I’m new here, glad I found this sub. This is a long one. I (M29) am married (F26) and we share 3 amazing little boys all under the age of 8. I am very close to all 3 and can’t stomach the thought of not seeing them all day, everyday. Together with her 9 years, married 5.

Several months ago, my wife wanted to divorce, and after weeks of discussing it she decided to give it one more go. An important key note here is during all of this she was in the process of getting a new career which would be demanding if she got it. Part of her wanting to try to fix us was she wanted my full support for the new career. I agreed, but knew it was going to be a challenge for me to support it. She got into law enforcement with zero warning and it made (makes) me very uncomfortable.

We are about 3 months since continuing our marriage and I do not feel that ANY progress has been made. Since she began her academy, our sex life has since been abolished. We went from once a week, to once every couple weeks, then none at all for the past two month. My love language is physical touch, and intimacy is very important to me. According to her, she couldn’t care less about and claims she has always been this way.. but that’s simply not true. I stopped asking for sex a month ago, and if I don’t initiate a kiss or hug, she will go days without touching me at all.

Earlier this week, she received a message from a random number on her phone while we were looking at some videos, and she claimed it was a girl from her class and moved along. I immediately felt off and wanted to know the truth. I shamefully looked at another device of hers and saw that it was not a girl, but a man from her class and he was offering to meet with her early the next morning to work on some physical training stuff, she was accepting and thanking. I understand that is part of the job, but she went out of her way to lie to me. I confronted her and she was instantly mad at me for snooping, and then claimed she was afraid to tell me the truth because she feels I would be mad at her as I’m “insecure”. I fully admit, I’m very uncomfortable with her being in a class of 20 other males that would fuck anything with 2 legs and a mouth.

She also claimed that I’m not supportive of her as I have gave her some feedback about her day to day that was simply my opinion and she disagreed. As far as supporting her goes, I shine her work boots for her nightly so she can go to sleep early, I deep clean her firearm twice a week for her, again so she can sleep. I take care of all things children related including morning routine, drop off, pick up, sick days, etc. I have asked nothing of her, and I feel I’m very supportive.

I’m not perfect, but I feel I’m a pretty damn good husband.

We fought 3 days ago about the random number, and have since got back to friendly and normal. As the days have gone by I am drawing closer to the conclusion that this isn’t what I want anymore. I do want her as I love her greatly, but I don’t want to be treated this way.

If I mention anything to her about my needs not being met, she shows zero sympathy and says she’s just tired. After her lying the other day, I don’t know that I believe her anymore.

I don’t want divorce, I want her. With that said, I will move that direction if it means I have a chance at a life with someone who values me the way I value them.

What are your thoughts? Am I over thinking? Or am I realizing that I’m not married to someone that wants me like I want them? Help me.

I’m sure I’m missing details, feel free to ask if necessary.