If he says he isn’t looking for a relationship he won’t change his mind even if you end up in a relationship with him

BickleFitch · 2021-12-24T19:17:03+00:00

“Seeing where is goes” = “seeing how long I can get sex while being a total piece of shit to you”

Timely_Fox_6191 · 2021-12-24T19:04:33+00:00

Facts. I once dated a guy who first said he didn't want anything serious for the time being, so I stopped seeing him. One month later he came crawling back probably cause he couldn't find women to bang the way he imagined. Back then I was naive, so when he asked to go out again I agreed. It took me one date to find out he used to be a huge womanizer, so I stopped seeing him again cause I strongly believe community dicks don't change (I knew that even then lol). Now, fortunately I didn't waste too much time/effort on him, but it sure made me feel stupid.

MissouriBlue · 2021-12-24T20:05:15+00:00

… and scenario #4: He Future Faked you, saying he’s marriage minded, when in reality he’s a Narcissistic Serial Adulterer who will discard you when he’s vampire’d you to a husk, to continue his parasitic ways with his next victim.

There’s always that.

kansascitydream · 2021-12-24T19:52:25+00:00

It’s not just the men in their early 20’s. Men in their 30’s and 40’s are worse cause they have hit “the wall” I’m so happy that the younger women are refusing to take their shit now. I am in awe of you, young queens

FI-REfox · 2021-12-24T21:18:17+00:00

This is pure gold. A capsule of the "if he wanted to, he would" and "If you have to drag him along, leave him behind" portions of FDS philosophy.

How many of us thought these unenthusiastic menchildren we were dating suddenly had a relationship come-to-jesus moment just like Hollywood lies to us about? No, sis, he didn't suddenly see you standing in a sunbeam, turning and smiling at him in slowmotion and realize that HE. MUST. HAVE. THIS .WOMAN. FOREVER. No, he just got up once day and realized he was too old for this shit and this was the best he could do.

It's ironic, because, assuredly, you are the best he could ever do because you were already miles ahead of him. He only thinks he's ahead of YOU because he's always been facing the wrong direction. It's not a relationship, it's a game of tug-of-war. Just let go and let him land in the mud where he so desperately wants to be.

Inspection-Critical · 2021-12-24T20:49:53+00:00

You’re just getting a lifetime of a headache if you’re even lucky enough to get married

Marrying one of these guys isn't "luck", at least not the good kind.

I know too many women married to men who hate them. Guess what? Marriage doesn't make non-comittal men more committed. He'll still treat you like shit, only now you have no easy escape because you're living with him and (god forbid) having his kids, and he's probably cheating behind your back when he's not overtly abusing you.

You're actually luckier if he refuses to marry you and you take that as the sign it is and move on.

Sadandboujee522 · 2021-12-24T23:53:36+00:00

They still do this shit in their 30s. The last 3 dates I went on were all men 30+ and they told me they “weren’t looking for anything serious.” Stop wasting my damn time. I’m not applying to be your fwb. I haven’t been willing to put up with that since I was in my early 20s when I had much lower self esteem. I’m not gonna hang around you and sleep with you when you want a girlfriend for the night.

languishinghetero · 2021-12-25T00:41:34+00:00

I am in my early twenties. I had a male friend who had a girlfriend. He would constantly tell me that he wasn't promising his girlfriend anything and that she was OK with it. His girlfriend was working and as soon as she saved enough money she dumped his ass and moved out AHAHAHA!

Unless there is a financial benefit for you don't waste your time with these early twenties pricks. Make sure you work on yourself, complete your studies/training, and are earning your own money.

Maleficent-Brief-178 · 2021-12-25T00:23:09+00:00

A older man I know a "potentially" hvm married 15+ years is always say, the worst thing that happened the millennial generation was the concept of play together to see if we're compatible to date

Something I took to heart! you want to be in a long-term committed relationship or you don't it's not my responsibility to convince you

MsWriteNow07 · 2021-12-26T23:43:46+00:00

The thing is before FDS, I didn’t realize how much I needed FDS because I always had high dating standards. But this group is a lot more than dating standards. What I have gotten most from it is the realization that men are looking for benefits, not love. The reason why so many of them get married is because of what they get out of it, not because they care at all about the woman who they are marrying. The OP reminded me about that story in “Why Men Marry B*tches”.

Sherry Argov says a man and a woman were dating six months, and one night he says to her, “I’m not looking for anything serious. How about you, do you want to get married?” She plays the whole thing off as a joke. She says something like, “aw gee, I can’t, my dress is at the cleaners and I have an early meeting, but thanks for asking.” And then Sherry caps the whole thing off by saying a year later the guy got up and told that story to guests at their wedding. The whole example is supposed to prove that if you play the cool girl and act like you don’t want commitment, the guy is going to rush to commit to you and marry you. I thought this was such cool reverse psychology back when I read that book at 18. At 32, I see the outcome very differently. If at six months in a guy is telling you he’s not interested in anything too serious, he’s been disrespecting you all the time and you missed it. He’s settling for you and wasting your time.That should’ve been her cue to get the hell out of there. And he didn’t marry her because she was so aloof and so cool he just had to win her over. That was a shit test and she passed with flying colors. What sane woman is going to hang around after a man says that to her when they’re presumably already in a relationship? He knew she was going to take his disrespect no matter what and so he locked it down so he could keep hunting for more women to add to his stable in his free time.

ultblue7 · 2021-12-24T21:49:05+00:00

Omg say it louder for the people in the back!! Can confirm I was one of the “lucky” girls that got a fwb to eventually commit to me and many of my friends thought it was such a wonderful thing. Can confirm it 100% IS NOT. You WILL spend the entire relationship second guessing his decision and your self worth. And after all of that he broke up with me and never talked to me again so what I was afraid of happened anyway. Let them go.

hikurangi2019 · 2021-12-24T20:58:54+00:00

Aka code for “I don’t like you but I’m willing to sleep with you”.

space_cataz__ · 2021-12-27T06:26:49+00:00

I don't wanna be a downer but, the “don’t know yet” guys are still around in their 40s in my experience. The worst part is there are a LOT of them. ....

xximaclown · 2021-12-27T17:30:46+00:00

OP is right on money, not looking for a relationship should always mean pick up your bag, block and delete. This isn't a rom-com, they won't suddenly realise they love you.

As someone in their mid twenties i can already tell you that there are two types of guys in the dating pool rn: 1. The looking for a bangmaid therapist 2. The "this one woman treated me the way I deserved to be treated and now I am a heartbroken romantic who'll never commit but let me see your titties"

Avoid both of them. They both will love bomb you into accepting either a relationship (for the sake of a relationship) where you are expected to act as a wife or a situationship where you are confused about whether or not this person even likes you the way you like them. AVOID BOTH.

milk_frother · 2021-12-27T03:45:35+00:00

Dated a guy in my early 20s, we were FWB at first for a year because he couldn’t commit. We got into a relationship for 2 years after that. He cheated :) so ladies, don’t trust them

SpicyScroteRoastery · 2021-12-27T10:45:38+00:00

I wasted a decade on a loser like this. (Orbiting for a few years + 7 year relationshit 🙃)

DuchessDurag · 2021-12-28T12:16:59+00:00

When a man tells you this , it’s not your responsibility to stay and accept his behaviour.

A lot of men who say they aren’t looking for a relationship are never satisfied. I’ve dated men like this and they end up unhappy in relationships.

Title	If he says he isn’t looking for a relationship he won’t change his mind even if you end up in a relationship with him
Author	Vmchik
Upvotes	676
Comments	33
Date	December 24, 2021 6:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rnsf82/if_he_says_he_isnt_looking_for_a_relationship_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-he-says-he-isnt-looking-for-a-relationship-he.1090818 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090818

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