If he wanted to he would vs. Love does not conquer all

Throwawayrightaway28 · 2021-05-02T00:43:46+00:00

I believe the saying “love does not conquer all” just let’s women know that there are a lot more important things in a relationship. Yeah, love is great but it’s not going to pay your bills, so if you find yourself in “love” with an uneducated broke guy who is not going anywhere in life, just know that your existence with him is going to be miserable. Love will not make that lifestyle bearable. Love basically will not change reality. But “love does not conquer all “has nothing to do with a man’s behavior toward you. That’s where “if he wanted to, he would” comes in.

spicyspa · 2021-05-02T00:51:16+00:00

I think they're 2 different things. I actually loved my ex-husband and I'm pretty sure he loved me, but love didn't conquer the fact that he has a serious untreated anxiety disorder that makes him nonfunctional. Love can't conquer that. Love is a feeling. Love drove me to get him to seek help, but he wouldn't. I'm not sure that wanting in this situation mattered. Whether he didn't want to or was incapable was beside the point. What I needed was not going to be satisfied by him.

So love doesn't conquer all. That's a myth to make us glued to unresolved situations. You can love all sorts of men, that doesn't mean the guy's a solid choice. We women have to be more hard nosed about this and not compromise our values.

If he wanted to he would is definitely true. Always follow that maxim. Sometimes though its not a matter of want, but capability. People become hardwired to be a certain way and you can't force them to change. It's better to be with someone who is eager to compromise and shows by his actions he's able to do this.

Confused_One_ · 2021-05-02T01:03:17+00:00

My take is that while love is an important component of relationships, love is not enough if the relationship lacks respect, emotional intelligence, or any other requirements someone has for a healthy relationship. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should overlook a red flag.

“If he wanted to, he would” = don’t accept or create excuses for why this person is not acting the way you want. There’s nothing you can do to make someone change, and it is not your job to convince them that you are worthy.

Rather than being contradictory, I feel that these two concepts are crucial for protecting yourself and your well-being.

lucidlotus · 2021-05-02T01:26:23+00:00

I don't see how they're contradictory... When I hear "love doesn't conquer all" I think of things like incompatibility (in life goals, values, personalities, etc.), personality problems (personality disorders, untreated mental health issues, etc.), addiction, abuse... Love is not going to change those things. I think of "If he wanted to he would" in the context of treating a woman well early in dating and then in a relationship, proposing marriage if it's on the table, etc.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-05-02T02:05:41+00:00

I believe they are mutually exclusive:

“Love does not conquer all” - IMO this applies to circumstances beyond our control: e.g sickness, accidents, unforeseen financial hardships etc. A man can be truly madly in love with you, but roadblocked for reasons beyond his control.

“If he wanted to he would have”- we know this is fundamental and absolutely necessary for a healthily functioning relationship. Men will move mountains for women they love. Without it don’t even bother with that relationship.

lunarfulminate · 2021-05-02T02:24:40+00:00

"Love conquers all" doesn't mean "love overcomes all obstacles" but rather "no one is invincible against feeling attraction/desire."

Trent Reznor sang "love is not enough" and that's the truism I choose to go by. Respect and commitment are required, among other things.

Platipus6 · 2021-05-02T01:46:43+00:00

Way too many cool phrases are idealistic and assume that the majority of people are mentally healthy, don't have personality disorders, and are in the relationship with good-faith intentions and knowledge of how to reciprocate love. And that everyone is good at speaking honestly and listening with the intent to understand.

So in this fantasy scenario, love can conquer all 😂

But most of the cool phrases are brainwash material to indoctrinate women into staying with shitty men so he's not loose on the streets raping and murdering.

feeturingmyself · 2021-05-02T00:26:20+00:00

One of my girlfriends (sam?) met a guy (bob?) In our city via OLD. They went out as a group (sam and bob and bobs friends) and he had his luggage with him because he was flying back to his city that night. Sam got to see Bob and his friends and their dynamic and she ended up staying friends with Bobs local friends. They did group gaming sessions and bob would send Sam dinner for their virtual dinner dates. He sent her new headphones because her mic was being glitchy during one of their games. He bought a house with her on video chat during the tour because she loved the massive kitchen. She doesn't pay his bills and he set her up with a home office.

They were in an LDR for half a year. Sam got to hang out with Bobs local friends all the time. She has since moved in with Bob into his multi-million dollar mansion. She gets to drive his tesla. They cook dinner together. They still play video games with their friends. And Sam has met Bobs family (his mom made her fav dishes). Sam already had a lot of friends in bobs city from school so she is doing well

"If he wanted to, he would" applies to LDR but can vary based on each other's interests. Its definitely harder since you wont see each other as much or as readily and the travel eats up your residual income and the idea of uprooting your life for an S/O can really cause an imbalance in the dynamics.

ScalesHaveFallen · 2021-05-02T02:27:02+00:00

How bout If he can’t or won’t do it, and you need it, you need to leave.

Carpedictum · 2021-05-02T07:55:34+00:00

There isn’t really an independent saying that “love does not conquer all.”
There’s a saying “Love conquers all.” and the responsa, “Nope.”

Framed that way, there isn’t much intersection with “if he wanted to he would.”

Struggleis4real · 2021-05-02T10:00:18+00:00

I try to look at both phrases from a positive angle. I think love has the possibility to conquer all (within our means)....but that’s because I view love as an action that creates a feeling; which also falls in line with “if he wanted to, he would”, as well as actions speak louder than words.

We choose how we want to “love” everyday whether it be for ourselves or strangers. Those actions have a ripple effect. I heard a man once say he loved his gf very much, but then openly disrespected her in front of his colleagues when she wasn’t around. Sure his feelings for her were there somewhere, but he didn’t actually love her with his actions 100%. (Spoiler, they broke up - not shocking given his remarks).

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-05-02T10:10:26+00:00

I don't see it as a contradiction, because I have no idea what's going on in some man's head. I know my love is only half of the total possible love, and my 50% can't conquer anything. All I can do is judge a man by his actions.

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