Exs new dude

darmitage55 · 2026-05-20T16:59:19+00:00

That loop is brutal and it's real. Six months while she was running games on you, yeah, the rage makes total sense.

Don't blow up their night. Not because she deserves the grace, but because you do. Your kids are watching everything right now, even when you think they're not.

TheDavenessPhD · 2026-05-18T13:02:01+00:00

Your first line has hit it right on the head, man. Your head is playing with you. It's that loop, that's not you. That's the voice in your head doing what it does. But you shouldn't feel stupid for feeling that.

The feelings will come up. The key is not to judge them but to know that they're there and deal with them by feeling them, finding what it is that's triggering them (hint - it's not your ex).

Just keep being the dad your kids deserve, and feel the feelings.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-05-17T16:31:12+00:00

It honestly made the resentment easier for me…even though in my case mine was cheating on me..emotionally initially…little did she know the same cameras we installed all over the house to keep an eye on our dogs..are the same cameras that caught her facetiming him every day the moment i walked out the house for work…facetime while she was changing, while she was in the shower..then she played the whole good wife part when i would come home…did this for over a month..then asked me for a divorce out the blue saying she wants to be independent…i immediately went to the cameras and was like YEAH OKAY!

Anyways it made things a lot easier for me cause i never looked at her the same again.

YetAnother3Putt · 2026-05-17T15:09:56+00:00

Hey man - going through something similar. She started dating someone less than 3 months after we separated (we were together for 19 years) and it hurts to see her moving her on in such a care free way. I have a lot of anger about this and it brings the grief back to the surface.

Working out has helped to get some of the anger out. It’s giving me control of my body and changing it in a positive way especially when I feel like I have no control over anything else. Try to get yourself some self-compassion - I struggle to do this myself but when I do actively try, it makes a huge difference. You’re not alone in going through this.

Grafixx5 · 2026-05-17T14:57:33+00:00

Dude, just ask your kids to go to another room when they talk to their mom so you don’t have to deal with it. It sucks but you’re divorced, she can do what with who she wants where she wants. IMHO, therapy may help if she still has this much control over you.

I mean, I’m 6 months in and don’t think about my ex, don’t care what she does and as long as our kids are safe and taken care of, she can go do her thing g. Maybe it’s because, like many women say or do, I checked out of our marriage a LONG, LONG time before she filed.

StAsBy52 · 2026-05-17T14:48:51+00:00

Know it hurts man, if you love someone. As hard as it is your divorced - she can do what she wants. I couldn't care less who my ex wife sees but person I met after who ended it suddenly - does. I came off social media and well now shes entitled to do what she wants. Did I live my wife? No. Latest partner yes. But she ended it, her choice, went through the pleading embarrassment now just accept its in past unless she reaches out. Surprise your wife by becoming what she didnt expect - too good for her.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2026-05-17T11:50:27+00:00

Best advice I had got for my divorce and her being with the AP is this.

Think of all the crazy shit she did to you. All the cheating, the anger, the mistreatment...

She will do it to that guy now. You are free. Well, you are free as long as you let go and don't let her live in your mind anymore.

It's not easy. I'm at a metal festival and one of the bands played a song and it almost had me in tears because it was one that hit me hard during our split / divorce. But those moments are ok. It shows your growing.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-05-17T09:18:51+00:00

It’s normal to feel that way. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be super pissed! But whatever you do with those emotion is important-don’t let it control you. I am sorry, bro…..I realized that many men gave so much into their marriage and have the rug pulled underneath them. To have their whole life’s dedication wiped out in a flash. Emotionally,financially and spiritually wrecked.
It’s hard to hear this…..but you have to focus on you.

Let her be. And do you….and , most importantly- the kids. The future you and the kids.

Emotion is a loop cycle. Show your kids how you control your. Show them….your value. How you stood tall through it all. How you bounce back, how you value your principal. Teach them the morals you have. Be the father that you were created to be.

Things may seem hard right now. Anger is justified. But you are not just a man. YOU ARE THE MAN, that are blessed with these beautiful kids. The man that God has created to lead these kids.
We got your back, bro.

slimypeters · 2026-05-17T08:42:02+00:00

Just know, she will never be happy. Just focus and putting that energy towards being the best dad to your children. My situation was a mess also, where I read the texts, I texted the other guy my thoughts, found out about and contacted his wife now ex on social media lol, and till this day I haven't seen him in person because I told him in the text it will be on sight. I know he's shook. In reality, or now, I'm not going to do anything dumb as I continue to live life and have moved forward. I happen to see pictures of them together, and he looks miserable and not really smiling while he's with her lol

Only thing that pisses me off now, is when my kids told me they heard him using cuss words. My kids are 10 and 9 but still, as adults you try to watch how you speak around kids. Not really sure how far were when the kids when they heard it though. Anyway, we're in CA and he's in WA, his ex and child are in FL, and now the ex is trying to move to TX. I wouldn't be surprised if he'll try to get stationed there next but I'm currently fighting the move since we got 50/50 and the move will be detrimental for the children, so I hope the court will deny it.

All your feelings are valid and understandable. In due time, you'll look back and grin when you think back on how you were feeling, and realize none of it really mattered. Just level up yourself and your child.

DarthDad25 · 2026-05-17T07:26:30+00:00

Many men have already given you great advice. I’m currently navigating this territory as I’m about to finalize my divorce and my wife is still dating her affair partner and bringing him around our two children. Here is some advice I have:

It’s ok to feel betrayed and upset. That’s normal. But it’s also normal for people to eventually date again after a split. Sure, it seems quick. But honestly, you would feel the same way if it was now or a year from now. Her dating another man has NOTHING to do with you. Your ex is monkey branching. She isn’t healing after the split and instead she is looking for distraction and happiness from someone else. External validation to hide her own insecurities. That’s not healthy. What you’re doing is healthy. Feeling your way through this and getting yourself back to the best version of yourself is more important than dating right now!

Stop comparing yourself to this new man. He doesn’t matter. He plays no significant role in your life. Maybe you’re jealous because they’re doing things you used to do with your ex. Unless your wife was a virgin when you met her, she had experiences before you and now she will have experiences after you. It really doesn’t matter.

Odds are you’re feeling this pain because you feel insignificant to a woman you once cherished and loved more than anything/anyone else. But this has nothing to do with you brother! This has nothing to do with your value.

Show up for your kids. Focus on them and yourself. Nothing else matters. Don’t put the kids in the middle. Don’t hound them with questions. If they bring up the new guy, simply tell them that sounds nice or fun or whatever. Your kids will feel safer sharing with you this way and they won’t feel pressure to control your emotions (they won’t tell you things if they fear of upsetting you). Over time, your kids will learn and realize things on their own.

Lastly- stop allowing this woman to control your emotions. She no longer worthy. She know longer gets that part from you. Only you control your emotions. The fact you’re feeling this right now simply means you still have an emotional dependency on your ex. Work on detaching and setting yourself free. Don’t let your exes action control how you feel. That’s a prison of sadness and disappointment.

Good luck. Keep your head up. Keep working. Keep moving forward.

SaaSWriters · 2026-05-17T07:16:36+00:00

You don’t see it yet but part of why you’re in this situation is because you think like this.

Let it go.

Focus on yourself.

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-05-17T05:30:44+00:00

Man… I know we can all tell you to stop worrying about it, but it won’t help. You gotta get there on your own. And you will.

I have no feelings for my ex wife at all. We’ve been divorced for a little more than a year now. I still get annoyed from time to time. New guy was trying to play dad/coach at my son’s baseball game last night. He was talking to the parents like I didn’t exist and taking credit for the progress my son has made when I’ve been working with him non stop.

I was pissed but at the end of the game, my son came to me first to brag about a play he made.

I know I should appreciate that he cares about my kid enough to be involved, and I do somewhat… but it’s still annoying to have my toes stepped on.

Sorry you’re dealing with this. It does get better but I know that’s not much help now.

leegiovanni · 2026-05-17T04:02:03+00:00

I’ve been through the same headspace. Ex wanted to keep the house and I was going mad thinking the guy would sleep where I used to sleep, sit on my couch and basically take my life. Now I couldn’t give a sh*t, because I’m living a better life.

I know it is hard to imagine but you are getting a good deal. You are no longer shackled to someone who doesn’t love you and you have all the freedom to make your life better. And it will get better.

BlaqueBoye · 2026-05-17T03:55:58+00:00

First off, love you big guy. You knew this would happen eventually. You're just dealing with the shock. Feel it out bro, let the pain wash over you and start your next chapter

MajesticDrive4049 · 2026-05-17T03:51:27+00:00

You gotta feel to heal brutha ✊ - in a year she will have different problems that she wont be able to blame you for. Womens operating system is 200k years old and alittle outdated. Its just biology

TheSteveSteward · 2026-05-17T03:32:41+00:00

Still hurts a lot. I get it man. The most important thing is not to act on that rage. But it’s perfectly fine to feel it.

Title	Exs new dude
Author	Not_an_Intrnet_Killr
Upvotes	27
Comments	32
Date	May 17, 2026 3:26 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tfdxbi/exs_new_dude/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/exs-new-dude.1580562 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580562

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