Moving on and Dating

NO_PRND · 2020-05-01T16:51:19+00:00

Went through that phase in the first 6 months post divorce. I've decided currently that I've gotten married, had children, and did the right thing. I'm 40 and going to be single for a long time because I don't want another relationship and I'd rather spend my time and money on the things that make me happy. If a woman comes along so be it but it's not a priority.

turbor · 2020-05-01T18:57:18+00:00

I’m in the same boat. Ex is dating her affair partner. Picked up my son last night and he starts talking about how they went camping. Hits you like a punch to the gut. Makes me want to burn the whole village to the ground. But, I’ve noticed that it does pass. I usually have to sleep on it and the next day I feel better. OLD is tough. Match, chat, meet, then ghost or be ghosted. It’s especially hard in your 40’s. Women have 3-4 kids, photos that were taken 6-7 years ago. Or, sometimes they’re just not into you. You gotta have thick skin. It does help to have a little attention from someone to distract from that shitty feeling of knowing your ex is with someone else. Best advice I can give in regards to OLD: meet as soon as you can. It’s easy to feel chemistry over text and pics, but reality is often very different. I try to set something up 2-3 days after starting a chat. There are tons of chicks that just want attention. They link their instagram profiles. They don’t want to meet. Just want online attention. Also, sure are a lot of fuckin yoga instructors out there, “living their best life” 😂

BroScrubYourBalls · 2020-05-01T17:16:57+00:00

Just enjoy being single without the pressure of having to date. The dates will come, though you will learn over time how flirt and present yourself again just as you did when you met your ex.

I started dating early too soon after divorce.

It wasn't smart to get into a serious relationship too soon and I regret that, but interestingly enough it was really good for my self esteem.

I went from feeling undesireable to realizing other people wanted me. And so I think making a point to keep things casual, honest, and slow is good and that it can work out beneficially to moving forward.

If you stay single too long, I feel like you get into a seclusion cycle. You get too complacent with being out of touch with the dating scene and too okay with being alone and accepting it. Dating can be a social life without intention of marrying someone inmediately, and that's where most problems lie with rebound relationships. They try to replace the thing missing instead of just enjoying the freedom of being single for a bit.

You just have to be careful that your loneliness doesn't make the first thing that spreads her legs for you the greatest thing ever, because right now, especially amidst the quarantine its a really shitty time to start relationships.

tspice1 · 2020-05-01T17:40:24+00:00

I had a dead bedroom due to my ex, she then cheated, I left the marriage. I started using Bumble before the ink was dry. I felt I had questions to answer regarding the bedroom. Should I have taken some personal time? I have been in therapy. At 40 I couldn’t just sit idle for years after everything. I have no regrets diving right in. Do what you feel is good for you. Just be open and honest to everyone.

cranapple247 · 2020-05-01T17:18:07+00:00

Hey bro, do you need a profile review? (absolutely no sarcasm intended). There are subreddits for each OLD app, along with tips on getting matches. I've found a lot of success on Hinge, and just lately with Tinder (Seems recent, maybe because of pandemic?)

I mean, yeah I'm lucky enough to have gotten a few matches, but because of covid19 nothing physical is happening.

It's tough to see the one you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with already moving on, I'm going through that myself. I could go for a few days thinking everything's alright, then when the kids want to vidchat with her I see she's hanging out with that guy, still a gut punch feeling.

MartyMcFly7 · 2020-05-01T21:35:37+00:00

It just makes wonder if I will stay lonely the rest of my life.

When you're going through it, it feels like it's going to last forever. It won't. I promise you.

Not to invalidate your feelings by throwing a bunch of logic and numbers at you, but statistically speaking, 80% of divorced people remarry. 80%! And the other 20%? Those are the men who -- like most of us -- have sworn off marriage forever following their last divorce, lol.

What's more, statistically speaking, you'll probably be remarried in about 4 years. So enjoy your holiday away from women. Take some time to enjoy your freedom and work on yourself. Do the things your ex wouldn't approve of (and maybe your next wife won't, either). Think of it as preparing yourself for your next relationship. Learn to cook for your next spouse. Clean up your act. Buy some sharp new clothes. Learn some new skills. Fix up your place.

You never know when or where it could happen. I ended up meeting someone at work who had sworn off dating sites because of a bunch of bad experiences. And I'm no looker, either. Maybe a 5 or a 6? Lol. Anyway, try to put yourself out there as much as you can. Not all women are on dating sites.

yawnoc1977 · 2020-05-01T18:07:41+00:00

Thank you all for the great advice.

DeletedLastAccount · 2020-05-01T23:31:03+00:00

I have my kids 100% of the time.

My wife might be banging the affair partner, but I don't have the time or the will. I still love the ex.

I've just settled on being alone.

Isthisnormaltoyou · 2020-05-03T17:00:42+00:00

The post divorce cycle of constantly trying to replace the ex is a hideous cycle. I went through it but eventually just made the conscious decision that manically dating is causing more psychological distress than it is improving anything (and to focus on my son). Women have an easier time dating since women are choosy and men aren’t. My ex-wife has been stuck in this manic dating cycle for 3 and a half years, and it just gets worse and worse for her. Once I cut the dating chord, after about two weeks I realized how much happier I was investing my time into my hobbies and passions than I ever was in a miserable relationship. It’s the most freeing feeling you’ll ever experience, and 3 years after my last real date, I still feel so lucky to not have to rely on anyone else to fill some sort of artificial emotional void. You’ll get there though, it’s just a process.

TNwhiskey901 · 2020-05-02T00:09:21+00:00

Maybe take the prostitutes to church ha

poorlyplanned · 2020-05-01T19:39:06+00:00

Getting some counseling is one of the better choices you can make. Helps you deal with what happened and be ready to move on.

jeffrrw · 2020-05-01T21:21:57+00:00

Do you want to stay lonely for the rest of your life?

chakamaki · 2020-05-01T19:18:21+00:00

Please don’t take me wrong but you sound like this to me...

I have just came out of ICU from Pandemic and I see how virus that was once inside my body is enjoying other’s life and here I am staying healthy in my home without any health issues.. i tried to go near different patients but I didn’t get sick yet... I guess I will stay healthy forever...

Is this seems you are in good state or you are in bad state ?

What you lack is

(1) Sex - get it from prostitutes, better quality and customer satisfaction guaranteed... cheapest option ? masturbation

(2) Intimacy/love - come out of that manufactured emotion shelved by society in our mind... practice meditation...

(3) Companionships/ friendship/aloneness- get friends.. talk to them.. have fun with them after quarantine... go to long road trips.. visit places.. develop hobbies.. work on those things which matter to you most before you got married and somehow lost in between...

(4) care - again find a community like you .. go to church if you believe in religion... be part of some charitable organization... do volunteering services .. help other people.. orphans... old age people... you will get true love from unknown people.. - I am doing this and believe me this is the best feeling when you know you made a little good difference in someone’s life...

(5) someone who needs you ? - get pets ... they love you the way you are .. doesn’t matter you are fat, broke or struggling... for them you are the “world”...

(6) To share your feelings and vent- write down your thoughts in this sub.. come back after sometime and read your own post and replies .. you will feeling blessed to be part of such amazing men...

GYOW brother...

Title	Moving on and Dating
Author	yawnoc1977
Upvotes	17
Comments	27
Date	May 1, 2020 4:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/gblmlh/moving_on_and_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/moving-on-and-dating.818270 https://theredarchive.com/post/818270

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