Anyone else?

Old_Goat_Ninja · 2026-08-12T00:40:12+00:00

Married 22 years, moved out 3 months ago. I didn’t want to move out but she insisted. I’m far from officially divorced (but it’s been filed, and judge should be approving it soon) but yeah, the longer it goes on the more I realize how miserable she made me. We had good moments, great moments, but majority of the time no, she obviously didn’t like me. We had moments of joy, that’s it, just moments, not a great life together. Every time I even remotely think this might be a bad idea I get a text and realize it’s not. My mood instantly sours when I see a text. It’s a “what now” irritated feeling. She kicked me out, she wanted the divorce, she filed for it, but I still feel bad for feeling that way when I see her name. When I don’t hear from her I’m pretty dang content with life though. She seems to be having second thoughts now, ugh. I’m not.

ThrowRA_That_Owl_25 · 2026-08-11T23:40:56+00:00

If it wasnt for my child I'd extatic!

Content-Class1259 · 2026-08-11T23:23:12+00:00

I tell my two boys all the time, you can’t put a price on peace, be super careful where you settle down!

Content-Class1259 · 2026-08-11T23:21:36+00:00

Bingo! Life only been on the up and up since I realised that I was so much better off without her (that was not a immediate realisation) the sooner you let go of their toxicity the sooner you will realise that they were just bringing you down. It certainly takes time, but speeding up the process will be the best thing you ever did.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-08-11T21:42:48+00:00

Yep getting divorced was one of the best things that ever happened to me. When my ex told me she was leaving she said I deserved so much better than her, and boy was she right.

As for the name on your phone being annoying as fuck I suffered the same thing. I changed it to ZZZ xxx's mom. This way it was always at the bottom of contacts, and instead of her name it was my child's name. Small change that made a big difference!

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2026-08-11T20:29:06+00:00

It wasn't so much that I didn't know how horrible she was, I knew. What I felt was that it's just supposed to be like this and I just have to live with it. Almost like I deserved it.

Now that I filed and went through with the divorce, I see more and more how I couldn't have been more wrong. No one deserved that. I should have left after the first cheat. But if I did, I wouldn't have my two youngest. But every time after that, I should have cut my losses.

Once your eyes are opened, it's hard to want to go back to even being civil. That's what my ex wants. I want nothing to do with her. Now, she is just another face in the crowd in my life. And I will never see her as anything but from now on.

Jettyboy72 · 2026-08-11T20:20:22+00:00

You’ve got a long way to go. Stages of grief are a thing for a reason, and you’re in anger right now. Especially with kids involved, you’re going to go through a lot of emotions you wouldn’t expect. Keep your friends and family close for when the sadder times inevitably come. This is speaking as a divorced dad 4 years post divorce. It does, truly, get better though and unfortunately you’ve got to go through it to really get over it fully.

Prozacalack · 2026-08-11T20:16:41+00:00

When I went no-contact, my therapist recommended writing her letters as a way to vent any frustrations. Something to consider. And to be clear...I never send her the letters.

My_name_is_mud2945 · 2026-08-11T18:27:01+00:00

My friend (male) is going through this. Not only that, but actually realizing she was incredibly abusive. It's been wild watching someone go through that realization in real time.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-08-11T18:26:23+00:00

Amen.

I am separated and living together (no-fault rules in my state and I won’t move out with my name on the mortgage), and shortly after she asked for the separation I started calling her out every time she interrupted me in conversation. I think it averages four or five times a week.

I put up with this disrespect for years because I didn’t want to rock the boat and be a pain in the ass, but it was one of those things that bugged me and made me feel unheard. I just don’t put up with it anymore, and it makes me realize how fucking rude she is and how unwilling she’s always been to examine her own behavior while I was modifying mine.

Yeah, even with the shitty situation, I am happier now.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-08-11T17:24:54+00:00

because every time I see her name pop up on my phone, my mood gets worse. Not because I miss her, but because I remember she exists and I have to deal with her sometimes.

Yep, this. Just a sinking feeling of, “what is it this time?”

Hippy667 · 2026-08-11T17:07:17+00:00

Yeah. It's amazing to be gifted the space of being able to look back at the marriage you were a part of. For me it's been the realisation that she believed (and still believes) that her shit didn't stink.

I couldn't be happier and more clear headed than I am two years on and out of it.

What contact we did have about our adult kids has pretty much died out. I sit on any contact she makes by SMS and reply a day or two later or not at all.

Techdude_Advanced · 2026-08-11T16:35:30+00:00

You can go no contact and still communicate only through text and email. That's what I do, every now and then you get the delusional email. You can either reply or ignore it.

Not so long ago she accused me of making her look like a bad mother and I simply ignored it and went about my business. Never engage or argue with them. That's what they want so they can paint you as being abusive.

Take your time to adjust. These days when her name pops up on my phone, I just continue with my life and answer a few hours or days later, sometimes not at all because it has nothing to do with the kids and just her hoping she could start an argument.

Not once have I needed her since the divorce and we are almost three years out. I can do anything she can and better and the kids know and even trust me to keep important stuff at my home where they both legally live.

Win at life gentlemen, it's hard and I do have my occasional moments about how sad she threw it all away, then I remember the sound of the PS5 which she hated with passion then I laugh.

Don't give up on yourselves. This sub is a good place and you will recover. Life humbles us, time punishes them.

It's 50/50

Once the kids are teens you won't even speak or see her again and that's a win.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-08-11T16:30:46+00:00

I kind of want to go no contact(or as little as possible while coparenting) because every time I see her name pop up on my phone, my mood gets worse. Not because I miss her, but because I remember she exists and I have to deal with her sometimes.

I have trained my ew to never call, never text (unless its about a pick up/drop off) and EMAIL only.

Move all your communication to email, and wait a day to reply to anything IF it even needs a reply. When you do reply or send something keep it SUPER brief. RE-read it before you send and remove extra BS (think as if you're sending a business email to your boss - they dont care about any superfluous stuff).

When I would get texts, they got a email back (i.e. RE Text 8/11 - Insurance card). Voice mail? RE: Voice mail 8/10 - Soccer game.

It took about two months but they stopped calling and texting and just moved to email (AND stopped sending dumb BS that didnt necessitate a reply).

YourMomsFupa37 · 2026-08-11T16:29:34+00:00

Somebody said that once your ex moves out, even with your kid(s), you'd feel a lot lonelier. But I can't wait till she moves out. My ex-wife is extremely dragging her feet and moving out. Silver at her (mom's) house everyday anyway, is she amazingly comes to my house to just bathe my son and go to sleep and shower.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-08-11T16:21:54+00:00

I still grieve 9 months later, but mostly about the illusion of who I thought she was. She revealed herself to be completely avoidant and passive aggressive. Mistook silence for peace for years. Now it's actually becoming true

too-far-for-missiles · 2026-08-11T16:21:05+00:00

The first month or so really sucked. But I quickly felt the breathing room and got back on my feet in the dating world to pass the time. For a late 30s part-time dad, it was surprisingly easy to meet an understanding and sweet woman without kids of her own (who also happens to be fire in bed...).

The only thing I miss is having shared parent presence. It was nice to be able to lean on someone else for handling a 4-year-old when we we were together, but I guess now the tradeoff is I'm completely free half the time.

Prestigious-Read5368 · 2026-08-11T16:11:36+00:00

I'm still in the process but woke up yesterday convinced I need to buy a body cam or record my interactions with her at least because I'm not about to be falsely accused again of being a danger to our kids, just because I have mental illness. I've never harmed them, and I don't plan to. I don't want that asshole to even have the remote possibility of control in my life.

anonimalous · 2026-08-11T16:08:49+00:00

I feel the same way nowadays and i'm not even divorced yet! Just my kids make this decision 10000x harder!

Glad your doing good!

dippyshippy931 · 2026-08-11T15:56:20+00:00

So I actually have a dilemma with this. I was devastated with the loss of my marriage when I discovered her affair. I’m not anymore, and for all practical purposes it’s only been 6 months.

I am still devastated with the loss of my family. Seeing my kids only 50% of the time is shitty. Granted I have time for fun and to do things I never had the chance to do before, but I genuinely enjoyed being a husband and dad 100% of the time.

The further I get from it, the more and more shitty she seemed in retrospect. Any of the previous relationships, the further away I got the more I was able to recognize the issues I caused, or the faults I had in the relationship. With my marriage, the further away I get the more I keep feeling like she never gave us a chance in hell. She was unloving, mean, dishonest, crude, rude, and manipulative. I was so busy trying to hold my family together for myself and my kids I didn’t realize how shitty my wife was (despite every friend and family member that’s ever spent time around her telling me she was “trash”).

I guess the non rambling version is: It’s totally legitimate to feel happy or good about the relationship itself ending, even if all the other things that came with the divorce are shitty.

MorningStar360 · 2026-08-11T15:42:32+00:00

My health and overall happiness and mood has greatly improved upon separation. My ex was extremely abusive and the more I’ve had time to reflect the more I see things for what they were.

My anger is starting to shift to sadness, because for me I’m beginning to learn and discover that my ex was likely dealing with severe personality disorders and while I was largely unaware of it while we were together, I did everything I could to try to get us help but many of the issues remained on her inability to accept her disorder and seek treatment. These days, I’m more stressed about the long term affects this will have on our child but otherwise it’s beyond my control. All I can do is maintain my own peace and health and pray she eventually addresses her issues so she can hopefully have a healthy relationship as he gets older. I’ve had to completely withdraw and minimize exposure to my ex and I still see strong signs that she remains determined to avoid accountability and addressing her issues so all I can do is prepare and be the best dad I can be and anticipate him eventually discovering who she really is and how she behaves and guide and love him the best I can. Hope that if their relationship deteriorates as he matures that it might finally be the wake up call that she has needed.

Knowing her upbringing and the trauma she experienced from her parents she has quite the journey to go through for recovery but she refused to allow me to help.

Dating a new woman who is pretty remarkable and vastly different who had a much more traumatic childhood yet she is much more grounded and mature which gives me hope for my sons mother. So that’s been a very welcoming development.

UrAristotle · 2026-08-11T15:41:00+00:00

I am still adjusting to the quiet in my house when the kids are with her, but I don’t miss her at all. Last weekend we were at a sports event and ended up having to sit relatively close to each other. I realized how annoying I found her when we were married and how glad I am we’re not married any more.

No_Chemistry8953 · 2026-08-11T15:36:29+00:00

I wish I could find peace but my ex is a narcissist and she haunts me. She goes out of her way to try to hurt me, to slander me, and to try to ruin my relationship with my son.

Title	Anyone else?
Author	MaximumIll7812
Upvotes	44
Comments	50
Date	August 11, 2026 3:31 PM UTC (1 day ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1vlkqxn/anyone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-else.1632703 https://theredarchive.com/post/1632703

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