So I just found out my girlfriend of a year is a radical feminist...

kevingrumbles · 2018-10-16T20:30:05+00:00

How can I be in a relationship with someone who hates my gender and me by association

You can't. Get out now.

Edit: I didn't mean to be this flippant. This is a major worldview difference between you two. Your reaction to it shows that you realize that there's no way this is going to work with this kind of fundamental difference between you guys.

RunawayGrain · 2018-10-16T20:40:02+00:00

"This is not going to end well for you."

Evildl17 · 2018-10-16T20:34:41+00:00

I mean, if she thinks society can function without men, just stop helping her. If you are "ruining" her life, tell her to fuck off. There is a 0 percent chance of this ever working anyway if she is going to make you a scapegoat in the relationship and not value your role in it, and that would be true if she were with a man, woman, or sentient dildo. You are not the source of her own personal problems, she is.

If she can start to come to grips with this, it can work, but don't let her tear you down in the name of her own personal bigotry. And if its just misinformation, keep correcting where she is wrong and she'll come around.

IhateMisandry · 2018-10-16T23:32:28+00:00

I am doing this to a degree as well.

This is abuse, if it wasn't she would bring it up in a respectful way and come up with examples of how you are doing it, and how you could possibly improve, at the very least.

All women hate men and talk about this amongst themselves

Thats a new one for me. This is misandry, and false. No doubt there are men who hate women that talk about their hate of women, but that isn't men, that is misogynists.

The rest of your bullet points is pretty clear cut misandry.

Any time I asked her to back up any of these bombs she told me, "I'm not here to educate you, look it up your self"

This is typically a arguing approach narcissists use. The way she consistently snapped back with the same/similar response isn't a good sign either, she doesn't make any attempt to elaborate. Women (maybe men too but I can't think of an example off the top of my head) have entertainment "channels" both on television, and on the internet that is directly feeding them a toxic femininity perspective. I think she may be consuming a lot of toxic femininity entertainment/media.

Everything I said resulted in her saying that myself and all men just need to shut up and listen

Thats a really broken mentality, and is definitely abuse.

She is very intelligent, I love her and this saddens me. In the time since she has backpedaled to a degree, but then we got into some nonsense about cultural appropriation that was so full of cognitive errors it was shocking.

I'm not sure what to make of all of this. How can I be in a relationship with someone who hates my gender and me by association. Should try to reprogram her from this cult mentality? I'm very sad. Please help.

First thing you need to do no matter what, is think strongly whether or not this relationship is abusive. Go ahead and consider whether or not you are being abusive to her if you want, that won't do any harm, but I'm specifically talking about her being abusive towards you. Make sure that is clear. If it isn't an abusive relationship, then its reasonable to consider continuing to pursue things further.

I'm not expert, but I do have some knowledge of psychology, victims of abuse (sexual/physical). She seems like a victim of some pretty intense trauma, and possibly some prolonged abuse. In a way, its actually a good thing she felt she could open up to you with such... toxic beliefs? I think that shows that she really trusts you. (silver lining, its not much just pointing it out)

The reason why she could've done this, and said these mean things, and also specifically worded her beliefs in an extremely rude way could be self-sabotage. Its not so much that she doesn't believe what she is saying, its more so that she is intentionally saying it in such a way that'll it'll make you hate her and want to break up with her. As far as I know self-sabotage is an entirely subconscious thing, so I have no how you would, or even if you should bring that up to someone.

The backpedaling to a degree to me suggests she may not be quite as extreme as she made herself out to be, maybe she regrets it.

No doubt the subject itself is triggering her, whether or not that excuses her behaviour is really up to the person who has to put up with it.

She needs therapy. I really do believe shes been through some trauma/abuse. Even if that is her beliefs that isn't how you speak to your significant other. She seems to be dealing with some kind of mental illness, possibly something as simple as an anger problem.

Keep in mind that regardless of whatever decision you make, being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness isn't easy. There is no shame in leaving someone because they have an anger problem, or whatever. You come first. Respect yourself. You seem like a really kind guy.

And I don't know what I'm saying this exactly, but all the other advice I've seen in this thread so far is just as good as mine. There is a higher than average chance you could be in an abusive relationship (based on what she said to you), and when you are the victim in that situation, (especially when that victim is male) its very difficult to actually understand that you are in an abusive relationship.

StrawberrySpringg · 2018-10-16T20:40:00+00:00

Dump her and record everything. She's a ticking time bomb.

If men don't have enough self respect to reject women who literally hate their sex then we are doomed. NEVER DATE A FEMINIST. They must be socially ostracized. This may be the only thing that puts an end to their hate movement. They don't respond to facts, they are incapable of empathy toward men, but they may respond to social shaming and change their ways accordingly.

I understand that the majority of self described feminists are just miseducated, but men need to put their foot down. If you educate a feminist about gender issues and she refuses to acknowledge the truth, cut her (or him) out of your life.

Adanu0 · 2018-10-16T21:58:11+00:00

Get out. Now. If she cares about you, that might be enough to shock her out of her cognitive ridiculousness. Otherwise you're looking at a false accusation down the line as she finds a reason to go after you.

fengpi · 2018-10-16T21:57:46+00:00

Here is what you must do...

Reptilian_Brain_420 · 2018-10-17T00:52:04+00:00

" How can I be in a relationship with someone who hates my gender and me by association. "

You know the answer to this. It is very simple.

tenchineuro · 2018-10-16T20:30:49+00:00

Get out now. Don't breakup face-to-face, many women can't handle rejection and get violent, a text should do it.

Get any stuff you have at her place first, or abandon it.

You may love her, but she hates men and she will have no hesitation or remorse about falsely accusing you of rape or DV should you piss her off.

EDIT: also, sorry dude, thems the breaks. My ex-fg was not a feminist, and not well educated on the issues either, but many of her behaviors and wordings were either feminist or feminist derived. Probably she learned from the media. I'm happy to not have to deal with that anymore.

mrstickman · 2018-10-16T22:19:17+00:00

This verbal abuse is only the beginning. Break up with her immediately.

If she asks why you're doing this, and you feel like telling her (protip: the moment you decide to end a relationship is the moment you stop owing someone explanations for your actions), make sure to use the term "abusive" to describe her words and actions. I wouldn't even spend any time alone with her: have a friend with you at all times. Hopefully you're not cohabitating yet, because that will make this more difficult. The precaution will be worth it either way.

NatSoc16 · 2018-10-16T21:33:46+00:00

Lethn · 2018-10-16T22:30:02+00:00

I'd dump her in five seconds, the fact that she could even say that kind of shit without even hesitating shows she's going to be trouble in the future and clearly doesn't respect you in the slightest. I swear I think the only reason you could have put up with her all this time is because she's hot, don't stick your dick in crazy, leave while you can.

Somebody like that is just going to treat you like a doormat for the rest of your life, she's walking it back now because she realised what she said was really fucked up the fact she's not even willing to consider all the other shit indicates something further wrong with her.

I would never date a feminist man-hater, ever, I also recommend recording any previous messages with her if you do break up with her because like others have said she may try to falsely accuse you. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried doing it to try and force you to stay or do some other kind of crazy shit.

aussietoads · 2018-10-17T02:22:41+00:00

It's time to set her free so she can live in her feminist utopia, while you are free to live in reality with someone else.

confusedsnake · 2018-10-17T03:19:15+00:00

I’ve seen a lot a posts talking about breaking up and would like to respond.

I agree with this sentiment (try to convince her first) but BE WARY of her accusing you of rape. She is rad fem and especially after the breakup she will have no compunctions about ruining the life of the fascist white male who hurt her.

TibortheChechen · 2018-10-16T20:34:59+00:00

Sweet Jebus Johnstone!

You need to dump her. She's mentally ill.

If you dump her expect her to accuse you of having raped her.

I am not joking.

nonrequested · 2018-10-16T22:24:37+00:00

my advice is to leave now without any direct contact with her. You said that you love her, but for sure your girlfriend don't love you. Love is based on must important thing: RESPECT . How a girl that thinks that all men are scum can respect you? For sure you like your relation but i am sure she feels differently

Ansodyte · 2018-10-16T22:51:20+00:00

Break it off now, you will not be happy in your relationship with this newfound information

2018-10-17T02:27:26+00:00

Run. She will make your life Hell if you stay.

zomgarcwind · 2018-10-17T02:42:53+00:00

Ruuuuun

1LegendaryWombat · 2018-10-16T23:33:35+00:00

I would find the facts she threw at you...sorry the lies, find the actual stats, give them to her, find multiple sources if necessary. Also include a couple tidbits like how men have it more difficult than women(crime stats for example, who typically gets murdered and whatnot). If she remains steadfast, she has joined the feminism religion and there is nothing to be done.

Its already borderline if she goes straight to shouting in a discussion, its something people who have no evidence do, if you're louder, that makes you more right.

Still, i would be careful, its pretty obvious shes suffering from some cognitive dissonance and feels threatened about this kind of stuff.

ifelsedowhile · 2018-10-17T01:05:00+00:00

You must be a chadly type if she's dating you despite her hatred for the male gender.

Wagair75 · 2018-10-17T01:31:17+00:00

This woman has some serious baggage. Its baggage I would never carry. Run away.

thxnwy · 2018-10-17T01:51:57+00:00

ThePigmanAgain · 2018-10-17T10:17:35+00:00

All women hate men and talk about this amongst themselves

I have long suspected this, but rarely has a woman been stupid enough to admit it so openly. As for your gynobeast, she's a pile of turds and you need to flush her as soon as possible or she will make your life a misery.

2018-10-17T12:00:07+00:00

She literally said she hates you.

The__Tren__Train · 2018-10-17T05:13:20+00:00

your gf is a femcel bro

nisutapasion · 2018-10-16T23:01:19+00:00

Talk to her family. Tell them you are concerned about her recent radical ideas and tell them you think she is being indoctrinated.

I mean, if you do love her and want to help her.

2018-10-17T06:08:16+00:00

You need to run, and never look back.

auMatech · 2018-10-17T08:27:59+00:00

I was in a similar situation to yours, I did not know my girlfriend was a radical feminist until we'd been dating for well over a year. Around d the time things came to light, we had many discussions about gender equality, usually leading to her getting quite aggressive when I gently pushed back on her opinions and "facts".

Arguing or even presenting facts in a heated debate with people like this doesn't help. I simply responded with "OK", so as to neither accept nor reject her opinion. Then went to research the topics myself, watched the redpill movie against her wishes. Her reasoning was that it was a mysoginistic movie for woman haters, after asking her if she'd even seen it she backed down, after explaining it neutrally.

My advice for you, if you are still interested in pursuing a relationship with her is, don't argue from the perspective of men vs women. Find some common ground and slowly spread your foothold.

The fact that she has ceded ground in the past means that there is a small chance that you can snap her out of her delusions, but it will take time.

What I found that worked for me, is that when a topic was raised, such as "rape culture", turn the tables, offer her options to choose from: "do you mean the fact that the rape of men is disregarded and seen as a joke", or " there are many institutions to help female rape victims, but almost none for men, I agree, this rape culture is horrible, let's talk about how we can fix it". Or with the "wage gap" ask why she thinks it exists.. Actually, with most things just asking why works wonders, don't ask her to back up with facts, just ask why she thinks its like that. If she refers you to "educate yourself" you can simply let her know that her views and opinions are more important to you.

Oh, and one last thing, it could be that she's lapping up this nonsense from social media, if she spends an excessive amount of time on there, take her out and away from it for longer periods of time, that way she can start seeing the world as it is, as opposed to the false narrative that's peddled.

For my case it was simply the fact that she was sucked into it because the propaganda is just so easy for some women to believe if they don't ask any questions.

Take my advice with a grain of salt, just know that I was in a similar situation, and that my (now wife) sees things similarly to my views (that's not to say she gave up feminism completely).

Good luck, if you think its too much work or isn't yielding results you may need to move on.

Edit: to clarify, the more I think on it, my situation wasn't anywhere near as fucked up since my partner didn't actually hate men, but the choice is still there to give it a shot, otherwise be very careful.

cashewbudder · 2018-10-17T08:55:55+00:00

How can I be in a relationship with someone who hates my gender and me by association.

Quite miserably, that's how.

Should try to reprogram her from this cult mentality?

If you want to fail at it, and be miserable the entire time.

I'm very sad.

No doubt. I'm sorry, brother.

Please help.

Here goes: Break up peacefully but IMMEDIATELY. Grieve, then move on.

Mackowatosc · 2018-10-17T10:07:32+00:00

Men have ruined her life and all problems are directly or indirectly related to this. I am doing this to a degree as well.

if she says that you are ruining her life, do her (and yourself) a favour, and find a new GF.

galtthedestroyer · 2018-10-17T12:05:32+00:00

Run! The biggest mistake I ever made in any relationship was staying too long. Get out now.

DavidByron2 · 2018-10-17T15:58:18+00:00

Is she also in the Klan and you're black? Kind of hard to believe you didn't have any idea about this all year. You need to end this before she falsely accuses you of some shit and you end up in prison. And don't get cute; don't bitch about it just get out without a big fight. She's very dangerous.

grandmasbroach · 2018-10-16T22:29:28+00:00

You're an idiot. Leave, or, enjoy the coming false accusations of abuse and sexual assault once it's over.

Oh, and make sure you have your phone recording before you do it. You won't though, because you're a beta soy boy from the looks of this post.

Not to humble brag, but I make a lot of money, and lift a lot of weights. Feminists are only feminists until they want a guy like that. Then, they magically become sweet little ladies, and absolute FREAKS in the bedroom. There has to be some weird Freudian shit going on in that scenario. Of all the feminists I've slept with, which is a lot, they've ALL been more submissive than the women who aren't. It's almost like it's a front they put on, just to see if you can see through it.

So, and take note from this post guys, he will be back soon here, if not menslegal sub asking what to do about his false DV charge that's ruining his life. I don't care what he says either. She's claiming to be a feminist, and with that assume things like getting rid of traditional gender roles. Well, of all those feminists I banged out, almost all of them wanted me to commit, and were willing to throw that ideology away so fast it would make your head spin. All for a chance to be a stay at home mom. One in particular, who happened to be the most extreme of all of them I slept with around that time, told me this. I want to be more than what we are now, and I know you are really traditional in your views. But, I'd be willing to quit my job and be a stay at home mom for you, and then raise the kids too. She promised to always keep the house clean, cook, and take care of the kids needs. That, from a hardcore, super feminist when she figured out I had money and wanted to lock me down so she could live the 1950s housewife dream. Most feminists, all that I've slept with, seem to use feminism to virtue signal, and not much else. I don't think most of them actually believe it.

I also heard this one a lot. I'm not supposed to like guys like you, but i just can't seem to help myself. You're like, the big muscle bro that I'm supposed to be against. But, your confidence, and how strong you are just do something to me and I can't control myself. Translation, I'm willing to restructure my value system for a chance to fuck you. That, and there's no such thing as toxic masculinity if you are hot enough. It's pretty fucked up. The stuff I can get away with when it comes to women... Most guys would at the minimum get slapped for some of the shit I've done. But again, when they deem you hot, you get held to a different standard, feminist or not.

No offense OP. But, your girlfriend is most likely already looking for someone like me, if she hasn't already found them. In my experience, when women start doing stuff like that, they are subconsciously sabotaging the relationship. She either wants to lock someone else down. Or, she already has and you won't find out until he gives the go ahead on committing to her. I'll bet you anything you want. I already told you I have money. You can PM me, and bet anything you want. But, if within six months, if she hasn't cheated or left, I'll pay up. If you trust her, this should be easy money for you.

Mackowatosc · 2018-10-17T04:20:02+00:00

Pretend like nothing and prepare for divorce. Take all steps necessary to prepare and cover your ass in the best way possible.

lostapwbm · 2018-10-17T05:47:14+00:00

She is very intelligent, I love her and this saddens me. In the time since she has backpedaled to a degree, but then we got into some nonsense about cultural appropriation that was so full of cognitive errors it was shocking.

I'm not sure what to make of all of this. How can I be in a relationship with someone who hates my gender and me by association. Should try to reprogram her from this cult mentality? I'm very sad. Please help.

Here, listen to some Korean girls tell you what you need to do:

You better run, run, run...

KDulius · 2018-10-17T12:06:18+00:00

Leave.

Leave now and don't look back

rbrockway · 2018-10-17T12:17:59+00:00

Run! Run away! Don't look back!

In future don't get in to romantic relationship (or have sex) with a feminist. It will only end in tears. Your tears.

Flowman · 2018-10-17T12:42:59+00:00

Gotta let her go. She'll destroy you eventually if you go any further. Start covering your ass now. When you break up wit you, she'll punish you by accusing you of some shit. Think strategically.

jp_mra · 2018-10-17T16:31:16+00:00

Run! She is only going to get worse, and you can't "save" or "change" her. There are much better women out there.

I am dating a (ex?)-feminist and she is amazing. She still identifies as a feminist, but now rejects all the patriarchy non-sense and man-hate. She's very accepting of men's rights issues that I bring up, too.

--Edog-- · 2018-10-18T14:22:13+00:00

Sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Anyone who has this much anger and hostility to "all" men has some core emotional issues, the "radfem" ideas are just a clue that she needs help from a psychiatrist. Feminism doesn't make women angry - it attracts angry women. Please don't waste your life trying to fix her. It will only break your heart.

2018-10-18T14:23:40+00:00

80-90% of women have been raped in their life.

Unless we stretch the definition of "rape" to mean "he looked at me suggestively", I very much doubt the validity of this claim.

fac1 · 2018-10-21T04:22:59+00:00

By the way, just to add to my earlier comment: when I asked about your rhetorical skills, I was mainly referring to you ability to use "emotional judo". It's especially important when dealing with an emotionally-thinking person on a topic they're emotional about.

https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/how-emotional-judo-lets-you-take-control-of-every-conflict.html

https://louismentalrolladex.blogspot.com/2011/12/emotional-judo-power-of-empathy.html

http://sfs.jondon.com/11509/resources/quicktips/what-can-i-do-when-my-client-is-wrong

2018-10-17T18:47:13+00:00

Watch the Red Pill together. I bet she will not sit through it with you. If she cannot sit through the movie with you, I think you should think about a future without her and with someone else that is open minded and has a firm grasp on reality.

Ghostmouse88 · 2018-10-17T01:29:24+00:00

If she hated you then you would of been gone a long time ago. Get over yourself bro

Title	So I just found out my girlfriend of a year is a radical feminist...
Author	harpyranchers
Upvotes	67
Comments	88
Date	October 16, 2018 8:22 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/9oreqi/so_i_just_found_out_my_girlfriend_of_a_year_is_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/so-i-just-found-out-my-girlfriend-of-a-year-is-a.891756 https://theredarchive.com/post/891756

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