What about my one year old son

Commercial-Rub-3223 · 2024-03-03T19:47:58+00:00

I don't know why your relationship didn't work but sounds like you need to fight for full custody and be ready for war

Intimacy4u · 2024-03-01T01:03:42+00:00

Make great memories 💪🏼

Unhappyhub33 · 2024-02-29T16:05:57+00:00

sounds like you you have a good head on your shoulders. You are lucky because your son is only one so he will never know the difference. if you can have you child 50/50 then you and your child may end up happier in the long run if she is already wanting a divorce. i hope it all works out for you

Ok_Perception_1836 · 2024-02-29T03:09:01+00:00

I agree. My son was only a year old when his mom left us completely. He'll never even know her. How can you do that to a child?

DCnative2020 · 2024-02-28T18:55:01+00:00

the guilt will eat her up as time goes on. 1 year old . just wow. sadly the kid will never be the same without a father figure cuz most likely its going to be 50/50 custody. Focus on the kid. Try your best to forget about your ex wife (easier said than done)

DivorceCoachTeddy · 2024-02-28T18:17:59+00:00

My daughter was one and a half when my ex-wife and I separated. I was in a panic, fearing that she wouldn't recognize me as her real father or that my ex would turn her against me. I would have stayed in an unhappy marriage just so my kid could have both parents together (not that I had a choice either way.) But I realized that this would be more toxic for her as she grew up. The next best thing, aside from a loving household with both biological parents, was for me to be present in her life, giving her all the love and energy I could muster. Now, she's 8, turning 9 in April, and we have an incredible father-daughter bond.

She's kind, considerate, and mature for her age. We often talk about what could have been, acknowledging that some days are still tough. But she appreciates the extra effort I made to not abandon her. We even joke about how her mom and I are like fire and water, and how it would have been bad if we stayed together. Over the years, one thing that has comforted her is when I tell her it's okay to have two birthdays and two Christmases.

I emphasize that the quality of time spent with someone, giving them your undivided attention, is better than the quantity. I know plenty of dads who live under the same roof as their kids but are present only physically, not emotionally or mentally. The fact that you’re seeking answers and show this level of concern tells me that everything will be ok in terms of your relationship/bond with your boy.

Keep fighting for him, you sound like a good dad.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-02-28T16:53:20+00:00

I don’t agree with any of the “son will be fine” posts. He won’t be on any level. The only thing you can do is make time with him count, and pour into him. If she messes up, you go for more custody, period. Your son needs you, especially while he ages, more than her, full stop. Hopefully, in time, he will move in 100% with you. That will be her consequences for blowing the ship out of the water.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-02-28T16:11:05+00:00

He will still have the best life. Just separately. This is the new life he will only realize. Shared custody is his reality. Be the best father you can be when you are with him. Don't worry, kids bend and don't break. My three are grown and gone and I thought the same things you are thinking about now. They turned out great and are productive members of society. Your son will be fine. You are the priority now, you can't take care of him if you don't take care of yourself. Put the priority on you for now. Start the healing process.

DadVader77 · 2024-02-28T15:56:25+00:00

Luckily he’s only a year old. This won’t be as huge of an emotional event for him as you think it is at this point in time

DadVader77 · 2024-02-28T15:56:11+00:00

Luckily he’s only a year old. This won’t be as huge of an emotional event for him as you think it is at this point in time

zauriel1980 · 2024-02-28T15:17:58+00:00

Yeah I get it man. Currently separated, waiting for her to file. We have a 4-year-old together. Splitting 50/50, and doing the 2-2-3 schedule. I hate letting him go, I hate that I only get to be in half his life.

I’m in a somewhat advantageous position in that I moved back in with my parents (who already watched him for us while we work) and I get off earlier than she does, so even on my off days I still get to see him for a bit before she picks him up.

But it’s hard. I still wish we were an intact family, and I still love her so much but am slowly trying to get over her, but thinking about his future being like this still makes me cry. All you can do is be there for him 100% when you have him. He’s super young still so he won’t know anything different, but just make sure daddy time is something he will always look forward to.

I take my son to the park, to the aquarium, to the Discovery Center, I try to buy him things we can play together, not just toys to play with by himself. I don’t just give him the Nintendo Switch to play with like she does so she can have time watching her shows or be on her phone scrolling social media and seeking out new dick. I give him my full attention, and I pray to God he’ll remember and notice that as he grows up.

norisknorarri · 2024-02-28T14:52:23+00:00

I got divorced last year when my daughter was just a year old. She still has a great life. I still see her every single day and have joint custody. I am very intentional about the time I spend with her and the activities we do as I want her to be happy. You will have to do the same. The guilt still creeps in, often, honestly. Especially on days where I am having a tough time.

pharmd718 · 2024-02-28T14:34:39+00:00

Your son will be just fine. Especially since the divorce is happening while he is so young. If he was 12, then it would affect him much more. As a 1 year old, he will recognize this as the norm and not miss anything.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-02-28T13:38:11+00:00

Hey OP, you are not alone in these thoughts man, we all go through this at the beginning. I'm here to tell you it's not as bad as you think. 1st thing though, you HAVE to get 50/50 custody which it sounds like you will. You will quickly find that your off days allow you to recharge and do things for YOU and when you have your kid, you will be 100% there. It will take a little work but your son is at an age where he won't know any better and this is just how growing up is. If you can have a friendly co-parenting relationship, no bad words and at least agree to support anything for the kid, it works out. Heck, my cheater exw makes me ill to see her but honestly, I bite my tongue and there is an unspoken agreement we will do whatever is best for the kids. So far, it's working out and almost 1.5 years into it, my kids get it and have transitioned nicely.

The best part is when you have your kid, you can do WHATEVER you want to do. Make some traditions of your own (for me it's restaurant and pizza on my Friday's), take them camping, hiking whatever. Give them your time and experiences and they will be happy as clams, don't give them things. You'll be OK man, you're at the bottom of the hill but I promise you in time, it will be good!

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-02-28T13:06:15+00:00

You and your son are going to be just fine, once you get into single dad groove you're going to love it. Hire a good lawyer and do exactly as they say. Keep your mouth shut, my child is little over 2 and we've been in this process almost half her life now hopefully over soon.

I love being a single dad, half the week I'm grinding at work going home and making steaks,reconnecting with old hobbies and friends. the other half im giving baths and singing and brushing teeth, weekdays are challenging at times but so rewarding when you get everything done. Weekends are gravy, and fun, last weekend I had her we went to three parks, the zoo, two museums, indoor pool, out for breakfast on Sunday, pizza place on Friday. So much fun.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-02-28T11:36:33+00:00

50/50 custody is the hill you die on.

You can’t change her mind or her actions, believe me most of us tried. I even got on my knees and begged like a pathetic worm.

So, your only choice is to do the absolute best you can with the cards you and your son have been dealt. Take care of yourself, in time you will heal. Be the best at your career, be the best in the gym and be super dad for your son.

WhyisSheSpicy · 2024-02-28T10:04:42+00:00

Your son will be fine. Just work out a schedule between you and the ex. Eventually you’ll have to figure out where he goes to school and all that but the kid will see twice the presents on his birthday and Christmas and think nothing else.

I’m literally in the exact same position as you right now. Exact. Just take a breather. As long as you continue to show up as dad in everyday of his life then you’ll always have that place in his heart. He will have a good life as long as you do your part to provide one.

JonathanApple · 2024-02-29T14:56:55+00:00

Sorry, let me know if you figure it out. This is what has me broken with no fix

Title	What about my one year old son
Author	danpier8
Upvotes	19
Comments	28
Date	February 28, 2024 9:27 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b21zpz/what_about_my_one_year_old_son/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-about-my-one-year-old-son.1246661 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246661

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