HVMs are not unicorns

edwardianemerald · 2022-01-05T01:25:11+00:00

Great points. PLUS, not all HVMs will be compatible with you. Just bc he's HVM doesn't necessarily mean you two are compatible.

Catz10000 · 2022-01-05T01:24:33+00:00

A growth mindset leads to abundance instead of conformation of scarcity.

Forgive yourself and keep leveling up.

Make 2022 the year of plenty of HV experience!

HiENaw · 2022-01-05T01:31:35+00:00

To add to your important lesson, what I have found is that HVM (this is probably obvious but i had to relearn it several times before i actually realized,) prefer the company of other HVM, thus they kind of live in their friendship circle/bubble/clique (that the rest of all humans do, I know), so once you find one, you are set out to find a lot more.

For myself, i am now surrounded with HVM. How did i end up here? (i live in a VERY misogynistic country)

I made HVW friends. They introduced me to their friend circles.

So dont give up queens. If you feel like you are walking through a desert, remember, there are many oasis there too.

SwampDwellingPirate · 2022-01-05T04:15:15+00:00

Yes, they're not "unicorns", they're men, they're real. But they are indeed rare. Not a mythical creature, more like an endangered species like pandas.

I know that many women have complained about how FDS quickly becomes negatives with all the scrotation reportation, but that's the reality of our world and our culture. If HVM were abundantly hanging from trees, we wouldn't need a strategy to navigate the ocean of shit that is the dating scene.

I don't mean to discourage anyone, I agree that HVM are not unicorns, but WE are the ones who attribute value to men through proper vetting. If a man isn't properly vetted, there's no way in hell he deserves the HVM label. That's also one reason that makes HVM rare - no one has time to vet all of them.

First of all, we NEED to be at peace with ourselves and with being single, those are the first steps in the handbook. How are we supposed to attribute value to someone, if we don't value ourselves first? If we are desperate for someone's approval, it's them who are attributing value to us, and not the other way around.

If we value ourselves, we also break the scarcity mindset. Since we are not in need of a man, there is no scarcity, no matter how dry the market is.

Dick is abundant and low in value for a reason.

ashcantcatchabreak · 2022-01-05T03:54:06+00:00

Pursuing a high value relationship is a valuable and worthwhile goal, but sometimes things just don’t work out. If it’s a struggle to let go and move on, without pining or feeling like you’ve disrespected yourself, maybe it’s a sign to introspection more and realize that even a HVM is not the answer to your happiness. No relationship can fulfill us, not in all the ways we crave. There’s a reason that being single and leveling up are focused on in this sub - our first duty is to take care of ourselves, and show ourselves the healthy love we want to both give and receive.

throwawaynevermindit · 2022-01-05T02:42:25+00:00

I know this take won't resonate for everyone, but I think it needs put out there.

HVM are objectively rare, sorry to say. If the reality of scarcity bothers you, imo you need to become more secure in yourself and in singledom before you date. Dating men without being deeply comfortable doing without one - potentially permanently - is a dangerous mistake to make. "Abundance mindset" is frankly irrational to have re: good men. They're not very abundant in comparison to HVW and telling yourself they are is likely to encourage you to overestimate particular men's value. Drop the self-help jargon if you want to help yourself.

Anyway, if the man you were dealing with really devalued you just because you didn't seem to value yourself enough, instead of recognizing your value and hyping you up... he wasn't HV. If a person's opinion of you is that heavily influenced by your opinion of yourself, and shifts with your self-regard... it's based on nothing. That person is either weak minded, or they're eager to take advantage of low self esteem where they find it. Both of those things are LV.

It's simply false that people will only respect you as much as you respect yourself. Decent people with sound judgment will give you the respect you deserve ESPECIALLY when your self respect is faltering.

mashibeans · 2022-01-05T04:25:11+00:00

And even if they are, it's MUCH better to stay single if you don't find one.

I disagree with the whole "I undervalued myself, and thus he undervalued me" in general. While I understand where you're coming from, this would ONLY work if the dude was HVM, and even then, I highly doubt a true HVM would undervalue a woman just like that (different from being attracted or not to her). Since the vast majority aren't, this is just victim blaming or internalizing the blame.

keep_my_stuff · 2022-01-05T14:01:33+00:00

>> I went from being perceived as a unicorn, to being perceived as a desperate donkey not worth responding to.

That's a bit harsh, to talk to yourself this way. You wanted something and you went for it. Your value does not decrease just because you wanted something. And high value people should in principle be able to see the value in others beyond the knee jerk reaction "she's chasing me, she must be desperate". So, if he's HV he is not perceiving you as a desperate donkey, just as a unicorn he doesn't want.

BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2022-01-05T20:15:57+00:00

This is true. And they tend to hang out together, so if you find one, he's likely to have a few others in his crew.

fireforestfairy · 2022-01-05T11:02:03+00:00

If a HVM isn't interested in you then he aint the one.

warinmymind94 · 2022-01-05T07:44:39+00:00

Such a great point. My one uncle has HVM traits, and it's no surprise his son (my cousin) is also a HVM to his fiancee. I know we like to post a lot here about lvms, venting and warning others, but HVM do exist. My friends dad is another solid example of someone who seemed to be a HVM, from what I saw anyways. I had also posted a few months back that my grandpa is sick and has dementia, he is bed ridden and in a home. He can't even remember his own name sometimes. He knew my birthday was coming up at some point, and he made an arrangement for her to give me his bicycle as a gift. He did the same thing for Christmas with my grandma- summoned family members to dig out stuff from his old army trunk to give it to her for a Christmas gift- he has no money, can't even get out of bed, hardly knows what day it is or even what year it is but when he gets fleeting moments of clarity he tries to make the people he loves happy. It's beautiful. Hvm exist!

esthermaniii · 2022-01-05T15:16:35+00:00

Thanks for the reminder!!

snowponyblue · 2022-07-04T15:36:19+00:00

If a man isn't interested in me, then he's not high value in my eyes. My obvious minimum baseline criteria for a man is that he be pursuing me.

Title	HVMs are not unicorns
Author	Hour_Proposal_3578
Upvotes	619
Comments	30
Date	January 4, 2022 7:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rw31q1/hvms_are_not_unicorns/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hvms-are-not-unicorns.1094595 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094595

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