How is co parenting working out for you?

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-06-22T14:18:14+00:00

I don't ever spend 30 minutes on the phone talking to my ex about parenting. I communicate solely through Our Family Wizard (as ordered -- my insistence) and I keep it BIFF: Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.

SingleISuppose · 2021-06-22T14:23:38+00:00

I wish we could co-parent. She left me for a coworker and now acts like I abused her or ruined her life. She can't be bothered to respond to ANY texts and insists that we only respond through an email account that her controlling boyfriend has access to. It's really sad, all I want to know is if she's available to take our kids to piano lessons on her days if I sign them up and pay for them.

Girl_Dad42 · 2021-06-22T14:15:27+00:00

Hoping I can be in the same boat once everything is final. I feel the same way about my STBXW right now. I ripped into her on Father’s Day for everything she has put me through (smearing my name to family and friends) since she let me know she wanted a divorce. I also found out there was someone else in the picture whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I can never forgive her for that.

throwaway_b1978 · 2021-06-22T17:16:42+00:00

Nope, nope, nope. Just nope.

Tried "co-parenting" from 2015 to 2019.

Started out with the ex (the kids mom) lying to the judge (projecting) and claiming I had mental health issues, alcohol abuse issues and that I was a "flight risk". I was put on a monitored visitation schedule by the court.

Went from that to 2-2-3 custody schedule. We'd exchange at the Police Station. She and her mom would take out their digital cameras and harass me and my parents when doing the exchange.

I'd get wall-of-text messages (6-20 pages) on talkingparents whenever ex was triggered. That was every other day. Every little thing bothered her.

She was using talkingparents to try to remote control every aspect of my parenting. She started interrogating the kids.

The kids would come into my custody traumatized and sleep deprived.

She'd create a whole other reality in the kids' minds.

Ex would then go to court and try to litigate and make issues out of my lifestyle. She's try to claim that it was bad parenting.

It turned into a detour into crazy-ville that had nothing to do with parenting or the kids well-being.

Court ordered child custody evaluations.

Ex was deemed delusional and non-compliant with her bipolar med schedule but the court kept the 2-2-3 custody schedule. The child custody evaluations were a useless waste of money and time.

Isn't it nice that even though the mother was clearly nuts and not on her meds, the court still chose to continue to allow her custody and kept the status quo?

Eventually the ex (kids' mother) did some crazy things that were well documented and brought before the court.

By doing those crazy things, ex broke the restraining order that I had in place against her.

I was able to get custody and put my ex on monitored visits. Court-appointed monitor was present while ex was with the kids.

Eventually the crazy ex had a big episode during a monitored visit. She restrained the court-appointed monitor (big incident with police involved) and my kids ended up fleeing her house (during a monitored visit) terrified. Crazy ex was not arrested after the incident. The court appointed monitoring service fired her as a client.

Court finally took custody away from crazy ex.

I have full custody now and never want to go back to co-parenting.

Co-parenting with a crazy ex was stressful for me and took a heavy toll on the kids.

It was never about parenting the kids to my ex. It was about my ex using co-parenting in remote controlling me and trying to influence my parenting decisions.

It was never about the kids to her. It was always about continuing her fight with me and trying to exact never-ending vengeance on me.

All I did was leave a crazy marriage. I didn't need to be put through hell after leaving.

My kids didn't need to be involved as tools in the divorce hell that she created.

All I can say is that co-parenting probably works for those of you out there with sane ex-es.

It didn't work for me because my ex is unmedicated, mentally ill and enabled in her mental illness by her parents and family.

drmjm2004 · 2021-06-22T14:51:21+00:00

Parental alienation is real. Actual academic problems in oldest held in secret and actively counter-parented my attempts. If I had to do over I would have been far more selfish in divorce negotiations. I foolishly though I could buy peace and decent treatment if I took away her financial stress. All I did was make it so she didn’t have to work and could just ruminate on me all day. We no longer speak at all. She pulled the youngest out of counseling (depressed) when the child admitted mom says bad things about dad.
Moving on means moving on. The only thing that freaks out mom is signs I actually let go.

used2befast · 2021-06-22T17:45:11+00:00

I really haven’t spoke to or seen my ex since we signed our decree back in Oct. Fuck that bitch.

Its_a_stateofmind · 2021-06-22T14:36:13+00:00

It’s not. She is too mad at me to be even willing to put her feelings towards me to the side to coparent. My kids are nearly 15 and 13.

HelixFish · 2021-06-22T15:32:31+00:00

If I don't agree to everything my ex wants to do it's not co-parenting to her. She is constantly complaining about it so now it's parallel parenting for the win.

dkblue1 · 2021-06-22T16:22:40+00:00

I have full custody which takes away a lot of the coparenting stress but otherwise we have been able to sit down and do some planning, etc. 1st year after divorce was more emotional than now at 2yrs out.

Also, it's nice being the one in control and she has to ask permission for anything outside of our custody arrangement.

I'm at the neighborhood pool with my son right now on my lunch break enjoying my time.

She texted to say Happy Father's Day. I just said thank you, but in my head I know she was probably having an argument with her boyfriend and reached out to me for some comfort. I didn't attempt to give her any conversation or long chats to validate her. Live in misery, wh*re.

hombredelgato · 2021-06-22T18:39:36+00:00

My ex has repeatedly stated in emails that she has no intention of co-parenting. At this point we're more in the parallel parenting model and frankly it isn't that much different then when we were married. We have radically different approached to parenting and being divorced means I no longer have to have any heartburn over her choices.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2021-06-22T21:47:29+00:00

My ex and I only talk via the court app and at a bare minimum. For my safety I would never do more then that because of her severe mental health issues.

downandalone20 · 2021-06-22T14:36:42+00:00

For the most part it is going okay. We use diary type books to write in and go between the houses and the childminder, so keep up to date with everything.

Only issues are when the children are ill/not able to go to school - she doesn't want me knowing where she lives, and cannot drive. If one child is ill but the other is fine, she has to take the ill child out to take the other to school, which I think is unfair, if not irresponsible given recent times; or have the healthy one skip school which affects their education. Unfortunately there isn't much I can do about that at the moment.

Tmashadi · 2021-06-22T16:01:33+00:00

Consider your kids and as a result yourself lucky. My divorce ain't even done yet but my ex couldn't wait to not be a mother. Parenting to her meant that you don't let your kids starve to death by providing some junk food 3 times a day and make sure the xbox is connected to power and internet. Even that only happened at times I was at work and she happened to be between boyfriends aka stock at home and then only cause me working meant she gets the money she wanted me for; the same money she felt she had to have kids to get, otherwise I'd quit working double time to keep the nice looking life. I know it's not going to be easy being a full time dad while doing the bread winning but I still consider myself lucky that she has no interest in custody; well, as long as she gets all that she wants financially in the divorce and I don't ask for nothing from her. Life is even harder when you live in a "no fault" state and the wife has plenty of friends who haven't even met you once but are sure the narcassist is telling them the "truth" and have a million advice on all the tricks to be used when them evil men are to pay for the mistakes some men might have made in past generations.

Patriot0811 · 2021-06-23T07:24:20+00:00

It’s tough. My ex is a controlling narc who wants me back. So I have to Grey rock the whole thing because everything out of her mouth is a game. And I think she keeps putting thoughts in our 3 year olds head about mommy and daddy.

OKIESMO · 2021-06-23T17:46:52+00:00

We co-parent well but fuck her.

Title	How is co parenting working out for you?
Author	oli_21_
Upvotes	22
Comments	20
Date	June 22, 2021 1:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/o5nc5y/how_is_co_parenting_working_out_for_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-is-co-parenting-working-out-for-you.816680 https://theredarchive.com/post/816680

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