How has your guys experience with co parenting been?

Camping_Dad_RC · 2024-12-19T17:26:47+00:00

The coparenting experience is going to vary greatly. Most of the responses seem to be from guys who had wives that cheated and have been awful since. That’s one extreme. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you’ll have very amicable co-parenting relationships. It’s dependent on so many factors - kids age, cause for divorce, how amicable the divorce was, financial situation for both parties, etc.

I don’t fault anyone that has gone NC or LC with an abusive/cheating (often the same) exw, that’s valid.

I’d suggest you try to hold on to the healthiest coparenting relationship tolerable. That will be dictated, primarily, by the person that wants the least cooperation. You can’t force someone to work with you.

I’m not discounting the trauma of betrayal, I certainly have my own story, and don’t advocate opening yourself up to abuse or manipulation, but the more cooperation you can retain the better for everyone. It’s hard, but avoid having portions of your kids childhood stolen from you as well.

My ex moved on before we even finished. I’ve been dating a bit, but don’t plan to introduce a partner anytime soon. Your focus has to be on the kids. I’ve had stretches of single, it can be lonely after a marriage, but it is also exactly what you need. There’s no rush.

New partners and the impact is also very situationally dependent. If they have quality character and the introduction was handled with respect and consideration, then it is likely a net positive. Often it is handled the opposite way, and it just drives a wedge.

Reflog1791 · 2024-12-19T00:18:14+00:00

She cheated so I divorced her and moved to an apartment. Had to pay out the ass but leveled up to a sick golf course house. Another dude has been shacking up with her for a few years in my old piece of shit starter home 5 minutes down the road. He cheated on her but they stayed together because he helps with groceries. They used to bother me then I just got better at keeping them out of my life.

I do parallel parenting whereby I don’t need my ex for anything. Never have to ask for anything. If she asks for something I say sure if you do xyz in return. My girlfriend gives better dome and doesn’t bitch or moan. It’s quite lovely.

In the short term I got shit on. In the long term it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I sleep like a baby and love life. Kid is happy and healthy. All the other kids in the neighborhood come over and have a blast.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-12-18T22:54:49+00:00

My ex moved in with her affair partner quickly after I asked her to leave.

She did not take our daughter for the first 4 months, too busy doing drugs and her new guy. She would stop by and visit our kids for 30 mins or so daily. Our adult son doesn't have much of a relationship with her at all now.

After those 4 months she took our daughter for two nights per week. A year later 3 nights. Finally 3 years later we are 50/50.

She is still with the affair partner. He is a non issue I haven't even met the guy. We co-parent well - amicable and flexible. Her head is a little better but still nowhere near the mother she used to be.

I have girlfriends/FWB but I don't bring them to my house or around my kids. I'll only introduce a partner to my kids if we are serious about cohabitation and marriage. I'll only marry a godly woman so that will be a few years away yet until I am ready to be all in with being a godly man. Making the transition now and will be cutting off the current women in Jan so I'll be single for all of 2025 I expect.

Overall it's been a really good co-parent relationship. I wish she had a better relationship with our adult son but that is between him and his mother.

regertsrus · 2024-12-18T21:21:47+00:00

I left 3 years ago overnight after finding gross manipulation and cheating. Moved on quickly. Found another woman quick. Now live with her and her kids near my kids. One awesome blended family 50% of the time. Stbx found a new man earlier this year. Been a nightmare sinse. The manipulative and self serving persona evolved. Now she lies to the kids and accused me of trying to kill her 3 years ago. I proved the egregious lying in court. She is a detestable character willing to blackmail my kids to like the new boyfriend who lives in what is still my home. Recently the courts refused to slap her for all the lies after she called the police and the sherriffs with fraudulent complaint. Judge told her to withdraw with prejudice. They sent cops and Sherriffs to. My home 7 times in under 2 months Infront of all the kids. I am done with this court clerk circle jerk. Next time they want to come and interview my kids, my doors shall remain locked. Let the judge take action i don't care anymore. They let these women weaponize the system against us. If truth was a requirement, there would never be any escalation and they wouldn't make any money for lawyers. Fckitall

DrakaninX · 2024-12-18T20:18:52+00:00

Biggest i’ve ran into so far is my ex wanting to FaceTime me when our son is having a meltdown. He is 10 years old and has been struggling with the separation and divorce proceedings and while I’m always there to support my son, she relies on me to calm him down over FaceTimeinstead of her parenting herself.

47omek · 2024-12-18T18:34:48+00:00

Why are all of your questions related to her new relationships or your new relationships? That's the farthest thing from my mind when I think about co-parenting. Any women I date are kept far away from my kids and there won't be any Brady Bunch fantasy blended family nonsense causing me to compromise my focus/time on my own children when I have them.

For the more important aspects of co-parenting that you didn't ask about: Co-parenting with my ex has been a mixed bag - she initially tried to dictate what went on at my house which I (and thankfully our court ordered parenting coordinator as well) shut down with the quickness. My house my rules, her house her rules. Initially she constantly tried to beat me over the head with the divorce decree which I mostly ignored but over time she's relaxed and has realized that I'm always there to take care of the kids (live 5 minutes from her which is key) on her time so she can do other things resulting in me having way more than the 50/50 parenting time that we have on paper. Due to the ex's inability to control her own emotions (that I used to have to deal with while married) she's having some major blow-ups with our preteen that I'm not getting to nearly the same extent resulting in her much preferring to be at my house. The ex still sends a bunch of texts trying to tell me what to do re: school, extracurriculars etc which I mostly ignore and do what I know is right. She's devious so I still have to watch my back and make sure my parenting is airtight but all in all the kids and I are doing great together - which is really what you need to think about and not your ex's romantic relationships.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2024-12-18T14:44:42+00:00

Good for the most part but we’re still nesting. I’ll know for sure in two months when I moved out.

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-12-18T11:32:56+00:00

Was ok until she got a boyfriend. Now I choose to parallel parent to keep my peace of mind and be a better father.

Mr_nice_guy52 · 2024-12-18T07:16:54+00:00

It’s awful. She was cheating on me and got an apartment with the dude before I even found out anything. We are doing 50/50 right now so the man has been around my 1 yo daughter just as much as much as anyone.

pmbrenner91 · 2024-12-18T04:39:57+00:00

atrocious

ex-wife took up with a convicted felon before final divorce decree

she counter parents with him

i wish i kept a more level head in the initial separation stages and i would have far greater custody now

also got saddled with a bad attorney, switched to the named partner

ex-wife abuses and neglects the kids

ex-wife is trying to alienate them against me

ex-wife felon boyfriend has a history of domestic violence

i live in fear that my children are going to be hurt more than they already have been by a caustic divorce

skatenox · 2024-12-18T15:22:05+00:00

Ex got nailed by child protective services. Crashed a 4 wheeler with my 6 year old on the back, no helmets. Doctor diagnosed concussion and reported it. Child was told not to tell me. CPS initially brushed it off and gave her a youth helmet. They went to close the case then child said they still were not using helmet. Few weeks later I get a letter in the mail from CPS saying my child has been a victim of child abuse.

Thousands on attorneys and months later, judge thinks it’s a momentary lapse in judgement. Goes to trial/hearing in 2 months now.

All the while just constant harassment from co-parent at soccer practice (I coach my kids team). Making scenes at school functions. Note that this is all on my parenting time.

Thousands a month to this woman for 50/50 pure shared custody to deal with this. It’s absolutely mental.

Historical_Eye3756 · 2024-12-18T04:03:24+00:00

It’s fucking weird… my ex comes over for her visitation and I’ve gotten a few quickies every now and then.

Any-Fail-890 · 2024-12-18T04:01:51+00:00

Co parenting for 2 months now while separated. Do not think she’s seeing anybody. I haven’t even thought about talking to anybody. Co parenting sucks right now. She chooses when I’m allowed to see my kids because she knows I won’t go get them and cause issues. I’m too passive. Still early on in divorce process. If I found out she was seeing somebody else, I would most likely have a different mind set. Right now I just want to please her still and make things right. Praying that with time, we are able to co parent better for our kids. And secretly (not so secretly) I pray we end up back together in one house raising our kids together.

Title	How has your guys experience with co parenting been?
Author	Posteus
Upvotes	5
Comments	45
Date	December 18, 2024 3:39 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hgsv96/how_has_your_guys_experience_with_co_parenting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-has-your-guys-experience-with-co-parenting.1538834 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538834

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