“Is he nice to you?”

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-01-02T11:30:53+00:00

Had an abusive relationship with an alcoholic psychopath for two years before I changed my ways. Someone finally asked me "if he was treating your sister like this, would you tell her to stay?" and it woke me up because I immediately thought "I would get a bat and beat him for it."

I stayed single for five whole years after I dumped my ex. Highly recommend asking the woman what she would do if it was her sister getting treated badly. That's even more emotional, tbh.

bellamocha · 2020-01-02T06:29:06+00:00

Asked myself this question. And that's why I'm living 45 mins away from my husband, now

themissdaydreamer · 2020-01-02T09:44:26+00:00

the thing is that, even when you ask them, pickmeishas find a way to defend their fuckboys saying "but he's nice to me sometimes" and proceeds to tell about the breadcrumbs they occasionally get, or that "he's going through stuff".

Sewud · 2020-01-02T15:05:10+00:00

I've been thinking family doctors and especially psychiatrists should ask that question. A year after getting my first boyfriend I wound up diagnosed with depression. Obviously the mental toll of dating a LVM was a trigger, but no one asked if he was nice and no one suggested I dump him. They suggested I quit my job and school, but not that I dump my boyfriend. I think low key the doctors are protecting the male interest.

I even complained about sex being painful along with being depressed. They found nothing wrong so they diagnosed me with a psychosomatic pain syndrome. They gave me a list of things to try to reduce the pain ranging from avoiding soaps to using cotton underwear, but not having sex was not on the list! Even doctors are telling you that if the sex is painful you must soldier through as to not interfere with the male interest.

I was just 19, not married, and dating an abysmal value guy. I didn't owe him to have sex, but I didn't understand that back then. I thought boyfriend = sex is owed and the universe will explode if you don't follow this rule.

nagadife · 2020-01-02T14:27:58+00:00

Clicked on r/relationship_advice and one of the posts in the front page is "My boyfriend is broke and expects me to pay for all our food"

Ooof

blockhim2020 · 2020-01-02T18:28:20+00:00

Last year I went to a new doctor about strange abdominal pain. He sent me for an ultrasound and they found nothing. He asked if I had any stress in my life - I had never before had a doctor enquire about what was actually going on in my life.

I felt uncomfortable sharing it at first but I told him I was in an abusive relationship. He sat and listened to me for almost 30 minutes instead of rushing me out, and explained the relationship between stress and illness. This experience contributed to me working up the courage to leave my abusive ex. Finding the right medical professionals who actually care and ask questions instead of just directly focusing on your symptoms etc. can be life changing.

nebulaedust · 2020-01-02T11:33:11+00:00

Please clone this woman and send her over to my nearest clinic, I'll take care of her, I'll protect her and she will teach her ways

HockeyBasics · 2020-01-02T15:13:47+00:00

“Do you feel held by him.”

willget_better · 2020-01-02T16:14:44+00:00

Isn't being nice just the bare minimum though? Everyone should be nice.

dkarm · 2020-01-02T15:15:44+00:00

When I didn’t have insurance I used Planned Parenthood and they were excellent about this. I had a burn on my arm from ironing and she sat me down and talked about it to be sure I was ok. My gynecologist now asked no questions whatsoever. I had to push to have myself thoroughly screened for my sexual health. I have a standing donation to Planned Parenthood set up each month partially because my experience was so positive. I say partially because there’s so many other reasons to support them.

MissAustraliana · 2020-01-02T13:58:20+00:00

This. Saving this for life.

mrCNeverSleeping · 2020-01-02T23:48:45+00:00

A must read for all my sisters:

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/c3f2/4cac572b1295de503ca8881b9ffc84348a03.pdf

kamerfunkel · 2020-01-02T06:44:19+00:00

[removed]

indigenoushoneybee · 2020-01-02T14:31:24+00:00

I’ve been seeing the same guy for 3 months, we’re not in a relationship, he gives me massages and is very caring. Although I find him nice in a lot of ways, he’s always super insensitive about my weight. He always grabs my belly, makes fat remarks, and somehow makes me feel embarrassed of my weight. I’m undecided if this is what being nice to me means and would like some thoughts or opinions.

sweatydeath · 2020-01-02T19:03:45+00:00

[removed]

level_up_always · 2020-01-03T00:51:13+00:00

I think they are trained to do this now or something - all the docs at planned parenthood ask similar questions.

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Title	“Is he nice to you?”
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	604
Comments	54
Date	January 2, 2020 6:01 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eiub1a/is_he_nice_to_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-he-nice-to-you.723379 https://theredarchive.com/post/723379

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