Learning self defense and or carrying pepper spray is so important.

2020-10-29T15:36:22+00:00

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Random192859184 · 2020-10-29T16:39:06+00:00

This is the kind of shit that makes me hate men and doubt the existence of HVM. They truly hate us and would rather us be dead.

They started cat calling me when I was 9, obviously a child, walking to the bus stop with my backpack. This happened every day. Since then I’ve been flashed, groped, assaulted. One time a guy followed me in his truck when I was walking home and it had gotten dark. He slowed down and gave me the nastiest look, like a serial killer dead stare. Then he pulled up ahead of me, pulled into a side street, and turned his lights off and waited for me. I ran a different direction and lost him. I dread thinking about what he wanted to do to me.

And “not all men” doesn’t matter. How many men have to be allowed to do this before all men are culprits in some way? I don’t see men doing anything about this behavior and mindset in other men. Even “HVM” gladly stand by and do nothing as girls and women are constantly objectified and victimized by men. Men have the ability to stop this behavior in their peers; they simply do not give a shit and choose not too. Their comfort will always be more important to them than our lives.

Bovvsette · 2020-10-29T15:55:26+00:00

I'm glad you got out of there. Sounds like a nightmare. And I agree that the depravity is rising fast. Men don't seem to have any codes of honor or heroics anymore. Even basic empathy for fellow human, especially if it's a woman, is missing. All they seem to offer is hate, discomfort, abuse and apathy. Morality is dead. Maybe it's because of less time spent with people in real life, connecting, learning to respect boundaries, relate and feel for each other. Basic human respect that doesn't exist online. Coupled with excessive watching of dehumanizing porn, promoting treating real women as hollow objects to own, sexualize, rape and abuse.

Faced with this hellscape, we don't have the luxury to be defenseless damsels, who believe in the ”good of the people” or blindly trust men to defend and protect us. That gets us killed, raped, abused, ignored and left to die in a ditch. No one is ever standing up to the abusers, no one cares about them or their accountability, but blaming the victim is always in style. ”wHaT waS sHe WeAriNg, ShE deSeRvES pAiN fOr mEreLy eXiStinG”. That's why we must even out the field and make messing with us painful and with bitter consequences, as these violent smooth brains are huge cowards and never seem to attack someone their own size, someone who can fight back or has enough support.

tossed_salad100 · 2020-10-29T18:42:43+00:00

There's already someone on this sub who is mad at me for repeating this, but pepper spray can be wrestled away from you or can be otherwise ineffective. Self-defense does not matter if it is against someone who has been hopped up on testosterone his whole life and has bone density/height/weight advantage. Someone else on this sub described self-defense classes for women as "theater" and that's exactly what it is. It's something that does not protect you, even if you get really good, and gives you false confidence. It might help a little bit, but not enough to be worth that much of your time and effort.

Only a gun will level the playing field and stop a man from getting close enough to you to hurt you.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-10-29T15:01:39+00:00

Who cares if it's "not all men"? All the cops seem to support these guys with their comments. And other men don't seem to be bothered enough to do anything about it. Why?

All men benefit from some men's violence that scares women into a corner. It makes us far easier to abuse and rape. They are all complicit. The violent ones break us down, terrify us, for the other men to come in and use.

galvanicreaction · 2020-10-29T16:18:29+00:00

I am so sorry that happened to you, and angry that these incidents are treated so casually by the police. Makes my blood boil.

You are absolutely right about findings ways to defend yourself. I'm a big fan of carrying a gun but realize that's not feasible for way too many people.

Another tool in the arsenal is situational awareness - cannot stress this enough. In a nutshell, any place other than home or work, you're on red alert. At work, yellow alert. Home, after it's secured, green alert. I think that by necessity, women do it automatically but it's a good skill to hone.

Please don't be angry at yourself for your reactions - those are shocking and sickening events you experienced. You kept yourself safe and that's most important.

Mimieuxmieux · 2020-10-29T17:21:18+00:00

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SnooMuffins2468 · 2020-10-29T15:50:34+00:00

Thanks OP for the reminder. In case somebody is looking to learn self defense, I would suggest Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, which uses technique over strength.

Samvanderkamp123 · 2020-10-30T00:06:26+00:00

I feel much safer now I am older. For younger women I would suggest the following based on my experiences:

Be very wary of apartment complexes. Many women have been attacked by maintenance workers and contractors. Work towards owning your own home. You are much safer where you control access

Use technology wherever you can. You don’t need to answer your door to a stranger and get a camera for your car

Car parks are prime spots for abductions. Stay the fuck away from vans. It’s not over-reacting to ask a store employee or security person to walk with you

Don’t have any sticker on your car or decorated license plate that shows you are a woman. The same with your home. Keep a few guy things around your front door (a pair of boots from Goodwill). You can also get some redneck I love guns stickers for your car and front door.

Edit: you really need a portable battery for your phone. At least one. Your phone is your lifeline.

honeybeeroll · 2020-10-29T20:46:04+00:00

A friend of mine told me that after she moves to the concealed carry state she's wanted to move to for other reasons, she's learning to use a gun. I was quite surprised. Her reasoning wasnt related to men's behavior, but after hanging out on this sub more and seeing stories like this, I'm not surprised anymore. It makes sense and I want to learn myself. Thankfully I haven't had it anywhere near as bad as many women who share stories on here, but you never know what a man could do to you.

Swimmer-Wise · 2020-10-29T20:24:11+00:00

Imho, pepper spray is the winner here, and self defense classes are not worth it.

You can confidently spray down a dude knowing he won’t die, and it quickly disables him.

Actually, effectively, “kicking his ass” is hard to do because of lifelong conditioning to “be nice”.

In the split seconds it takes, can you confidently decide to permanently blind someone or cause excruciating pain? I think for all humans, this is tough. All the more so for women.

Pepper spray is easy to practice, relatively cheap, and requires little skill.

ahsiemkcip · 2020-10-30T02:50:21+00:00

I 100% agree with this! I think it’s super important to do everything to secure your own safety. A few more things I think are important:

security cameras
house alarm
window and door sensors (there’s a lot of smart devices out now so you can be notified on your phone if a door or window is opened)
good quality locks and security doors on external doors and windows
motion floodlights
a lock on your bedroom door (keep it closed at night but have a good fire escape plan)
get a gun and train, train, TRAIN using it (I know guns can be controversial but I’m completely happy with women owning them for their own protection)
get to know your neighbours and have a good relationship with them
a really good flashlight can be helpful, you can buy super powerful ones that can stun a person in their ray for a few seconds
get a big dog
stay fit and strong

I really hope that in the next 100 years technology becomes the thing that protects women. I know it’s childish but could you imagine if every woman has a robot or something to protect her? Imagine how peaceful life could be. This is what humans should be spending time, money and effort on, not sex robots for men.

Lorinthia · 2020-10-29T16:27:28+00:00

Trigger warning: guns

Better yet, if you have the ability to do so safely, purchase and train to use a gun. Carry it on your person at all times.

It’s true that guns can be dangerous to you if your attacker get ahold of them, which is why proper training and planning ahead to make sure that doesn’t happen is important. But it’s also true that most women can’t reliably overpower the majority of men in a hand-to-hand fight unless they train really hard (as in, potentially for years). But a gun shot from a woman’s gun will kill or injure you just as much as from a man’s gun.

I’m sorry if this upsets anyone. I’ve been raped and assaulted and this is the only thing that has helped me be safe.

Vantica · 2020-10-29T21:01:01+00:00

Pro tip for any Canadian reading you can't buy or carry regular paper spray in Canada its illegal. You can legally purchase and carry bear mace. If you have to use it on a person you might end up in trouble, but better safe than sorry.

Owl-right · 2020-10-29T21:13:36+00:00

Thinking of you ❤️ Yesterday I had a man stalk me and corner me across several clothing stores to 'ask me a question'. When I reacted angrily he told me to 'calm down'.

ThrowawayKITTY777 · 2020-10-29T23:07:11+00:00

Yes!!

Learn self defense!!!

Just the "Basic Self Defense for Women" classes are going to give you confidence and get you used to being physically aggressive. It really does make a difference if you're ever in a situation where you need to protect yourself.

And I advocate big time for women to carry pepper spray and those mini air horns. Especially if they aren't practiced at self defense. Look for the "marine air horn" or one made for boating, I personally think those are loudest. You put that in some guy's face and let it off it WILL do some good.

Knives and guns can be taken away from you and be used to hurt you ( unless you're REALLY good with those weapons they're more dangerous to you than your attacker )

But by all means go GET good with a knife or gun. I carry several knives. To be honest though I don't carry any of my guns unless I'm driving long distances alone at night.

Practice aggression in safe places... if some creep is following you during the day and there's other people around and you're reasonably safe... turn around and yell at the asshole, tell him to fuckoff. That'll help make it easier to be aggressive when the situation isn't so safe.

In 90% of the cases just calling some stalkerish dickhead on his bullshit and showing him you're not afraid will chase him off. Men are LAZY predators they don't like it when their "prey" fights back and will look for an easier target.

2020-10-30T03:55:07+00:00

but it just makes me so angry that men could get away with this.

I feel you on this and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this BS.

It’s sad that many women are discouraged from self defense and are sometimes punished when they do successfully defend themselves.

Title	Learning self defense and or carrying pepper spray is so important.
Author	mamacat666
Upvotes	184
Comments	60
Date	October 29, 2020 1:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jka1wb/learning_self_defense_and_or_carrying_pepper/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/learning-self-defense-and-or-carrying-pepper-spray.325510 https://theredarchive.com/post/325510

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