How do you get over feeling responsible for the devorce?

pegleg_legal · 2022-03-22T02:32:28+00:00

Both people are jointly responsible for some part of every divorce. Whether its 99.9% or 0.1% or (usually) somewhere in between. The key is owning your share and, if it can't be mended, taking that lesson and moving forward. But feeling overly responsible for your share is not healthy and working your ass off is nothing to be ashamed of - to the contrary you should be proud and if it isn't appreciated, that's on them.

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-03-22T02:38:52+00:00

Not responsible for another’s decisions. And you have absolutely no way of controlling how a person obtains happiness. You can’t make someone stay in love with you either. You seem to not want to place the blame on your ex, although everything points to her as the reason for your divorce. Accept that people change and nothing that you could have done would reverse how things turned out.

playerknowmore · 2022-03-22T02:56:23+00:00

Don't take the blame; blame it on Kpop. Dude she wasn't unhappy for three years. She was unhappy when she made her new friends or one in particular. Wait until after the divorce, and see how she will really be unhappy. Especially if you let yourself survive. Oh, and the real reason she wants to divorce will eventually come out.

My buddy took three years to find out the true reason for his divorce. A buddy at his part time job was sleeping with his wife for seven years. His wife wife waited four years because she thought because they were together for twenty years she could get half his pension. She thought that the thirteen years before she was with him before they got married they were common law.

They divorced five years now and she is still going after his pension again. Her AP hit hard times. AP'S Wife made a deal in her divorce that got her more support; in turn she was to never tell my friend, so they needed the money from my friend. The house even sold for less than she thought, and he got most of the proceeds because he restored the house on his dime after the separation. Imagine your marriage being a sham for seven years, and blaming yourself three years after the divorce. Only to find it was all a lie.

There is more to your story.

skaelee · 2022-03-22T13:55:02+00:00

This recently happen too me she started working talking to people at her job (mostly men) asking me if her outfits she would wear to work was cute and I would tell her “your not going to work to be cute you taken yo ass there to work “ I peeped all of the red flags and knew what was coming ,later started trying to go on jogs and taken long nights away from home away from me and her daughter I walk into the bathroom on her last night and she hurried up and closed her phone ,I mean I know she’s been cheating on me but I’m just trying my best not to say nothing because it’s over and I’m just trying to save money to move out and focus on my daughter .We as men gotta understand that these women ant worth it they are destroying families for no reason other than for there own selfish desires

SpiritualEnema · 2022-03-22T02:33:29+00:00

It will hurt for awhile, but it does get better. In the mean time read: Rebuilding when your relationship ends. It’s helped me a lot.

Federal_Cry_1146 · 2022-03-22T10:31:59+00:00

Accepr failure is a part of life. Once yous do that you will grow. Failure > opportunity. Become the man you wish you were now. That's at least how i see it. Still it's a tough time but the quicker you do it the less painful and time lost.

Violent-thems · 2022-03-22T10:57:55+00:00

Take responsibility for your part in the failing of the marriage. Consider how you can be a better partner the next time. Then be a better person. Elevate and maintain your awareness. Rise like a phoenix from the flames.

relationshiptossoutt · 2022-03-22T13:58:25+00:00

I have some of these thoughts, too. My ex changed significantly in a short amount of time, too. In her case, she got wrapped up in her cannabis addiction and swept up into TikTok and trying to be a social media influencer. In a short amount of time, everything about her changed and I could not relate to her.

Anyway I’m divorced now. I do sometimes dig myself into that hole of wondering if I could’ve saved it. I could’ve been more accepting and accommodating. I could’ve worked harder to understand her. I could’ve continued to sacrifice my happiness for her. Stop with the compromising and start with the sacrificing.

Ultimately, staying with her would’ve kept me fucking miserable. I’m so much happier being divorced.

So, may answer now… how do I get over feeling responsible? I realize that I AM responsible. I wanted it. I got it. I’m happier out of it. Who cares who is responsible?

turbor · 2022-03-22T07:53:51+00:00

Hate her or hate yourself. Pick your poison, neither is fun.

ChillaxBrosef · 2022-03-22T16:31:27+00:00

Advice OP: Divorce is ALWAYS a two way street. Sure, it is healthy to reflect and internalize your side of the result but know its also on her too. Reflection is healing, regret is not. Therepy does help and would recommend if you think you need some assistance there. Wish you the best.

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2022-03-22T17:13:32+00:00

It takes two to tango. If she’s not wanting to be in a relationship with you it’s not your fault necessarily.

CantCopeAnymore24 · 2022-03-22T02:41:02+00:00

I feel for you. It's hard to see someone you love grow away from you. I've been there before in my life. However, my divorce experience is different from yours. My ex was 100% codependent in every way imaginable, and part of leaving her was her false accusing me and putting me in jail. Different angle, but the question in your title still rings true.

Ultimately, you have to remember what you were feeling when you got married. You have to remember the first steps after getting married and how things were going for you guys. At any point in time, if you can tell yourself that you were doing your best, within reason, you should not feel any sense of guilt for the divorce. Time passes and people change. It's not your fault that time passes or that people change. And that you are the type of person who reflects and considers his own actions, that is, someone who asks the question to themselves if they did everything they could and is it their fault... in my book, i dont need to know anything else about you. that immediately dissolves any guilt that you should feel for a marriage failing.

Divorce is taboo, and there are some bad feelings about it. Keep your pride. Handle the divorce as well as you handled your marriage, and you will make it through this.

Title	How do you get over feeling responsible for the devorce?
Author	Weedwillmakemerich
Upvotes	8
Comments	33
Date	March 22, 2022 2:14 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/tjsggt/how_do_you_get_over_feeling_responsible_for_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-get-over-feeling-responsible-for-the.1108159 https://theredarchive.com/post/1108159

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