Our son doesn't like his mom

TheBoyBand · 2022-10-02T22:19:43+00:00

Your damned if you tell her: Your making shit up, your turning him against her, bla bla bla

Your damned if you don’t: Cause it would be right thing to gently tell her.

I wouldnt tell her 😆

CrazySanta7 · 2022-10-03T00:19:02+00:00

Let it lie. She will figure it out. I have 50% legal custody of two kids but oldest decided to live with me two years ago. She says she does not like her mom. They can work on their relationship at their own pace without my intervention. If she wants to visit her, cool. If she does not, i'm not going to force her.

Feinixaway · 2022-10-02T22:14:06+00:00

Why doesn't he like her? Has he given any reasons?

overarmur · 2022-10-03T05:20:22+00:00

100% do NOT say anything until your divorce if final. It sounds like you're very close to that point already. If you say something like this to her, it could rock the boat enough to set you back another year or two. Once the divorce is final, maybe consider saying something. Personally, I think you're better off continuing to strengthen your own relationship with your kid.

simjanes2k · 2022-10-03T01:07:16+00:00

My son says that about his mother, as well. After seeing her prove it time and time again during the divorce process, I've decided to just roll with it.

No more bargaining aimed at 50/50. My goal at mediation and litigation is for full physical custody. She can have every other weekend if she manages to improve and show a court she's able to handle that much first.

Anything is in my son's best interest, that's the only thing I give a damn about. She can have the cars and 401k.

James1933-75 · 2022-10-03T03:56:56+00:00

Let it lie. She filed, right? She treats everyone like crap, right? Now she's paying consequences.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-10-03T08:24:05+00:00

If it's more or less amicable, I'd just continue encouraging him to spend time with her. Maybe be indirect and ask her how she thinks the kid views you. If she asks back, let her know. But any approach could backfire because it's probably a pretty sensitive issue.

Stalkmoney · 2022-10-03T03:15:48+00:00

Start family therapy with him. You and the therapist can help him work through this. Your son might benefit from therapy for quite a while if his mom has created issues with him.

lordgoofus1 · 2022-10-02T23:32:31+00:00

You just need to provide supportive/encouraging words to try to help the relationship with his mum.

Maybe talk to her (if you're on good terms) and discuss doing a parenting after separation course or something similar so she doesn't take it as a personal attack on her, and gets some advice/education that might help her address whatever it is that's making kiddo not enjoy being at her home?

gnackered · 2022-10-03T14:51:40+00:00

I wouldn't foster it in anyway. I wouldn't talk about it with the ex either (why waste words). But maybe when the kid is like 15 he will make the break. It doesn't sound like she is abusive, if so lawyers, full custody, pain.

4rdfun · 2022-10-03T17:00:50+00:00

Just my $.02, if you guys were good with communication you wouldn't be divorcing. There is so much well meaning advice I'd like to give my STBX for the sake of my sons, I want them to have a good relationship with their mom. But she is who she is and anything coming from me won't be heard and likely taken as an affront. And my boys tell me the same thing, I just be the one they can talk to and feel heard, that will benefit them for years and as a guy, it sets a good example for how I want them to be when they grow up, that is decent humans with empathy.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-03T19:49:44+00:00

It's her problem to solve.

Also, realize that a 5yo doesn't have the mental capacity to understand right from wrong. His brain is like a warm bowl of jello and doesn't solidify until about 8yo.

qazinus · 2022-10-08T23:14:26+00:00

My ex who didn't want kids for the longest time, had a kid but barely ever played with her divorced because I didn't want other kids...

Now my kid is a nightmare with them and an angel with me. I'm not putting oil on the fire but I'm not surprised. She will have a clean and organized home at her mom but will get yelled at and punished. At my home it's disorganized and messy but she's getting someone to play with and an understanding parent to help her grow up.

I'm still waiting for her to understand that it wasn't about the kids thing and she just felt bad she that she wanted another man.

But yeah, you're already doing as much as you can. You could try to get more custody but from what I've seen as long as there is no abuse at his mom's house it's better for him to see both his parents equally. Depending on the communication with your wife you could tell her what you are doing. But only if she's interested in knowing and working on the relationship.

Title	Our son doesn't like his mom
Author	Sensitive-Egg-3912
Upvotes	9
Comments	25
Date	October 2, 2022 10:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xu1c7e/our_son_doesnt_like_his_mom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/our-son-doesnt-like-his-mom.1133052 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133052

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