FDS thoughts on virginity

OrangeyPanda · 2021-02-19T18:58:38+00:00

Virginity is a social construct. It doesn't exist and there is no physical way to tell if someone is a virgin or not. Never ever ever tell a man you are a virgin, they will fetishize you and do anything it takes to "take your virginity".

Saitschik · 2021-02-19T18:58:06+00:00

It doesn't really exist and the whole concept is build on oppressing women.

You don't magically change as a person because you came in touch with a penis and had sex for the first time.

Nor is "your first" forever important and all that bullshit.

Before the church came up with their purity and virginity cult it wasn't such a big thing because it isn't.

Men who make a fuss about this in one way or the other should be avoided at all costs.

aclick1999 · 2021-02-19T19:49:45+00:00

Don't care. Doesn't matter. 🤷‍♀️ I lost mine at 23 to the first boyfriend I thought was worth it. Still look back on him and our time fondly (we had to break up because he left the country for grad school).

Maybe it was to do with my friend group, but most of us didn't start having sex until mid-uni. And I think it saved us. Gave us time to learn ourselves, and learn from the mistakes of others.

While 'virginity' as a constructs makes to market women as heifers, actually losing your virginity SHOULD be special to you. Ignore people who say 'just get the disappointment over with'. I never told the ex I lost mine to that i was a virgin. But from his perspective he knew it was the first time WE were having sex, so he really put in the work to make it special and continued to do so.

Sometimes a bad first experience can ruin it for a long time. Making you think it's not worth it. Don't allow yourself to fall into that.

Want the best for yourself. You deserve it!

Edit: punctuation doh!

gigi_chi · 2021-02-19T19:04:44+00:00

I was a virgin until age 20.

Surprisingly I was never waiting for anything I just found the various boyfriends I had as unfit so I held out. Throughout the years I never told anyone I was a virgin because 1, I was in the “in ” crowd and people assumed I wasn’t due to who I dated and who I was friends with.

2, I just didn’t want any man feeling like he “ took” something from me. I guess I always knew I was “ behind” sexually but I never cared because I wasn’t comfortable or interested in casual sex or having sex with someone who didn’t treat me in the way I wanted.

Don’t ask us for our opinion about virginity, you decide what that means to you. When I was a virgin I didn’t have the slightest care what people thought which is why I kept it to myself.

gingerwabisabi · 2021-02-19T19:38:47+00:00

I was a late bloomer and very stressed about it, not due to society but due to desire. However it didn't have an impact as such on the quality of my relationships. Also, I refuse to refer to it as losing something - imo it's "making your sexual debut."

2021-02-19T20:25:24+00:00

It does matter.

For me, my requirement was safety and commitment. I needed to know, with 99% certainty, that that man I first had sex with was going to be patient, kind and loving months before, during and after.

I needed to feel that he would not rush me if it took 6 months to a year or more to finally have sex.

I needed to know he’d shower me with love regularly, seek commitment with me, introduce me to family and protect me without my asking or expecting.

I needed to feel that he loved me and would go slow and ask how I was throughout, then cuddle me and love me and kiss me after.

I needed to feel with 99% certainty he wouldn’t break my heart after and traumatize sex for me.

I got all of those things and I am so healthy about my sexuality years later. I lost mine at 20 with an ex who handled it perfectly. We ended up breaking up 2 years later but by then I had such a comfortable relationship with sex, him hurting me years later did nothing to hurt my relationship with sex. In fact, within that relationship I became the most confident in my own skin, body and sexuality than I had ever been.

When he started getting deprived I dumped him and moved on to someone even better haha. Keep your standards high chica. I know too many women who are still suffering from a traumatic first time.

When the right person comes along you know it’ll be worth it...

Take the pressure off yourself. Unless you want him to be, you don’t have to be positive this is the guy you’re going to marry. In that case, wait for marriage and pray for the best lol. But it’s not too much to ask to feel loved and safe for your first time. You need a man who knows exactly what to do, say and treat you before, during and after.

In the mean time I’m celibate because sex outside of a loving relationship is highly overrated for women.

Mcccy · 2021-02-19T19:03:49+00:00

Before I start I just wanna say that virginity was purely "made" into a term so men would be SURE the baby would be theirs since the woman was a virgin. (Which is extremely stupid, since they could just live with the other woman for 9 months since we always knew pregnancies last 9 months)

So with that in mind, 1. Virginity has no place in today's society. You can't even tell if a girl is a virgin cause most don't even bleed. Hymens can break even by riding a bicycle.

LVM= Yeah right/no way/your poor ex/you're lying/ so you did anal so far (???)

HVM= Oh

complex_answer_22 · 2021-02-19T19:58:58+00:00

It shouldn't be so revered, but at the same time, we need to protect ourselves because men won't. The average guy will try to have unprotected sex with you, or make you take full responsibility. I've never had this mindblowing sex people speak of, so I try my best to limit who has access to my body.

ironglaciers · 2021-02-19T19:22:31+00:00

It's a construct meant to control people, primarily women. I don't even think about it. What do people "lose", exactly?

SmallBunny0 · 2021-02-19T20:57:06+00:00

It has no value in society, however if I were you I would not tell men that you are a virgin. They can get a bit more creepy if they think they’re the one who gets to “take it” and some guys think that if you’re a virgin and have sex for the first time you’ll immediately fall in love. I would say only tell a guy that if he is extremely HV and you are very comfortable with him. Otherwise do not disclose

Makelotor · 2021-02-19T21:52:57+00:00

If you tell a LVM you’re a virgin he won’t believe you. They’re programmed not to see woman as people but as objects so they assume some other man has already “used” you. Or once you tell them they get all weirdly obsessive about being your first. That’s my experience atlest I’ve dated but never slept with any because it never felt right. I now I know to never tell a man I am a virgin.

honeybeeroll · 2021-02-19T19:31:01+00:00

I don't know that most people have their first time in their teens and 20s, a few people I know are in their late 20s and still haven't had sex. I wish I was still one of them, my first time was like 10 seconds of sex in my mid 20s for some fucking scrote. It wasn't a bad experience or anything at the time, I wasn't pressured into it, and i didn't feel behind the curve for not having it. however I felt behind the curve for never having a bf until my mid 20s and that's what made me a major pickme. I was wearing rose colored glasses and should have never even dated that guy. I broke up w/ him a few weeks after it happened, so the sex was a big mistake. I never wanted to sleep with more than one guy in my life and obviously everyone wants their first time to be a good memory to look back on, and I'm a huge idiot for screwing that up.

Anyway, sex should always be something special, so while the idea that virginity makes a woman better or something is untrue, don't ever, ever, ever sleep with anyone until they have consistently proven themselves to you over several months. Or years. Or until you're engaged or married, whatever you're most comfortable with. And don't date guys who are really interested in your being a virgin or whatever, that's fucking creepy. Don't share that with him until you're actually ready to have sex with him. If he reacts weird or creepy to that news, then you can reevaluate if you want to even still be with him.

ShenziMarie1991 · 2021-02-19T22:21:15+00:00

Girl I am well past whatever threshold society has for losing the ol’ v-card and other than some slight anxiety about it in my mid twenties (due more to societal pressures than my own desire) I’m just so over it. I admit I was personally very influenced by purity culture (Bible Belt kid, whoop whoop) but that’s a whole other issue to unpack. I knew way too many peers who’s ‘first time’ absolutely sucked and I decided early it wasn’t worth my time. By the time I looked back and realized it was kind of like, “oh I forgot to do that, oops.” Idk it was never that important to me and I never felt like I was less than because of it.

DutyKooky · 2021-02-20T02:11:09+00:00

I waited until I was 25 and could do it on my own terms.... and well out of college

( I always thought high-school sex was immature and desperate & college hook-up sex was toxic and icky) , making my own money

- i did not want to be sleeping around with my or his roomates knowing my business.

I don't think you can really have sex on your own terms if you are depending on parents or college or a man to " provide" for you - Because that always comes with " strings" attached.

So I wainted until I was in a safe committed relationship with my then fiancee to have it. I did not tell him I was a virgin, - bc that is none of his business. Just as I didn't ask him with how many women he slept before. All I cared was that the STD test came back clean.

While we broke up, - b/c he decided to do the FIRE lifestyle and move to a cheap eastern european country, - the time we had together was very fun and enjoyable and we're still on speaking terms. The main thing is that I don;t regret waiting and I don't regret having it with him.

blair2006 · 2021-02-20T00:05:07+00:00

I think it does technically exist. You haven’t had sex or you have. The morals or ideaology you apply to it is another thing? Loosing it for me wasn’t some huge monumental moment (we were watching arrested development lmfao) but it’s still something I think it as “hey I guess that was my first sexual experience and I’m glad it wasn’t traumatizing”.

Only_Lime2520 · 2021-02-20T01:08:28+00:00

For me its another weird concept that perpetuates patriarchy. The connotation of losing something innately “me” by virtue of having sex alone is laughable. I didn’t lose something, I gained the experience. Well unless the guy is terrible then I would lose my time and patience 😂

Nowadays I just call it, “the first time I gained the experience of sex” not that “I lost virginity” . Surely im not saying this to trivialize it. It is still an important mark and in my opinion should be done in an empowering way like most things I do on my body nowadays.

Honestly_th0 · 2021-02-21T03:13:37+00:00

A NVM I knew in college took the virginity of a high school girl. He was soooo proud of himself and said “no matter how many dudes she f*cks in the future, she’ll always remember me. I’m a rockstar!” 🤮 So, based on that, I’d say do not reveal to any man that you’re a virgin until right before you have sex. Otherwise you run the risk of becoming his unicorn fetish trophy. Or, as some of the ladies have suggested, just maybe don’t tell him.

Title	FDS thoughts on virginity
Author	uwuwowowuwu
Upvotes	87
Comments	30
Date	February 19, 2021 3:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lni2wv/fds_thoughts_on_virginity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-thoughts-on-virginity.743224 https://theredarchive.com/post/743224

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