Why do red-pillers think that relationship is some kind of a war or a battle where you have to strategize and beat your enemy otherwise you'll lose

Stargazer1919 · 2023-07-05T17:51:28+00:00

The one redpiller-ish person I know irl is like this. I'm pretty sure they're a sociopath or a psychopath. Everything is a threat to their ego, and it's a nonstop game to try and be top dog.

What a lame, stupid, exhausting existence.

xvszero · 2023-07-05T18:10:40+00:00

Because the alternative requires them to respect women, take responsibility for their own failings, and accept that some level of uncertainty is just a reality, that no matter what you do you can still end up hurt. They don't want any of that.

baiser_vole · 2023-07-05T17:57:18+00:00

They are deeply insecure.

juliuspepperwoodchi · 2023-07-05T18:41:30+00:00

Because RP is, ideologically, not all that different from "libertarian" beliefs about capitalism and free markets. They see life as a zero sum game, which is to say, if someone gets a thing, that means I can't also get that thing, so I need to fight them for it to make sure they don't get it, so I can.

They'll claim it pushes people to improve, like saying competition "makes businesses innovate" but really what it fosters is a crabs in a bucket mentality where everyone drags each other back down, rather than work together for EVERYONE to escape.

emfanthrowaway12 · 2023-07-05T18:30:37+00:00

As an ex redpiller, its mostly cause they say if you dont do it women will walk all over you and ruin your life cause thats "female nature". Personally, Id believe that shit out of fear, they know how to make something sound scientific even though anyone educated enough could easily debunk this shit, but "nah theyre just afraid to tell the truth" 💀

allthepillsthatutake · 2023-07-05T18:02:36+00:00

The rp that I knew viewed the relationship almost like a competition, even meaningless things - he was so caught up in one-man-upship on pointless things between us, it was very bizarre. I wish they understood how they look from our eyes, its all very odd

Downtown_Cat_1172 · 2023-07-05T19:09:20+00:00

Because they market to people who hate women but also want to fuck them. It’s really that simple.

_Terrible_Advice_ · 2023-07-05T19:10:27+00:00

That is kinda funny. It's absurd and awful but so stupid it's funny.

Relationships are team work. It's like having a best friend you do everything with. It's you two vs. everyone else.

CynthiaSonier · 2023-07-06T13:02:46+00:00

Three words;

Fear. Of. Intimacy

mylatestphase · 2023-07-06T15:56:53+00:00

"The abuser sees an argument as war.

His goal in a verbal conflict is not to negotiate different desires, understand each other's experiences, or think of mutually beneficial solutions. He wants only to win. Winning is measured by who talks the most, who makes the most devastating "humorous" insults (none of which are funny to his partner), and who controls the final decision that comes out of the debate. He won't settle for anything other than victory. If he feels he has lost the argument, he may respond by making a tactical retreat and gathering his forces to strike again later.

Under this layer is an even deeper stratum in many abusive men where we unearth his attitude that the whole relationship is a war. To this mindset, relationships are dichotomous, and you're on either one end or the other: the dominator or the submitter, the the champ or the chump, the cool man or the loser. He can imagine no other way."

That's an excerpt from Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, published in 2002, based on his experiences working as a counsellor for abusers through the 80s and 90s

The Red Pill is just the dogmatisation of attitudes from abusers who are so goddamn basic a guy can write a book about the ones he met 20 years ago and have it still be relevant 20 years later

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2023-07-06T01:28:36+00:00

Bad experiences with previous relationships, maybe? If a guy acted differently in those relationships, and was treated badly, maybe redpill seems the obvious alternative way.

ThisWalrusisWhole · 2023-07-06T16:47:50+00:00

I think it's that stereotypical sense of masculinity that relates everything to war. Like everything, men must win this "battle" to make up for something.

That long "We hate each other couple" has slipped in the media for decades, and it always looks like a stand-off between the masculine and feminine. Sure it looks great in fiction, but it's toxic in real life. Look at Fight Club, it dramatically shows how messy informing life to combat is. (don't want to spoil the book or movie)

Oddly, the red pills say how to get girls and, in the same breath, state that they are the enemy you must destroy. It's upsetting and out of touch.

Sorry I'm rambling on phone, but I hope it gets my point.

Significant-Dog-4362 · 2023-07-06T13:38:07+00:00

Many of them didn’t have the best relationship role models. Listen to their backgrounds. Mom or dad or even both tend to be narcissistic, or sociopathic

Shannbott · 2023-07-13T03:11:43+00:00

Seems like they’re afraid of being made fun of or being made a fool. If you for instance treat someone really well and find out they’re cheating on you. You feel like an effing clown. I imagine these men just want to prevent that from happening so they never have to fail and be laughed at. Another way to look at it is sort of like when someone wants to take your picture and you make a weird face so that when your picture turns out bad you won’t feel bad cause you did it on purpose. Well these men want to screw it up on purpose so they don’t have to get hurt. They want to dominate so they can control their reality.. which I’m sure they all eventually find out is impossible 🤷🏼‍♀️

ShityistDisciple · 2023-07-06T02:47:06+00:00

Toxic women make toxic men then toxic men make toxic women and it goes round and round and round. Sexual conflict theory goes over this. Sometimes it's better to manipulate toxic people this creates toxic advice and yes it goes round to all men women. So on.

AcrobaticRhubarb2147 · 2023-07-06T06:14:23+00:00

Classic abuse.

concrete333 · 2023-07-05T21:28:50+00:00

Past relationship trauma usually

Codeine-Canon · 2023-07-06T13:41:31+00:00

I can assure you, both personally and looking at close friends that it is not a strategy against an enemy or to conspire against a foe. Normal red pilled people are generally empaths and relaxed, I have a great relationship with my girlfriend, and the red-pill here was building our relationship on solid foundations of trust, respect and integrity & honesty. Been going on for a while now and it’s the best love and bond I have ever had with anyone. Also, I have friends that are married and are not possessive or bossy as you described. It’s just a misconception and stereotype for “red-pilled” people like you guys call, but after all, this subreddit is just a place where to rant and banter against the “evil red-pilled”. Hope this helps and kind regards :)

Spiritual-Kiwi-9000 · 2023-07-05T19:16:49+00:00

And this is the point. In red pill parlance being in a woman’s “frame” is constantly worrying, being aware, and placing her behavior above yours. So using the war analogy it means a RP male is deep in her frame. He’s constantly thinking move counter move.

His behavior and actions are now 100% based on hers.

You don’t dominate the relationship. You don’t keep her in check. If the person you’re dating or married to starts behavior that’s unacceptable you address it. If it keeps going you make it know your boundaries are being crossed.

Be who you are. Someone can desire you but not value you. If this is the case then you have decisions to make for you. Not them.

vcreativ · 2023-07-06T21:00:20+00:00

Not really, no. It's power speech. It's a sign of the dark triad. It's a tragedy, really. What they are really saying is that they have little or no perception of ways of being outside of (supposed) dominance. They're emotionally underdeveloped.

Nothing they have will ever satisfy them. How could it. And they'll select for partners that are compatible with their worldview. Meaning they're keeping themselves stuck in their own kind of hell. And they tend to leave chaos and destruction in their wake.

There's a universe outside of their world. But it's no use if they're too busy dominating everyone to notice.

Tread carefully when selecting the metrics by which you intend to measure your worth.

6stringfella · 2023-07-10T23:56:07+00:00

It boils down to paranoia stemming from their extreme insecurities.

MichalK9 · 2023-08-04T18:23:29+00:00

I don't think it's only redpill, a lot of people think this. the question is: why?

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