How do you bond with your daughters?

tobleroneyactual · 2022-01-14T18:43:55+00:00

If you know their particular hobbies you could get some supplies/tools and join them. Everyone paints their own small picture, then everyone helps paint a large picture. Maybe have them help you cook dinner while you're all trying a brand new recipe. Go on a hike. Do geocaching. Play Pokemon Go. Visit the city museums.

Show them how to change the oil in the car, change the wiper blades, do some woodworking, help with home repairs. How to change store. How to use afire extinguisher (build a little fire for them to put out). Show them how to make things. Open a debit card (maybe like $200 limit) for your oldest, show her how to open and manage a bank account, and how to use the banks app.

Teach them how to drive. Find an empty parking lot and do slow laps. How to check crossing traffic, back up, get between the lines in a stall. I used our high schools lot, as it was always empty on the weekends.

Learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons with you as the DM, your kids as hearty adventures. Go to a local game store and check out their stock. Buy them each a dice set and a mini. Maybe they have friends that know/want to play.

Start a small garden so when they visit they'll see the difference in how everything has grown. Go to the hardware store, buy a few bags of soil, some seeds, some flowers. They each can put little decorations in the garden - marbles, shells, gnomes. Plant a citrus tree.

Show them Volunteerism (COVID restrictions apply). Spend the day at the local food bank/soup kitchen. Do organized trash cleanup. Donate old clothes to charity. Visit elderly at a nursing home. Help a local animal shelter. Give $10 to that homeless person at the stoplight.

Also, talk to them. Tell them stories about your childhood, difficulties you had, dumb decisions you made, fun adventures. Your first crush and how you handled it. Your first date. Your first joint. That time you helped someone.

Have real talk when appropriate. Discuss responsible sexual behavior, consent, watching out for your friends, STDs, forms of birth control and how to use them, gyno/Planned Parenthood.

Be up front with these topics, not goofy or strange. They need to know they can trust you and talk to you about anything, especially if there's trouble. Go with them to the store to pick out feminine products. Keep extra pads in the car.

tjudson510 · 2022-01-14T18:26:11+00:00

My daughter is 15 and she has had the same transition. We used to do everything but now it more limited. Their friends are very important at this age. I try to be the home base for meals, daily activities and such. Yes the time is limited but make the most of it. Drive across town to a special coffee shop. Sit and drink. Connect. Regardless if she's completely focused on her friends. She knows you are there and that's what's important.

WorkingItOutSomeday · 2022-01-14T18:10:41+00:00

I'm just checking in for answers.

turbor · 2022-01-14T19:07:03+00:00

I went through the same transition when my daughter was a teen. She did cheer, and lived a couple hours away, so every other weekend went out the door. Can’t say I was able to do anything other than endure it, but one thing I did do was take her on a vacation once a year. We went to the Caribbean, Hawaii, Mexico, etc. She really loved that and some of the excursions we did were fun for us in the way it was when she was a little girl. I allowed her to bring a friend one year (her parents paid airfare), and even that was fine.

This is kinda how it is, now that she’s an adult and married. We meet for lunch about once a month, but I don’t get much time otherwise. It’s tough, but most of us were that way with our parents as well, for periods of time.

btgarner · 2022-01-14T19:12:45+00:00

Find something that you (plural) can do together. My daughter (14) and I volunteer at the local humane society. She is also interested in cooking and baking so nto only do I ask her to help with planning, I ask her to decide and help with the coking and baking. Have things to talk about; your 15 year old is old enough to start thinking about college majors, so print out a list of majors and discuss 2-3 with here every weekend.

The big thing is that you will probably need to initiate these things, you cannot just ask, "What are you interested in?" Find things that you would both (all three) enjoy and then sell it to her and make it work.

ScarySp1d3r · 2022-01-14T18:43:56+00:00

Try to be the fun home and get the girls to invite their friends over. Plan some games or activities so their friends are physically there and not sitting on their phones the whole time. They will anyway for posting the pics, but they will be there with you. Be the goofy dad and photobomb a few times. Friends love it, but your kids will complain, even though they like it.

Spend the day puttering around. Listen in to see what is happening in their life, what they think is cool which can help you plan new things to do that would interest them.

The older girls get, the farther they tend to stray away from Dad. Happened to me and I don’t like it, but I do understand it’s not me, it’s just human nature. Embrace the times you get with them and have fun.

jpking010 · 2022-01-14T23:12:49+00:00

A few ideas...

I've taken both my daughter & son to cooking classes at a local culinary school. They were one evening for about 4 hours per event and had numerous topics... e.g. Cuban Food, Chinese Dim Sum, Pizza, Thai etc... Took her first when she was about 14... She turned 18 this year and still remembers it fondly. Good thing is that I've saved a small fortune as I can produce restaurant quality food for less than McDonalds.
Foster a animal if your lifestyle permits and make her part of the process of making the animal more adoptable. I fostered a dog with her from the local Labrador Retriever rescue... It gives you a good phone topic when she's at her mothers house... e.g. "Yes Rex is doing pretty well... House training is getting better. Rex gets depressed at times because he sleeps by your bedroom door...".
Try and take her to activities that might be outside of her comfort zone. I offered to take by daughter blue-crabbing (I live on the coast) and said she could bring a friend. Turns out that they loved it.
Build something together...
- A Storage Shed... Possibly turn it into a She-shed, exercise room, Tiny House... Gives you the ability to dream a bit. Perhaps let her pick out any paint color, flooring, wall board etc... After the basic structure is up, you can do things slowly... What color scheme? Maybe we could build a loft area?
- Refurbish a camper... I bought one of those fiberglass campers in rough and spent time with my kids refurbishing it. I could easily make a profit after the refurb, so it's really not wasting money.
- A small garden/orchid... Take time to plan together... OK... what kind of vegetables do you want to grow? Yes we can grow strawberries...
Especially consider any periodic events where you do it at a family...
- Sailing Lessons
- Cooking Lessons
- Automotive Classes...

A few general ideas.
- Kayaking
- Picnics
- Tubing (Lazy River)
- Camping
- Hiking
- Races... I can get into a local race for like $10 and I can bring my own food/beverage.

47omek · 2022-01-15T02:02:49+00:00

I'm not there yet, but one of the experienced old stalwarts on the men's divorce forum advised setting up a weekly ritual with the daughter - in his case they went to a greasy spoon type place for brunch every Sunday morning - no screens or devices just sat and ate and talked - and more importantly he just mostly listened and didn't offer input unless asked. This might be a couple years away for you yet - but his key tenet was that you need to start establishing an adult relationship with them as opposed to parent/child. Their lives get busy and establishing a ritual like that in their down-time will pay off in the long run.

shortda59 · 2022-01-14T20:39:59+00:00

girl dads UNITE!

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2022-01-14T21:34:53+00:00

Hiking, camping, start with road trips. Kayak, canoe, bicycle, sailing lessons, fishing, buy a boat.

TP_Crisis_2020 · 2022-01-15T04:47:11+00:00

Personally, me taking them to the mall to shop is not really my idea of bonding, It's them trying to get dad to buy them frivolous material things

Actually, this is a great chance to bond with them. Teenage girls love to shop, but it's not always about buying things.. sometimes it's just going out to see things or see what's new/trendy. Going out even just to window shop is something they will love. It took me a little bit to get used to that concept, but once you go out window shopping with them enough and get the hang of it you might end up enjoying it yourself!

PowDrumDad · 2022-01-15T07:04:06+00:00

I've always been the primary care parent for my 12 yr old daughter. Currently in conflict with the birth mother. I plan in teaching my girl how to sew powwow regalia once the dust settles. I'm gonna teach her why I am religious, and include my life stories and lessons I have learned on the way. Still gonna do my best to build confidence in her by making songs with her, recording our memories, making a YouTube series of gaming we like to do, write a story to script to screenplay to video. I have taught her how to cook so I will continue with that effort. Her mom hoped to teach her to drive but eff that, she can be a nervous wreck, so I'm going to beat her to the punch. I'm gonna read books with her.

Either you parent your kids or the internet will steal their attention away

hombredelgato · 2022-01-15T15:11:57+00:00

Father of three daughters (19, 16, 10). My relationships with them are unique to each and generally match their personalities and needs. The most important function as a dad of daughters is to be there. You are a stable place that they know they can reach out to when they need it, but when they don't need it they tend to be happy to be in their own space.

Since the separation and now in the divorce, the number of absolutely real interactions (meaning there was real depth to the interactions) has increased, especially as I have just been the stable, available dad. Each of them has had those moments frustration when interacting with their mother and I find that my availability and empathy towards them has resulted in open and honest relationships between them and me. It isn't often mind you. But they are real.

The rest of the time you must remain consistent and predictable. If you have chores for them, keep them on track. If you have behavioral expectations, then hold them accountable. I like to tell my kids that I will never get tired of reminding them to meet my expectations so they might as well just handle their responsibilities if they don't want to hear me "nag". Kids NEED this and it reinforces the stability of your expectations and it helps them understand the limitations they can live in.

In my experience with my older daughters, when they don't "need" me, they're happy to just do "whatever", and having had nothing but daughters, I've come to accept that this is OK.

Hope this helps a little.

Data_Fan · 2022-01-15T16:52:00+00:00

Go to the mall and buy them frivolous material things. Your idea of bonding doesn't really matter to a teenager. Their idea of bonding is what they are thinking about, and they are indicating that quality time is going to the mall and buying frivolous material things. Listen to them, and show them that you are listening to them. That's bonding.

I transitioned to that approach a while ago and things have never been better. The materialism may not be ideal, but its just a phase, as is the divorce. The relationship is forever. Keep working at it. Good luck

Mediocre-Plantain-68 · 2022-01-15T16:54:27+00:00

Welcome to fatherhood of teenage daughters. I have 3 (13. 11, and 8). My wife and I separated a year ago but we still all live together because we have a big house and live in the most expensive city in the country and it’s not even remotely realistic to get another 4 bedroom. we WILL make the change eventually - we don’t exactly like each other - but for now her and i got along “enough” and still have no idea what to do anyways. she’s born and raised here and doesn’t want to leave and at this point it’s also all my children have ever known. plus they don’t exactly mind having easy access to “the city” as it is called here.

my point is, this isn’t a “divorced dad” thing and you shouldn’t blame yourself. All three of my daughters ADORE me - we have the best relationships possible - and yet you have still described exactly how they spend their time. except the 8 year old who is still like your youngest. even tho they know we are getting divorced at some point and something’s gotta give. the only difference is they’re happy if i’m out there while their friends are over and they’re happy if i pop into their group calls and chats with them because i’m funny.

this is the world we live in, this is how they bond with their friends, this is the same shit out parents used to say about us, just in hyper inflation mode.

it’s not you. it’s them.

jaymo54 · 2022-01-14T20:58:03+00:00

I have 2 daughters (12&17). The 17yo and I had a rough patch for a couple years. Ex is HC and my daughter started drinking the koolaid. One thing I’ve always been is consistent in praise, rules and punishment. They know what they’re going to get with me. It hasn’t always worked but it works more than it doesn’t. Also I try to send them individual texts instead of a group message to both at once. I just try to make them feel like individuals and special. They come to the garage and talk to me if they need me or I’ll pop my head in their room and ask small talk questions. But today’s teenagers are more like 19-20 year olds by my childhood standard. Social media and internet in general have amplified the instant gratification, jealousy, celebrations, tears, longing for independence etc that we all did at the same age. I had to let go of being daddy and now I’m dad. And I’m here when they need me but being overbearing or concerned got me nowhere.

I want my kids to be confident and go out into the world. I want them to want to talk to me and not need my constant approval.

It’s a hard transition but play the long game on this. Try talking to them the way you would a woman you’re in a relationship with. On those times you would be aware of the day they may have had, insecurities, hormones etc. once I got out of dad blurt mode and started considering more of those things things started turning around. Every kid wants to be treated like an adult (as long as they deserve to be treated like one) and every woman wants to feel special.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-01-15T00:47:45+00:00

"My son(10) constantly asks to hang out, whether it's video games, watching a movie or show,"

I can tell from what your son wants to do (video games, movies) with you, you're an inactive guy.

Here are some ideas: hiking, biking, going for a walk, go to the zoo.

EquivalentButton8107 · 2022-01-15T00:24:07+00:00

For me we hike, or take walks, if we go to the store we usually walk there to, I've always made it a point to have dinner together, movies and shows are another thing, I actually have her help me with my diy's around the house and we spend time on weekends visiting family though for clarity I have residential custody of my kiddo, with shared parenting, her mother lives several states away so an odd situation but we have a pretty good relationship (kid is 17 )

Title	How do you bond with your daughters?
Author	Dat_Steve
Upvotes	43
Comments	41
Date	January 14, 2022 6:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/s3yimy/how_do_you_bond_with_your_daughters/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-bond-with-your-daughters.1096234 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096234

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