The next time you go on dates with a man, observe him and consider:
If you both got mugged on the streets, what will he do? Will he try his best to shield you from harm - or run away and leave you alone?
If his friends start harassing you and joking about assaulting you, what will he do? Will he stand up for you and immediately cut ties with them - or just keep quiet and later blaming you for being "too sensitive, they are just joking!"
If a gangster-looking stranger start catcalling or worse, slap your ass while you are at the gas station with him, what will he do? Will he brave the danger and give a warning to the stranger - or just pretend not to know you in that moment?
If you feet get stuck at the escalator, bleeding everywhere and probably lost your toe, what will he do? Will he jump into action trying to stop the bleeding while calming you down and ask someone to call 911 - or will he just freeze there like a dumbass until some other good samaritan jumps in and saves you?
If you say you have the night shift and will be walking back alone at 4 am, while he has an early morning work, what will he do? Will he chug the redbull and wait until your shift is done to send you home - or say "Well take care" and that's that?
I believe when it comes to your standards in men, there are a few crucial standards that just have to be there, otherwise you have no use for a man. And one of them is PROTECTIVE INSTINCT. Because that's what the most basic role of men in society - to protect. Protect their community, protect their country, protect their land, protect their family unit - protect you.
When he sees you in pain, what will he do? Will he get concerned and immediately try to make that pain goes away because he just can't bear to see you in pain? Or will he get annoyed and says you are just being "overdramatic"?
Or when you do those haunted-house dates - are you behind him at all times, him being the shield protecting you from any ghosties and leading the way - or are you the one in front dragging his stupid ass, or worse got left behind in the chaos?
I worked in retail and can't believe just how many heavily pregnant women carrying all the heavy groceries (and paying), while their so-called "husband" is outside, fiddling their stupid thumbs and being annoyed with their "slow" wives.
And so, so many teenage couples where the guys' friends are making fun of the girlfriend in front of her face, and the boyfriend just laughs along. Because bros before hoes right? Then get heartbroken till the next f**king century when the girlfriend had enough and call it quits.
Yes, perhaps he is a great conversationalist, understand you in ways your exes never did, don't cheat on you, is gorgeous and have lots of money etc2 - but being a coward means you can never, ever trust him. Because the instant he feels threatened, he will immediately gives up anything he can to ensure his own safety and comfort - and most of the times, that means you.
If you can't first and foremost TRUST him with your safety - you really can't trust him at all. And no relationship can survive without trust. Stay safe, ladies.
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He couldn’t even verbally defend me. He couldn’t even take my side when I told him a story from my day about someone being an ass to me, like he never believed I perceived the situation correctly.
The emotional violence of being disbelieved. This is another example of what I spoke about in my own comment below about men who don’t defend against emotional issues being just as cowardly
The disbelieving is a respect issue at core. He hated you/ didn’t respect you think your experience was valid as a woman
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When he sees you in pain, what will he do? Will he get concerned and immediately try to make that pain goes away because he just can't bear to see you in pain? Or will he get annoyed and says you are just being "overdramatic"?
This applies to emotional pain too. I’ve known men who would’ve jumped in front of a train for me on the physical front but for whatever reason allowed me to be in emotionally abusive situations were I was being d*cked around and disparaged by their family members, their friends or people over whom they had control and they refused to do anything. Also, became defensive and tried to paint me as histrionic or crazy or having emotional issues or mental health problem for being upset about it rather than confronting their people for verbal aggressions which included calling me a bitch and a retard within earshot. A really callous stance of So??? What do you want me to do about it??? was taken. Which was in itself a form of emotional violence
Emotional violence toward me he refused to acknowledge even when it became clear that I heard and was made uncomfortable by it or even that it was impacting my ability to work. I was more attacked for my reaction of being upset like any emotion or response on my part to the aggression aside from completely ignoring it all together made me the nutty one and the problem. Like me calling it to account was the messy problematic behavior and not the aggression itself.
Men like that are cowards too and while you may never be mugged. You’re unquestionably bound to suffer emotional violence and hit and runs from other people in his presence while he sits and watches or even supports the other side and blames and attacks you for getting upset, or assumes you must’ve provoked it
Sometimes men can and will fake being physical protectors of their women because doing so is linked to his hierarchy and ability to hold his head up among other men. The very same men when they are inauthentic- completely leave out the emotional element of that male protection and may even crudely allow you to be subjected to some really ugly emotionally abusive shit from their friends and family
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