A forced “Yes” is not consent

Interesting_Day1188 · 2021-05-16T17:01:50+00:00

It's sad that this guy has to compare consent in these ways, giving someone money, vs. sexual assault.

souredskittles · 2021-05-16T17:33:27+00:00

They get mad when this stuff gets exposed because they realize most of not all their encounters were not consensual. Rapists.

Southernbelllle · 2021-05-16T18:12:45+00:00

They know the difference; a toddler knows the difference. They don’t need explanation into it. They just don’t care, and society incentivizes them not to care.

cogsandconsciousness · 2021-05-16T16:51:14+00:00

Men know exactly what consent is and is not. They willfully choose to ignore it and pretend they can't understand the concept. It's a choice because they value their pleasure over a woman's well-being. These men trying to explain it like the man in that tiktok capture may mean well, but they are preaching to the choir. This will not actually change anyone's behavior because men already know exactly what they're doing when they pressure us into sex.

Ai_Blue · 2021-05-16T16:47:56+00:00

A guy recently tried to blackmail me into sexual favours, the only way I managed to shut it down was by saying "If I do this,I'm not consenting and I can go to the police to report you for rape and/or sexual assault, is this what you want?" Chased him away real quick since he was an older guy with a lot to lose.

Latter_Ostrich2875 · 2021-05-16T19:44:52+00:00

I was once pressured into sending a guy pictures when I was about 15. I repeatedly told him no but he used a bunch of manipulative techniques to make me do it. I told someone and they just told me off and said "you did it though so stop whining, it's not like you were threatened." I know it's not the worst thing but it was still violating. A forced yes is not a yes.

Things they can do include:

Physical force, trapping the victim.

Threatening and blackmailing.

Guilt tripping.

Making you feel like you need to prove yourself. "Oh, I thought you were (nice, cool, adventurous, etc), guess I was wrong."

Asking over and over till they say yes.

Asking for reasons and disproving them.

Complimenting the victim to try and get them to change their mind- "aw but you're so pretty, I just want to see more."

Desexualising the situation- I know this might not make sense but what he did to me was say "well I know you aren't comfortable with sex but we aren't having sex. Just send me a photo, it doesn't affect you." He also tried to make it sound less sexual, used words like lovely and pretty rather than sexy.

flowerpower102938 · 2021-05-16T19:56:02+00:00

I feel like "consent" is just thrown around. I prefer the words "enthusiastic consent". This shows both parties explicitly want to move forward. Enthusiastic consent is more than just the "yes"; it's a YESSSSS!

nopuedeser818 · 2021-05-16T19:54:36+00:00

I worry that some scrotes are going to use mental gymnastics to tell themselves, "Well, I didn't threaten her." But you applied pressure, pressure, pressure. That has an affect on a person, especially a person who is smaller and weaker than you.

Some types of pressure that I imagine are used are "social" pressure (you will not be considered cool or popular, I'll dislike you, you are making me feel sad, etc). Now a lot of us would consider these stupid reasons to succumb to pressure, but everyone is different. A young, vulnerable woman from an abusive childhood might well find such pressure too much.

Where is the cut-off point where a "threat" is not a "threat" anymore? Just because he didn't "threaten" to beat her, doesn't mean she didn't feel intense pressure and eventually succumb to it. A "threat" of (imagined) societal ostraciation would work better on an 18-year-old straight out of high school compared to a 35-year-old woman with a strong backbone, but the thing is, we can't really know who will succumb to that type of pressure and who won't and to say that it's not really a "threat" because you wouldn't consider it one doesn't mean it wasn't taken very seriously as a threat for someone else.

TL;DR to scrotes: Any kind of "pressure" can be recieved as a "threat" to a particular type of woman and you cannot read her mind. You cannot know that your style "pressure" led to her wholehearted consent or was instead percieved as some sort of threat. STOP PRESSURING HER in any form. Take "no" for an answer the first time.

detikripur · 2021-05-16T20:38:04+00:00

At this point everything works. Teach boys/ men not to rape/ consent. Teach girls/women not to trust and to protect themselves. Punish the rapists harshly. Like lock them and throw the key- punishment kind.

liberty_5-30000 · 2021-05-16T20:40:28+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this. I showed this to my son and husband. My husband got it because we have 3 girls. My son had an epiphany.

Thank you so much. I love this sight.

Required for all mothers to teach their sons to be good men.

throwawayathrowaway0 · 2021-05-16T21:32:08+00:00

I'm sure there are many different analogies that you could use in this scenario, but the one I thought of was more specific to emotional manipulation as that is how an ex used to treat me. Instead of using physical violence, he'd just ask for a "smaller" sexual favor and frame it as easier and less involved. So instead of asking for the full $10, he'd be only asking for $5. So sick. Really hate having the memories creep up, but it's also good to see how far I've progress. Thanks for sharing the vid! Side note, 100% agree with u/cogsandconsciousness's post. Thanks for the food for thought.

Jerryriggedusername · 2021-05-16T21:51:40+00:00

In Queensland where I live, this is; and not just sexually, but in anything that applies towards consent including financial or otherwise, in any domestic relationship (as defined by the relevant Act) called “coercive control” and is now a recognised form of domestic violence for which an aggrieved can obtain an order to protect them and for which the order is enforceable with criminal consequences.

Without getting too far into the legality of it including burdens and standards of proof at each stage of the application from applying to enforcing an order (teetering too close to legal advice), it’s wonderful that our state government has officially recognised another form of violence.

Protoetype · 2021-05-16T19:42:38+00:00

This should be common knowledge.

karabnp · 2021-05-16T17:45:28+00:00

THIS. 1000%. Maybe this will click with and reach a few males.😏🙄

adalovelace1793--- · 2021-05-16T22:45:15+00:00

The measure of a man is shown to you when you say No to them.

Everything else that doesnt respect your No, falls back into NVM.

Quebeks · 2021-05-17T00:49:18+00:00

I’m glad to hear a man say this. Maybe the lurkers in the back will finally hear it! Die mad, scrotes!

Novemberinthechair · 2021-05-16T22:53:54+00:00

Who's this guy?

Title	A forced “Yes” is not consent
Author	ArugulaIsAwesome
Upvotes	2390
Comments	41
Date	May 16, 2021 3:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ndqi28/a_forced_yes_is_not_consent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-forced-yes-is-not-consent.754930 https://theredarchive.com/post/754930

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