How Long is an Appropriate Break from Dating/Meeting Women from Announcement/Final Papers?

33649 · 2022-02-21T06:43:01+00:00

Wait until the divorce is finalized, don't do the "be discreet" route. That could make you look bad.

I have waited until my divorce was finalized and took a few months relearn myself. As far as dating, a lot of females in my age group have never-been married, so I couldn't really connect with those I have matched. There is also the divorced man stigma, especially if you have been recently divorced some woman see that as a red flag which is understandable.

I have also met a lot of folks who got into a relationship soon after their divorce and end up with someone worse than their ex.

With all honesty, OP. Don't rush it, at least wait until your divorce is finalized.

Hope things get better for you.

pegleg_legal · 2022-02-21T05:18:50+00:00

The general rule is that it is a bad idea until the decree is final.

defectivechive · 2022-02-21T05:46:24+00:00

Im separated, and I jumped onto tinder/bumble very quickly but that was because I am so lonely and have no one to talk to, and not being very successful at the whole online dating thing either.

I would not advise going this route.

TonLoc1281 · 2022-02-21T09:39:12+00:00

This is your life. You have 1 shot at it. It’s what ever works for you. Find your peace and happiness.

azwildcat74 · 2022-02-21T16:57:37+00:00

I jumped in immediately when she said she wanted a divorce and refused to work on anything. It wasn't 2 weeks before I was fucking 2 or 3 women every week and I did that for probably 3 or so months.

I felt like I needed the validation and it felt good in the moment but got to feeling hollow very quickly and it lost it's appeal. I did find that when I was chasing other women I stopped looking at myself and working on myself because it takes a lot of effort to do that. I regret not having kept the focus on me and self-improvement more in the early stages but it was what I felt like I needed at the time.

Since then I have slowed down quite a bit, I'm about 7 months out from the initial blow up and now 3 months post-divorce finalization. I've been dating one woman exclusively who doesn't ask much of me but when we are together it's nice. It's been a good mix of time to focus on myself and time to share with someone else.

I spent a huge majority of my marriage feeling alone and didn't want that when I was no longer bound by vows anymore so I handled it all the way I did. You've got to navigate as is best for you, nobody else can tell you what that is.

moonguppie · 2022-02-21T19:20:33+00:00

I waited probably 6 months and should have waited longer, not for any other reason than emotional healing. We had separated and I moved out 6 months prior to the dissolution and tried to just fool around but I wasn't ready. I came from a marriage from a manipulative, Active Narcissist so I needed extra time to heal.

JD-Anderson · 2022-02-21T05:36:43+00:00

2 years

coffeedognuts · 2022-02-21T12:08:03+00:00

Live your life your way... There is no metric for your happiness, only you can determine that.

Crushed_95 · 2022-02-21T19:47:13+00:00

This is what I'm doing is waiting on finalization to ever think about a relationship.

therealcapthowdy · 2022-02-24T14:28:14+00:00

So, my stbx had an emotional affair and asked me for a divorce about two weeks before I had lumbar fusion surgery. So I took the recovery time and time after to restart therapy and try to work on me and saving the marriage. My Therapist essential helped me realize there was not saving the marriage. We were still living together at this point with the understanding that it wasnt to involve or upset the kids.

Fast forward to filing for divorce before she could, and an old friend reached out right after, because she is going through something similar. We started talking everyday, multiple times a day. It eventually turned into us meeting in person and realizing we had feelings for each other and had been attracted to each other for years. My therapist encouraged the connection and my lawyer basically said just dont involve the kids.

So we started seeing each other. The Ex goes to Florida with some "friends" and to meet up with the guy. He ended up rejecting her (she denies sleeping with him but it doesn't matter to me). Anyway she gets back and the cheating allegations against me start. She would go out driving around trying to find my while live streaming it on Instagram/Tiktok. It got so bad that she actually put a Apple Airtag in my car to track my location. My kids where with my parents, I couldnt stand being around the Ex so I decided to stay the night with the new GF. The next day my ex had a Pizza Delivered that had your caught written on the inside of the box.

Needless to say things have escalated... My STBX is going through a breakdown, she is accusing me of cheating on her our whole marriage, causing miscarriages and keeping her sick chronically from sleeping with other women (non of that happened and she knows it, so does anyone who actually knows her). She is living this all out on social media, because it is giving her views and the attention she desires.

Anyway, I think that you need to work on you. You will know when its right for you. If you decide to date or see someone, just take your time.

jkw118 · 2022-02-21T06:53:15+00:00

So first off is best to wait till it's final. I'm still trying to finalize mine and it's been almost 5 years, my ex has done tons of stuff to drag it out.
I will say I've been careful, but I've dated, and found friends.. having no social life for 5 years wouldn't be healthy. No one I've dated has ever met my kids. My guideline with my ex was ya should be dating the person 6_12 months before the kids should meet them and that's only if you think your getting married again.

My stbx,, had abf 2 weeks after she told me she wanted a divorce. Moved in with him within a month, I think they split 6 months later, and a lot of bs... screwed up stuff...

I've had several women be like your still married, no dating.(to an extent it's somewhat seen as cheating) Meanwhile my ex refuses to agree to very fair things. As she realizes as long as we are legally married she can twist and manipulate things. I'm a very kind guy, which she takes advantage of all the time, and sees the divorce being finalized as it cutting her off.. which it is, but I'll still do anything I can for my kids.. whom are primarily with me anyway, and the only way she gets stuff out of me now is by it being for the kids.

patently_pleasant · 2022-02-21T13:45:45+00:00

People recommend one year after completely cutting them off to heal. Wherever no contact begins in your divorce process, that is where the time starts. The goal is to process all of your emotions and find your new self. You will have healing that needs to take place from emotional trauma. It comes with every divorce.

Admittedly, I didn’t follow this. My ex wife and I were together for about seven years prior to marriage, but the marriage only lasted a few months. She was having an affair and walked out for that guy. She “waited” to announce publicly that she was dating him only a day or two after the decree, which was only 2.5 months after separating. To be clear, she was dating him long before, probably even during the marriage.

With that said, I did not process her moving on like that very well. I started dating myself too early. I only waited 2.5 months after the final decree and 4 months no contact. That relationship has run its course now just about a year later. I don’t regret having that relationship because I learned a lot, but I certainly was not ready for it when I started. If I could do it all over again, I would not even think about dating until six months no contact and then check in with myself and my therapist after that. Even that is really pushing it. Over a year later I am still dealing with the trust issues that come with such a betrayal.

Hope this helps!

Responsible-Tip-9827 · 2022-02-21T13:46:30+00:00

I would say do what’s best for you, I separated from partner several months ago. I agreed to a more than fair financial settlement and quickly, which was then broke as it had other clauses relating to our dogs etc. How long are you meant to wait before you move on with your own life? I have started dating again, and I am waiting for my partners lawyers now to approach me as I wasted thousands drafting this pointless agreement for my partners benefit involving further costs for me, and little for them.

Knave7575 · 2022-02-21T15:40:43+00:00

Morally, you can wait one day and be fine.

Legally, you can wait one day and be fine.

Strategically, you should wait until paper work is finalized or you will have a pissed off ex who is suddenly not willing to be reasonable.

(Also note that if you have kids, date when they are with their mom.)

OraleEse13 · 2022-02-21T17:30:49+00:00

I'd recommend at least a year to bounce your life back. Maybe 2-3 depending on how long the marriage was and how messy the divorce is.

You can use dating apps to get quick fixes in the meantime.

Title	How Long is an Appropriate Break from Dating/Meeting Women from Announcement/Final Papers?
Author	CaliDude75
Upvotes	9
Comments	24
Date	February 21, 2022 5:14 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/sxld4b/how_long_is_an_appropriate_break_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-is-an-appropriate-break-from.1103752 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103752

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