Does being with someone less intelligent make you a pickmeisha?

ghygdryhchmmmmjj · 2020-01-31T02:58:55+00:00

Being educated and being intelligent are not one and the same. In fact... some highly educated people with great vocabularies can say some really stupid things. You know what you cant fake? Being a genuinely good person. Critical thinking skills. Critical thinking skills and a sense of humor signal more intelligence to me than anything else. Now if you're wanting to discuss specific literature with some one who hasn't read the books you've read, that's just a matter of finding friends who've read those same books. But if you feel something is lacking dont hold onto him and do a disservice to yourself or him. It's ok to want a better match for yourself! but don't think of his lack of book smarts or "talking less" as an indicator of sub par intelligence.

Lovelywings2 · 2020-01-31T02:51:24+00:00

intelligence does not equal brains or intellect. I feel like the first sentence 'Im more intelligent than my boyfriend' doesn't match the rest of the post. The things you mention dont show more intelligence. It just shows you're more intellectual.

MidnightCarp · 2020-01-31T01:54:49+00:00

Iirc, statistically relationships where the woman is more intelligent tend to be significantly more stable! Probably because HVM respect smart women more and are impressed by them, so they will cherish the relationship more, plus I guess men are less likely to try to pull off stuff like cheating when they know she's going to outsmart him lol.

Nothing wrong with having a relationship based on emotional support and a good personality as long as you don't feel like you're missing something, you can have intellectual discussions elsewhere.

circescircus · 2020-01-31T07:26:05+00:00

No. That's absurd. Building a good relationship has nothing to do with being an intellectual.

Being a HVM or HVW is not defined by your education level, debating skills, the number of stamps in your passport, your vocabulary or income. It's defined by your character, integrity, perseverance, mindset, self-discipline, the company you keep, the choices you make, how you treat others, how others remember you. So it's not pickmeisha to be with a guy who isn't an intellectual, as long as he is a HVM.

If anything, I'd say that intellectual people have a harder time building good relationships, because many live life from a position of standing on a soapbox. You can't see people eye-to-eye, when you always want to stand higher than them. People also can't hear you either, if you don't have a speakerphone. And even with the speakerphone, people find your voice obnoxious and don't want to listen. So the only people you can relate to, are others on soapboxes with speakerphones. (Not directed at the OP, just speaking in general.)

Intellectual men tend to be assholes, because intellectual types mistake privilege with achievement. So a lot develop a sense of self-importance, just for existing. Men and women are socialized differently, so intellectual women generally have more empathy. Bourgeois elitism + being socialized as a typical male = a guy who is probably a sociopath.

Another reason why intellectual men tend to be assholes, is because intellectual subcultures tend to not care about tangible results. So it doesn't matter what you actually do or accomplish, because there isn't a quantifiable way to measure results. It's all about prestige, exclusion, winning debates, groupthink, having the "correct" thoughts and ideas and so on.

hellau1234 · 2020-01-31T06:08:23+00:00

If you're missing conversation with intellectuals find that elsewhere! In book clubs or any other sort of part-time activity.

Whateverbabe2 · 2020-01-31T06:48:43+00:00

I have noticed the same thing. I dated intellectually intelligent guys that are assholes vs the heart of gold, slightly dimmer, counterpart.

It does not make you a pickmeisha. Honestly, do what makes you happy. No relationship is ever going to be 100% fulfilling; that's why you have other relationships. The question is, would you rather have a slightly cruel intellectual or practical and kind bumpkin?

I will admit there was something intoxicating and vaguely dark about the intellectual but I couldn't trust him and I wasn't happy.

With my country bumpkin I was extremely happy but our conversations would hit a certain level of complexity and then he could no longer grasp the concepts we were arguing and it would come to an abrupt end. I understood this was as far as he could go intellectually.

Conversation is very important in relationships. With one I was always left unsatisfied, and the other, I was inevitably disrespected, frustrated, and put down. Our relationship was on shaky ground every time I had a "stupid" opinion.

This also determines the relationship he will have with your family, especially if they are intelligent like you. My bumpkin boyfriend was vaguely disrespected because he couldn't keep up and was left to play with the kids at family gatherings. My smart boyfriend was a big hit at first and steadily became more unpopular, until it was downright awkward.

Having a man that complements your abilities and has good intentions bodes well for your future. However, these are just my experiences.

Inez_Honeyfox · 2020-01-31T01:54:53+00:00

I don’t think so. HVM does not necessarily = any one thing except for being high effort, in my understanding. Is he continuously doing things to level himself up? But also, Is his perceived level of intelligence something that really matters to you, for real? If it does, than you’re settling for less than what you want, and that’s not a good idea.

thesleeplesss · 2020-01-31T04:10:12+00:00

He doesn't sound dumb at all. It just sounds like he's reserved. Being opinionated and vocal doesn't make you more intelligent than a quiet person.

ivy176 · 2020-01-31T06:29:19+00:00

I'm not interested in self proclaimed "intellectuals". I don't place much value in being up to date with various topics, holding a number of degrees, being "well traveled" or any of that potentially arrogant, self absorbed yuppie shit. Been there, done that.

I'm more attracted to men who have practical intelligence, are good with their hands and get things done. I like doers. The last thing I'd be attracted to is a man who sits around in an expensive suit, pondering thought provoking and highly intelligent concepts. I don't need someone who can keep up at dinner parties full of "intellectuals". I love it when people in these situations ask for my boyfriend's thoughts on a topic and he will just say "I don't know much about it!". He's got nothing to prove and is a mans man. Or if they ask what destinations he's most interested in visiting, after discussing something cultural and intellectual from their travels, and he'll be like "Not really into traveling mate, too busy fixing up my house, but sounds like you had a great time!". I just look at him and smile, and I don't think any less of him. We get in the car to go home and I feel relieved to be with just him.

We share similar values and I worked side by side with him in healthcare for 6 years. We agree on the practical ways of doing things, and we had the same approach to dealing with people, stressful situations and complex situations. He always felt like "one of my kind" and I always viewed him as intelligent and skillful. He's far less qualified than I am and we have different histories and exposures, but I don't have a set view of intelligence because there are so many factors. Plus the "intellectuals" I've known in my life were so pompous, I lost interest very quickly. I also found they weren't very practical, couldn't fix my car or offer any real day to day benefits like a good old fashioned working class man is more likely to.

I'd never be with someone who I thought was below me, or simple. I need someone to understand my views on certain things and for us to have similar personality types in certain ways. But I think "doers" have as much, or possibly more influence on the world as intellectuals.

Also it's a matter of personal interest. Just because someone isn't interested enough in certain concepts enough to dwell on them or research them doesn't mean they're less intelligent. There are a lot of "intellectual" men out there living off inheritance from their families who have all day to sit around delving into their personal interests, doesn't make them more intelligent either. Gathering, regurgitating or combining information someone's learned doesn't make them more intelligent in my opinion. A man could be very capable with discussing politics, economics, finance, cultural issues, society, science... whatever. But anyone could be capable of researching, memorizing and regurgitating information and concepts. Ultimately, no matter how convincing an argument could be in a debate, it's just synthesizing information and regurgitating it in a certain way.

But, yknow, then there are people who are just... um... very simple.

persephones_torch · 2020-01-31T04:04:31+00:00

Education does not equate intelligence. Sometimes the most intelligent people did not have the opportunity to pursue further education.

funky_worms · 2020-01-31T03:22:59+00:00

He sounds like a very kind person. I dont think intellect matters as much as long as you make each other happy

themissdaydreamer · 2020-01-31T09:59:03+00:00

the graduation, or lack of, is not the problem. your man seems to have a different kind of intelligence than yours, more practical and hands-on. this is good, it brings balance to your relationship even if you both don't feel it.

i know how it is to date a guy who's neither educated or intelligent and believe me, you're lucky. many men use their lack of educational background as an excuse to stay stuck in mediocracy, and while a diploma is required to advance in many fields, it is possible to build a carreer without it.

mypretties · 2020-01-31T11:13:05+00:00

Hmmm. No, it doesn’t make you a pickmeisha. Also, he doesn’t sound dumb to me. Self sufficient, high earner, self reliant, accomplished, successful. Maybe he doesn’t recite poetry but who cares? Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you respect him much. You sound arrogant and he sounds like a HVM.

Balkanka · 2020-01-31T18:10:50+00:00

This is actually a really interesting post. I have been in your situation before, but it didn’t work out for me, personally. I think the reason is because my father is extremely intelligent and he has always been the “leader“ of our family. I’m close with him so I tend to want a man in my life who can similarly take over some of the thinking and directives. In every other situation in life, like with friends or at work, I’m always the one who is taking over the thinking, planning, analyzing, and leading the group. But I do it reluctantly. I don’t actually enjoy having to be the one to do it. That’s why I like to have a man where that is an option.

When I dated a guy who was an athlete and not educated at all, he was useful and handy, and would do stuff like drive us places and do some of the heavy lifting, but when it came to conflict, he crumbled. He had a very low emotional intelligence and lots of past family trauma from child abuse. He didn’t know how to use his words so he began to use his fists.

Definitely not saying your boyfriend is going to end up being an abusive prick like my ex. I was younger then and was too blinded by “love“ to realize that we just weren’t compatible mentally.

If you feel like he balances you well, it really can work. I didn’t catch how old you are but I was very strong-willed in my 20s and always the one to win a debate and fight for my opinion. As I got older, my energy changed drastically because I really learned how to pick and choose where to invest my energy and to pick my battles. If it’s working for you now, I don’t think you should break it off because you’re worried about stuff we talk about in the sub. It’s already good that you are aware of it and can think on it as time goes on.

TwinPeakMayor · 2020-02-01T09:10:37+00:00

I have a similar situation with my bf. you should share meyer Briggs personality tests, that's what we did. it really helped me understand that he would just rather be feeling and experiencing the world vs me who is always running scenarios through my head. my bf does give me a unique perspective sometimes, especially with abstract issues, but if we are talking pop culture stuff it can be hit or miss.

flandersmustash · 2020-01-31T09:21:52+00:00

I don’t think so, I think it’s ok to have people you’re allowed to have certain conversations with and some people that you know you can’t. Most people can’t be a be all for every single thing I have an interest or opinion on.

My Dads only advice to me was to date a man less intelligent than I am. I’m not really sure what I make of that lol.

nymphaetamine · 2020-01-31T12:03:43+00:00

Not at all. Some of the worst men I've ever met were intellectuals. They were always lacking in empathy and basic human compassion, most of them were narcissistic and emotionally abusive, and they all seemed to believe their careers or degrees gave them a pass to look smugly down on everyone else. No thank you. The older I get, the more I appreciate the Forrest Gumps of the world. Give me a dumb sweetheart who just wants to see me smile over an intelligent asshole who always has to be right any day.

GingerJerk · 2020-01-31T12:29:55+00:00

Intelligence is overrated. It's also rare af. According to intelligence bell curve, only 16,1% of all people in the world have IQ over 115. Only 2,1% percent of people in the whole world have IQ over 130. And then divide those percentages by two, because yes, half of those people have a vagina. A lot of people (mostly men, lol) like to boast on the Internet that they are "super intelligent", but is that realistic? Do they fall into that rare 8,05% of men with IQ over 115? I would say no. Most of them simply do not. If they claim they do, you can be certain they're not smart at all. It's actually super unrealistic of them to claim that according to estimated percentages. Most people are simply average in that regard. Men also like to claim that they are more prone to IQ extremes, they are more likely to be super dumb or super smart. Thats because they want to claim a big portion of that 16,1% no matter what. What they don't realize is that this claim indicates that women, in general, are smarter than men.

Unfortunately, the bell curve indicates there's a lot of people who are dumb as rocks. There's also Dunning-Kruger, where people severely overestimate their abilities. And sometimes the difference between two people is literally in a few points. There's also different types of intelligence. Being able to build something from scratch indicates a high amount of kinesthetic intelligence. And, since you've mentioned it already, emotional intelligence is also super important. It's supposedly even more important than IQ in daily life. I would pick someone with high EQ over someone with a high IQ any day. In fact not having a proper amount of EQ can "dumb down" someone significantly. I consider somebody who can't read social cues and body language stupid, I have no use for such a person. Ideally, someone should have a decent amount of both. But that's best case scenario.

MyNeferTitty · 2020-01-31T14:24:35+00:00

I would not recommend "dating down" to any woman tbh.

dackaroo · 2020-01-31T07:56:18+00:00

If he respects you and you two are happy together, then no, you're not a pickmeisha for dating him. As long as he's not dumb enough to make it weird, I don't see an issue with it as an outsider.

Title	Does being with someone less intelligent make you a pickmeisha?
Author	rhiannaaaa89
Upvotes	20
Comments	28
Date	January 31, 2020 1:29 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ewgdmr/does_being_with_someone_less_intelligent_make_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/does-being-with-someone-less-intelligent-make-you.683623 https://theredarchive.com/post/683623

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