Should men control their emotions?

rbkforrestr · 2023-03-21T13:25:43+00:00

No more than women should. There’s a balance between letting yourself feel and express your emotions, and lashing out or behaving inappropriately because of them (for any gender).

Andromeda_______ · 2023-03-21T14:21:30+00:00

Everyone should control their emotions. It's what you're supposed to learn as a child.

It doesn't mean rejecting them or stifling them, it just means taking perspective, controlling your response, and being dignified. Emotional incontinence is a bad trait to have as an adult.

SimplexPressureGrade · 2023-03-21T13:55:38+00:00

Some clarification: while commonly called “controlling your emotions”, it’s more like controlling your reactions.

If you look at it like lifting weights, you don’t want to suppress emotions (emotionless/weak from no weight); you want to train yourself on how to deal with them (emotionally-mature/gains).

When I’ve let myself feel things and examined them, I was able to control my reactions super well. Certain emotions are easier than others and I’m still working on this (result of chronic trauma).

Nomadic_87 · 2023-03-21T14:04:39+00:00

Bare in mind there’s a difference between control and suppression. The former is important, though we all lose control from time to time it is important to control and regulate yourself to some extent. Meanwhile the latter is objectively a bad thing. Emotional suppression is very damaging and should be avoided

ColdSnickersBar · 2023-03-21T14:10:45+00:00

We have a world where men will refuse to cry and they’ll call that “control”, but then the exact same man will lash out and call a woman a whore because she turned him down for a date. Crying is not losing control. Being respectful and graceful when you don’t get what you want is control.

I think what people confuse for losing control is “being emotional”, which isn’t a lack of control, but rather is associated with femininity by a certain kind of culture. It’s still considered masculine to lose control and punch someone by those same people. So the issue is actually misogyny.

But let’s look into that a bit. Is it really not masculine to be an emotional person?

Imagine a different type of masculine. The masculinity of the beautiful wild heart. The masculinity of the adventurer, the magician, of the poet, of the shaman, of the lover. Imagine Lancelot and Gomez Addams. Would (60s TV version) Gomez cry? Fuck yeah he would! He loves the shit outta his wife and he laughs and cries with gusto. He’s also based on Teddy Roosevelt, who was known to “be emotional “ and that was what endeared him to America so much: he symbolized the wild adventure of being America and this was seen as very masculine.

Emotion is a fire and it’s powerful and can be dangerous. So the answer to your question is: yes, a mature adult should be able to control that fire. But you don’t want to put out that fire, or more often, to refuse to acknowledge it and therefore not be good at controlling it. To kill it would be to be weak and tepid. To fail to control it would be to act like a little boy, not a man.

I’m going to leave you with this bit of wisdom about being macho: https://i.imgur.com/ueM9zMg.mp4

Academic_Type624 · 2023-03-21T16:38:14+00:00

Why do you want to know?

You're posting a lot of questions on this sub and not engaging.

Naus1987 · 2023-03-21T15:16:45+00:00

The short answer is obviously YES.

Being able to control your emotions is incredibly and important to being a healthy and happy individual.

Since this is red-pill, and people often misunderstand things, I'll expand on this. Controlling your emotions is RADICALLY DIFFERENT than avoiding them.

You're allowed to, and SHOULD experience your emotions. You should let them express themselves, and you should listen to what your emotions are saying.

The key is CONTROL. Imagine you're a parent to an impressionable 5 year old. You're out at a shopping center with your kid. Things start out great, but then some crazy Karen is being weird around you, because she wants to look at the cereal, but so do you!

But you're a responsible adult now. You have a kid who'll idolize and mimmick your behaviors, so you have to CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. Instead of having a temper-tantrum at this woman, you politely back out and shop elsewhere. You can always come back and get cereal. Control is important for setting examples for those who come after. We're a civilized species, not savage animals.

Then later in your shopping trip, you get a phone call from your brother--your parents (and the family dog) were in a car accident, all dead on the spot. As tempting as it is to breakdown and cry on the spot, you can't, because you must retain control. You're in a responsible situation.

But you can control how the situation plays out. Hang up the phone. Decide shopping is over. You can checkout or wheel your cart over to the service desk and politely tell them you have a family emergency and must leave immediately. Because the shop staff also believe in being good people, they're going to help you out. They too won't curse you out or act immature. Because controlling your emotions has real value.

Then finally, you have to keep it all together enough to drive SAFELY home. Sort things out with your family.

Then when you can punt the ball of responsibility to someone else, then you can breakdown and cry. When your wife can watch the kid or another family member.

People joke about never crying in front of a woman, but you can--if you're smart enough to do it right. You're allowed to be emotional. But you shouldn't be incompetent. You shouldn't let your emotions burden someone who isn't adaquently prepared to handle them. You wouldn't thrust your burden of grief on your 5 year old kid. And you shouldn't thrust it on a woman you've only dated for 3 weeks, or who herself is emotionally immature. Vet women, gauge how they handle stressful situations.

Sometimes having a good ranting buddy is the best solution. The important thing about CONTROL is not to avoid emotions, but to be able to competently channel and redirect them when necessary. Knowing how to pause when you have to be responsible, and knowing when it's safe to let the waterworks loose.

----------

As a side note, it's also important to teach your kids that it's ok to cry, and then even daddy cries too. But you don't want to have a breakdown on their graduation or birthday, or when they're going to Disney. You want to time it right, and if the stars align, you can let even your kids see you cry.

The problem is often people are just so fucking stupid. They only see things in black and white. It's either "cry all the time," or "never cry." And the world is much much more nuanced than that.

You should be able to keep your shit together during a family emergency, but also have the emotional ability to cry like a baby watching a sad movie.

Which as a bonus, sad movies are a great opportunity to explain complicated life lessons to children without having them actually experience the trauma often depicted.

But like I often rant about, critical-thinking is important. You can't put your kid in front of Star Wars 8 and expect them to learn anything useful. You gotta research and find good movies.

HappyRainbowSparkle · 2023-03-21T13:22:39+00:00

Everyone should have some level on control, that's not to say completely ignore them either

WWhiMM · 2023-03-21T14:54:36+00:00

What everyone else said about feeling deeply and still behaving well regardless of your feelings.
ALSO... yea there are some techniques for manipulating your emotions and they're worthwhile to learn. This is essentially the idea of cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness practices, controlling the focus of your thoughts to reduce stress and suffering. There is a paradox here in that you don't want to suppress your feelings, but if you let them run free they may suppress you. Like, if you put no effort into directing your thoughts it's easy to get stuck in thought loops of doom and gloom which will essentially suppress all the joyful, grateful, loving emotions you probably would like having in your life. "Control" is not the best word because it implies a relationship of domination, but I think everyone would agree we should "cultivate" the emotional states we want.

beigs · 2023-03-22T03:14:48+00:00

I mean, self regulation is incredibly important as an emotionally mature adult, but that by no means suppressing, repressing, or avoiding emotions.

It means you can deal with your emotions by acknowledging how you feel and in a healthy way. That’s good for anyone, and it’s something I’m teaching my kids.

That being said, when you have a temper, if you’re bigger and stronger (male or female, especially if you’re dealing with kids or people smaller than you), you need to find ways to deal with that anger in a productive way and not resort to violence.

Emotionally mature partners make the best partners.

brattcatt420 · 2023-03-21T17:19:35+00:00

Everyone should learn emotional intelligence. It's much easier to get through life if you know what your feeling, how to express it, and what to do about it.

Stargazer1919 · 2023-03-21T17:53:22+00:00

Every adult, man or woman, needs to learn emotional regulation. Basically, you're allowed to feel whatever you feel. You're allowed to show it at the right time and place, and do your best not to hurt anyone else in the process.

AntiVictimhood · 2023-03-21T19:35:28+00:00

Everyone is and should be responsible for expressing their emotions in a healthy way and learning to self regulate to the best of their abilities. Control doesn't mean suppress, deny, ignore or numb oneself to emotions. Controlling emotions means not letting your feelings have control over your actions. Control means finding healthy ways to express feeling that doesn't come at the cost of another person's wellbeing and safety. And this applies to men and women.

You can feel anger and choose to scream at someone and lash out or hit/break things, or you can run, box, shower, write, yell into a pillow, sing along to an angry song etc. and find ways to channel your emotional expression that doesn't come at the cost of the wellbeing and safety of others. It's everyone's responsibility to figure out ways of expressing their emotions in a healthy and productive way, and doing their best to self regulate.

Inareskai · 2023-03-21T20:29:45+00:00

We can't control what we feel, but we can control how we respond to and act on those feelings.

It is the responsibility of all adults, regardless of gender, to work on being able to react to their emotions in ways that don't harm others or themselves.

xvszero · 2023-03-21T20:52:35+00:00

This is a vague question.

If you're super angry and want to smash stuff at work, yes, control that.

If you're super sad and want to cry in front of your partner, no, just let it out.

debatelord_1 · 2023-03-22T10:01:17+00:00

Yes. Being emotional makes you vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation.

TeacherYankeeDoodle · 2023-03-21T15:41:00+00:00

What do you mean? Frankly, in a red pill context, that reads more like performative strength.

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2023-03-21T14:35:50+00:00

Yes. Anyone who does not have control over their emotions is a threat to humanity. All emotions blind people to reality, which leads to decisions made on false interpretations of reality. Anger, hatred, greedy, and envy blind people to the positives of the world and leads to actions that cause pain and suffering. love, compassion and altruism blind people to the negatives of the world and leads to naive actions that cause instability.

ogspence308 · 2023-03-22T13:17:07+00:00

Wym by "control"?

ShityistDisciple · 2023-03-22T22:18:54+00:00

It has helped me controlling my emotions

Truthteller1995 · 2023-03-23T04:11:37+00:00

I think men should be as emotionally flexible as they want to be.

thrax7545 · 2023-03-23T13:11:09+00:00

You can’t control emotions, it’s in their nature to arrive unexpectedly. What you can control is your reaction to them, how you process them and move through them.

The thing to see about emotions is that they move. It’s in the name. When we get hung up on an emotion it sticks around and can fester in our consciousness, but if we give them their space and feel them, they will ultimately change, and the better we get a processing them as they come, the more fluidly they move.

Another thing to see about emotions is that we have a tendency to ascribe meaning and causality to them —I feel X because of Y, and while that can be true, it’s not the whole truth. If you look at it broadly you’ll see that we feel emotions for all kinds of illogical, environmental and biochemical reasons, and being able to see the bigger picture can help us keep from identifying with any particular emotion. This is useful because when we identify with an emotion we cling to it —it’s become our emotion, and then we keep it from moving as it was meant to.

Ultimately emotions, all emotions, are valuable. Not only do they help us to relate, connect and empathize but they provide so much of the richness this life has to offer, and we would all do well to figure out how to embrace them more, and see what they have to teach us…

Dramatic_Photograph1 · 2023-03-24T07:21:18+00:00

You have emotions. That’s a fact. Your emotions are the precursor to literally everything. That is also a fact. Pure logic will never get you to why you should do something. It’s a matter of what you place value in; and placing value in something can not be achieved through pure logic. Your passions are what drive you onwards towards your values. Hence, you will always be subservient towards your emotions. It’s the way it works.

LogicTM always comes second. Logic can not consistently beat your passions, and it is always a response to your emotions.

To say if we should control our emotions does not make sense. We can’t control them. We can only respond to them. To view your emotions as negative is a problem with the way you value yourself and the human experience. It’s self hatred. Your value things because of emotions. To place negative value also requires emotions. To place negative value on your emotions is having negative emotions about having emotions. It’s self defeating. Treating your emotions as something that one must overcome is missing the point. Surrender to your passions. They are the gift of life. Let them work for you instead of against you.

No, men should not control their emotions. No one should. Emotions are what makes us different from insects and robots.

Rice_Cream_Sandwich · 2023-04-07T15:35:46+00:00

Everyone should! I think where alot of people get it wrong is that they believe emotional control is about repression, when really its more about regulation and preventing intense negative emotions (like anger) from leading you to acting abusive or other poor behavior.

Title	Should men control their emotions?
Author	Valuable-Emergency27
Upvotes	5
Comments	32
Date	March 21, 2023 1:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/11xgkr0/should_men_control_their_emotions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/should-men-control-their-emotions.1186837 https://theredarchive.com/post/1186837

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