Defending yourself is Gaslighting?

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-20T15:28:48+00:00

Psychology 101. It's called projection. She's been gaslighting you your entire marriage.

Stop giving a fuck what she says about you. You can't control her behavior. You can only control your response to her behavior. The judge won't care that she makes up terms like "spiritual abuse", and the judge won't respond to things that *might* happen regarding your job. If there's fallout from your job, then you seek a defamation action because there's obvious financial impact.

SudetenNachkomme · 2022-05-20T15:34:10+00:00

Classic projection. It’s the simple thinking, “ooh if I put “spiritual” and “abuse” together, THAT will somehow ring true and more severe than just “abuse.” Never mind that I’m the one doing the abusing in the relationship …”

It’s all buzzwords to try to get a response from you. Go grey rock and don’t respond. Also: prepare yourself emotionally for allegations of physical and sexual abuse as well. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. RECORD EVERYTHING. It can save your life.

Knave7575 · 2022-05-20T16:50:55+00:00

Gaslighting is one of those words that everyone starts using for a while without really knowing what it means.

The fad will end eventually, I wouldn’t worry too much about what she says, accusations are not actually proof of wrongdoing.

JonathanApple · 2022-05-20T15:53:21+00:00

I had a major projector of an ex here as well. Seemingly very common. Stay strong gents, you know who and what you are and have done and that is all that matters.

Spiritual abuse, that is a new one.

david10277 · 2022-05-20T17:32:40+00:00

Educate yourself...

Narcissist you have on your hands

Zero communication..you wont beat there twisted victim mind games. You will lose . Zero communication

warrior_up · 2022-05-20T19:36:10+00:00

Dude its such a nightmare - 4 years later I'm still dealing with the games, gaslighting, unfair and unneeded flawed judgment and blame over every single little thing. One day we're all good, the next day she doesn't get her way and spins up another dramatic scenario as if we're still married in her head, involving her also personality disordered "Christian" mother who might just be the devil herself. In their head man they sickly always feel as if they own you - all I can recommend her is complete grey rock, dont even respond or give her the desired reaction, lets the system figure it out - in time their mask is too heavy to keep on, it all starts falling apart.

syro23 · 2022-05-20T22:05:49+00:00

pretty common for gaslighters to accuse people of gaslighting. Happened to me. Just realize she doesn't live in reality and plan accordingly, starting with recording any and all interactions.

ZeroEn96 · 2022-05-20T22:46:51+00:00

Ex has a personality disorder. Gaslighted my ass for years. Shit I didn't realize until everything was basically over. When I finally did realize. I called them out on it the next time it happened. Suddenly I was a emotionally abusive narcissist. Meanwhile she'd had me turned into some kind of pretzeld up puppet for years. So not sure how I was supposed to be a narcissist.

Point being. Like many have said, don't bother trying with any of it. Don't try and figure anything out with them. Understand what they are thinking, or God forbid try and make them understand reality.

Just trust yourself. Some shit they say is stressful like abuse allegations but you know better. Just dont feed into it and leave it out of your mind. At times, you may fear their words are true, or that there may at least be some truth in them. There may be some truth to their words. But you're never ever going to decipher it amidst their insanity. Youl just twist yourself into a pretzel again like they want.

Once things have settled, and you have time to look back and process everything. You can find for yourself, what you did wrong, what you needed to improve, where you needed to change. The answer is unfortunately usually that you should have stopped caring, like apparently they can on the flip of a switch, and left ages ago. But now it's time to really flip that switch. As hard as it is at first. Stop caring about any of it, good or bad, except your kids.

Smoke-Porterhouse · 2022-05-20T21:57:15+00:00

Not much to add except to trust yourself. I have been there and I recall that it was very hard to remember sometimes that I was not the one with the problems. I was told that I was the narcissist and I actually started to believe it until friends helped me finally break the addiction.

Also, keep the records... EVERYTHING.

david10277 · 2022-05-23T12:19:15+00:00

Read some books on narcissist and recover. It mind fucks you. You need help to get thru it trust me. Only those who have dealt with a narcissist can help you. Your friends and family cannot help you.

Gaslighting Projection Manipulation Victim blaming Bold face lies with tears

These people are problems Dont tangle...zero communication You can't fix them , you will become the problem

Its bait shit crazy

Gxl4 · 2022-05-20T15:44:01+00:00

Do you have a lawyer? Let all communication go through the lawyer, hope you get out of this well.

Never stick your dick in crazy, visible tattoo’s, daddy issues, piercings, attention 304’a , unhappy and unlucky, pink blue and green hair stay clear fella’s. Read the 20 res flags by Rich Cooper

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-23T01:19:15+00:00

Well, that's an interesting take she's got there. I remember one moment where our daughter was invited to a birthday party that conflicted with her ice skating lesson. The ex having taken no initiative to socialize our daughter leaving it all to me, flew into a rage when I said I was cancelling the lesson so she could go to the party. At the end of it all, her reason for this came out as she didn't want me to blame her when my daughter didn't do well at the next competition for letting her miss this class. bizarre ...

AmphibianOrdinary500 · 2022-05-25T11:38:09+00:00

ChillaxBrosef · 2022-05-27T17:42:35+00:00

I just ended my marriage of 12 years for EXACTLY this. Constant defensiveness and finger pointing. Everything that was wrong with our marriage was my fault. Zero responsibility taken on her part. Finally had enough and dropped the hammer, best decision I've ever made.

This behavior is poison to a relationship. If you cant communicate and reciprocate any relationship is DOA. Understand your value in the world and don't put up with this. Stay safe out there folks.

david10277 · 2022-06-14T00:22:07+00:00

Narcissist..no you dont defend yourself. You are providing the supply they need

Zero communication Zero communication

That's how you defend yourself

Title	Defending yourself is Gaslighting?
Author	DontShoot0808
Upvotes	42
Comments	37
Date	May 20, 2022 3:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/utz15t/defending_yourself_is_gaslighting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/defending-yourself-is-gaslighting.1119212 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119212

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