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[–]meecy166FDS Apprentice157 points158 points159 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He is just misunderstood, he is acting out and jealous because he has been trauma. A little bit of loving should help him 🤡
[–]PunnyPrinterPickmeisha™️221 points222 points223 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
“If I act like his girlfriend, he’ll upgrade me from fuckbuddy to being in a relationship”
That’s the old me looking into the mirror.
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple37 points38 points39 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Only one small leap to "If I marry him, he'll start acting like a husband."
[–]ChixCzechFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh honey. Me too. Pour one out for our fallen pick me selves.
[–]PunnyPrinterPickmeisha™️39 points40 points41 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
May they rest in all the peace they didn’t know how to cultivate for themselves. We will rise like a powerful Phoenix from their ashes. A-women 🥂
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice195 points196 points197 points 6 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
I stuck around before but now it’s hard to stick around at all. They could be great guys but one flaw and I’m like... “this isn’t working for me”.
Not wasting any more time. Time won’t wait for me.
[–]ameadowinthemistFDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep. I ended things a few months ago with a dude past me would’ve stuck with for an extra year or two.
He was very surprised pikachu face “just because I don’t have my life figured out means I have to be alone?”
...which just revealed he wasn’t upset about losing me in particular, he was just upset at it having a woman around in general.
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m finally getting over the one I left back in January. Time does have a way of healing everything.
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 6 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
What flaws do you look for ?
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice32 points33 points34 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
If I’m putting in more effort or if their effort is virtually non-existent....
If I can date myself better than they are dating me....
Any drama, any anger, and any bullshit is a complete no-go...
My latest conversation was with a man who hasn’t gotten around to getting a divorce after 5 years of separation/her moving on. Like, wtf? Have your shit together!
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
How do you date yourself?
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
My favorite is taking myself to the movies, buying the popcorn and soda, then taking myself to Olive Garden and getting lasagna and desert.
Sometimes I go on walks along the river followed by sushi.
Sometimes it’s a shopping spree (pre-pandemic).
I love dating myself.
Sad thing is, I took myself on more dates than my last bf did. That’s where I came up with my new standard.
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Interesting. Are these dates alone?
I do this all the time but it does get lonely eventually
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I’m always alone when I go on my excursions. The beach, the concerts, the dates have all been better when I’m alone.
I’m never alone in life, so I crave alone time.
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
WhT do you mean you’re never alone in life as in you have roommates?
I enjoy travel alone but it can certainly get lonely
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I’m raising my kids. The XH is nowhere to be found for the third year in a row.
I don’t fear being alone when they have all flown the coop. I’m working on my hobbies and my identity outside of momhood by keeping in touch with the things I like to do. Doing things alone is a big part of that.
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Good for you!
[–]stovetop_bellbottomFDS Newbie34 points35 points36 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The number one red flag for me (backed by science) is his relationship with his mother. If he has a bad relationship with her or none at all, he’s way more likely to be toxic. So I always find out about that pretty fast. Another great test is after a few dates and things are a bit more established, cancelling a date and seeing how he handles it. Is he understanding and reschedules or does he have a meltdown or get really angry?
[–]ello-mottoFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup my ex had a strained relationship with his mother and over the years I saw that play out with his attitude towards women.
[–]stovetop_bellbottomFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep and childhood trauma such as a troubled relationship with your mother as a child is one of the key causes of narcissistic personality disorder in adulthood
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah, yeah I haven’t met those the ones that have meltdowns or get angry
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I’m the same. And today I’m a bit depressed thinking that perhaps I’m being too picky. I just lose the feeling of connection with them when I see a flaw. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
29... for the fifth time.
You are not being too picky. You need more than the bare minimum.
Wouldn’t it be nice to feel what you want to feel? Don’t let that dream go!
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ha ha we are the same age then :)
You make a really good point 🤔 I just cbf with settling anymore. I swear I spent half my dating life with guys I wasn’t even really into.
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I spent my entire twenties with leeches. No more settling!
[–]upgradingjewelFDS Newbie132 points133 points134 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I recently realized, thanks to this sub and therapy, that I have spent so much time trying to change men’s actions and thoughts that I never spent time building myself up and making my life great. Even when I would change parts of myself to please men under the guise of “self-improvement,” I was still trying to change men’s thoughts (how attracted they were to me) to no avail because LVM cant change unless they want to and unfortunately they usually don’t see any women as unique enough to change their behavior. It’s been hard but I’ve been slowing scrubbing my clown makeup off lol...I refuse to put my energy into controlling or changing anyone besides myself.
[–]NotYourBizThrowAwayFDS Newbie73 points74 points75 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same girl. At first I was like I’m not a pickme, now I realized I’ve always been a pickme. Doing everything for a boyfriend in hopes they’ll see value in me and choose me. Screaming “I’m worth it!!!”. It’s actually really sad looking back to see how much I let myself down. Never again thanks to FDS.
[–]CakeVSPie18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
AfraidofFollowersFDS Newbie49 points · 2 hours ago I stuck around before but now it’s hard to stick around at all. They could be great guys but one flaw and I’m like... “this
AfraidofFollowersFDS Newbie49 points · 2 hours ago
I stuck around before but now it’s hard to stick around at all. They could be great guys but one flaw and I’m like... “this
and hey, it's okay if a piece of the clown makeup comes on (we all make mistakes and it's hard!) as long as you're on the scrub off trajectory...well you're making progress. :)
[–]blooregardineThrowaway Account4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am saving this comment as a reminder, I'm still very guilty of doing what you described. Thank you!
[–]jmaydizzleFDS Apprentice54 points55 points56 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I pick me, therefore I am
[–]DJSparksalotFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Me irl
But my psycho ex was normal. Until he wasn't. There were for sure LVM đźš© that my dumb ass ignored but for the first year he seemed to be trying/pulling himself up.
Then I started out pacing him after 2 years and he got jealous of me bc he was 10 years older than me and behind and started tearing my self esteem to shreads but I thought I could "love him back to normal".
There's us & our house and the pickmeisha 15 years younger than him he cheated on me with & left me for. They lasted like 5 months bc I guess he started abusing her immediately as opposed to waiting it out several years. 🤷🏼‍♀️
[–]thiswomanthatiknowFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🎪🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡 There's us & our house and the pickmeisha 15 years younger than him
🎪🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡
There's us & our house and the pickmeisha 15 years younger than him
Sis you got me dying over here 🤣🤣🤣
[–]MaisiebrFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He has his excuses, I better believe him and do this all over again. Oh, that's the ninth time he failed me and his excuses don't add up? Sorry, I can't hear you over my clown wig!
[–]_boring_daven_FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There comes enough time that not even the biggest clown nose can prevent you from smelling the shit.
[–][deleted] 76 points77 points78 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
đź’” ouch I wish they taught this stuff in school lol
[–][deleted] 26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Oh you’re not ready for a relationship? It’s ok, I’ll stick around & give you the gf benefits maybe you’ll realize how good I am for you!!”
“Oh you don’t want me talking to other men bc of your trauma? That’s cool I’ll show you my loyalty & prove that I’m not like your cheating exes!!”
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
[–]limitededition19Throwaway Account26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hers to all of the strong powerful woman that grew to wipe that clown make up off and put on the crown they deserve to wear đź‘‘
[–]crimepuffFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Maybe i can change his mind” 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️
[–]am-I-doing-it-rightFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Never again. I swear I used to see red flags take a step back and then run full speed ahead. What was wrong with me?
[–]EmergencyShitFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gotta be the one that’s “good enough” to change this man!!!!
[–]PunnyPrinterPickmeisha™️4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Happy Cake Day!
[–]am-I-doing-it-rightFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you!! đź’•
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
HAHAHHAH old me feels personally attacked
[–]ElleNova77FDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He just needs time to realise things 🤡
[–]gigababejflFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm weak đź’€
Pick me tactics are so tempting and usually the first stage because of how much women are told that failing to attract and keep a man is her fault. Men say if you're not resilient enough to accept their foul behavior, you were never loyal and your love was never true.
From all the stories I hear it really take a lot of women trail by fire to really kill the pick me in them. Many just end up mangled with deep psychological trauma but those who make it emerge all the better for it
Its sick
[–]burnerbabeePickmeisha™️8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a right of passage no one else needs to go/grow through. God, I so wish I’d listened to my mom more and got away from that faux-liberal, “progressive” sex and bdsm bullshit. I didn’t realize but my clown makeup was sitting pretty and I was even bending over backwards for men whether I was in a relationship or not...didn’t even see it. FDS needs to spread to more ladies!
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
God, this even applies to having male friends.
[–]FashionTech537FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That was actually me at one point lmao
[–]Few_DirectionFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LMAO
[–]emowhit15FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Personal attack ain't even the words for but never again!
[–]Manko_MochiFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was a whole ass clown from 2016-2018
[–]kikiveganFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ouch 🤡
[–]JinxhourglassFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lmfaooo!
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[–]meecy166FDS Apprentice157 points158 points159 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PunnyPrinterPickmeisha™️221 points222 points223 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChixCzechFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PunnyPrinterPickmeisha™️39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice195 points196 points197 points (22 children) | Copy Link
[–]ameadowinthemistFDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice32 points33 points34 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]stovetop_bellbottomFDS Newbie34 points35 points36 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ello-mottoFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]stovetop_bellbottomFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnofficialUnicornFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist15 points16 points17 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AfraidofFollowersFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]upgradingjewelFDS Newbie132 points133 points134 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]NotYourBizThrowAwayFDS Newbie73 points74 points75 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CakeVSPie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]blooregardineThrowaway Account4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jmaydizzleFDS Apprentice54 points55 points56 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DJSparksalotFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]thiswomanthatiknowFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MaisiebrFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]_boring_daven_FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 76 points77 points78 points
(0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]limitededition19Throwaway Account26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]crimepuffFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]am-I-doing-it-rightFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]EmergencyShitFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PunnyPrinterPickmeisha™️4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]am-I-doing-it-rightFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ElleNova77FDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gigababejflFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]burnerbabeePickmeisha™️8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PostcardtoalakeFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FashionTech537FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Few_DirectionFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]emowhit15FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Manko_MochiFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kikiveganFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JinxhourglassFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link