Left out…

Academic_Response8 · 2025-05-28T00:36:14+00:00

I think your feelings are normal. You voice them well, and sound loving towards your kids. In short, you are a far better man than most of the people who will give you bitter or projecting advice here. Your In Laws, if they Truely Care about your kids will not make you out to be the villain or encourage their daughter to do so. It's a tough position to be in for all the adults ---who are making adult choices, including the two of you who made the little people together. More commonly it's the woman who winds up in your position post divorce: the mean mommy who makes the kids do homework on a daily basis while "Fun Daddy" takes them out for treats...or... yeah "Disneyland". I'm not dismissive of your situation. But I trust that as you work your way through this morass, your feelings will shift and so will the situation. (And no, not through a vindictive slugfest that will enrich both lawyers, and ensure that your kids have to work their way through college because their parents have wasted so much money that could have gone to fund it...) I have one other comment to make to people posting to this specific Reddit thread. In my opinion, giving enough details of your personal life that a friend or your Ex, or a family member Could identify you---+Might be unwise and hurt you. I'm not saying this to you, specifically, as you have not said anything damaging to your own reputation. Overestimated anonymous identity is a hazard to one's case if you have custody issues and say things like "I feel suicidal". Again, not addressed to you but to another poster in equal pain. Your children will figure out who you are, and hopefully your personal experience with this painful situation will also let you help others. I hope you soon meet more positive real friends for yourself and the kids. Be well. It Does get better...

No-Blackberry7887 · 2025-05-23T09:55:58+00:00

Hello if the roles were reversed she would be ringing you for all you are worth. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. You are 3 times what they are. You're doing everything by yourself while she's got support.

Confident-Crawdad · 2025-05-22T23:23:49+00:00

Take. Her. To. The. Cleaners.

You know who she is now. You know who Your in-laws truly are. They don't deserve compassion leniency or mercy.

Every dime, brother. Take every dime you can.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-05-22T10:44:38+00:00

It’s time for you to move out, figure it out. When I moved out of my 3000sqft house on 2 acres into a small two bedroom apartment that my kids had to share a room, I made the most of it. She took them on a cruise, meanwhile I was paying her child support and living in this small apartment. You know what, I loved every single minute of my freedom and missed the heck out of my kids but I learned to find myself and do things I wanted to do. Take some time to be sad and then throw that shit away and prove your kids how strong of a man you are and find ways to love life on your teachers salary.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-05-22T06:56:39+00:00

I wouldn’t dream denying the kids that experience but it stung like hell.

Why would you expect them to include you? And you should exchange that commitment for your right to do the same, but something at your budget that is still fun. Get strategic, sir - put your emotions somewhere separate.

Wingnut8888 · 2025-05-22T02:12:45+00:00

Feel for you man. We used to gather frequently with her big, fun brood. When we split, she made clear she didn’t want me around them anymore. They had become my family too, and friends. They loved me like a brother. It made the separation all the worse, and I can say now that I miss her family much more than I do our marriage.

They still get together, with my kids going, and Im frequently left at home alone on stay holidays. My former in-laws says it’s not goodbye but just different. I feel it’s too different and because of the acrimony with my ex, I’ll likely never see them even on much more of an occasional basis again.

Gunslinger1925 · 2025-05-22T01:21:33+00:00

I can empathize with the sentiment. While I was barely holding myself together, my ex was spending time with her affair partner. I took on the responsibility of picking up and feeding the children, and my eldest later remarked that it was one of the few occasions she witnessed me break down in tears.

Due to the constraints of my teacher's salary, we were forced to cohabitate. I ultimately converted the living room into my personal quarters until I was able to purchase an RV, where I lived for several months before finally relocating off the property.

The pain of losing an extended family is profound, but my focus remains on my children. They will remember these moments. My youngest has expressed multiple times that she wishes to live with me full-time, as she feels that I prioritize her well-being—unlike her mother, who often places her new girlfriend above her.

BlueGoosePond · 2025-05-22T01:13:54+00:00

at the end of the year

Things change fast. By then you may be living separately and well into your "new normal".

If it helps, I am post-divorce and several months into the coparenting thing and my ex is trying to get us all to go to Disney in the fall and...I just don't really want to. It could go fine, but it also could go terribly. And I'm also just not that interested in spending the money on something I'm only somewhat into.

If she "cut me" from it I'd fine. Let it be her thing she does with our son every year or two.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2025-05-22T01:01:58+00:00

To my fellow men, I went through this, and it tore a whole in my pride, my role as a provider. All I can say is that a "Wise person told me that, troops to Disney, amusement parks are nice but, when the kids get older, it's how you spent quality time with them that the kids will remember and cherish the most.

Outside-Dimension788 · 2025-05-22T00:37:16+00:00

I'm sorry. The other week, my oldest told me she got to talk to "mommas worker" and that he talked about taking them to disney. She doesn't know that this guy is the one my ex-wife left me for. I always told my ex I wanted to take the kids one day while we were married.

I had to pay my ex six figures to keep the house. In doing so, do I have no savings or extra money for the foreseeable future. I, too, feel left out, and like I can't compete. It's hard when my ex does all these activities with the kids, and I can't do the same.

I've been trying to find cheaper alternatives for things. Movies for 3 is pushing the budget, so I covered all the windows, made popcorn, and let them pick a movie to rent on the TV and had the movie theater at home. The kids love it and keep asking me to do it again.

I'm going to do the best that I can and hope that one day they understand. Even though we do 50/50, I don't want to be the "disney dad" and just give them everything.

Not sure if this helps, but just hang in there. You're doing what's best for them and that's what matters.

First-Sail8421 · 2025-05-22T00:22:37+00:00

Divorce sucks. It destroys the family unit remorselessly. No fault was pioneered by the Bolsheviks in Leningrad (look it up) but dropped because it wreaked so much havoc. Then the feminists in California ‘rediscovered’ it in the 60s and somehow got it made into law and somehow got every other state eventually to adopt it too. It’s also flagrantly unconstitutional as a violation of substantive due process, among other things. I can point you to some sources if you’re interested. However family lawyers don’t want to see it go away bc it’s how they feed themselves, despite it being out of the wreckage of broken families and hurt children. Ugly business - I hate it.

batmanarchy · 2025-05-22T00:12:48+00:00

I know the feeling. My ex wife immediately brought her affair partner into my son’s life and they are raising him like it’s THEIR family. It’s bullshit and it constantly makes me feel so insignificant in his life. She’s literally tried to replace me with another man when I’m not a dead beat and have always been there for my son. I love him more than anything. I’m missing so many new experiences for him and watching him grow every day while another man plays daddy to my son. Also this man is extremely disrespectful towards me and has told me that my son and wife are his now. It’s a hellish nightmare I keep praying I’ll wake up from.

ProfessorIanDuncan · 2025-05-22T00:09:23+00:00

I’m at the three-week mark and I’m headed in your direction. I know that had to hurt. Start planning next-Summer’s vacation, you and the kids. Hang in there buddy

Splitifi · 2025-05-21T23:59:58+00:00

Man, you’re not overreacting. You’re reacting like a human being who’s still in the middle of the fallout—and that’s exactly where the hardest stuff lives.

You’re not upset about Disney World. You’re feeling the shift. The re-formation of a family unit that’s moving without you while you’re still inside the same four walls, watching it happen.

That would gut anyone.

The fact that you’d never deny the kids that experience already says everything about the kind of father you are. And that’s what’s going to matter most in the long run—not who had the bigger vacation house or got the Instagram photos.

They’re taking them to Disney.

You’re going to be the one who listens. Teaches. Shows up when it’s quiet.

That sticks more than a rollercoaster.

You’re not two feet tall. You’re just standing in a broken system that makes people feel that way. Keep going.

Title	Left out…
Author	CorporalCabbage
Upvotes	41
Comments	34
Date	May 21, 2025 11:47 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kscraq/left_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/left-out.1552792 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552792

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