dump his fat ass.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to make you feel even worse, but how could you leave your country for someone you don’t even know! Especially a fat, older loser from a developed country (which we know they love getting to know girls that would like to move there). American women don’t want them. So they prey on women who would be happy to marry a man from a richer country. It’s very delusional.

Ok, I am from South American too and I know MANY women there see these men as if they were A NICE OPTION.

Living abroad by yourself with a nice job and not dependent on a scrote is already VERY HARD, but your situation is worse, because you are vulnerable and you have nobody to count on.

Just LEAVE….

Title	I(26F) married a LVM (37M) and now I feel like my only way out is suicide
Author	bugsbonilla95
Upvotes	221
Comments	32
Date	June 11, 2021 11:48 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nxtj04/i26f_married_a_lvm_37m_and_now_i_feel_like_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i26f-married-a-lvm-37m-and-now-i-feel-like-my-only.783030 https://theredarchive.com/post/783030

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