Was I wrong all along

findanewnickname · 2023-09-15T21:11:02+00:00

All this can be counter-argumented with one argument: Do the men you see in the street as couples meet these criteria?

Dating apps do not represent the reality, so don't be sad !

WWhiMM · 2023-09-15T22:58:30+00:00

That last one just makes me laugh. I guess a different guy every month for ten years would do it, or every week for two years. I'm sure people like that exist, but I can't think of any I've met.
When I look it up, 87% of women have had less than 15 sexual partners, 47% have had less than 5. Go look up facts produced by people who did serious basic research, don't trust people who get paid to talk shit for hours on end.

xweert123 · 2023-09-16T00:15:37+00:00

I won't necessarily tell you if you're wrong or not, I'll just ask a few simple questions based on each statement you've made and ask you to come to your own conclusions. Redpill Ideology preys on vulnerable people, and as a result, it requires some tender care and reality checks to get out of it.

Only 14.5% of men in the US are 6 feet tall or over. That means that 86% of the male population is completely cut out of the dating pool if this was true. That's the vast majority of the population, however. How many people have you seen under 6 feet that are in relationships? How tall are your parents and relatives who are/were in relationships?
Same as above. How many people have you seen and met who aren't "Chads" that are in relationships? If only 20% of the population were the ones "dating and mating", there'd be a lot less people on Earth, wouldn't there?
When you do things like use Dating Apps, the only thing people see is your appearance, which means that's the only thing they'll judge you by. This goes both ways, not just for men, but for women, too. So, again, look above; how many guys have you seen that aren't Chads in relationships?
Have you ever seen this actually have any tangible effect on either your life or others around you, or is this simply a statement you were told and have chosen to believe?
How would every woman have slept with hundreds of men if only 20% of all men in the US are even options for women? How can women both be unbelievably picky, while also having sex with hundreds of men and be very promiscuous at the same time? Isn't that contradictory?

At the end of the day, it's really important to think about why you believe in these things, and how you came to these conclusions. Did you come to these conclusions because you genuinely 100% believed in these things? Or did you come to these conclusions because somebody online told you it, and you chose to believe it despite having 0 life experience with this kind of thing?

rojaporcelana · 2023-09-15T23:19:52+00:00

I’m in my mid thirties and have only dated two guys over 6 foot. I prefer guys 5’ 10” and under

I’ve only dated one guy that made over 100k

Sure all the guys I’ve dated are guys I was attracted to but like… morals values and chemistry are much more important than perfect looks. The later matters so much more than the former.

If you had the chance to sleep with hundreds of women would you? If so why would you judge a woman who has done that?

Most women I know, if not all, have slept with less than 100 men. Much less.

You’ve realized that you’re being brainwashed… good. Get out now before it’s too late.

TurtleTonyG · 2023-09-15T22:06:27+00:00

Look man, I have no agenda. I feel like many replies feel gas lighty. Mainly because it's telling you to blatantly ignore data that you've witnessed.

The key is that data doesn't encompass 100% of women.

1.) not all women want a dude over 6 feet.

2.) Attractive people get more attention

3.) People cheat.

The key is for you to decide how you wish to navigate. Short kings can have success, and sometimes you might be exactly what a woman is looking at.

Women owe you nothing. Your job is to be the best version of yourself so that you may attract a partner. Key word is may.

If you focus on knowing them as people, and not some object that owes you attention, love and sex. You'll be fulfilled with life.

Even if you fail here, the world is huge. Just be the best version of yourself that you can be.

lilycamilly · 2023-09-15T21:58:03+00:00

Yes, you were brainwashed. Most norm people are just that, normal. Everyone is different, everyone wants something a little different out if a partner. Yes, the women RP describes do exist, but they are the VAST minority of women as a whole. Most women just want someone who treats them well who they can build a life together with.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-09-15T21:30:28+00:00

These are really, really extreme views.

The most extreme scenarios are usually wrong.

gold-ee · 2023-09-15T23:51:36+00:00

Do you feel represented by the red pill’s views on how men always feel about women?

That they must be significantly younger than you to be desirable? That they are never desirable again after age 25? That they are most attractive when they are uneducated, meek, empty-headed? That the only thing they can possibly bring to the table in a relationship is sex, physical attractiveness and youth?

Have you ever been attracted to a woman for a reason other than her youth and thinness? Have you ever wanted to spend time with a woman because she was funny, or clever, or you shared a common interest, or just because you liked her smile even though she wasn’t porn star beautiful and the thought of her smiling at you made you feel warm and soft all over?

thrownawaytodaysr · 2023-09-16T00:25:34+00:00

You need to be a taller guy to date in the USA preferably 6ft”

I'm 5'7" and have had multiple girlfriends. I also got myriad first dates while advertising my height on OLD apps.

“The 80/20 rule. Women find 80% of men unattractive if you aren’t a chad don’t even bother”

There is zero, I repeat, zero empirical evidence to support this claim. People misread and misuse the OKC dataset and misrepresent its findings while also ignoring the many methodological issues with generalizing findings from a restrictive sample to the general population.

The last exchange I had on this front was with a user who claimed to be a psychiatrist, attempted to claim a study supported the 80/20 rule, and clearly hadn't even read the study in question and likely assumed I had no academic research background to rebut his claims. To date, I have seen nothing that reliably supports this concept.

“Average looking guys or under average will not get much attention at all and little dating opportunities”

Most people of either sexual persuasion will share this kind of experience. The more attractive a man or woman you are, the more opportunities. But it's also important to remember that quality is more important than quantity and that just because women get more matches, doesn't mean they are remotely quality ones.

“You need to be making over six figures in order for women to be satisfied”

I'm sure it helps, but it's far from requisite. Not all men are seeking the same thing and that applies equally to women. What I find attactive in a partner will differ from what you find attractive. Our interests will differ. Just like it can be difficult to make friends in later life, it's challenging to find a good romantic match. And if that's what you're after, Redpill et al aren't going to help you.

“Most women are promiscuous and have slept with hindered if men”

ETA: Missed this one but it's kind of ridiculous on its face.

Philip8000 · 2023-09-16T01:37:13+00:00

You notice many of these contradict each other? How can women sleep with hundreds of men if they only want men who are six feet and six figures, given the small numbers of men who fit one of those criteria, let alone both?

The number of people who have slept with 50-100+ partners.... you're talking maybe 1-2% of the population, lower if sex workers aren't taken into account.

My mom's boyfriend is 5'4, he was married before they got together, and had numerous relationships as a young man. Nor is he anything close to wealthy; he's retired from the Air Force.

starsandcamoflague · 2023-09-16T04:36:41+00:00

Most women have not slept with anywhere near 100 men. Even 10 is pushing it. But it doesn’t matter how many men women have slept with, it’s doesn’t reflect a persons worth

ooa3603 · 2023-09-15T23:55:40+00:00

All of these thoughts come from fear.

Fear from low self worth; that you may not be enough for someone to find attractive.

But until you address that fear with tangible action, those thoughts will still come no matter how misleading you know they are you.

You'll need to do things and go through experiences that increase confidence in yourself.

That's why it's so important to do and try new things and activities with and without other people.

It's the experiences from failing and realizing even though you have weaknesses you'll be ok as well as succeeding and understanding you have strengths that are valuable that increase self worth permanently.

That increased self worth from proven experience is what gives people the confidence to know they are enough.

Also these lines are half truths designed to stok your fear, you should get off online dating for a while, and more importantly detach from sources that repeat these lines

Ifhes · 2023-09-16T00:32:38+00:00

Well, yes. All points can be counterpointed with these:

-Height, money, body fitness, as well as many other things are components of attractiveness in both men and women, but being ATTRACTIVE TO SOMEONE is not a list of things you should fulfill.

-The 80/20 rule is not based on anything, it's just the red pill being a crybaby about women not immediately summiting sexually to its demands.

-Anyone should be as sexually active as they want and are able to, withing the law, among proper age and CONSENT.

-Women are usually chased because a lot of men can't think of much else beyond having sex with them. This is men's fault mostly.

-You cannot control what women (or men) want or look for, this means nobody should ever think the dating game is unfair and make a whole theory around it. People is people. Maybe if we stop complaining and blaming about nonsensical things like the RP usuals and instead focused on building our own individual true selfs, we would eventually find the correct people to surround ourselves, including someone to date.

-No woman (that is not looking unhealthily for validation) would ever see the ideals of the RP and its arguments are attractive or interesting.

LaReina227 · 2023-09-16T09:06:14+00:00

Redpill is a process of demoralisation - this is what it's meant to do. Make people feel like shit about themselves and then pit the traumatised genders against eachother.

Think about it; Do you really believe the only happy people are tall and making six figures? Of course not. Do you believe there's such a thing as an objective universal "10" that everyone wants? Wouldn't that mean that everyone is attracted to the same 'most attractive' person?

It's utterly illogical. It's vicious applied psychology and social engineering. This is how entire populations are demoralised - Redpill is designed to break your spirit.

Unkl_Chng82 · 2023-09-16T01:56:32+00:00

Basically, first off forgive yourself for getting caught up. The other part is easy. Just say to yourself regardless of the statistics and other rp points you heard , forget about it and go on with your life. You have something to offer the world and to women. Be who you are and continue working on yourself.

HGW86 · 2023-09-16T07:52:19+00:00

From the sounds of it, These feel more like intrusive thoughts more than anything. And the red pill does this to you by design, so don't beat yourself up for having these thoughts. A lot of those influencers are trying to antagonize your insecurities to keep you engaged and hooked to consuming their media rather than do anything to sincerely help you out and I think it's good to recognize that.

I always felt like the 6ft thing was an especially awful and manipulative because while it's true some girls like tall men, it's specifically the one thing you can't really change about yourself. You can hit the gym and bulk up, you can go on a diet and slim your waist, you can work on your posture, body language, confidence and fashion sense, but you can't make yourself taller.

I've often use meditation as a means to unattach from such intrusive thoughts. It teaches you to label these intrusive thoughts when they come and helps you gently let them slide away.

Here's a web-md article about intrusive thoughts.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/intrusive-thoughts

I hope what I wrote was helpful for you and please do also remember to be kind to yourself!

ResistPrestigious373 · 2023-09-16T10:01:32+00:00

My fiance is 5'7 and definitely doesn't make 6 figures but he is the most amazing person I've ever met. TRP is a bunch of bs hell bent on keeping men in a victim mindset.

daddyslittlefuckslut · 2023-09-16T10:56:44+00:00

Most women haven't had sex with hundreds of men, but you need to ask yourself why a woman's sexual past is of any concern to you. That's very creepy.

Also the red pill tells you simultaneously that "women aren't as visual as men" and "women won't want you if you don't look like a chad". Do you understand that your ideology makes no sense and it's all made up lies and contradictions to keep men from being accountable for their bad personalities and behavior? Just wanted to make sure we're on the same page about that.

ribbons_in_my_hair · 2023-09-16T00:55:31+00:00

Omg no. All of it, no.

Get away from the redpill vacuum. And why not ask some actual women for a change?
I am 34f now, but when I was 18-present i guess i always just dated creative guys. That we’re not remotely rich. Just creative and passionate. That was majorly hot to me. They were on the leaner side honestly. Only my partner now is a bit buffer. Two were just outright skinny dudes. And exactly NONE were chads. Gross. Not in a million years.
Just get away from it. That’s insane. And if you spent the time instead cultivating hobbies and exercising and building up yourself and your career out of love for yourself and just embracing who you are and being okay with it and forgiving other women when they aren’t perfect either? You’ll be alright.

LongNeo · 2023-09-16T17:16:26+00:00

Get this information out of your head like now. I thought to myself I have a car that has had repairs and is working absolutely fine and there is this guy who has a black sports Mercedes with a hot girl and I don't have a girlfriend. The guy looks superior to me.

And I honestly don't give a damn about him at all. Focus on you and don't believe the redpill bullshit stuff.

Rimavelle · 2023-09-15T23:30:07+00:00

the 80/20 thing is the easiest to disprove. the study it came from mentiones, that the women found more men less good looking than men women, but they were more likely to contact them, while men where going mostly for the top of women. there was also significantly less women in this study, coz the % are skewed on dating apps.

I mean, think this - if there is 20% women on apps, and 80% of men, then even if those women had gone with first man that texts them... that leaves still 60% of men alone.

Most women are promiscuous, but also most women won't sleep with men who want that? Do the math here. Also with hundered different ones, but also they are super picky suposedly.

Most people don't make six figures, so how do they get married?

All of this are lies or half truths that are supposed to make you feel miserable so you buy into the lifestyle of some grifter who wants to sell you a dating course.

Straight-Remote-58 · 2023-09-16T04:24:56+00:00

You were brainwashed. All stats refute those statements.

100PercentNattyBrah · 2023-09-16T07:53:37+00:00

As usual I always say take the good stuff from things and ignore the bad stuff, life's too short to bother dwelling on the negatives.

oldcousingreg · 2023-09-16T21:52:15+00:00

None of those statements are based on fact. They’re used as a trick to get you to obsess over your biggest insecurities. The redpill is made up nonsense.

Fillerbear · 2023-09-20T08:09:10+00:00

The step in the right direction is that you are questioning the validity of these invalid statements. The reason why I deem them invalid statements is simple: look around. Not in OKCUpid or whatever, actually watch couples. One thing people watching taught me is that your expectations can and most likely will be subverted on a regular basis.

“You need to be a taller guy to date in the USA preferably 6ft”

This is a misrepresentation of the truth. Sure, being taller can often help, but it is not the be-all-end-all of dating or relationships, at all. There are far more important things than being tall.

“The 80/20 rule. Women find 80% of men unattractive if you aren’t a chad don’t even bother”

That rule was pulled out of someone's ass. There is no such "rule." For every woman or man drawn to a particular "Chad" type, you get someone who doesn't find it their cup of tea. There is no concrete rule of what percentage of who is drawn to what.

“Average looking guys or under average will not get much attention at all and little dating opportunities”

Looks don't matter being a platitude doesn't mean that looks are all that matters. Plenty of average, below average or just around the median of average guys in all senses of the word get into relationships. This is because looking a certain way doesn't sustain shit - you're not gonna be a Monet painting hanging on someone's wall, so you're gonna need to actually do stuff. An average guy who can talk a good game, who can be entertaining and funny will get far more attention than a boring hot guy.

“You need to be making over six figures in order for women to be satisfied”

Some women have that criteria, yes. But calling this something that women, invariably, want is again, a misrepresentation of the truth and an over-representation of the amount that this is a deal-breaking criteria. Hell, some women actually prefer to be making more than their partners, and not for any reasons the various colored pills will tell ya.

“Most women are promiscuous and have slept with hindered if men”

Not at all the case. Some women, as well as some men are promiscuous. Some people just don't have to have an emotional attachment for sex, to them it's just good fun. But "hundreds of people" is still an exaggeration. Tens, maybe, but hundreds? Ain't nobody got time for dat.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2023-09-17T02:01:53+00:00

You don't have to worry about it for a relationship. Women will often get into a relationship with men they aren't necessarily physically attracted to.

NiiTA003 · 2023-09-18T00:01:52+00:00

To be fair, men avoid women they don’t find attractive so there’s that 😅🤷🏾‍♀️

Aria0nDaP0le · 2023-09-18T07:57:39+00:00

From a woman:

Tall Concerns: women generally just want taller although i have gone for an inch shorter before. The kind of woman you want would realize it really is uncommon and just vets the dating pool for superficial reasons

Chads Only Get Laid: There is an expression that goes, "Men fall in love with their eyes while women fall in love with their ears." Women care more about intellect and maturity. Workout and looks max, but focus on your mind. If you are an actual kind, ambitious and smart person you will be more than fine trust me.

^ also the 80/20 rule is called the pareto principle is more complicated. The pillers co opted this word. The pareto principle just means 80% of outcomes come from 20% of causes. You cant boil down something as complicated as dating to that. Try to research and understand the term. Its more of an industry economic phenomenon.

And you make yourself into the chad. You need to ask yourself what is the best thing about me and lean into it. Some men are athletic. Some are nerdy. Some are artistic. Women who value that will value you.

Average Guys Wont Get as Many Opportunities: on dating apps I totally agree. But theres ways to pose to maximize attractiveness. Everyone has good and bad angles. I would also just recommend going out and being part of a community. I see apps as a means to a hookup and women wont want to take a risk with an averager looking dude.

Six figures: if you want a trad wife then yeah. Boomers made the equivalent of 60 an hour. If you both earn 30/hr it equals that. Ive dated men who make less and more than me. I make alot of money myself. IMO you should both make around the same so theres no power imbalance. True love doesnt revolve around momey tho.

Promiscuous: not really. The CDC says mens average partners before marriage is more than womens. And promiscuousity is not a bad thing. Dont slut shame women if you want to get laid more easily. Idk why men dont understand this.

Overall, women are actually not that different from men. You see this in countries with more egalitarian views than the US. Just try to be the best version of yourself and treat women like people, not conquests.

spicytuna12391 · 2023-09-18T22:58:53+00:00

Go outside. Go to Walmart, or a restaurant or a shopping mall and look at the couples around you. How many of those men are 6'5 giga chads? How many of those men have beer bellies? Wearing cheap clothes? Balding? They have wives and kids. They're getting laid.

I've had boyfriends that made under 100k and boyfriends that made over 100k. It didn't matter to me. The tallest man I've ever dated was 5'10. He was balding and had a beer belly. The current guy I'm talking to is balding. Maybe they were average looking but in my eyes they were fucking sexy. If being a male supermodel is required to be in a relationship then humanity would cease to exist.

As far as the number of sexual partners go, WHO CARES? Not a single one of my boyfriends have asked me about my number of sexual partners. I've never asked any of them either. Why? Because we're mature adults here. That shit doesn't matter. Only someone who's immature would care about something so stupid.

GarlicCarlin · 2023-09-20T18:13:42+00:00

Yea, you’re pretty much brainwashed by the grifters and the dudes who needed you to validate their insecurities.

Problem is, you have nobody to bounce off those ideas with someone who is actually past the red pill.

Everything literally only boils down to, what behaviors do you have who are unattractive, especially the ones that come with being a nice guy, the rest.. ignore that for a while.

Title	Was I wrong all along
Author	FindTheMiddleGround
Upvotes	16
Comments	103
Date	September 15, 2023 8:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/16jnks6/was_i_wrong_all_along/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/was-i-wrong-all-along.1231936 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231936

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