Finally pinpointed why it really irrigates me to hear a woman describing herself as a wife and mother 10 seconds into any professional meeting...

__kamikaze__ · 2021-07-01T04:01:04+00:00

Wholeheartedly agree with this, very clever of you to notice.

The men at my work only define themselves in terms of their career. I have never heard them say they’re a husband/father, with the exception of when other men tease them for having to “babysit” their kids— which in itself implies it’s a lesser role.

kycake · 2021-07-01T05:59:20+00:00

most women are so trained to be insecure and to shrink themselves that it's like a defense mechanisms to state that they are a mother or a wife as it grants them certain status and protection. at least that's what i think. but i totally agree with what you're saying, i personally would never bring up the fact that i'm a wife especially in a way certain women do, as if it's a title or an accomplishment. i will say that if i have a kid i will probably bring up being a mom just because it does take insane amount of work and it is an accomplishment especially for women, so yea. side note the fact that ms mrs miss show a woman's relationship status and possible age where as for men it's just mr their whole life is a give away that women's age and their relationship to men is important in society where as men just get to be valued regardless of age or their relationship status.

creamtart_ · 2021-07-01T04:42:46+00:00

Spot on. Women are socialised to undermine themselves in every aspect of their lives. It’s exhausting when there are women who continue to do this and do not seek to unlearn this behaviour, or worse, deny it’s a problem at all.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-07-01T04:35:24+00:00

I really don’t like when women do that. They feel like they have to soften themselves so they say “I’m a wife and a mother” before talking about their career and passions. It’s just sad and pathetic to me

excusemeILY · 2021-07-01T05:56:50+00:00

Because women carry a baby for 9 months before even bringing it into the world, motherhood has kinda become (in society’s eyes) just a trait of women. That’s why when men say they don’t want kids, they’re generally respected, but women are told “she’ll change her mind” and other bullshit.

Seeing as we are not in the 1950s-1980s anymore, I hope we can move past this misconception. Back then women existed just to have kids (and be a housemaker). But with development, we reached a point where women have the same rights as men, so they can develop themselves more and maybe come to the realization “hey i dont want kids and thats okay because its my life”.

A first step in this direction would be to stop saying things like what you mentioned in this post. It’s not relevant that I met “woman purpose” during my conference meeting.

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2021-07-01T10:48:35+00:00

Men avoid that 'cause, even though fatherhood benefits men professionally in the long run (more promotions etc.), they know that mentioning family at work like a priority usually makes people sound less committed to their job.
The men I've heard mention they're husbands and fathers are usually on their way to retirement, and so don't have to worry about people being concerned about just how much they might be "distracted" by family on the job.

I'd just avoid family identifiers at work the same way professional identifiers aren't used at family gatherings. As a woman more so than a man, because it's well known mothers still get the lion's share of unpaid domestic labor and are on average a lot more involved in their children's lives. Women take more sick days and work fewer hours to take care of their kids on average, and are far less likely to relocate.
When people hear "I'm a wife and a mother" at work they actually hear "Here's how much less I can contribute in the long run". Not shaming parents, I think it's unfortunate.

aplaceformythoughtss · 2021-07-01T13:20:50+00:00

It’s when they put ‘wife and mum’ in their Instagram bios 🤮🤮. I would hate to think my sole existence was based off of my status as someones wife and mother

questionsaboutrel521 · 2021-07-01T12:43:40+00:00

Hey just want to bring some 👑queen energy👑 into the discussion and say that I think it’s not a bad thing that women do this, necessarily.

Patriarchy and capitalism tries to teach us femininity is somehow lesser in status and feminine traits are not worthwhile.

Women defining themselves empathetically and through their relationships shows how caring and collaborative they are.

Women identifying strongly with being mothers shows through in how, statistically, women are much less likely to abandon their children. That’s just one example.

Imagine a world where men defined themselves by being fathers and husbands as they walk through the world. Those are some rad men I would want to be around and most likely a better environment.

I totally agree with you though that there is a tendency to shame women that are “undefined” in this way and that is also patriarchy in action. I feel this ickiness too as one of the “undefined” people. I think women should seize on whatever aspects of their life that feel most important to them and shine their light hard, whether that be career, hobbies, relationships - we shouldn’t feel afraid to own what we’ve got (and also to shame men that undervalue the women in their lives).

Praximaros · 2021-07-01T13:45:32+00:00

Saddest part is that a lot of women at my work end up asking me a million questions about my husband as a sort of “get to know you” conversation instead of asking about my hobbies or whatever. It’s really annoying how many women buy into the idea that we are defined by our husband’s career and interests.

pianist2020 · 2021-07-01T15:23:49+00:00

You are so totally right. I always start off with that I'm a professional pianist and then list off my different jobs. People find it really interesting. Can't even imagine telling people I'm a wife to start off lmao such a useless piece of information!

99natas · 2021-07-01T15:27:44+00:00

It totally drives me crazy… I’m Mrs HisName. Ok so whats your name lady?

At a function, I’m with My Guy.

Honestly not even once. Im Mrs Warrior in Charge of Myself.

AudQueen · 2021-07-01T16:50:37+00:00

They bring up fatherhood during talks for promotions, responsibilities they would rather opt out of, absences and when they’re being recognized for their work/achievements and it makes them look good in a way that if a women did this, it wouldn’t be received as a badge of honor.

Essentially fatherhood is a burden that they carry on their shoulders. And because they’re fathers who don’t really discuss fatherhood, it’s often assumed that they’re dependable (bc someone chose to give them children), that they’re hardworking (bc hey having kids and being a present father is hArD and not all men do it), and that they’re trustworthy (because they’re probably married/committed& are dads). There are sooo many assumptions that society makes of men who are fathers, especially those who don’t speak about their actual daily contributions to fatherhood. And the kicker is no one expects them to because they usually don’t.

If a women doesn’t occasionally mention mention her kids and the things she does for them ( have to pick them up from school, sick kid, doctors appointment etc.) people assume that her kids aren’t a big part of her life. And it’s hard to not mention it frequently when you do the majority of child care. It interferes with work frequently enough that kids need to be mentioned.

We don’t get the same unspoken grace of being a good parent if we never mention our kids until it’s time for a promotion, leave or recognition like I mentioned above.

And men say they gain nothing from marriage and children…

Edit: spelling

Title	Finally pinpointed why it really irrigates me to hear a woman describing herself as a wife and mother 10 seconds into any professional meeting...
Author	techschool_nightmare
Upvotes	415
Comments	24
Date	June 30, 2021 10:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ob7ueq/finally_pinpointed_why_it_really_irrigates_me_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/finally-pinpointed-why-it-really-irrigates-me-to.788064 https://theredarchive.com/post/788064

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