How do I change after divorce?

Superb-Grocery761 · 2025-12-29T21:23:14+00:00

I work as a divorce coach for men, and in my experience, if you put in the effort and work towards it, your next phase can be amazing. The slow emotional shut down can be imperceptible until you find yourself newly divorced and you have no idea how to have fun on your own, and maybe this applies to you, maybe not, but a lot of us find ourselves single again without having many friends anymore and no idea how to 'get back out there'. As a single man, with pretty much anything you do, as far as organized activities, you will be the only guy. Take yoga, or pottery classes, dance classes like tango and flamenco and cooking classes are filled with people looking to meet other people to do stuff with. Life tends to feel normal again when your schedule is full. It will take a while to figure out how to live the new life but find one thing to do that you like and go from there. I dont know your age, but for me, in my 50s, mushroom hunting has been awesome. There are lots of mycology clubs to go hunting with, there is a huge community of foragers, and walking hills in the woods keeps me in great shape. Also, if you dont have one, think about adopting a dog.

dsec1 · 2025-12-29T03:13:02+00:00

What you describe sounds like classic depression symptoms. This makes sense given the death of your marriage. It's perfectly normal to be depressed. As time goes by and you heal, you will notice the symptoms will subside and you feel better and more like yourself. The unfortunate part is it takes a long time. And the length of time it takes is a function of the depths of your feelings for your wife. If you were deeply in love with her, it's going to take a long time.

Sketaverse · 2025-12-28T21:32:13+00:00

Creatine, methylene blue, 50 Laws of Power, history podcasts, back massager, cold water therapy (sea swimming or just buckets at the spa)

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2025-12-28T06:58:02+00:00

Don’t try to get your old self back, you’re not that person anymore. Figure out who you are now taking the experiences you’ve had and letting them shape the man you wish to become. The take steps to be that man

Sir_Teach_Alot · 2025-12-28T05:36:25+00:00

I met my wife when I was 20… I’m 38 now. Been a minute. I’m interested in when did y’all start dating? I feel like I’m living a celibate life this last year, and while I’m not wanting to rush into anything - when does that part change?

NOT-packers-fan2022 · 2025-12-28T04:33:30+00:00

Doctor. Full blood work up with your T levels checked. Could be an easy solution linked to your results and it’s something you should do anyway.

eastlibertypj · 2025-12-28T04:12:00+00:00

Wellbutrin at 300 mg has made an incredible difference in my emotional stability and has allowed me to improve my self esteem and sense of self worth. I’m a stronger person because I didn’t buy the lie that medication is for weak people. The medication has simply made it is easier to embody strengths I’ve had all along.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2025-12-28T04:10:21+00:00

I guess it depends on how cynical you are and how dark your sense of humor is. I think Victor Frankl is a must read. I don’t completely agree with his philosophy (because of his imaginary conversations with his wife). I do like his quote that “a normal reaction to an abnormal situation is…abnormal”. Basically it’s okay feel different right now because divorce isn’t normal, it’s definitely not what you expected or planned. It takes time. For me it was my dreams and what I was able to laugh at that showed me how “healed” I was.

Also check out John Griffin Life2.0 and Resilient Man channel on YT.

IcyMycologist4837 · 2025-12-28T03:20:50+00:00

You are responsible for your happiness in life. Take that control back and don’t let someone dictate your happiness if they do not want to be in your life in a positive way. You were happy before her and there are other people better suited for you. You may find being independent has benefits. Embrace your freedom and take your time adjusting to it.

probebeta · 2025-12-28T02:59:23+00:00

Work out like your life depends on it, shed extra weight and belly fat, buy some new clothes. Looking and feeling good was the number one thing that snapped me out of that state of mind. When you look good people notice you, and I don't mean just women, and it helps get your social life back in order.

Schmetts · 2025-12-28T02:49:54+00:00

Paxil, Wellbutrin, etc. Even if you’ve never taken them before. No shame in taking them to keep the energy and mood up.

That plus quitting drinking has helped a lot.

The books When Things Fall Apart and Broken Open were both useful to me as well.

The_Answer1313 · 2025-12-28T02:44:39+00:00

as someone that is currently dealing with this process that is seemingly never ending.......honestly I don't think there will be a set of things to get the old self back. I think this will just happen in time.

At least this is what I'm hopeful of.

You grieve, your sad, you become depressed and then you heal. You get better. You grow.

I guess my advice, continue to do the things that give you enjoyment in life. This Christmas Eve was the first time I didn't spend it with my soon to be ex, my step daughters, the grandkids, and my 10 year old son. It killed me. I woke up sad and depressed. It was a nice day out there and I love to hike so I went hiking. And while it didn't completely make things feel better, at least I continued to do something that brought me joy and it did help somewhat.

Stay busy.

jayjb25 · 2025-12-28T02:02:10+00:00

3 years out and similar to you, though I doubled down on work due to the immense financial pressure I was feeling as a parent of 4. That paid off but not dating much for the past 3 years has caught up with me. Suddenly feel like I'm missing something really important. My advice would be to use the pain of divorce to be better, stronger, fitter, more mindful, but don't ignore the need for new relationships too as I have. Someone here recommended this book to me and it's been super helpful as I get serious about dating again: Models by Mark Manson. His other book, Subtle Art of Not Giving a FCk is also very good and helpful.

Butforthegrace01 · 2025-12-28T01:51:01+00:00

I remembered that I was happy and fulfilled before meeting my ex. I dug deep and found that guy. Joined a band. Got a motorcycle. Hit the gym. Etc.

Firstborn3 · 2025-12-28T01:45:57+00:00

I’ve used Christmas as a benchmark for how much my life has changed.

Last year I was a zombie at Christmas. My wife had left, divorce wasn’t final yet, and all I could think of was that I was missing out on 50% of my kids lives. It wasn’t a good time.

2 years ago I was still married. The week of Christmas was spent running here, there and everywhere my wife wanted to go. Her family things, my family things, etc. It was like running a fucking marathon every year.

This year… I am my own man now. I had my kids a lot for Christmas time. I made a lot of good memories with them. I woke up Christmas morning and didn’t have to do jack shit, I slept in. Other than visiting my parents for awhile, my kids and I just sat around the house all day and it was amazing. I love my new life. I have good friends I see more often now, and I’ve been dating a great woman for a few months now.

It’ll take awhile, but you’ll find your new self.

twiggyRamirez11 · 2025-12-28T01:29:30+00:00

In my case, being outside using my kayak and even doing Amazon deliveries helped me to stay calm whenever I was too sad or anxious. Try to connect with the person you were before being married somehow

OC2Fun · 2025-12-28T01:29:28+00:00

Buddy work on your mind, spirit and body. Therapy for your mind.

Church/ divorce support groups for your spirit plus do things you enjoy. Connect with old friends. Take joy in the simple things like sunsets, flowers what ever. Spend time with family.

Body is exercise.

Start working on this even if you are still under the same roof. You could also checkout DivorceCare. https://www.divorcecare.org/

Give it time. Grieve the loss, reflect on how you can do better next time. There are two sides to every story and they both can be right.

In time the gray will part, energy will return and the drive will return. Let your boss know what is going so they have an understanding if your performance is affected.

There is no quick route. If there was we would all be taking it. Good luck.

Title	How do I change after divorce?
Author	MaximumIll7812
Upvotes	23
Comments	28
Date	December 28, 2025 12:54 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pxdqaw/how_do_i_change_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-change-after-divorce.1569841 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569841

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