I am a slave

BlueDoorFour · 2016-03-18T04:09:24+00:00

I'm very sorry you feel this way, but please listen to me carefully -- you're describing symptoms of depression. I'm not a psychologist, so don't take this as a diagnosis, but I've gone through periods of mild to moderate depression and I've had friends who have been hospitalized with severe cases. We all made it through, except one friend who didn't reach out. The fact that you're sharing how you feel here is a good start.

Talk to your wife about how you feel, and find a good psychologist. It may seem impossible that you'll ever feel free again, but life will change. It does get better. It won't be easy, but it's worth it.

2016-03-18T01:53:08+00:00

How can you bring more peace of mind into your life? In the short term, would meditation or yoga help? Basic small steps like that can sometimes give you the breathing space to escape the stress of your situation.

What matters most to you? It's not just material wealth, clearly. It sounds like your relationships with your kids aren't bringing you the fulfilment you desire. Can you spend more time with your boys? Deepen your relationship, so that it's not merely about you as provider? Being there as a father figure and role model for them is surely a hell of a lot more fulfilling than chasing further material success. And these days, guys need guidance.

You need a change: A change of priorities in terms of what you're pursuing, what you want to spend your time, money and effort on. I reckon you also need a compelling vision for your future. Do you want to go off and travel for a few months? Build a log cabin somewhere? Go biking, kayaking, learn a language? Whatever makes you tick. Life's way too short to be miserable, dude.

I'm guessing that you focussing on what you want might not go down that well at home, but then I could be wrong. In any event, sacrificing your happiness for material success or out of a sense of duty to others (who have the means to pursue their own material ambitions) is a bunch of bullshit.

You clearly had the resourcefulness and smarts to achieve financial success. You can create a better life for yourself, but first you have to get an idea of what that looks like.

I wish you all the best.

Black_caped_man · 2016-03-18T03:12:13+00:00

For anyone reading this who doesn't already have kids: *you do not have to have children! *

It is a choice and should remain so! Take control of your reproduction, maintain your own condoms, if you know you don't want kids get a vasectomy, now! Don't wait around for vasalgel, if you are unsure freeze some sperm.

There are a lot of women out there who don't want kids. They are generally nice people, truly independent people who actually want to take responsibility for their lives.

You don't have to forsake romantic relationships just because you don't want kids. Just be aware of this please.

To OP: why do you want grandchildren? Just curious.

springy · 2016-03-18T11:24:08+00:00

This is quite common, and sometimes referred to as "waking up from the American dream and realizing it was a nightmare".

The issue is that society has mutated into talking about "women's rights" (but never their responsibilities) and "men living to their responsibilities" (but never mentioning their rights).

I see a lot of men being very responsible. Working hard, doing their best for their family, and asking themselves "why am I doing this?"

When society keeps telling you that your male privilege means you must be living a perfect life, it is very hard when the reality is mostly about working like crazy to bring home the bacon, and doing very little for yourself.

Until my early 30s I was going along with the "living up to my responsibilities" demands, and I was deeply unhappy too. A feeling that I was going insane with work, and got no appreciation from family at all. Rather, the man of the family is to be sneered at as part of the wicked patriarchy.

Thankfully, my wife left me and divorced me, stealing everything I had. So, I took the opportunity to do something just for myself for a change. I went back to University and got a PhD. Something I had dreamed of doing for years, but never could because of those family responsibilities I was living up to.

Divorce is legal theft of your children and money by women. But it is also an immediate opportunity to gain some rights for yourself. You will be called irresponsible by women, whereas you are really balancing your responsibilities with rights for a change.

Once you have settled on doing what you want, rather than what you had to do, it becomes very freeing. It really changes your life completely. After getting that PhD I was then able to take risks that I had never been able to take before. Instead of a steady job to support the family, I set up my own company, and made some business gambles that could have gone either way. Luckily, the business was a success, and enabled me to retire at age 42.

That was 9 years ago, and now I spend all day focused on my hobbies. I still regret my wife leaving and divorcing me, but I now see that it freed me to be where I am now.

eaton80 · 2016-03-18T02:13:50+00:00

Does it get better during summer months? If so, you may be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Some light therapy during the dark long winter months can really lift your spirits.

SKNK_Monk · 2016-03-18T03:57:35+00:00

I get you.

tehDemonseye · 2016-03-18T02:22:31+00:00

This is what I'm scared as hell about... I'm 21, a time-hogging job, nearly no contact with the outside (karate club closed, friends live far away, and shifts keep changing so I can't settle on something)... But I get money.

I spend all my weekends with my gf and we nearly argued because I wouldn't come to her school and to the dentist after (mind you, I am getting out of my night shift in an hour, 1hr drive to the airport, 2 hours flight, 1 hour train, 30mn subway to finally get home. I hope to sleep in the airplane...), and I have to drive 1hr30 to her house after all that without sleeping. I said no. And suddenly I don't care about her...

Well girl if you don't want me to die because i slept on the wheel, let me do what's best for my safety and the safety of others.

Sorry for the rant, had to get this out.

So I wish you the best of luck my friend. Try to do something new, to change your mind, get some fresh air into it. Courage

Adanu0 · 2016-03-18T03:11:02+00:00

Pretty much why I say ambition destroys you. As you can imagine, I don't get many women interested :)

SKNK_Monk · 2016-03-18T04:06:39+00:00

I get you.

Prometheus720 · 2016-03-18T07:39:38+00:00

Status isn't a spiked pit. Status based on money is a spiked pit.

Status based on your actual value as a person is very different. Being a leader or important member in a community or field is different than "I have a nice house and a car."

I don't mean to negate what you say, I just want people reading your story to know that they don't have to give up on their dreams if they're actual good dreams.

2016-03-18T11:16:21+00:00

I am married and I would agree with quite a lot of this. The issue for this guy is that it cannot work if his wife does not also work full time and so also a wage slave. Then you are in it together. 50 years ago one mans salary could provide for a wife and kids. Not anymore with more women in the workforce the only way is for both parents to work. If you are married and your wife wants to stop working after having children divorce her their and then. The marriage will not work and will eventually end anyway. In todays society of equality the only way is for both the husband and wife to work full time.

cmumford · 2016-03-18T13:31:25+00:00

You should pick up a copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's got a lousy title - it's not about becoming a jerk. It's really about ceasing to be that "nice guy" always putting your needs last to prove that you aren't one of those evil men.

Sophovot · 2016-03-18T11:22:33+00:00

It's called depression and has nothing to do with your lifestyle

EgoandDesire · 2016-03-18T02:28:00+00:00

There are other ways for we as a global society to raise families, but it might be something certain parts of the population (muh family values) wont want to hear. Its a hard, hard road ahead for the human race, still.

Alkomb · 2016-03-18T06:17:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cld8 · 2016-03-18T06:30:16+00:00

Is there any particular reason why you keep on working? Why not find another job that you like more, or just take some time off to focus on your hobbies and interests?

I understand your position, but I don't think it has much to do with men's rights. It sounds like poor career choices and/or poor work-life balance.

Muesli_nom · 2016-03-18T13:17:45+00:00

As others have written: Sounds like depression (not medical advice, just my impression. Get it checked out by a professional). The two big things about depression are: A) About 1 in 5 people go through one at least once in their lives. This is nothing you have to be ashamed about or that you need to hide from everyone. B) It's not your fault, and it isn't necessarily even caused by your particular situation. Depression is maybe the best understood psychological phenomenon, and it is treatable since it is a observable imbalance in your brain chemistry. In short: Depression is like a broken leg: It's observable, it impairs you, it has a cause, it has treatment options and can be cured just fine. And in most cases, you are not to blame for suffering from it.

Note: This does not mean that the cause does not matter. If you treat depression but ignore the cause, the depression is likely to return. But just like with a broken leg, this isn't something you can avoid seeing a doctor about. This is not something you should reasonably expect yourself to deal with.

Apart from this: Your wife sounds not like a nice person, I am sorry to say. Some people already have pointed to possibly splitting up with her, and though I think it's a bit harsh judging a person by a handful of sentences on a particular topic, I would like to say one thing as a child of divorced parents: That divorce made my life better. Being around two parents that do not like each other, do not trust each other, where one parent constantly criticizes the other, puts them down, and that other thinks they need to stay in that relationship for the kids? As a former such kid: A separated, relatively relaxed living situation beats that "surface-only" harmony with constant conflict bubbling beneath of an unhappy marriage hands down.

MessyEnema · 2016-03-18T15:15:06+00:00

What would you do differently and in your potential other reality, how do you think your life would have turned out that would make you content?

philosarapter · 2016-03-18T16:16:59+00:00

Life is suffering. Best you can do is adjust your mindset to compensate. It sounds like you might have depression, I'd make correcting that your main focus, because what worth is there to life if you don't enjoy any of it?

From the contents of your other comments it seems you've married an irrational woman who controls you through fear and coercion. This is not healthy. Start taking steps today to improve your mental health: make an appointment with a therapist, go for a long jog, start exercising and build yourself up enough to stand up to your wife.

But please don't end your life, your children look up to you and there is still much they need to learn from you. Right now I think you need to take care of yourself, nobody deserves to feel that low.

Best of luck to you man I hope things improve.

PVS3 · 2016-03-18T16:33:29+00:00

Do this TODAY:

1) Call your doctor and ask him to refer you to a therapist for depression. I 100% garuntee that any competent doctor will be completely nonjudgemental on this. If you do nothing else, put that doctor's name and number in your phone, along with the suicide hotline in your country.

2) Call the therapist and make an appointment. It will be an easy call. They won't ask many questions until you are in the office.

3) Tell your wife you are depressed. This is the hard one, but also the one that will make you feel better the fastest. When I told my wife, I had practiced it in my head to tell her that I had a problem and I needed help.

You will feel better once you talk to someone. I've been there before. PM me any time.

socialinjusticewar · 2016-03-18T16:46:04+00:00

I'm right there with you. I sacrifice for her, never the other way around. Besides laundry and occasionally cooking dinner, she does nothing for me, and expects everything from me. I think the worst part is she doesn't appreciate anything I do - all she can ever think about is what else I should have done:

Sophovot · 2016-03-18T18:52:59+00:00

What would you want your life to be like, then? Who is enslaving you, and what would the alternative be?

2016-03-23T15:49:20+00:00

I felt exactly like that and quit my high paying job. Now I'm getting a teaching job in a country far away for one fifth the salary, but more rewards in terms of teaching and motivating young kids to pursue their dreams. Yes, the American dream is hollow. Now I'm into yoga and meditation and have found that nothing external can fulfill you. When you meditate you break the mind and find that you carry a heavy load of ideas and desires. When you drop them you achieve inner peace which is the only lasting happiness.

I stay with my wife because I know that if I divorced I would remarry within a couple years. So don't want to fall into that trap ever again. Yes I feel like a slave too still bit I have convinced her that life is not about having a Mercedes on the door or gold watches but about inner peace and she has slowly accepted that a simple life can be more rewarding and I don't have to work a hundred hours a week just so she can buy everything with her visa. She now realizes that our son needs a father that can play with him.

Keep going. You came to this truth because you achieved wealth and success. There are poor suckers that will always dream the life you have, that always wonder what it feels like to be at the top of the hill. Only few like you know that your are the same asshole at the top of the hill. This is your hard earned wisdom, use it and go forward towards compassion to yourself and others. Abandon competitiveness and materialism. Choose people for their kindness and not for their efficiency. Keep going. Road is bumpy but the only way out is to go forward.

mikesteane · 2016-03-18T03:33:53+00:00

See my post on the male mid-life crisis here

repete66219 · 2016-03-18T15:18:37+00:00

Wow. Powerful stuff. I feel the same way sometimes, not just because of the wife but more because of an aging mother.

blarneystein · 2016-03-18T02:23:12+00:00

So get divorced.

CountVonVague · 2016-03-18T10:14:07+00:00

Dude you make a LOT of "I" statements, maybe need to work on that. Also, i get this might be an alt account but really, 0 days makes you look like your fishing for reactions.

Otherwise, yeah, trap. You're story is something that needs to be retold and remind other ppl what's fucked up with our social workings. it starts with education

cottonthread · 2016-03-18T11:57:57+00:00

I got on a bike once. Fell off and broke my arm.

Stay away from bikes guys.

PurpleViolettron · 2016-03-18T09:47:31+00:00

This is so fucking stupid. First off, see a therapist and fix your mental state. Second, you come off as a pretty terrible and selfish father and husband. You'll say it's all for them, but it's not. It's to make you look good. And because you got sucked into that rabbithole of trying to create the perfect family, you're now blaming that family for not being fulfilling.

Go get help. Take responsibility for the choices you made instead of blaming your family or society or whatever. Because that's all you're doing by calling yourself a slave.

Gawd I'm sick of this crasp.

Title	I am a slave
Author	tartarinseandrepeat
Upvotes	49
Comments	68
Date	March 18, 2016 1:33 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/4aw7pr/i_am_a_slave/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-am-a-slave.953789 https://theredarchive.com/post/953789

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