Do women like bad guys?

SpicyTurkeyBaster · 2023-11-07T14:49:06+00:00

My brother we are asking the wrong questions. Some women like bad guys, some don’t. You have absolutely no idea what happens behind closed doors in a relationship, so you need to stop drawing massive conclusions from an outside observers perspective. You gotta start just seeing women as people who think act and feel just as freely and independently as you do. I promise you, there is no blanket answer for what ANY group of people like, because a group is made up of individuals who have an infinite possibility of “preferences.” You gotta stop seeing women as puzzles to be solved and just see them as people. If you notice a trend in media, it’s probably a problem with the media, not the subject they’re covering.

NegativeKarmaVegan · 2023-11-07T15:08:36+00:00

No. Women like outgoing, interesting, funny, confident, smart, and handsome guys. It turns out that guys who are most of these can also be womanizers, manipulators, and sociopaths.

lemonbuttcake · 2023-11-07T14:45:00+00:00

She may just need mental help who knows why she did that. There are bad guys who are charming and sweet at first to the women they are attracted to. They’re master manipulators and then they switch from that sweet guy into a complete a**hole. And women will do anything to get that sweet man they once knew back. I can’t speak for all women but for me I am more attracted to a man who I feel safe and protected by so that could be why some like a bad guy. I notice many people have no idea what a man that makes a woman feel safe looks like because it has no to do with being big and tough, but everything to do with respect and integrity.

fathergoose77 · 2023-11-07T16:25:02+00:00

Why do some guys like go after “bad girls” and stay in unhealthy, toxic relationships with them when they have the option to leave?

I’m not going to get too deep into this and I don’t know her very well, but a common error I see here is that women are all-knowing, wise beyond-their-years and have an abundance of unending confidence. This just is not true. Women are people. They have flaws and insecurities, they have slips of bad judgment from time to time, they’ve had different upbringings. Just like you and I.

So, some PEOPLE (not gender specific) stay with partners who treat them terribly because they might feel like that’s what they really deserve or that the person will change for them if they just love them enough, maybe they’re caught in an addiction together, maybe her dads an a sick e prick so an equally dickhead boyfriend feels familiar/comfortable, or all kinds of possible reasons. You’re not her psychologist so it doesn’t really matter why for this situation, but what you need to realize is someone staying in a bad relationship doesn’t say anything about gender preferences or women liking “bad” guys, it means the people in that relationship have an unhealthy attachment to each other for some reason or another. Do not make an individual’s problem a gender problem. Many women would absolutely not tolerate disrespectful “bad boy” behavior and look for healthy partners based on mutual trust.

Last but not least, you said something important about your environment. You noticed it is not all too healthy, and environments like this can absolutely impact who and how people date if they can’t get out of that environment. Example: I’ve down work with gang members in LA in the past of many of these young men grow seeing the pimps, prostitutes, and gang members are the ones who are making money and living “cool” comfortable lives while others in the neighborhood are struggling to survive and the school system is failing them. If the only people who aren’t living rent to rent are gang affiliated, it’s awfully tempting for young men and women to want to join that lifestyle - and they’re usually to young and naive to know better when they’re recruited.

Sorry for the side rant, but please don’t think women in general like bad boys. Humans are more complicated than that. If you want to be some kind of bad boy because you WANT to treat women like shit, that says more about your own character because plenty of women exist who do not want that.

thrownawaytodaysr · 2023-11-07T15:24:51+00:00

Is there any characteristic that, in your experience, men as a whole are attracted to?

As someone else stated, women aren't a monolith. A lot of people are attracted to confidence and some people conflate indifference to the opinions and feelings of others with confidence.

But that aside, she is in an abusive relationship. What you have described isn't attraction dynamics but someone being broken and in a cycle of abuse. That's not something that women gravitate toward in any significant numbers nor is it instructive of what women find attractive.

As for the media portrayals, it's relevant to note that media saying X doesn't make X true. For the longest time, women in media were entirely robbed of strength and agency not because it was something predicated in reality but rather because it was how women were perceived by the creators and the social narrative pushed in society. I have also not seen that narrative nearly as commonly anymore in most media today.

Nonetheless, you have described a single anecdote. Perhaps you have been attracted to some women who found themselves in similar relationship dynamics. That's not instructive of women. It's instructive of the handful of women you know and can think of.

XxMarlucaxX · 2023-11-07T14:40:16+00:00

No we don't.

bluehorserunning · 2023-11-07T18:27:22+00:00

Some women do. Women tend to learn what love is, and what appreopriate/normal relationships are, from their fathers. If a woman has a great, supportive, stable dad, who respects and values women and loves her mom, she’s way less likely to find drug dealers attractive. She’s going to dress up for special occasions, but otherwise dress ‘normally.’ If, OTOH, her father was in and out, unreliable, yelled or hit, only valued women for their appearances, etc, she’s going to think that’s what men are like.

My mom was married and divorced four times, two of those when I was a kid, and from that I basically was uninterested in getting married at all. It wasn’t until I started training in martial arts and my sensei became a kind of surrogate dad figure, in a long-term and happy relationship with his wife (who was also a total badass), that the idea of getting married started to seem like a possibility.

mylesaway2017 · 2023-11-07T19:45:17+00:00

Women are not a monolith. What women like or don't like is dependent upon the individual woman. Understanding this is vital to rejecting redpill bs.

MisterErieeO · 2023-11-07T14:42:15+00:00

"Women" aren't some monolith, theirs no secret to social skills, ppl are ppl. Some ppl are dumb, so bad, some good.

What kind of question is this supposed to be?

Justwannaread3 · 2023-11-07T15:00:22+00:00

A story about one woman should not lead you to form universal beliefs about all women.

xvszero · 2023-11-07T15:09:43+00:00

Some yes, some no. Same answer to any question about whether a whole big group of people are X Y or Z?

TheVenusProjectB42L8 · 2023-11-07T16:07:29+00:00

Women like confident guys, and early in life those happen to usually be "bad boys". We don't know that though, as most of those guys present themselves much differently to hook us.

Philipparty · 2023-11-07T18:07:43+00:00

From my experience (aka female acuaintances, friends, and ex'es) unhealthy people feel safe/familiar in the unhealthy zone.

I dont know if its attatchent style issues, a desire to fix whats bad now as a way to make up for what happened then, feeling like that is how love should be, or anything else. All I know is that every woman I that went with someone bad had their own issues. Some made them feel lesser, some made them just as bad as the guy. But not one of mye healthy friends have had any desire for a "bad guy"

spiraldinosaur · 2023-11-07T19:02:51+00:00

Some women like [literally any description of any kind of man].

Some women do not like [as above].

There is no universal rule, there's barely even a common trend.

If I was to put my money on anything, it's that women will typically prefer a guy who is interesting, exciting, maybe thrilling. But again, it's all very varied and different women are attracted to different things. Some women like the sensitive guy, some women like the tough guy. Some women like the funny guy. Some women like the sensible guy. Some women like some non-specific combination of all of these traits in different proportions.

it turns out that not only was he an asshole

So, she didn't know he was an asshole at the start, and I'm sure if she had known that, she probably wouldn't have been interested in him.

he verbally and physically abused her...That sounded horrible, but she's still there.

The reasons for why survivors stay with their abusers is complicated and not as simple as "she still likes him and wants to be with him". Many abusers will gaslight their victims into believing it's their fault. Many abusers will take total control of their victim's life; whether it's through cutting out her friends, controlling her finances, or threatening her with something worse if she ever leaves. Many survivors are literally just terrified of leaving, and many hang on thinking that it will get better, or they believe it's about them and that they need to do something to fix it.

sometimes I feel like it's better to be bad, at least then they'll respect you more

Nobody respects "bad" people. This woman does not "respect" her abusive partner, she fears him. Ruling a woman with fear is not a way to manage a healthy relationship.

Lots of women - probably most really - also respect men who are good, caring, kind. Women respect men who are feminists. Women respect men who call out those "bad guys" for being the shitty people they are. They respect men who respect them.

LiuoTT · 2023-11-07T20:51:03+00:00

I think you oversimplify relationships with that good vs bad, submissive vs dominant perspective. Besides you pictured women as some kind of hive mind with same preferences. Come on, people're different.

This is purely what I think:

Keep in mind that it's difficult to leave a toxic relationship due to manipulation. He could have easly rationalise his behaviour to her and even put the blame on her. Then from time to time he could have been really charming and caring, so she'd forgive all bad things that happen. Those're just some examples, we don't know what was happening behind closed doors.

Another thing's that some people have childhood trauma and they subconsciously want to prove someting to themselves. I have no competence to talk about it, so I'm going to stop.

Besides I wouldn't really pay attention what kind of characters in media people tend to like to picture ideal partners. We enjoy all kinds of stories that we wouldn't like to experience. It's also a part of power fantasy for women. In it they're so awesome that they can change even a serial killer into a sweet puppy.

You need to check a target audience of such a movie. If it's aimed at 13-year-olds, then don't expect much. At that age the most important thing was 'omg he's so pretty'. Nowdays when I read same stories with bad boys, I'd simply call a police if it happened irl. Showing up next to your bedroom's window in the middle of a night is not romantic at all!

SufficientDot4099 · 2023-11-07T16:48:58+00:00

Some do. But most of the time the “bad guys” act nice at first. So most women who are with bad guys do not like bad guys.

LiuoTT · 2023-11-07T20:53:29+00:00

Once I was reading an article about women watching true crime videos and why they do it. The main reason was self-preservation. Not romanticizing. Yeah, I also wasn't expexting it at all. Watching a lot of videos about serial killers is about learning to predict dangerous situations and avoiding them. To be honest I learned to never visit your ex, because it's f****** dangerous xD

onlineLsa · 2023-11-07T21:29:28+00:00

You are too invested in other people’s personal lives, but don’t understand how family dynamics and environment come into play. You lack compassion but writing her off as stupid when in reality you are both behaving based on family dynamics and similar backgrounds. You just think you are “better” than her because she doesn’t make the choices you agree with but you are ignorant at how affected you are by someone’s behavior that has absolutely no impact on your life.

SweelFor- · 2023-11-07T21:39:21+00:00

Do men like bad women?

shesarevolution · 2023-11-08T04:52:36+00:00

I know all of this has likely already been said but I’m going to say it again.

You want to know why she is still there? Because the guy is an abuser. No relationship starts out with the abuser flat out saying who they are. That’s not how it works. Abuse starts slow. Some insults here and there, calling her a whore. Then it ramps up. To where he’s verbally abusing her a few times a day, telling her she’s stupid, that she’s lucky he is willing to settle for her. The verbal abuse will start with snide comments that are “just jokes” but are 100% serious. Then it’ll go to straight up insults. And then he will start yelling while he verbally abuses her. Whatever she does won’t be good enough. She will be walking on eggshells praying she doesn’t set him off, but it doesn’t matter, something will. He might just hit some walls or break shit, to reinforce the point.

He will tell her she is ugly, fat, stupid, a dirty whore, lazy, a slut, whatever she is insecure about, he will make sure to point it out. If he says she’s fat, then he will make sure to find skinny women while they are out or watching tv, it doesn’t matter, and he will point out how that woman is soooo much hotter.

Rinse and repeat for a few months, maybe longer. Depends on how good he is at his manipulation.

The whole point of all of this is to break her down. Once this becomes her normal reality, she will start to believe the things he says. He’s the only one who will love her, she can’t do better than him, she’s so lucky to have him. She’s now a shell of who she was when she met him, and everyone around her is now telling her he’s bad news and she needs to get the fuck away. She will tell him that her friends don’t like him. He will step it up and be nice for a few days so she can say he’s not a piece of shit because he did X.

Depending on what kind of abusive fuck he is, it could be a really chaotic relationship. The chaos is there in part to drain her, so that she doesn’t have time to really sit there and think about what has happened to her, and the situation she is now in.

The idea is to condition her. To make sure that she has no self esteem. She won’t know that, she just knows she isn’t how she used to be.

At this point, he can physically abuse her. A hit here or there because she is acting like a stupid bitch, and if she wasn’t such a stupid bitch, he wouldn’t have gotten so angry. She made him angry so it’s her fault.

Generally, he will now have isolated her from her friends and family. They just don’t understand. The isolation on top of their disapproval will mean that they bond more because they have a common enemy and no one understands their love.

He will accuse her of cheating on him, start tracking her movements, reading her texts and emails. Because she was willing to cheat with him, she will be willing to do so with anyone. Add in some more verbal abuse about being a whore. Break some shit. Hurt her in some way.

It’s usually safe to say that he’s the one fucking around, but she won’t have access to any of his shit, so she won’t be able to prove it.

If she’s really really unlucky, she will get pregnant, and then she will be tied to him forever. Until you know, he moves on to the next woman, and there almost always is a next woman.

…. And this will go on until she decides to leave him, he leaves her, or he hurts her so bad that he kills her. And don’t give me the lecture about how that’s just hyperbole, because it’s not. Abuse will always escalate. 1 in 4 women will experience this shit.

It’s not because we like “bad boys” or whatever dumb shit incels say. No one signs up to be abused. Do you think this guy told her straight up that he is an absentee father refusing to pay child support? Come the fuck on. They hang out and he’s like :

“so, I just want to tell you, I have nothing to do with my kid and I refuse to pay child support. Oh, btw, I have anger issues, and I’ve beaten the shit out of a few xgirlfriends, but they deserved it. Stupid whores. Anyway, tell me about you?!”

It’s absolutely fucking obnoxious to hear this shit over and over. “Women just don’t want a nice guy, they just can’t say no to bad guys.” Insert one example of one woman being with a total asshole here) It’s such a trope that whole Reddit subs exist where these nice guys out themselves as assholes.

This is some dumbass red pill shit, so I’m unsure why you, OP, felt the need to post this story. What was your point? To see how many people would agree with you? To demonstrate that you have zero idea of abuse and how insidious it is? I don’t get it.

1 in 4 women will be abused at some point in her lifetime. Have a hard think on that.

Faction_Dissension · 2023-11-07T19:39:49+00:00

women are conditioned to feel like a man not treating them well is somehow love and "real love" which is the kindness of a magical prince is all fairytales. So when a good guy comes its uncomfortable and we are waiting for something bad to happen. Sometimes we go towards the bad guys because its what we have been taught is normal and therefore safe.

All women carry this truama to different degrees. We were raised on it from birth. its not our fault. we need to undo our learning.

Stargazer1919 · 2023-11-07T14:58:04+00:00

Define "bad guy"?

Are you talking about guys who just look like bad guys, with tattoos or something? Are you talking about guys who end up in trouble with the law? Are you talking about guys who are abusive?

-Huzzah--- · 2023-11-07T20:55:52+00:00

This is a narrative I see everywhere pushed by incels to justify mistreating women. It’s victim blaming and misogynistic.

Splinterthemaster · 2023-11-07T18:54:46+00:00

They secretly enjoy the feeling of being able to tame the beast and then feel protected by him. So in a way, yes.

Dear-Tank2728 · 2023-11-07T23:02:37+00:00

I have nothing of value to say so this masterpiece will do

https://youtu.be/Ga2r8bpzo5k?si=JT7Y7xfyUBUhFZsx

PlantHag · 2023-11-07T23:58:03+00:00

Women like masculinity. Sometimes (usually if they have some unaddressed issues), they won’t care if that masculinity is of the toxic variety. That’s all the “bad boy” appeal is.

featherblackjack · 2023-11-08T04:54:13+00:00

The real issue here is that the woman you describe has serious emotional issues. A man is "boring" for her if he's a genuinely good person. And unfortunately, a man who am abuser she finds very attractive. He's "exciting".

That poor woman has been a victim and doesn't know how not to be a victim. All she knows is the adrenaline rush feels like home. This can happen with survivors of trauma. Men suffer this, too. It's not a woman thing. It's a trauma survivor thing.

Title	Do women like bad guys?
Author	Pale-Kaleidoscope848
Upvotes	5
Comments	92
Date	November 7, 2023 2:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/17pvgr8/do_women_like_bad_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/do-women-like-bad-guys.1237681 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237681

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