In your experience, do men remember the things you say or do?

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-02-29T04:28:18+00:00

This is a really good way to tell if he's interested in you or only interested in sex. Men who are just trying to get into your pants won't pay a lot of attention to what you say and do.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-29T05:20:00+00:00

I was once in a relationship with a guy who paid attention to everything i said. Anything i liked he would buy me gifts because he paid attention to what i said i liked. But he was also constantly pushing my boundaries and trying to get me to have sex when i wasn't ready. He would also use everything i said against me. Abusive LVM will listen when they have an ulterior motive.

kiki03wtr · 2020-02-29T04:59:23+00:00

In the case of my ex, I think he purposely acted like he forgot things just to annoy me. Like he couldn't remember my birthday or if I like a certain food but he'd later mention knowing his ex's. Making me feel jealous and insecure really boosted his ego.

blackopium777 · 2020-02-29T04:17:32+00:00

Only if they appreciate me as a person. This is also why I dont have male friends. My husband and my father are both very thoughtful and listen to me carefully, so I notice right away if someone doesnt. Most men dont, so I guess it is a HVM trait.

fabianoid · 2020-02-29T08:18:48+00:00

My ex would interrupt me mid sentence, and not be able to tell me anything about anything I was saying. It was as though he couldn't hear it. He did a thing where he would grab me and kiss me while I was talking about something important, or stare at me like you see Disney characters swooning at each other while still not listening to what I was saying, because he thought it was romantic. He would be offended that I was upset that he wasn't listening to me. Suffice to say I wasn't amused.

extraacct1234 · 2020-02-29T06:15:53+00:00

Only if they actually care about you.

If he doesn't, he doesn't care. If he does he might care or he might be a user. Evaluate. Evaluate. Evaluate.

kolsen92 · 2020-02-29T07:39:13+00:00

Haha nope! And I was dating a psychologist... I remember before we starting having sex I told him “it’s important to me that you know I personally don’t plan on ever having an abortion” (perhaps strange to mention, but I think men should know and also puts things in perspective for them that wow-e I could actually get her pregnant..) I followed up with personal info that I’d never told any other man about a super traumatic abortion someone in my life experienced when we lived together and how it affected us both. He seemed moved and then I swear to god a month later he randomly asked me if I’d ever had an abortion before... to clarify I’m in no way unsupportive of women’s right to choose

But then I’ve had men that are only fleetingly in my life, like chauffeurs for a family I worked for, or a friend’s brother, remember very random things I’ve mentioned and it really does mean a lot. So I suppose it’s just telling of the man’s character..

ironymaiden87 · 2020-02-29T09:33:44+00:00

The one guy who really listened and apparently retained everything I told him totally messed me around worse than anyone else. We were friends for 10 years and I know he liked me but he couldn't seem to do anything about it (he's very insecure and has big trust issues - not excusing his behavior, he is a total LVM, but that's essentially why he doesn't make moves on girls), and unfortunately I fell for him bigtime but kept it on the downlow because I was waiting for him to make a move.

Anyway, he pulled this "will we/won't we" shit on me for years and the fact that he seemed to remember so much stuff, including things I didn't even remember telling him, definitely made me think he cared a lot about me and it meant I kept him around a lot longer than I should have. I'd like to think he really did care because not even guys I've had long-term relationships with really paid attention to just about anything I said, but I think it's sadly more likely that it was a manipulation tactic he was using to keep me wanting him.

It's totally fucked up and not how it should be but there are people out there who will listen and act like they care just to get something out of it. It's one of the most sociopathic and scary behaviors out.

Sarahthegreen · 2020-02-29T11:20:11+00:00

I had a coworker I decided after a few days was someone I did not want to interact with, but in the meantime I had told him a few things about myself casually - nothing I thought was a big deal. A month or so later he figured out where I was going over Christmas based on what I had said and he wondered out loud to me what would happen if he showed up to join me, as if it would be a nice thing. Total creep.

Men remember if they're motivated.

ceruleanavocado · 2020-02-29T12:56:35+00:00

I may be in the minority here but I don't think memory has any correlation with romantic interest or being high value. I could see a HV guy who is interested making an effort to remember the things you say, but I've also had male friends (who definitely weren't interested in me in that sense) remember stuff I didn't expect them to. I've even encountered fuckboys who just happen to have good memories. I guess in order to determine romantic interest, you'd have to understand WHY someone remembers what you say (like were they making an effort to remember, did they just think it was funny, did they connect it to something similar that happened to them), and that's not easily apparent.

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-02-29T13:27:18+00:00

LVM, in my experience, won't appreciate memes/humor, will conveniently not respond (and never mention again) something you sent, will ghost, will not ask about you/your preferences. They act like children with bad manners.

The bare minimum (not enough to qualify as HVM but part of it) is for someone to remember what you said or what you like. I love the post about us expecting men to "read our mind."

To clarify, someone who does NOT listen to you, or someone who listens to you (so he can later manipulate/guilt/disrespect you) is not HVM or HVM "potential."

This one is so classic and helpful: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f3datu/does_she_expect_you_to_read_her_mind_yep_next/

summerspring_ · 2020-02-29T04:25:55+00:00

Sorry if this is super generic and doesn't help ... but yes and no. Depending on what it is. And depending on the guy

jenaemare · 2020-02-29T11:35:13+00:00

In my experience, the man who remembered everything about me was a narcissistic abuser who did so in order to rub things in my face or use them against me when it was convenient for him.

IloveKoreanfoodyaaas · 2020-03-01T00:31:20+00:00

The men that like me do. Men that like you will have a naturalinterest in finding out more about you. They remember everything you say, sometimes betetr than you remember yourself. Its instinctive when a man truly likes you. One of the many reasons I always know its going nowhere fast if a guy doesn't have an active interest in what I'm doing and does not remember important details about thungs I have said early on.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-03-01T06:33:27+00:00

Listening to and remembering what you say is a necessary quality for a HVM, but not a sufficient condition to be a HVM. What I mean is that a guy can be doing this as part of his playbook on getting you emotionally invested, so just because he’s a good listener it doesn’t mean he’s HV, but if he isn’t a good listener and doesn’t remember what you say and do, he’s definitely a LVM.

I’ve commented about this before, but my boyfriend handmade a minimalistic necklace for me out of rose quartz arranged in a Fibonacci sequence, because I talk about liking handmade things over store bought, minimalism over busyness, rose quartz as one of my top 5 crystals (and the one that symbolizes love), and Fibonacci as one of my top 10 mathematicians of all time. It’s the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received, and if this relationship doesn’t work out that’s where the bar is now. Men absolutely have the ability to listen to you and use that information to make you happy, and if a man cares about you, he will.

gigi_chi · 2020-02-29T11:47:42+00:00

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2020-02-29T14:31:40+00:00

When they’re into you, they remember everything. Especially your favorite things, your likes and dislikes.

VaporwaveVampire · 2020-02-29T14:49:02+00:00

No they don’t care. Maybe because I’m small and girly or something but I’ll be talking about something very important, my interests, something traumatic I’ve even gone through or voicing my opinion or something and they’ll just stare at me longingly and say something like “awwwwww” or “oh really?” Or “you’re so cute......”

honestgoing · 2020-02-29T16:34:30+00:00

Not as well as I do, but yes.

giveme_FERN · 2020-03-01T08:04:54+00:00

If they can use it against you.

Title	In your experience, do men remember the things you say or do?
Author	maybelowfds
Upvotes	61
Comments	29
Date	February 29, 2020 4:11 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fb73br/in_your_experience_do_men_remember_the_things_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/in-your-experience-do-men-remember-the-things-you.681271 https://theredarchive.com/post/681271

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