~ archived since 2018 ~

What’s wrong with me???

November 20, 2022

Seriously, is there something very wrong with me???

I have my life together. I have a very good career (quant on Wall Street), make great money for my age…like 7 figure range, OK-ish height (5’10), great build because I go to the gym a couple times a week and have large biceps/shoulders, but not like super huge or anything. I have a good group of friends, and they often say I’m funny, empathetic, sweet, etc. I take very good care of myself. Daily showers, skin care routine, good diet, and put a lot of effort ($$$) into dressing well.

And yet, in 24 years of my life I cannot point to ONE woman who has shown me any sort of interest. I mean…is this normal? It’s almost like I’m sort of side-character or NPC. I have a guess as to why, but unfortunately it’s extremely black pill. I think because of my ethnicity, I sort of get “resume screened” by the vast majority of women, because they assume I’ll only want to be with someone if my own ethnicity.

Or maybe I’m just very ugly?? But no one has told me that or indicated that I’m unattractive other than one friend back in college who straight up told me I’m ugly. Other than that, I always assumed I’m just average because my looks have never been brought up in a positive or negative light apart from that one time.

I’m in NYC and despite putting a great amount of effort into my dating app profiles, I’m yet to get a single match in what’s been over a year. This has been absolutely debilitating to me. Especially since it seems like all my friends and cousins and coworkers seem to have an extremely easy time with dating. Like they can download Hinge and set up a date on the same day. This is mind blowing to me.

Am I living in some sort of simulation? Is anyone else in my situation? I mean if I was getting ghosted or rejected after a first date, at least I’d have something to improve on. Like maybe my socialization skills suck, or I need to flirt better or something. But when I can’t even get to the start line? It’s absolutely depressing stuff, especially at my age when some of my peers are even starting to get married and have kids, let alone go on their first date.

Also before I get generic “hit the gym bruh” or “use that money to make yourself more attractive”, I want to make it crystal clear I’ve already done both of this.

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Post Information
Title What’s wrong with me???
Author Puzzleheaded_Bet7294
Upvotes 10
Comments 69
Date November 20, 2022 6:17 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit /r/AllPillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/whats-wrong-with-me.1140836
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/z0b3s0/whats_wrong_with_me/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]SolidPuzzleheaded984 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Height, face, status > money, gym body.

Also never lead with your wallet.

[–]ifiniasms 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No I disagree. You need to use money 💰 hahaha

[–]Opening_Pattern_301GloriousPill 6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

so much to unpack, i think the first step is to stop looking down on yourself for not getting the "validation" you think you should get and need, do you have any idea of what kind of woman you want? or at least what kind of relationships you want? casual? stable?

OOP nvm question for women

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]INTP-1 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There are dating sites specifically for high net worth men to date regular women. You can also go to other countries where the women are a lot less picky. You have a dick? You have money? That's enough for the vast majority of the human population to jump on it. It's just people are spoiled to fuck all in western countries.

[–]TheRedPillRipperRedPill -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don’t think beggars can be choosers

This is the issue. You’re allowing your desperation, to define you. As opposed to not giving a fuck. You’re not a beggar; you’re a man.

Jump on seeking. Hook yourself up with some hotties. Get it out of your system. If sex isn’t an issue, and you’re looking for the relationship into marriage route; recruit your networks. Put it out to your friends, and family. Most people love to play matchmaker. Then vet like crazy.

Godspeed and good luck!

[–]No_Mathematician8341 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

i have an idea. dm me/

[–]Green-Quantity1032 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link


If it's your ethnicity, how can your cousin get dates that fast?

Do you think you're attractive? any facial features you're self-conscious about?

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Well to be fair my cousins are all women, so ig not a fair comparison.

Attractive? No I wouldn't say so, but I don't think I'm ugly at all. Just a very...forgettable face if that makes sense. But tons of "average" people are able to get dates so I must be ugly?

[–]Green-Quantity1032 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

haha women are irrelevant for comparison on apps, below-average have more matches than top guys..

I feel like if you'd been ugly you'd know, I have some bad-looking friends and they get a match once in a while.. not 0-per-year.

Sounds like something is off with your pictures I don't know..

Is it Tinder?

Try buying it and passporting out of NYC, to some more forgiving place.

But I dunno sounds weird.

try photofeeler.com if you want to get photos estimation (use at least 20 votes from women under 29/34).

Try multiple pictures, I can get a 5 and a 9 on different pics on there.

Don't use for your profile anything below 6.5, preferably use everything above 8.

[–]BoxxyFoxxy 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What ethnicity if you don’t mind me asking? For every ethnicity, I know at least one girl who’s particularly into it.

[–]ifiniasms 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're on wall street indicate income indicate status make sure you're living a lifestyle that might attract the woman you want . There's no way a chick tosses a guy that can pull money, unless he's a sissy.

[–]Anti_Thing 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm guessing he has cousins in countries where their ethnicity is dominant.

[–]kokorwqac 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Are you non nt? Other than that irl>online for majority

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link

Nope, I'm neurotypical, no autism or aspergers or anything....I know it sounds weird and probably hard to believe, but I have no problem socializing with and meeting new people. I just don't really know how to flirt because I've always just focused on education/career and I've always been surrounded by men (as a math major in college and now was a quant)

[–]pikecat 4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Dude, you're a Quant, a math major, that's not normal. (My Dad was a math major, and very sociable and likeable, so it's not a certainty.) But I was a financial programmer and was not doing well with girls. Mostly I was busy on work or interesting things.

I just set out to be more sociable and then, after some time of practice, I became more interesting to girls. There's a big change in mindset, demeanor attitude that it takes.

There's so much knowledge to gain about girls as well. After you get that, you will have confidence and that is a big one. Calmness is another, being high energy is like girl repellent.

There's a large comment, above, that tells you a lot. I would add that you can try lower tier girls, by splashing money about, not because you want those girls, but because you will get experienced and can move up. Just don't get hooked on the first girls you get.

Like someone else said of you, I am highly intelligent. This makes it a challenge. I eventually got very good at women, I feel like I was less smart in that time, but I did become highly aware of a world that I was not seeing before. It's feeling, you can't put it into words, that's why no one can tell you how. If you're thinking, you're losing.

If you want to know more, I can tell you more. It's not easy, though.

[–]No_Mathematician8341 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

yes i want to learn too. that feeling . i think i know what you mean.

[–]pikecat 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You sound similar to me. Hopefully I can tell you what to do, and do it faster than I did it.

Are you a perfectionist who has to get everything just right? I forgot to stop at just good enough and kept going. I always had the be better, to get the hotter girl than last time.

It's not easy nonetheless, all of the knowledge and ability comes only from experience. It's not thinking knowledge. Anything that you can read is not actually "it," it's just compensating for not knowing it. If you're thinking, you don't know it. You start to operate without any thoughts in your head, but do all of the right things automatically. In this state, you are seeing everything that is non verbal. This is the feeling, and I don't think you know.

Maybe we should talk privately, it's not PC enough for here.

But I have to warn you, it changes who you are, if you want to go there.

[–]No_Mathematician8341 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yes please dm me.

[–]No_Mathematician8341 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

holy shit she texted me. bro help

[–]pikecat 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You deleted your post, so I forget the context. You need to remind me of the situation. You need to say more too, so I know more about you.

But, in general, be calm and cool, don't care too much. Being too into a girl too fast is a killer. For me, I found ambiguity to be fun. Like what did she say.

I don't like texting games because I need to see someone face to face in order to respond correctly. I only have a bit of information to guess that you are like me.

What's your ethnicity and background anyways?

I was going to say more about, previous, but was busy.

[–]No_Mathematician8341 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I just dm you

[–]Kappador66 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Checked your profile, from my understanding you're a quant at citadel. So I'm just gonna guess you're probably ~ 140-150+ IQ range. You're making a top 1% income. You're a complete outlier , traditional dating tips do not apply to you.

Either put your money towards sugar babies/escorts (isn't this super common in finance anyway? No shot most m&a guys have time for dating) or try to find women with similarly exceptional intelligence.

[–]TheOffice_Account 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

You're a complete outlier , traditional dating tips do not apply to you.

This is actually really good advice. I was gonna write some normal stuff for him, but your comment made me realize that regular advice wouldn't be useful for him.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

That's why the internet hasn't been very helpful to me...most ppl that write posts like this have one of the following: poor, extremely unattractive, neurotypical, short, no friends aka super antisocial

I'm none of these so that's why I'm just confused

[–]TheOffice_Account 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're obviously doing something wrong, or you're blind to your own flaws.

One possibility is that there is a deeper issue which a therapist can help identify. Another is that you're remarkably unique, which means the right woman for you would also be kinda unique - an outlier herself.

Both of these above are true for me, hence my long-term singlehood. But when something kicks off for me, it's with a woman who is singularly remarkable and unique herself...plus, I really don't mind waitiing it out, lol.

I'm kinda in your bucket in that on paper, everything is going well for me but yet I'm single. Only my therapist knows my deep-seated fears, and how I'm specifically rejecting women who are actually good for me.

[–]Green-Quantity1032 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Why is regular advice not useful for someone who's smart and wealthy? Do people mighty morph at that level? (too soon?)

[–]TheOffice_Account 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Because he is targeting a different demographic.

The woman who would be a good fit for a 45-year old man in Iowa making $50k per year would be different from the woman who would be a good fit for a 25-year old man in NYC making $1,050,000 per year.

[–]Green-Quantity1032 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If anything I'd change it up for 45y/o guy, not the 25.

[–]Audio_v 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I felt a pinch, so def too soon

[–]INTP-1 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

First of all, stop fucking online dating. Yeah, you're not white in a white-dominated culture (especially when you reach the top 1-5%). These people in the upper class are fairly snobbish about race (and most other things honestly), despite the fact they think it's great the plebs are all getting intermarried (has zero effect on their own lives). NYC is very liberal, but it's mostly virtue signaling to avoid the plebs burning down their neighborhoods in a riot over rapidly growing income inequality. But I digress...

So here is what you need to do... Go to bars/restaurants friday and saturday night with a similar high class atmosphere (with some friends if you prefer), and cold approach women every fucking night. Just buy them some fucking drinks. Until you do that, you need to shut up about how hard online dating is.

Of course you're going to be disproportionately judged on online dating based on your looks and race, that's what it's for. If you want to move beyond that basic bullshit, get out there and swing the bat instead of expecting women to be interested in you first. Demonstrate your value to them face to face. Be funny, have personality.

Until you do that, I'm not going to feel too sorry for you in your current situation. As a last resort, you can cold approach women in a lower socioeconomic class if the above doesn't work. The plebs are actually much less racist, because they're genuinely socialized in a multi-racial atmosphere compared to the wealthy and elites of society who live behind virtual and real walls apart from the rest of us.

[–]Green-Quantity1032 -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't say it's racist to prefer someone you find attractive.

It's not like there's a girl thinking he's hot but is like "oh no he's <InsertMinority>"

[–]ElectricBugs 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is racism in preferences though. You can prefer white if you want, but know that's probably because of bias on your part. Have you considered dating a man or woman from another culture. Most people can have prejudice ingrained in them from their social circles and upbringing. It most definitely is racist to prefer something, particularly if you have never really challenged your reasoning.

[–]Wide-Illustrator2906 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As someone who was best friends in high school with a white girl,that's exactly how her and her friends thought.

[–]Lainpiller1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm not a woman but if you make 7 figures, work for a few more years, continue investing well (I mean you're quant so I'm sure you'd be knowing what you're doing) and then just move to a third world country where you'd be treated as a God for your wealth. You'd be able to find a plethora of women open to dating you out there. Women in NY or first world nations don't really care about your strengths (money, stability, career achievements, etc), they care about height and jawline. But there's a prodigious amount of women in the third world who really do care about all that. Go where you're wanted

[–]NotARussianBot1984 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely, and if he wants to stay working in USA (can't work in 3rd world countries like phillipines they ban it), then at least retire at 50 to those countries. It's my game plan.

As a guy with no wife, no kids, no mortgage, there's no reason to retire in North America.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

The problem is all my family and friends are here. I feel like I'd be even more depressed than I am right now if I just up and left everything I know for some random ass unknown country.

[–]NotARussianBot1984 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair, i can make new friends, a hot gf is amazing, and visit family once a year.

But im more emotionally detached than most. Im also moving countries for better job. Nothing stops me from my goals.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Noones said it but your probably just unattractive to look at.

Attractive men dont have issues attracting women.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I mean that's the only possible explanation. Maybe I just overrate my looks lol. I barely see truly "ugly" people irl so ig that clouds my own judgement

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's cold out here on these streets. Tbh I see ugly people everyday.

If I was you I'd post a picture on one of those rate me subs. Or you could use photofeeler although I'm not entirely sure how accurate that website is.

Edit: on a side note well done with your quant job. I'm trying to get a career in finance myself but it's tough out here.

[–]pikecat 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a guy, you can become much better looking by a change of attitude, confidence and knowledge of women. Girls can see inside of you, because it is shown on your outside. Getting there takes a lot of work. It is something that can be done, I managed to do it. See my other comment.

All of your muscles determine the shape of your face and body movements style. Most people think that this is fixed, but you can change it. It does take dedication though. This why you can tell Japanese from Chinese and Germans from the English, as long as you have spent time in their respective countries. What people think is fixed, is in fact, malleable.

[–]Wide-Illustrator2906 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to upload your photos to photofeeler and truerateme so you can get a good estimate of your looks. By your own admission, you've never got a single match so it's highly likely that you aren't that physically appealing, but you are in New York City, one of the hardest dating markets in the world, so who knows.

My advice to you would be (depending on your race) to find a dating market that's more favorable to you either locally or abroad.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You will be prize when you turn 30 or turning 45 getting married to younger woman.

Right now ,just do whatever you want to do

[–]social_mulea penny for your thots 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ethnicity is only an issue in dating for folks who want to date interracially. There's no way in hell anyone will ever convince me that women of ethnicity X are flat out refusing to date men of ethnicity X en masse. The operative phrase being en masse. Are you approaching women of your ethnicity? Something tells me you aren't.

And that brings me to my second point. If you don't find the women of your own ethnicity attractive enough to pursue and date how can you fault women of other ethnicities for not finding you attractive enough to date? I'm sorry but I have zero sympathy for men who don't want to date women who look like themselves but complain that Kate'Leigh and Breigh'Lynn don't want to date them.

Next I'd say get out your bubble. You clearly have the means to travel so get yourself a passport and board a plane. Insecure women have been so successful at demonizing international dating that plenty of men are scared shitless to even take a vacation or go on a cruise for fear of being called a sex tourist or worse. It's a great big world out there and you're a young man of means. Take full advantage of the position you're in.

Finally I'd say consider the pay for play route in the short term. Pussy is bought and sold every single day in a dozen different ways so don't think I'm recommending picking up a crack whore from the nearest street corner or back alley. High end escorts and sugar babies are an option if you just want to get your dick wet.

[–]MegaGigaTeraBased 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ethnicity is only an issue in dating for folks who want to date interracially. There's no way in hell anyone will ever convince me that women of ethnicity X are flat out refusing to date men of ethnicity X en masse.

unless you are an asian man trying to date asian women

[–]AdjectiveMcNoun 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Its hard to say without actually meeting you in person. On paper you sound great.

When it comes to ethnicity, I actually prefer someone different from me. My husband is a different ethnicity than me. I'm sure there are plenty of other women out there that are like me. Most of my female friends have partners that are a different ethnicity from them. In fact there is a group of us where all the women are from the same region in our country and all the men are from the same region in their home country. We all met independently too, it wasn't like one introduced us to his friends or something.

How exactly are you trying to get dates? Do you only use apps or do you try in person too?

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I totally understand. I think a lot of attraction comes down to mannerisms as well which ofc can’t be conveyed on the internet. I’ve exclusively just been using apps. My workplace is super male dominated and most of my friends are guys so that hasn’t been exactly helpful lol.

That’s interesting. I always thought people want to be other people similar to them, but your comment gives me hope, because personally I’m open to women of any ethnicity.

[–]AdjectiveMcNoun 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don't know too much about dating apps but I do know they can be difficult. Do you have any hobbies or interests? You could maybe join a group or meetup and meet people who share your interest and then go from there. It could be anything...sports, beer brewing, wine making, restoring vehicles, cooking classes, painting classes, wood working, pottery, music shows, guitar lessons, video games, board games, foreign language, metal working, etc. I'm not sure what's available where you live but if you're near a large city there should be a good selection of stuff. If not you can try to find something virtual.

Don't worry about the ethnicity thing. Yes there are people who want to be with someone similar, but there are also lots of people who don't care or even prefer someone different. There is lots of hope for you. Just hang in there.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

I do like board games so I'll try to find a meetup for that. Also have always wanted to sign up for a cooking class.

Yes you are right, 4 million women in NYC so (hopefully) some of them are open to dating men of my race. Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it!

[–]Secret-Ad8479 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Everything is wrong with you if you aren't chad

[–]Odd-Luck7658 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You sound boring. What are your interests?
Join the tennis club and meet like minded women.

Or the hiking club, or a dance club, or a writers group, or a runners group.

Do you expect women to fall in your lap?

[–]SilentFroggy 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You’re probably going to have to betabux/status bux unless you have an attractive face.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Do you think I should stay single, or is that worse than beta bux? I really don’t want to be used

[–]No_Mathematician8341 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

noooo... being beta bux is waaay worse.. bro

[–]SilentFroggy 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In my opinion, it depends on who you’re betabuxxing to. If they didn’t offer themselves to other men for free, then it might not be a bad thing. Like if she has zero bodycount but only choose you even though she might be using you.

[–]EviessVeralan 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m in NYC and despite putting a great amount of effort into my dating app profiles,

Your problem is that youre using a platform that is overwhelmingly male in the hopes of finding a woman.

Youll probably have better luck meeting someone through social outings or hobbies.

[–]HateSpeechFanBoy -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Use the money for plastic surgery to get a Chad face and also get leg lengthening surgery. It’s unfortunate you would have to do that but that is how females are now

[–]NotARussianBot1984 -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Have you tried sugar dating? You make enough money for it.

Yes dating is hell nowadays.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]INTP-1 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

All men are used to varying degrees by society and women in general, it's just less obvious in most instances.

[–]Anti_Thing 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

*all people are used by society & people in general

[–]INTP-1 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women have automatic value they are born with based on being a woman, because they can reproduce and men cannot. It's that simple.

[–]NotARussianBot1984 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ya essentially. For the younger attractive women, it's either Chad when they are having fun, or Sugar daddy to pay for school. I'm a lot like you (but only 6 figures, 7 figs is damn income!) but only been able to date obese girls, many times can't even get hard for them.

Sugar is only way to date decent looking girls. Some treat you as ATM, but since you're younger and fitter, it's easier for them to pretent to like you.

Oh sorry, just saw the flair, not a woman. But ya never ask women how to date women lol.

[–]Siukslinis_acc 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m in NYC and despite putting a great amount of effort into my dating app profiles, I’m yet to get a single match in what’s been over a year.

Have you tried IRL? Dating apps tend to show only the static image of the person and static images tend not to catch attention. IRL alows you to show things that can't be shown on a dating profile: body in movement, voice. Those things can influence how you will be percieved.

[–]ifiniasms 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a male you technically need to be the approacher.

In NYC there are lots of single women so if you are on wall street make sure you're going to the gym and make sure to approach women with confidence. LOL. Give them your business card and say you are interested in dating.

Ok. I reread your post.

Haha. Please approach women and be very confident. And ask your dude friends to rate you and get feedback. And get women to tell you their honest opinion.

And remember that every unmarried woman is experience

[–]DivineDaedraChadwife 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Have you looked at the profiles of the people who are succeeding? Did you see any major differences?

Lastly, have you tried warm approaching in person? It sounds like you may have more success that way, as people who are sweet and sociable can’t properly convey that online. To use an extremely unscientific term, vibing with people could help a lot.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Bet72941 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

I have a friend who does extremely well on the apps that I'm on. Only major difference between our profiles is that he's 6'0+ and looks like Chris Evans lol

[–]DivineDaedraChadwife 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Now I’m not saying lying is good, but 5’10 is close enough to 6’ that listing your height as “about 6’” might help. Maybe.

Anyone below 5’6-8 or so probably won’t be able to tell the difference.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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