Finalizing Divorce

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-06-20T19:54:44+00:00

It's a cultural thing. If you don't want her parents living with you until they die, then tell her no. If that's a dealbreaker, remember she's one-of-a-million not one-in-a-million.

Rock_Lizard · 2022-06-21T00:16:11+00:00

You are going through a divorce and already considering moving your 32 year old girlfriend's parents into your home?

My dude. Live by yourself for a while a figure out who YOU are and who YOU want to be.

Eve-3 · 2022-06-20T19:47:13+00:00

Does it matter if a lot of other people do it or not in determining whether you will enjoy or even be comfortable doing it?

urz8080 · 2022-06-20T21:39:16+00:00

Hey its pretty common in India and Indian culture (especially if she is first generation) but don’t do anything you are not comfortable with. Period. You will just end up resenting the situation and it will affect your relationship.

captainjacksparrow84 · 2022-06-20T22:42:00+00:00

Bro, that is one huge giant red flag. I know it's cultural, but there is no way on earth I'd be living with my inlaws, unless there was some terminal disease etc.

playerknowmore · 2022-06-21T01:13:09+00:00

Places like New York provides round the clock in home elderly care. Do not try to do it alone. Dementia is a beast. My mothers dying wish was for me to take care of my grandmother. It was a twenty five year commitment. She lived to ninety-nine.

My family worship me for the commitment, but it's not for everyone. It took work to get any of my siblings to help.

GodOfAngeles · 2022-06-20T23:47:54+00:00

Indian parents want to control their childrens life entire life. I am an Indian American. I was married to an Indian woman so I have first hand knowledge

Tiger_27 · 2022-06-20T21:20:09+00:00

To be honest, that is one huge red flag.

The real question is what do YOU want? I won't allow it.

dogsrule2019 · 2022-06-21T02:30:53+00:00

What does she bring to the party, aside from anatomy? Are they worth millions? Are they purchasing the entire home on their own? Do you want any privacy the rest of your/their life? As it stands now, there'll be 3 of them constantly watching your every move. Doesn't sound like an ideal situation. You know the answer. And if I read this correctly you're about to go through a divorce and straight into a live in arrangement with a woman and her parents? Kill me now. Please.

ChitownFitty · 2022-06-21T12:33:09+00:00

You aren’t even divorced yet considering jumping full tilt into a new relationship and taking on her parents? Makes me think of a Wayne’s World saying- “are you mental? “. Seriously, think of what you’re trying to get out of or running from to go jump into a new pool that wouldn’t be yours.
To answer your question, yes that is common for her culture. It’s also common for Armenian’s too which I lived through for 12 years. No bull shit, I had my mother in law, her mother and her brother all living with us. I ran an Armenian halfway house it seemed. We had 2 beautiful kids that they helped raise but then it all blew up. What happened was I became the lowest on the totem pole to my wife and just a wallet. There were other things going on but I had to start dismissing them one by one which was stressful but needed considering the stress on our marriage and family. I could go on for hours but will tell you, we were married 14 years and never had a normal home life at the core of just “us”.

Her family was great, I loved them but that doesn’t matter b/c our foundation never grew given all of the constant distractions and arguments, etc.. Sounds like your GF wants a ticket out, I would tell her let’s build our clean foundation together first. Get 3-4-5 years together to steady the ship and then decide what’s best for everyone.

Get your arse divorced first!

MathForPay · 2022-06-21T13:47:42+00:00

You’ve received a lot of good advice, but one that has been somewhat glossed over is her status as H-1B. That means she doesn’t have permanent residence and if she loses her job, she loses the ability to stay in the USA.

Getting married to you fast tracks her ability to get a green card. It sounds like you know what to do, but I want to make sure you’re aware of how things stand on the immigration front.

214speaking · 2022-06-20T22:12:51+00:00

I think it’s a common cultural thing. My experience is a bit limited here, but Indian and Spanish culture it isn’t unheard of to have the parents live with you. At the end of the day, is this something that you want though? That’s a huge step and commitment and now if things don’t work out you got her and her family in your house

stent00 · 2022-06-20T22:31:05+00:00

Just tell her she can bring parents but they can't live with you which is the norm here. I can't see living with her parents being very fun especially if you want sum sexy time.

ncredman69 · 2022-06-21T01:29:03+00:00

Don't do it, DONT DO IT! Not only do you need this time to get to know ur new lady, u don't need any extra stressors on your relationship that "in laws" can bring. Just cause it's common in Indian culture, doesn't mean you have to go along with it. Potential issues with Parents being in the home: double or even triple teamed, constant feeling like you are being compared, trying to appease everyone but at the same time neglecting yourself. Just don't do it right now and if she doesn't want you anymore because of this then she wasn't really down for YOU in the first place.

jkw118 · 2022-06-21T04:38:53+00:00

So first I'll say this in Indian cultures taking care of your parents is brainwashed into them from birth. And in their culture it's normal for you to have the parents, grandparents, children and possibly grand children all in the same house.

I know of a few indian couples where they were arranged marriages, and all get along great. But they've also gotten along great since they were born, and basically lived in each others homes growing up.

I've also got a few indian couples who've had complete nightmares when their parents decided to move in with them. And pressured them to take them in.

I don't know you, or them. Or how tight of a relationship you all have together. But I'd be against the idea. Your essentially just starting off again Not sure about her past.

But you both need to enjoy each other. And having her parents in the middle doesn't help.

It's bad enough when the inlaws live next door, now their in the house.

My suggestion is to say no, and to come up with a compromise, ie they have a place nearby.. or something.

Title	Finalizing Divorce
Author	GeologistNo9135
Upvotes	11
Comments	70
Date	June 20, 2022 7:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vgtyyb/finalizing_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/finalizing-divorce.1120687 https://theredarchive.com/post/1120687

Comments