Why do I feel so guilty?

Obviously212 · 2023-01-15T06:23:57+00:00

Na, just go back to a better version of who you were before she sucked the life out of you. After it all ended I traveled to turkey, Italy, Switzerland, France, Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, Germany, and Austria . Enrolled to get a masters in Chemical Engineering. Went back to gym. She on welfare now. Just do you, and always ask yourself what did you love about the person that drive you to divorce.

polarshred · 2023-01-15T11:05:30+00:00

Read the Rational Male

Gattsama · 2023-01-15T07:57:19+00:00

It's perfectly normal. 24 years is a long time. I did 18 years and was a virgin when we meant. You just need time to heal, detox and go through withdrawal. Ultimately someone else will come and they will pull on your heart in a totally different way then the eX. And spoilers, you likely will have some issues the first time (guilt, stress, fear, anxiety, etc) but that passes too.

In my case just over a year later have a new girlfriend and it's has been awesome. Not 100% healed, but rapidly getting there. I use to get these waves of guilt and worry, they are now 100% gone.

Don't even worry about things until after the divorce is final. The fact you are asking the question shows you are already on the journey of healing and detachment.

James1933-75 · 2023-01-15T13:04:53+00:00

She filed. You shouldn't have any guilt. Place the blame where it belongs.

Patriot0811 · 2023-01-15T06:09:01+00:00

Took me two years. And from time to time I’ll let it hurt me still. It sucks, but I’m in such a better place without her in my life. It gets better dude.

_uCanDoBetterBrO_ · 2023-01-15T06:14:40+00:00

You just need to find/fuck something new and exciting man. Never make the same mistakes twice

Ok_Transition_4914 · 2023-01-15T07:11:02+00:00

It passes. I was 30 years, she filed. I felt broken and guilty living in another room for 2 months. I moved out about a month before Thanksgiving, the guilt started to fade really during my first Christmas alone as I started to realize that somehow the holiday wasn't actually all that different from what it had been for several years. It's still there, but getting more quiet as I realize that I haven't been happy in more years than I can remember. I hope it eventually goes away, but it will take time.

Obviously212 · 2023-01-15T06:26:16+00:00

It will pass took me time too, but remember all the things she did to cause this.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-15T14:01:04+00:00

I was with my wife for 24 years. I'm now 5 years post-divorce. You need time to heal and time for reconstruction. This is the best advice I've come across about reconstruction and post-divorce dating: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=81647

Ptsdveterannavy · 2023-01-15T20:55:12+00:00

"Why do I feel so guilty"

Good men feel that way, as I assume all of us in here feel or felt. You've been putting your family before your needs as a man(Which good Men do) taking care of what was supposed to be your life partner. It hurts to see the blindness of seeing who she truly is unfold before you, you have to absorb the reality of what it is, digest it, understand that it takes two too make it work. I believe you gave your all but, your all wasn't good enough for your Ex. Take your time, better days are coming, I promise.

jil5a2 · 2023-02-07T05:35:19+00:00

Your feelings are valid. You married a person who made you look like the bad guy and gaslighted you into thinking you were horrible. You’re a good guy who got the wrong girl and subconsciously you probably are scared of that happening again. Be you and enjoy life as it comes. You will find the right person who is honest and truly deserves you. And with that it will come naturally… don’t feel bad. You’re human and sometimes we get the short end of the stick and are tainted. But chin up and best of luck

commanderbravo2 · 2023-02-07T11:30:54+00:00

i read your deleted post. your wife is a piece of shit, and your sons are assholes for agreeing with her in the first place. you broke a couple items? boohoo for them, your wife is the one who broke your MARRIAGE. im sorry man, i wish you were in a better situation, but the reality is you were surrounded by assholes who called themselves your family. im angry at this post, but not because of you blaming yourself, more so that your family allowed you to blame yourself for this long and used you to alleviate their guilt. do NOT feel guilty, youre allowed to feel sad, divorce is horrible, but you do deserve better, whether your life will or wont be harder now, you do not deserve them and they dont deserve you, they fucked up and THEYRE the ones that last you, not the other way around.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2023-01-15T10:42:53+00:00

Devotion is a religious term.

I would start critically analyzing all of the foundations you were raised on.

stent00 · 2023-01-15T16:53:39+00:00

It takes so many months per year to get over a separation.ao.for.24 years it's gonna be like 4 or 5 years to feel separate and detached again... Took me like at least 4 years to feel no I'll effects from my 19 years together. Takes time dude.. and every one is different.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-01-15T17:55:13+00:00

No. It will just take time. Give it a couple of years.

Paterculus523 · 2023-01-16T00:18:10+00:00

A friend told me that it would take about a month for each year you were together to really get to a new you. It held pretty true.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-01-16T10:38:15+00:00

Normal!

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-01-15T09:32:13+00:00

No you won't feel like this forever you will be much better. The rest of your life is what you make it. You don't want another woman now but you will and you will find someone better for you

Title	Why do I feel so guilty?
Author	rhett342
Upvotes	14
Comments	22
Date	January 15, 2023 5:19 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10cbgly/why_do_i_feel_so_guilty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-i-feel-so-guilty.1148274 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148274

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