Lessons learned?

cant-take-much-more · 2021-05-05T12:23:49+00:00

There is no such thing as a strong, independent woman in divorce court.

vector5633 · 2021-05-05T14:04:14+00:00

NEVER MARRY AGAIN!!!

That's my lesson learned.

voyagerblue · 2021-05-05T04:32:24+00:00

Life ain’t fair.
If you think maybe you should fire yourself lawyer, you should fire your lawyer. Now.
It will take 5 times longer than you think it will to get over it
When you’re sad, cry. It’s better after.

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-05-05T06:41:02+00:00

Reading all these stories have scared me off marriage, forever. I can't fathom the idea of your loved one turning into your mortal enemy.

Bipolar_investor · 2021-05-05T04:20:04+00:00

Oh God ! Do you have a month for me to tell you?

SzDiverge · 2021-05-05T17:14:32+00:00

Here's a couple quick ones:

The talk is always Court this, Court that.. what will the judge say?? In reality, most divorce proceedings are steered towards and are solved in mediation. Mediation is your chance to control your destiny and negotiate with your STBX. There is a lot of leeway to decide on things together. Knowing what a Judge is likely to do helps a lot, but you're best off not having to go to court.
Speaking of Mediators - we think of them as neutral parties with the idea that they are going to help find middle ground that you both can agree on. NO! Mediators have one job and one job only - get a deal. If they see something that you'll both agree to, even if it's lopsided, they will jump on it and push it hard. I learned this the hard way.
When preparing for mediation, KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. Create spreadsheets and run numbers. Run various scenarios to determine where you will give and where you will not. It will literally save you a ton of money.

toooldforthisnonsens · 2021-05-05T05:56:25+00:00

Document, document, document.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-05-05T11:55:50+00:00

Huge thread about lessons learned here: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=29374

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-05-05T12:40:33+00:00

Have an exit plan before you file. Have a plan for assets you want to protect, talk to your financial advisor/estate planner and attorney before you do anything. Once you file be sure you have taken half the money out of the joint accounts and put them into your own personal account. Deactivate any joint credit cards. Make any purchases that you need before you file so they are counted as marital expenses (pay off your own credit card, student loans, car loan...ect). Planning for your new financial future is the most important thing that you can do if you have any savings, 401k/pension, house, collections ect. If you can hide some stuff slowly over time, do it. One thing I would do is when I would buy groceries I would also get the max amount of cash back at the store and put that cash in my personal safe. I had to live with my Ex for a year before the divorce was finalized so I was able to save quite a bit of money by doing that and it was never noticed.

Hardrocker1990 · 2021-05-05T17:46:11+00:00

I learned to speak up for myself instead of suffering in silence, keep busy with projects, losing weight, building my quality of life, what type of person I don’t want to be with next.

TinyYak3 · 2021-05-05T22:31:09+00:00

Grey rock them if you have kids. Go full no contact if you don’t have kids.

henrysmyagent · 2021-05-06T00:40:51+00:00

Every woman works in an office with no less than 6 women whose knowledge of divorce laws, and screwing-the-ex-husband-strategies, rivals that of the most expensive divorce attorneys.

derelictherds · 2021-05-06T01:25:54+00:00

Don't get married

Lt_Dan_IceCream85 · 2021-05-06T02:18:40+00:00

I have a totally different perspective of Christians.

KnownDistance · 2021-05-08T01:36:49+00:00

Don't roll over, fight it every inch of the way. Demand your rights be respected, and do not believe that by being gracious and a gentleman you'll curry favor with ANYONE. I guarantee you that you'll be looked on as weak and foolish, and you'll still take it between the cheeks. Right now, you have an obligation to stand on your hind legs and fight back. Even if you don't want to.

Besides... fuck that bitch...

Wassp868 · 2021-05-19T18:45:05+00:00

Recently started dreaming her and waking up with anxiety and shaking. I got so annoyed by it I called her and basically said I do not wish u well and that I ain't going to do you anything but KARMA or The Universe will do it, so when it happens remember this conversation. She hung up on me and called my mom saying I nagging her.

Today I messaged her to let her know that she was right that I deserve better than her, those were her words and it ended up a bit heavy and she again said I nagging her, so I said well block me on messenger and leave phone calls open.

I've been having good days and then days where just like that I feel like crap and loneliness and dispare.

While she seems and sounds normal, that heartless bitch never saw my actions which were to uplift her to be able to take on the world cuz I saw if she stayed at the level she was the world would have eaten her and spat her out. I did it wrong in the beginning but got better at it based on her and her emotions, her baggage past.

All she sees in the bad in everything and wants to act positive, she could never understand all I did was for her firstly and then us. I honestly want for Karma to bite her hard and all the people who helped her and loaned her money when they get fed up of her or have their own lives if or when that happens I swear to whatever Supreme being I gonna rub that shut in her face and then leave her out to dry.

Wassp868 · 2021-10-19T02:57:34+00:00

Hey Boys, just checking in. hope yall doing better. I've been great, learnt a few things about her that hurt a bit but reassured me she is an idiot and not for me and that I deserve better.

I've been talking to a few women, nothing serious, but to realize there are women out there who are amazing and I always taught I would never have the confidence to talk to them.

So keep your heads up dudes and keep the struggle alive, we'll get tru this.

Title	Lessons learned?
Author	soph_a_loaf_
Upvotes	11
Comments	53
Date	May 5, 2021 3:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/n56qw9/lessons_learned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lessons-learned.817087 https://theredarchive.com/post/817087

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