I think a lot of us get this idea growing up that Trad guys are gentlemen. Holding open doors, buying flowers, being respectful and wanting to care for and protect women.

There’s definitely something Disney prince-esque about the trad man.

It’s a stark difference to the careless nihilistic fuckboys we’re used to. You know the type- no real hobbies or meaning in life. They live to play games, watch sports, party, lead girls on, and get validation from their dude-bros. And above all: they just don’t care. Not about you, and not about anything.

And above all else I just wanted someone who cared. Someone with empathy, who wanted to build a future, who found meaning in life, who was hard working and had a purpose. Who would genuinely care about me and want to protect me.

And I thought I saw those traits in the “Trad Husband”.

I loved the idea of a man who wanted to have a family. And who cared about his family. I tied that to empathy and commitment. I thought this meant they cared about the future and weren’t just “living in the moment” chasing fleeting desires.

I loved the idea of someone who wants to wait for marriage. (Actually I still do lol) and that this meant they saw sex as sacred. Something that you do with someone you love and respect.

I loved the idea of a provider. A hard worker who cares deeply about his loved ones and would do anything to keep them safe and happy. Who has ambition, but isn’t reckless. Stability.

And lastly I loved the idea of someone who found meaning in his life. Who actually has things he cares about. Who has will power and moral standards. A belief system, philosophy or even religion. Someone who cares.

But real life Trad men aren’t usually like that.

In fact most of them are the same as the careless fuckboys I described in the beginning.

The only difference is that they hide their misogyny behind religion, tradition and pretty words meant to fool pickmes.

They don’t want the hard work that goes into providing for a family and a housewife. Most of them just want a domestic slave.

Don’t get me wrong- there probably are traditional HVMs out there. And if you want that, then go for it!

But I was... very disappointed after lurking in online trad communities. (YouTube, Twitter, reddit, etc;)

I actually don’t want a traditional marriage- I want a career. Although I still want certain aspects of a trad relationship that FDS would agree with. (Men paying on dates, waiting for marriage, wanting kids, etc;)

But I thought I did for a long time because I confused the traits I loved for tradition.

When being traditional really doesn’t guarantee a man has any of those traits.