I’m in the worst possible situation that a guy could be in in this situation. Some of you may know my story-see Spiraling post. But basically my wife(of 6 years, together for 9) told me she wants a divorce last Thursday after having an epiphany. She’s been threatening divorce for a long time and finally seems to be going through. We’ve been in couples counseling and individual therapy and progress was being made on both parts. I take my responsibility for it because I haven’t been the most supportive husband, but I was working on trying to be what she needs in the past year we’ve been in couples therapy. We have two young kids, 1&3. She is the breadwinner, (125 vs 30k) she works in marketing, I work in higher education. She wanted this to be amicable-even brought up the possibility of collaborative divorce, until she learned the firm has representing her (benefit through her job) doesn’t do that anymore and they can only represent her. So basically we would come up with an agreement, she would bring it to her lawyers, they would draft it up and I’d sign. She planned on giving me nothing but one of the two cars that is in her name(that id still have to pay for) and equal time with the kids. She wanted me out of the house by the end of this month as well. I got consultation from a lawyer yesterday( one I know which I cannot afford,) and he told me that having no representation going through this is not wise at all. I spoke to mutual friends who believe that I should not let this just happen to me. As agreeing to her terms doesn’t put me in the best situation to be there for the kids equally and it’s not fair to me. At first I honestly didn’t care about getting anything, I just wanted my sons to be able to have equal time with their dad. I also believe that if I make this more difficult than she wants, it ruins any chance of reconciliation. I really love her and wanted to be with her and didn’t want this to happen. Plus mentally I don’t have the mental fortitude for this to be dragged out. I am looking to see if their are any pro bono family lawyers in my area. But I feel at a loss. I know once I tell her I don’t plan on leaving until a court order tells me to and that I plan on actually defending myself for once-she’s going to be furious. She wanted this to be over as quick as possible, actually has a meeting with her lawyer on Tuesday. We are already sleeping in separate rooms. But I feel like this new revelation will turn our house into a war zone, constant arguing and gaslighting. I worry about the cops being called on me, especially as a black man. I worry about false allegations, all the stuff women seem to do in these situations when they don’t get their way. I don’t know what to say to her to give me a fair chance and her not hate me for it. Things are happening to quickly for them to be fair or reasonable.