Not sure how to feel about this comment.

penelopekitty · 2020-01-27T16:38:32+00:00

I think you nailed it. That's exactly what he meant. Men also tend to equate basic good manners and kindness with stupidity. No dude, I see you. Just not wasting my breath on telling you about it.

extraacct1234 · 2020-01-27T16:35:10+00:00

I would consider that "compliment" a red flag in itself.

I also do not show men that I disapprove of what they're saying or I'm seeing red flags in their words and behavior. I keep it all to myself. And yet I've never been called easygoing... I wonder what the difference is?

I'm very precise in my clothing, how I carry myself and how I speak, and I clearly judge things somewhat harshly and have strong opinions. Maybe that's the difference? I have been called intimidating by men. Lol

traditsh · 2020-01-27T16:57:24+00:00

I’m not considering changing my personality but wondering what you ladies would think about receiving a “compliment” like that?

If I was on an early date with someone who told me that unlike other women, I'm easygoing, I would interpret that as a neg or some sort of test. He wants you to accept the compliment and take on the trait. That way, down the line, he can suddenly realize that he was wrong about you. You are just like the other girls. And hold it against you.

I would inform him that it's not true, that I am like other girls. I hate it whenever someone drops that line and argue them. I use this line whenever that line comes up: "Actually, I am exactly like other women and am uncomfortable you feel that way about women." and file the experience as a red flag/strike. I am a woman's woman and don't tolerate anyone making those sorts of broad generalizations about women.

All of that being said, I am very easygoing. But someone I've been dating will know I'm not a pushover or willing to tolerate being taken advantage of. It's not a negative personality trait. Recognize when someone acknowledges it, they might be signaling their intent to take advantage.

turquoiseblues · 2020-01-27T16:25:59+00:00

Trying to separate you from other women (even psychologically) is not a “compliment”—it’s a transparent manipulation.

And good for you for maintaining such a cryptic poker face. It gives you power over them.

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2020-01-27T16:58:32+00:00

They like it because they assume you won't complain or nag when they do things you don't like or don't do the things you want them to. So it's a red flag in that sense. Those dudes are basically telling you there thrilled to find someone they believe they can be their full LVM selves with and never hear anything negative about it. Hard pass from me.

SimpleSyrups · 2020-01-27T16:32:36+00:00

I get this from them too. Other than it being disrespectful to women... I get the feeling it’s highlighting that I tend to be very self sufficient.

However, I also have the tendency to squash down complaints. I don’t have the best boundaries, and I hate complaining without evaluating why I’m upset and seeing if it’s “valid”. I also tend to be happy with anything, so it comes across as low standards. I’m working on changing this in myself as it’s only netted me narcissistic assholes in the past.

heythere360 · 2020-01-27T16:41:31+00:00

Well the comments were coupled with low value behavior on the first date so, yeah. You’re correct.

I’m the same way “easy going.” The “easiest” thing to do with guys like this is block them as you walk out of the restaurant and smile as they wave goodbye ❤️

7_0f_9 · 2020-01-27T18:25:48+00:00

I would think it's manipulative. It's not a compliment. Remember, being the "cool girl" just translates to COMPLIANT.

Also, wow he said all that on a first date? Jfc...

kellygreen_7 · 2020-01-27T18:45:04+00:00

This is my exact tactic. When you're in the initial stages, why debate over behaviors with them? Mentally keeping note of all the red flags and then promptly deleting/blocking after having kept your poker face for the duration of the date.

Indicating to them in any way that you disapprove of something they have said or done will likely cause them to cover their true selves up until later in the game. Be grateful that their true colors are showing, make a mental note, make a judgment call, and take action...all without showing him a single signal.

siddmartha · 2020-01-27T19:19:01+00:00

I think specifically saying that you're "not like other GIRLS" is a major red flag and NOT a compliment. It's just another way men pit women against other women. I would say he doesn't take the time to know women as people.

I've also had that kind of "compliment" thrown at me but I've never shirked away from openly showing my opinions or distaste at a man's actions or words. It's honestly just a thing men say thinking it'll make a woman feel special and that they are so different to them..it's lazy. ALL women are different and not like each other...

sugaredberry · 2020-01-27T18:22:55+00:00

I think it’s good that you are unbothered especially by trash like that (checking out other women, claiming alpha, etc). Yes, I think it was manipulation. I also handle things the same way. People get their one chance to act dumb, I’ll keep my poker face, but once I’m out of the situation, avoid, delete, block.

Justablackcat · 2020-01-27T19:39:44+00:00

Lol it's definitely a neg but imagine how stupid he's going to feel when you never speak to him again? Lmaoooo he set himself up.

tireddandelion · 2020-01-27T18:29:56+00:00

Never complain? Dude that’s an extreme red flag

2020-01-27T22:47:50+00:00

I get the fiesty compliment which translates to, "you call me out on my shit and I don't know what to say about it" 😂😂😂

randomgirlimok · 2020-01-28T02:39:25+00:00

I can see why you would be worried. “Other women call me out on my bullshit but you don’t seem to care. I like that. You’ll let me get away with bad behavior.”

grimreapersdtr · 2020-01-28T02:11:24+00:00

The particular man who said it last night on a first date had done several things that eliminated him from future consideration- obviously checking out other women, proclaiming that he’s an alpha male, brought up sex. Now I’m wondering if he said this as a subtle neg that I’m a doormat or will put up with anything.

Gross. I'm glad you didn't fall for his BS.

aclumsygirl · 2020-01-27T22:19:25+00:00

I think it's a perfect way to be. As long as you're still enforcing your standards, you're golden.

hey-hey-how · 2020-01-28T04:31:13+00:00

My sisters last two douche bf's gave her this exact compliment. And when she did have opinions? Oh she had changed so much! She was now so demanding!

Insanity.

ivy176 · 2020-01-28T05:31:48+00:00

It'd be more appropriate to say you seem like a really positive person, not that you "never complain". Red flaggy

Novemberinthechair · 2020-01-28T06:19:08+00:00

They meant to say "Low maintenance."

That's what they mean. Been there. Lazy, insensitive, emotionally stunted men can smell us. It's our punishment for being classy or stoic.

2020-01-27T18:38:07+00:00

I’m not considering changing my personality

But OP, your problem is that you're not showing personality pretty much at all. There's a way to be yourself without being defensive or having to "prove" yourself — why is every instance of authentic self expression categorized under "explaining yourself"?

Title	Not sure how to feel about this comment.
Author	bbunny220
Upvotes	76
Comments	37
Date	January 27, 2020 4:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eupx9d/not_sure_how_to_feel_about_this_comment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/not-sure-how-to-feel-about-this-comment.683888 https://theredarchive.com/post/683888

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