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PicklesNBacon
[–][deleted] 243 points244 points245 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This really fucked with me. Had to continuously remind myself that he was a projection of his own reality.
[–]German_girl97FDS Newbie 52 points53 points54 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My mom had to keep telling me he was lying and to not go back to him. A year later I started putting together all of his lies. Lying piece of work he was.
[–]Dont_Settle_for_LessFDS Newbie 106 points107 points108 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're so right. Some just have a video game syndrome mentality where they are the main character and, thus, bad things shouldn't happen to them.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (16 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie 93 points94 points95 points 6 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
The ANGER he directed at me for me finding out, accidently, that he was negotiating prices with hookers on Tinder. The first thing he said when I confronted him with the undeniable evidence on his phone, which he had sent me to fetch for him. I wasn't even looking for evidence of cheating. He said 'I didn't do anything wrong except love you'. In other words, it was my fault he likes young women and is willing to pay for the thrill? Go figure. The devil made him do it would have been a better reasoning.
He stormed out. I threw everything in the house that belong to him on the lawn and text him a picture. He was such a coward, he sent a buddy to come scrape it all off the lawn and haul it away. I said to his buddy 'oh, you must be s**king his d**k now?' and laughed. He said 'oh no mam!'. It was priceless ladies. (Forgive my language)
63 years old. Pitiful. They don't get better, ladies.
[–]butterfree_zhuangziFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
First of all I'm sorry you had to deal with such a cowardly and perverted man. I hope you are doing much better now without him and I would bet money that you are.
I did sex work for a short while when I was a libfem. I'm not proud of this by any means, it does however give me a sort of insiders perspective in some ways. The men who came to me always felt the need to explain why they were cheating on their wives. They felt justified in their behavior because their wives were either sick or only wanted sex once a week or some other weak excuse. It was always on the wife though.
Once I even had a man say he should have started looking for a wife earlier essentially letting me know he had settled. None of them were good in bed yet married for years and kissed like fish out of water. All of this seemed like a them problem, not the wives.
As much as I hate that I participated in that, it really made me aware of the audacity of men. Now that I no longer do sex work and follow FDS I look back at that and cringe but also see lessons that I couldn't ignore if I tried. I have more respect for myself and other women now.
ETA I admire your approach in leaving him and hope to embody that kind of strength and confidence someday!
[–]ValorTrashFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
We can only change the future. I'm glad you're doing better now and from one stranger to another I am really proud of you!
[–]butterfree_zhuangziFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You're so kind to say that thank you! This community has really been the most helpful resource for me. You guys are all so supportive and it's all love! Sometimes tough love, but that's necessary in any community.
[–]ValorTrashFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So true!
I work in a very competitive career and I'll tell ya, ladies, always be wary of people and groups who do nothing but hug-box. It's typically not them having your best interests in mind, just people who don't want to level up in life and are trying to convince everyone else not to so they feel less guilty for their laziness.
Edit: Unrelated, just saw your username. Butterfree is my favorite! :)
[–]butterfree_zhuangziFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You're so right about that. Love the term "hug-box" and I will be using it from now on! These kinds of communities have only encouraged behaviors in me, ANY behaviors, and that's just scary to be frank.
Ah butterfree, you've chosen a great fave. So cute and dangerous at the same time!
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some I have come to think are without souls. No empathy. Nothing inside.
[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
👌 perfect!!
God they're so pathetic when they get caught aren't they??
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie 27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't understand why they get so angry! Then comes the tears. Oh yeah, I got those too. Late late late the next night, he text me to tell me I was imagining things and I was so wrong to see it this way. I'd seen this 6'2 260 lb man cry for his mommie before. I told him GFY and then he blocked me. LOL
[–][deleted] 38 points39 points40 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I watch my ex beg and cry for hours, days even. I realised he was never crying for what he did just that he got caught.
When he gave up trying to continue fake tears he would make snide remarks or be patronizing one time he was a straight up assholes and said "you're just jealous"
Honestly guys learn quickly how to avoid trouble. They shift the blame. They put you down, make you feel like it's your fault for looking, they want to have their life with you which serves one purpose and then still be free to do as they please in their secret double life and when you destroy that for them....they will be a mess and cry and lash out and manipulate and gaslight etc.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
63 years old. Pitiful.
Jesus.
[–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've had SO many men (cheaters, abusers, married assholes who lied about being married) cry when I caught them.
The first time it happened, I didn't know what to do. It was so damn shocking and inappropriate that it literally rendered me speechless and dumbfounded.
It took time for me to realize these men didn't give a fuck about me. They were only crying for themselves. Their selfishness was unbelievable. Nowadays I am unmoved by men's tears.
[–]PicklesNBaconFDS Newbie[S] 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep
[–]Dont_Settle_for_LessFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Heh, the angry ones don't even get to me because I may be calm most of the time. But I can dial up being pissed very quickly. None of my exes would dare.
The weepy ones are worse, in my opinion. They try to play the poor victim, "pity me" ! And try to make you the bad guy.
[–][deleted] 169 points170 points171 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The first time I saw my ex cry I felt terrible. Here was this tall 6'4, broad man reduced to tears because I had apparently upset him so much.
By the fifth time, I was unmoved.
There's a difference between a man expressing his emotions and being vulnerable by crying in front of you, and just plain old manipulation. The speed in which those crocodile tears dried up after seeing what little effect they had, amazes me to this day.
[–]w00kieeFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It literally scared the shit out of me the first time I seen my ex husband go from ‘crying’ to perfectly fine when he realized I wasn’t moved. I swear they’re a little psycho.
[–]holodeckdeathtrapFDS Newbie 53 points54 points55 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
...the importance of letting go. Loving someone doesn't mean that you have to be in a relationship with them. Or save them. Or wait for them. Or stop acting with love and kindness towards yourself.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It felt so liberating when I learned that it's ok to love someone from a distance. A LONG distance.
[–]royaldetourFDS Newbie 107 points108 points109 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And they say women are duplicitous. Project much, scrote?
[–][deleted] 70 points71 points72 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Gosh, I still remember witnessing my first public break-up in our university Starbucks. I walked in to buy a coffee and there was this girl bawling her eyes out and the guy just sat there, so stoic. It freaked me out how he wasn't even reacting to her emotions or trying to comfort her. The attitude was just like "let her have her moment and then I'll leave"
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dear Christ. What did you do? Did anyone else step in? That is awful.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn't do anything :/ I'm not sure what I would have done. I was only 18 at the time.
Also, the university Starbucks gets pretty crowded so there were a ton of people there. Most likely, very few people even noticed them.
[–]_HEDONISM_BOTFDS STRATEGY COACH 181 points182 points183 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My first heartbreak? It taught me that a man can be ugly as FUCK and still act like he's a player ass male model.
Facebook did that whole "this happened 9 years ago" shit and I looked at my ex from a decade ago and almost puked in my mouth a little. That MF was a solid 1/10, 2 on a good day. Love REALLY was blind and he treated me SO BADLY. SO BADLY.
Since then I've dated male models, ex-male models, soldiers, fitness instructors, athletes, former bodybuilders and none of them treated me as horribly as my ugly first ex. I mean these men were all 9's and 10s, with my ex-male model fiance being a solid 12. He was a full 10 years older than me and by god, he was sexy as fuck. The ugliest man I ever dated, my first ex, still treated me worse than ALL of my exes combined.
[–]ImatworkmotherfuckerFDS Newbie 179 points180 points181 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Insecure men will always treat you the worst.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie 52 points53 points54 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is true. Lots of insecure men actually hate women because they know they bring nothing to the table, and know they aren't going to have their first, second or probably 3rd choice, and that hurts their feelz. They hate you because they hate themselves. They don't want to belong to a club that would have them in it.
[–]ErikaNaumannFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"they hate you because they hate themselves". Yes! Perfectly put!
I experienced this with my last ex. He was much shorter than me, tiny dick, physically weaker, had less money. He was so insecure he started projecting his self hatred towards me. Never again will I date down. EVER.
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some of the most callous abuse I ever experienced was from a guy who'd never had a girlfriend. People said he should be grateful to have me. Was he? Nope.
He was openly mean to me, then used me for sex and threw me away. The woman he left me for ended up cheating and abusing him so bad that he had to flee the state.
Back when it all went down and I'd be sobbing, angry friends would tell me that the guy was a fucking asshole and I was too good for him.
They were right, but it would take a long time for me to see it. Now I'm appalled I ever wasted time on him.
[–]BabaAuRhumOhlalaFDS Newbie 23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You can get in horrible life situation and he’ll get upset at you for asking support, cry because you catching him in lie is lowering his self esteem and call you an abuser because he feels guilty of all the bad things he’s done to you. Then break up each time there’s a serious life situation going on for you and find a way to blame none other than you. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[–]ButterYourNiceToast9 points 6 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
The second-to-last straw for me was when my ex responded with, "c'mon man don't tell me that", after I told him my two-month-old nephew had died.
You'd think this would be the worst part, but no, that would be the next day when I find out he told his bitchass friend/coworker (who also is a piece of male trash), after I explicitly asked him not to tell ANYONE. In that moment there was an internal house of cards that fell as I realized how betrayed I felt. Men who behave this way are absolutely heartless and incapable of meaningful relationships of any kind.
[–]subtlecuttlefishFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine that loss and how he could have responded like that to you in that moment.
[–]BabaAuRhumOhlalaFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wtf? What kind of 0 empathy is that? Does he have some sort of emotional and social setback? Please accept my condolences for your nephew.
[–]ButterYourNiceToast3 points 6 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you. I believe him to be a sociopath so yeah he's def got some serious emotional and social setbacks. He had a fucked up life which I've always taken empathy with, and unfortunately I still have that trauma bond connection to him, but as time goes on I see him more and more clearly, thankfully.
[–]BabaAuRhumOhlalaFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had the same experience, taking empathy for someone who had none for others. He even said he was googling why he’s like that. Therapy helps a lot to heal and understanding the ways of sociopaths and how to defend yourself.
[–]cirrus_cloudRuthless Strategist 22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LVM will say LITERALLY ANYTHING to continue having sexual and emotional access to us. It’s disgusting and manipulative.
[–]rubberboattreeFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Can I upvote this more than once
[–]PicklesNBaconFDS Newbie[S] 13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No it’ll cancel it out 🤣
[–]WanderTroll1FDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My ex would be so dramatic. Literally crying until he was choking all red in the face. Just looking a mess. It was like watching a really bad acting scene. I would call him out and he’d get so mad all of a sudden and and start yelling. Think of Jersey Shore Ronnie and Sam 🤦🏻♀️ I was a mess. Thank god that’s over and beyond past me.
[–]PicklesNBaconFDS Newbie[S] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh god that was a dysfunctional AF relationship...
[–]WanderTroll1FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m rewatching it, and it makes me cringe bc I’ve been that annoying toxic couple. Ugh.
[–]throwawaytck100110 points 6 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
My first heartbreak taught me that men and women can be perfectly decent and awesome people and still not be compatible. I was lucky to have had a great boyfriend as my first. <3
[–]palltaFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s awesome!!
[–]AnonsubordinateFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep, full-out tears and theatrics and as soon as they get the slightest inkling you're starting to cave, it's amazing how fast they're able to switch it off.
[–]ElegantCategoryFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This hit home so hard it triggered me.
[–]ElegantCategoryFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
After I blocked him, he sent me a voice note on another number doing exactly this. I played it for a guy friend of mine (he actually introduced me to FDS) and he immediately pointed out that the dude was faking the whole thing
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I personally think it's so fucking evil to act like this towards anyone, my ex use to mention he was suicidal while I lost a family member to suicide. Guess what? he still alive today he a piece of shit to use suicidal thoughts for sympathy but he never gave me sympathy for all the horrible shit he did to me (the abuse). I call him out on facebook in direct messages once about what he put me through and he spin it where I was overreacted and I was a "bad" person too. Evil person all around, only evil pieces of crap will be like this.
[–]queencarter 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Males only know how to weaponize emotions. If you see a male crying he's doing it to manipulate.
[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Someone broke up with me at my apartment and then stayed just staring at me cry. I literally cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, I was shocked to see him there still sitting in the same chair. It had gone from afternoon to evening. I was like gtfo!
[–]PicklesNBaconFDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Eww why did they even bother staying if they broke up with you?
[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly strange!
[–]artbyVictoria93 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t love what you cant trust. No trust no love If you give to much of yourself You lose too much of yourself..
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the most important lesson of all.
Urgh. Yes.
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