Anybody else having first year post divorce seasonal depression? What can be done about it?

techrmd3 · 2023-11-19T23:49:13+00:00

YES had this exact thing happen last year. last summer final. last year almost spent Thanksgiving and Christmas alone

Get this - last year I got Covid right before Christmas. Got from kid, kid got it from exes new BOYFRIEND she neglected to tell me was living with her who gave Covid to her.

No issues but was positive till Christmas eve... had plans with GF... almost ruined due to Ex and her issues.

It's tough I know it is but believe me one year later I am literally Relationship, Financial, and Career wise on top of the world. A year will be a miracle in transformation for you trust me.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-11-19T23:50:26+00:00

December 4 will be two years since I moved out.

Divorce is still in process.

My attorney says I’m not supposed to be seeking any kind of companionship

the holidays are rough.

A lot of old friends are coming back into town for Thanksgiving weekend. Well a few of them are Frenemies, but it will still be nice to see a bunch of people I haven’t seen in years Versus being alone instead of with my wife and family for the first time since 1994

rhett342 · 2023-11-20T01:14:29+00:00

See if there is a divorce recovery group where you live. I go to one and somebody always has people over on big holidays.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-11-20T00:15:23+00:00

Do not spend time alone at home. :)

I spent my first Thanksgiving with a friend and her family. Definitely made a world of difference.

I've found peace in solitude at dog parks, piers, bays, ... being a stranger amongst busy areas with a lot of people.

The holidays are a good time to try new things. Make a project of something, anything. I did SUP, rented a hobie cat, and kayaked last year. Might be a good time to sign up for lessons for whatever you'd like to learn.

Meetup has a lot of hiking groups, live music groups, and other stuff.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2023-11-20T01:29:16+00:00

Absolutely, not looking forward to Xmas this year and usually am…. Prob going to go to the casino by myself and play w the money I’ve saved by her not blowing it all this year…

WakeUpAndGoooo · 2023-11-19T23:40:19+00:00

Even though I always disliked the holidays I feel this. I never liked dealing with the decorations but it was her thing and it made the house warm. My suggestion would be to have a friend or two over and decorate if only a little bit. Maybe a small holiday party just to try and have some laughs and forget about everything even for a moment. Don't turn down any invites to others parties, it could be a fun distraction.

Objective-Motor2419 · 2023-11-20T01:37:26+00:00

I can relate. Her extended family was amazing and we spent the holidays out of state always there for thanksgiving and Christmas. My family doesn’t celebrate either holiday. So it’s even more lonely than ever before. Last Christmas is when we started to seperate, my Tesla ran out of charge and I was snowed in alone whereas we’d usually all celebrate out of state in a huge party with all her family, food, gifts and drinks. Not looking forward to this thanksgiving and Christmas alone again. No children either.

cactuscharlie · 2023-11-20T02:10:10+00:00

Nine years now with my ex-family. First holidays without them..

Uncles and aunts and kids dealing with some new guy who is my replacement. I will be alone, but I hope it hurts the people who loved me a little bit.

Who's this new guy? What happened to your husband? She will lie to them about our divorce and win. And me by myself will know the only one who knows the truth.

I have to suck it up buttercup this holiday season, because the only alternative is sending emails explaining that my wife dumped me after nine years for the dude you're spending the holidays with.

First-Ad-9485 · 2023-11-20T01:48:37+00:00

Living alone since October this year? Like last month? Yea man haste to say this but depression will come and go for years. I’m one year divorced, 2 years legally seperated. Shittiest part about getting divorced with kids is you are forced to see your ex and communicate minimally with them which definitely can spark that depression. As far as holidays go, I recommend surrounding yourself with family or friends as much as possible. try to minimize alcohol and avoid gambling, and focus on a hobby that makes you feel good. For me that is country dancing. The gym helps a lot but I would say anything that involves exercise and friendship is best. Ie hiking with friends, camping with friends, dancing with friends. Wish you the best man

Outrageous_Sundae_37 · 2023-11-20T03:11:28+00:00

Did you decorate last year at all? I would suggest trying to start your own new tradition. It’s hard and it sucks at first but a little at a time will build you up. Holidays are hard everything since the divorce are hard try to give people Grace to everyone probably seems like they’re pissing you off in someway.

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2023-11-20T01:38:11+00:00

Get into a gym and start exercising do some yoga Pilates hiit all that stuff keep your mind busy don’t stay idle for too long you can do this

aquatic-dreams · 2023-11-20T02:06:25+00:00

I've always hated the holidays, I struggle with obligatory get togethers. My exes birthday lands on Thanksgiving an awful lot. And I got 86'd Nov 2 2022, so really not my favorite month. So you're not the only one. I'm new to this town, well... as of Nov 2 last year, but I don't have any close friends. So i joined a bunch of meetups. There's an extremely active group of self proclaimed geeks, , that has its own discord, and these great people have been a godsend. So look into something like that in your area. And if nothing jumps out, look at divorce groups. While it's important to know our mistakes to grow. It's just as important if not more so, to interact with others. I've found the easiest way feel happy is to make someone else happy, just don't do that to your own detriment.

Outrageous_Sundae_37 · 2023-11-20T03:36:21+00:00

Be careful with a female friend if your male vs versa this is a very vulnerable time and I could send the wrong message and you can hang up in a bad situation that makes things worse for everyone just a thought brother

NilEntity · 2023-11-20T05:46:24+00:00

I'm also worried about this this year, a bit less than I was a few weeks ago though.First year for me as well, fortunately this christmas my daughter is with me, not with the ex. Also according to the plan we made it looked like I'd have her only 24th and 25th, then 6 days with her mother, including my birthday which is during that time, then 6 days with me.

Wasn't looking forward to that. Fortunately the ex's plan's changed (she says work, I assume something with her dude, frankly, I don't give a shit why). Now it's more of a "3 days here, 3 days there" situation and I even have her on my birthday, at least part of it.

So I'll be spending like half with the time with my family and/or with my daughter, I think I can deal with the rest.
I'm taking care to walk and jog more outside though, get some sunlight fresh air etc., as I've already felt the first feelers of seasonal depression or whatever. And screw it, if necessary I'll game more or watch entertaining movies or whatever, for that cheap dopamine hit to counteract it a bit.

Haven't had that problem for 11+ years, i.e., during the marriage. This year though of course, good chance it'll hit again, and with a vengeance.

Unfortunately I don't really have friends, let all that fall to the wayside during the marriage. I've joined local "find friends", "share interests" etc. groups and will check that out soon, no dating yet. I'd kind of like to, but it hasn't been a year yet, I'm not ready and I don't think I need the additional bad mood produced by dating and rejection etc.

RunTheBull13 · 2023-11-20T06:03:00+00:00

Get outside in the sun whenever you can. Exercise. Try a vitamin D supplement. A Vitamin B complex may also help.

Flapique · 2023-11-20T17:56:45+00:00

Definitely make a plan to do something if you can. Sitting home alone and eating top ramen sucks, but that's how some people are going to spend it this year.

Competitive_Ad_2421 · 2023-11-22T14:25:50+00:00

I have spent a lot of holidays alone and I actually feel less alone when I decorate my apartment for myself and I make the day special for myself. If what you are missing is the warmth and festive ambience that your ex would bring, try to learn that from her and implement that yourself. It can be a really healthy growth exercise

Joocewayne · 2023-11-22T15:45:23+00:00

Exact situation I’m in. I used to love everything about the holidays… the lights, music, warmth of the seasonal accoutrement contrasted with the bleak, chilly weather. Now it all feels so dark and the things I used to love just amplify the pain. I don’t have any answers, only that I get it.

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