ironing out final custody agreement... need input

tTtacotacotuesdayTt · 2022-09-07T01:30:09+00:00

So I would also stipulate first right of refusal. If your ex spouse for example wants to had the kids off to someone for a weekend you would be the first to be asked before going with anyone else

Girl_Dad42 · 2022-09-07T01:32:27+00:00

For peace of mind, only allow communication through a family app. I use Family Wizard. It helps keep everything documented and prevents the nasty phone calls when she doesn’t have her way.

gnackered · 2022-09-07T13:14:57+00:00

Spell out a plan for kids activities. No signing kids up for something without obtaining the other's consent (or they pay for it) otherwise. I am not divorced, but I have seen that issue pop.

mehmench · 2022-09-07T15:17:04+00:00

If you're dealing with a narcissist please also remember that anything you put in there to hold her accountable will absolutely be used to hold you accountable as well. It'll be HER interpretation so I would be careful to try to nail things down too much, she's going to ignore it anyway for her but then completely use it against you.

That's what mine does.

AirSailer · 2022-09-07T01:05:41+00:00

Clearly define vacation time you can each take with your child (or children). The wording needs to specify that vacation time supercedes normal custody, and it doesn't supercede specific holidays, otherwise she can spread her vacation days so they cover all your holidays. Also specify that vacation must be a certain number of minimum contiguous days up to a max per group. There also needs to be a minimum amount of notification being given, otherwise she can plan a vacation over your days, and specify the form that notification must take.

Along the same lines, you need to clearly define how you will handle the other person going on vacation. You don't want a situation where you can never take a vacation without your kids.

jeko21 · 2022-09-07T05:12:48+00:00

These are a few that have come in handy for me since I live in another state.

Set a exact place for pick up and drop off, a public place with plenty of cameras.

A clause the makes the children remain in the same district school until HS is completed.

529 Plan where both of you contribute each month but you manage the account, you might get a tax break depending on the state you reside.

Failure to adapt to the custody agreement, the party found in contempt in front of the court will pay the other party’s attorneys fees.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-09-07T17:19:01+00:00

I'd specify pickup dates and times that facilitate no contact -- "when in school, on days of exchange the children shall be picked up from school by the other parent and notify the other parent by <chosen communication medium> upon pickup." and also specify another zero contact exchange method when they're not in school.

I'd stipulate that "all contact with the other parent shall be limited to specific, actionable information regarding the children, and shall remain respectful at all times."

Rivet22 · 2022-09-07T03:36:19+00:00

I have 3 kids all 18+, is there any “child support” if they are now adults?

upvotersfortruth · 2022-09-08T01:07:41+00:00

If you’re familiar with the concept of “gaming the rules” then that should be one of your main considerations in reviewing and commenting on the draft agreement. First review to ensure that the obligations on both parents are clear and what you need, then review again in a sort of “gap analysis” to see what’s missing or what can be used against you by someone who is intentionally looking to frustrate the “spirit” of the agreement. Common gaps are sending the children back hungry, with dirty laundry, homework not done, etc. excessive gift giving is another issue. Exchange logistics and limiting the other parent’s communications during your parenting time are also common issues.

Title	ironing out final custody agreement... need input
Author	redditburner4me
Upvotes	6
Comments	21
Date	September 7, 2022 12:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/x7r746/ironing_out_final_custody_agreement_need_input/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ironing-out-final-custody-agreement-need-input.1129811 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129811

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