How much time between “Let’s get divorced” and “Let’s both go fuck other people asap?”

TheRealDrWan · 2023-09-25T04:06:36+00:00

Past the separation either of you can go fuck anyone you want.

You’re separated and divorce is anticipated, you are both free adults out in the world.

Don’t try and don’t accept any attempts at controlling behavior. Either or both of you can fuck off if you’re trying to dictate what the other can do.

NefariousNaz · 2023-09-25T06:20:58+00:00

It's not something to discuss. Move on.

OxygenLarceny · 2023-09-25T03:22:28+00:00

Agree to and sit down when you have a lot of time without the kids to work out it out on a blank sheet of paper, or ideally, all required forms by your jurisdiction. Sign and file everything together. This is basically the only real “amicable” path that doesn’t devolve into, at best, mediation and at worst a lengthy court process.

You should take a loan from a close friend or family member and put someone on retainer though. You have no idea what hills she’s prepared to die on and anything she’s said she will do doesn’t mean shit until it’s in black and white. Stay ready.

Melynthos1492 · 2023-09-25T05:55:26+00:00

1-2 days into separation

glassofwater05 · 2023-09-25T13:39:30+00:00

I lived with her for 6 months during the separation. I didn't want the divorce, but that process helped me realize that I wanted her out of my face. I started dating the moment she moved out. I didn't want to see her dating, so I didn't throw anything in her face. I've seen enough posts in here where someone had to endure watching their ex get ready for dates. That's so cruel, and even though she wanted out, I still think that could have been painful for her to see. It would have crushed me to watch her.

It's also a much harder sell for a date when you are still living with your ex. As for waiting a year before you get into anything serious, I think that's highly dependent on an individual's situation.

HathorsSekhmet44__4 · 2023-09-25T03:43:12+00:00

I Think once divorce has been decided on, it’s neither is business what the other one does, unless they live together or something

When it’s on, it’s on

captainchippsixx · 2023-09-25T13:13:21+00:00

Just keep your shit to your self. You always have to be wary of a ploy to get info out of you and then lo and behold she uses it against you with family or court. It’s amicable until surprise it’s not.

No_Pace2396 · 2023-09-25T03:52:05+00:00

discernment counseling or mediation attorney

Thebadmamajama · 2023-09-25T12:43:36+00:00

It really depends on the type of person on the other side.

My advice is you want to get the basics settled, even in a temporary order: custody and sharing schedule with kids, support payments, how you'll communicate.

After those things are in place, you have a tiny bit more freedom.

If you do things that piss them off before those things are in place, bad mojo.

A general rule for future relationships is work on yourself first, and don't take on any serious new relationship within a year.

SkeptiCynical · 2023-09-25T17:27:24+00:00

Legally, you can start as soon as the SA is filed (provided there is a no-interference clause, as there should be).

However, the Uniform Soon To Be Ex Spouse Code dictates that your private life better stay private until that divorce is executed.

This isn't based in law of course, but anyone here who started shacking up with another woman while still "legally married" knows the havoc that an angry ex can wreak on your life if she knows there's another woman. If things are not amicable, you don't want to give an angry ex reason to continue trying to ruin your life. If things are amicable, the only way to keep it that way is to keep your life as boring as possible as far as she knows.

TrentP1403 · 2023-09-25T19:41:11+00:00

If you're in the separation phase, go get fucked but be prepared that she will too and she won't care if you find out. Now if you're both still living together and having sex once in a great while, wait.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-09-25T16:39:50+00:00

some agreement around what new expectations will be

What the Hell are you talking about? An agreement about expectations? You're getting divorced, right? That means you don't need anyone's permission to do anything.

How do you decide an order to which changes are coming when?

Wait, now you want a court order? To order what? Your post-divorce sex lives? I'm starting to think you don't understand what 'divorce' means.

Then you ask about co-parenting. Well, hold up, now you're talking about two very different things. Co-parenting is not the same as getting to fuck other people. Of course the court will have an opinion about co-parenting. But what else do you think the court should do?

I don't understand your question.

How do you keep everything as amicable as possible?

You don't. Pray that your wife is sane, civilized, reasonable, and fair. And pray she hires a lawyer who also thinks the same. If she doesn't, believe me, the love and compassion will disappear right quick. You have no control over amicable.

CreditThis9963 · 2023-09-25T16:35:07+00:00

Well usually there is one of the two that has already been stepping out so they was doing it long before divorce was even a topic of discussion. I told my ex I didn't care if she dated while we were going through the divorce as she was already cheating so nothing new but intold her to not disrespect me further by bringing him to my house or she would be responsible for the outcome.

21YearsofHell · 2023-09-25T21:16:47+00:00

There’s no such thing as Father Christmas

There’s no such thing as the Easter Bunny

There’s no such thing as an Amicable Divorce

28hippy · 2023-09-25T22:59:08+00:00

Wait, so she is supposed to tell me she wants to get divorced first? Shit, I guess those got mixed up.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2023-09-26T01:15:22+00:00

I focused on getting the best outcome of divorce. Ex focused on banging guys. Guess who had better concentration and got everything he could dream about and more?

Read this https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=81659

Title	How much time between “Let’s get divorced” and “Let’s both go fuck other people asap?”
Author	TaxTheRichEndTheWar
Upvotes	4
Comments	23
Date	September 25, 2023 3:10 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16rgvyv/how_much_time_between_lets_get_divorced_and_lets/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-much-time-between-lets-get-divorced-and-lets.1232955 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232955

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