100% accurate. Never let it slide.

IrritatedMango · 2020-04-05T19:52:51+00:00

Yes!! My ex best friend once told me her boyfriend degraded her in front of his mates but she didn't care because it was "their humour".

Like real men don't find degrading women funny hun x

ms_monquis · 2020-04-05T19:43:24+00:00

Holy shit.

I had a boyfriend whose friends all hated me. I didn’t know why, but I assumed it was because most of them didn’t have girlfriends, and they were in bands so were probably jealous of anyone else taking any of his time.

A couple years after we broke up, I wound up dating someone in the same circle. My new beau’s brother was one of the most outspoken in his dislike for me. But to his credit (?) once I started seeing his brother, he said to me, “I know we’ve had our friction in the past, but if you’re okay with big bro, you’re okay with me.”

“That’s cool and all, but why did you have a problem with me to begin with?”

“Well because the way you always told Johnny he could never do anything.”

Wuuuuut

Turns out, for more than a year, my boyfriend was using me as an excuse to get out of anything he didn’t want to do. He didn’t have the balls to even tell his bros “hey I’d rather hang with my girl tonight.” Instead, weakass that he was, he told them, “Aww guys I’d go with you, but my girl won’t let me.”

Let me be clear, these were situations I never even KNEW about (never mind that is absolutely not my style).

Which raises another question: how in the hell does a grown man think “my girlfriend won’t let me” is a more acceptable thing to say than “my girlfriend is awesome and I’m going to go spend time with her”?!

Imatworkmotherfucker · 2020-04-05T17:58:58+00:00

Makes me remember one of the times I've felt the most embarrassed for someone else. Her boyfriend kept joking about forcing anal on her in front of me and my boyfriend. My boyfriend (now ex) thought it was hilarious and started teasing her too. She looked insanely uncomfortable. I regret just sitting there quietly, this was about 15 years ago and at that age I had no idea how to deal with the situation (I do now). I asked my then bf WTF when we left and he legitimately had no idea how fucked up it was and I lost my shit. We never hung out with them again. God I hope she left him.

soundsfromoutside · 2020-04-05T21:24:37+00:00

This is so painfully true.

My last relationship, I had NO idea why his friends seemed to hate me so much! They would straight up turn their backs to me if I tried to contribute to their conversations. No one would speak or acknowledge me. I thought I was being annoying or saying stupid things and my social anxiety went through the roof.

Turns out, he had been telling them all these awful lies about me cheating on him, lying, going through his phone, not allowing him to have any friends. No one bothered telling me this until weeks after we broke up. That was five years ago and I still have issues with that group of people.

Reachingout365 · 2020-04-05T19:25:21+00:00

OMG.... I totally downplayed this... so my rose colored memory of my first dates and "oh they're so sweet unlike their friends..." makes me wonder now.

Shit.

Again we are learning here I am so glad I joined. 😮

Mimiriam · 2020-04-05T19:17:21+00:00

my ex bf did this and I'm glad he's my ex

InayahDaneen · 2020-04-05T22:29:57+00:00

Same for his family members! If they don’t like you, it’s a high chance he’s been talking nonsense about you behind your back.

ChixCzech · 2020-04-05T22:50:41+00:00

If you don't like his friends it's a no go. He might downplay their behavior but at the end of the day those are his people and he chooses to have them around. If you don't like the friends, you'll find out you don't like the man. Also don't think if you like his friends/family that he's automatically a decent guy! They might all be trash too!

meecy166 · 2020-04-05T18:40:10+00:00

I’m gonna need y’all to stop calling me out okay. This exact thing happened, his friend was talking about my country and how he would never visit my country because he was scared, and I just looked at that pos, waiting on him to respond and he said nothing, so I confronted him about it and he just said, “that is not how he feels about my country, and I should have said something myself and since he doesn’t feel badly about my country, he didn’t respond to defend me” ugh

Balkanka · 2020-04-05T23:38:38+00:00

The worst part about this bullcrap is you can't even defend yourself how can you defend yourself against people who nothing know about you? my ex did this crap all that time with his new friends that I never met. I am glad I never have to deal with is ass ever again.

sometingwicked · 2020-04-05T20:29:15+00:00

This. Wow. This never occurred to me.

But it actually helps put the pieces together a bit more.

Wow.

Eat_Pant_b0ss · 2020-04-05T19:52:23+00:00

All of my ex-boyfriend's friends talked shit about me behind my back and he would tell me about how much they hated me. I never knew why because I was always nice to everyone. Deep down I think it was because whenever my ex put me down or treated me badly I would always push back on him and I think he complained to them about that. Even though he was obviously abusive to me, none of them care of course. And they never ONCE said anything bad about me to my face because they didnt have the balls. I should have left my ex much sooner than I did but its satisfying to know I was so intimidating to those dudes they wouldn't dare cross me in person. They were all losers just like him

Balkanka · 2020-04-05T19:19:15+00:00

Or he is closet gay and hate you and all his girlfriends. I saw this in real life

mecagoentumadree · 2020-04-05T22:27:37+00:00

Dude, this is super accurate. I never understood why my ex fiance's family was so fucking disgusting and rude to me. They treated me like some fucking gold digger. Funny thing is that i provided everything. We didnt live together and this dude was in debt. Yet, they were always talking about how money isnt everything and implied i had a shopping addiction. None of this applied to me, so i was so confused.

I saw him openly lie about me twice. Once he was late to work, so he lied that my brother robbed and beat me. I have no idea why. I didnt find out that til his friend asked. He used to call me an ex junkie even though i never did drugs. He also openly lied about my tech skills and performance of my machines for some odd reason. I would call him out when he openly did it. He assumed a lot about my life because he was racist. I am sure he probably did it behind my back.

even_thriller · 2020-04-06T01:14:18+00:00

One of my ex's friends hit on me once and when I told him it made me uncomfortable he made me go deal with it vs telling his friend to back off. More reasons why he's my ex now.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-04-06T16:03:32+00:00

And in the reverse - if a guy’s friends are respectful and enthusiastic, open, friendly, and kind to you, that’s typically a green flag and means they’ve heard good things about you!

favoritesound · 2020-04-05T20:27:33+00:00

[deleted]

galian84 · 2020-04-07T00:10:25+00:00

Damnnn. Now it makes sense why my ex's entire group of coworkers seemingly hated me. He would never invite me out with them in 7 years. Claiming they didn't like me...when I hadn't even met most of them 😠

red_lrker_0612 · 2020-04-06T06:05:20+00:00

Oh wow, never thought about it this way!

JOEYMAMI2015 · 2020-04-06T13:55:08+00:00

My high school ex was a covert narcissist so unbeknownst to me he was always talking crap about me behind my back to his friends. Well ten plus years later, and they apparently are no longer in speaking terms with him and have actually apologized to me for thinking I was a bitch. I am even good friends with one of them and he actually told me I am nothing like how my ex described me in the past. This is definitely a red flag right there if you find out he does this!

DeusExSpatula · 2020-04-05T20:17:24+00:00

I can see how this might be true. But I have another explanation for why this can happen.

Years ago I started to get to know several colleagues in my year’s intake. They were based in one of other big offices an hour from me and were good friends with each other. This group includes a guy and his good (female) friend. We all get on well, and I really click with the girl.

After a few months I get closer to the guy and we start dating. When I’m in their city for work events he would bring me along to their after-work drinks and eventually, house parties too. But now I’m starting to have a problem. Every time I see the other colleagues or meet others in their circle...it’s cold. They’re doing the minimum to appear cordial in front of the guy, but other than that they’re clearly freezing me out. To make things worse, this highly toxic girl at my own office with whom I had a tenuous office relationship had recently transferred to theirs.

I found out later that the guy’s female friend had had this long term plan of matchmaking him with her beloved BFF, and him dating me was thwarting everything. So she turned on me. Now, in this group, he and this friend were kind of top of the pecking order, so if she didn’t like someone, no one did.

In the end I stopped dating the guy for unrelated reasons, although the freeze out made the decision easier. To this day I am certain the guy never said anything bad about me. Coincidentally, in the following months the female friend and the toxic colleague who transferred to them became joined at the hip. I’ve no doubt a mutual dislike of me was part of their bonding, and whatever bile/lies the female friend was being fed about me was a lovely helping of confirmation bias to retroactively justify her meddling.

finally_real_ · 2020-06-30T08:33:17+00:00

This just hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve had relationships we’re the group of my boyfriend’s friends didn’t respect me, at ALL.

They would make gross, misogynistic, overly sexual jokes about me, while my ex was too insecure and scared to do anything.

I needed this. Thank you.

Balkanka · 2020-04-05T19:15:54+00:00

[removed]

jenneschguet · 2020-04-06T08:18:59+00:00

I get that narcissistic people talk poorly of their SOs, but I don’t know- sometimes your friends can pick up on things you can’t see because of being love blind. I hated my sister’s husband, and my family didn’t like my brother’s first wife, because they didn’t treat them well.

Title	100% accurate. Never let it slide.
Author	Balkanka
Upvotes	4258
Comments	118
Date	April 5, 2020 4:50 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fvgw3l/100_accurate_never_let_it_slide/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/100-accurate-never-let-it-slide.678936 https://theredarchive.com/post/678936

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